Disorder in the American courts
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  1. #5
    Bronze Phenster aridner46's Avatar
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    "ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! "

    Now this sounds like something someone where I live would ask, lmao...Love it!

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  3. #4
    Bronze Phenster cmr2811's Avatar
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    OMG i NEEDED TO LAUGH THIS MORNING. Thats great.
    I like the one what were you doing when you got prego.

    HELLO!!!! DAH

    CRYSTAL

  4. #3
    Gold Phenster greenapplegirl77's Avatar
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    too funny
    Started Phen: 4/22/14 SW: 214.2



  5. #2
    Platinum Phenster AuShucks's Avatar
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    Too funny !

  6. #1
    JackinDe
    Guest

    Smile Disorder in the American courts

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Enjoy, but try not to smile !

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats an d Reeboks.
    _______________________________________________ ___________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until t he next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    __________________________________________________ ______ __
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh... I was gettin' laid.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    _________________________________________________ __ _______
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminat ed?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
    __________________________________________________ _______
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be ora l, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    __ __________________________________________________ _____
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    __________________________________________________ _______
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
    __________________________________________________ _______
    And the best for last:


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



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