Hello ladies

**lovemyboys** · July 24th, 2008, 03:27 PM

Thanks Ladies for all your support, now and over the last few months!!

Yep I can already smell the freedom! Even though I have to go through this stupid counsel stuff, I will get it done.

also Teresa thanks I have read that book, Over and over again...Great book for ppl going though a tuff marriage really helps to let you know it is not all you. I still refer back to it when I am confused or starting to waffel in my decision.

Crap I still say I am going to be a lawyer in my next life!

**tta9949** · July 24th, 2008, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by lovemyboys

Stopping in today, while the kids are taking a nap, I am sure I could find somthing that needs to be done, but I am missing you all!!! well not all , but most!

The most excitement I have had in the last few days, are that 1. I broke my toe and my foot looks like a blue berry muffin. I caught it on the sofa leg trying to get up to help Damein( I mean my son Luke) during his melt down. I swear that kids head spins! I am so bummed I wont be able to wear my cute cowboys boots for Toby Keith. Well maybe wear just one, cuz I have a grandmaw ortho shoe on the other one...YEAH SEXY !!!!

Yesterday at the Lawyers Office was interesting. So to those who think I have no backbone..well I do!!
He really wants me to go to see a counselor to get myself prepared for what he says "will be like athlete training for a marathon." I so dont want to do this. I have no idea how to juggle my kids whlike going to see a doc about this.
He said he is worried that I will give up to easy and just give in cuz he will beat me down, it has always worked...He said I will give in and get tired of it and not care what I get out of the divorce and that I need to get what is mine to be able to manage a life for the boys and I...Which he is right...but I think once I sign that paper, I'll be ready..S H I T I've been ready.
He is kind of high in price, I would love to know what you all paid that have been through this before , or cmarie your input would be good..
He get $200 an hour, and he wants $4500 to start...He said it would be hard to give a price over all maybe $15k....Holy Guacamole!!! in my next life I am going to be a lawyer!!

My weight ! I have not weighed in a week last I was up 4 lbs, I have been really living it up this summer with wine and dine...I wil get back in to the swing, I am ready today, but the kicker is no treadmill cuz my muffin foot. I have to wait 2-3 weeks for it to heal.

Hope all of you are doing well.
I read as much as I can , and I will be back on alot more in the next weeks.

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I dont know how your husband treated you and I dont have any advise, but I do have a book that you should read! It is called... Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men it is written by Lundy Bancroft. I would be happy to send it to you.

I hope that your toe heals very quickly so you can get back on the wagon with all of us!

We are all here to listen and to give words of encouragement! You can do this and you can be happy again! Best of luck to you!!

Teresa

**pumpkinlocks** · July 24th, 2008, 10:38 AM

Hi I just wanted to chime in..I am recently divorced we were separated for 2 years my attorney cost me $2500.00 and his was $4500.00 we have 3 children after hiring and dealing with all the legal stuff we ended up doing everything on our own we have joint leagal and physical custody everything works out well since we decided to do everything on our own we just needed a little advise in the begining well he now has a two year old child and just got married in Vegas 2 months ago...me, I found me an older man who will accept me and my children he does not have children so bammm instant family for him takes a little work him being older is stuck in his ways but he is workiong on it. You will be surprised out there how many men want women with children I was shocked!!! Hope all goes well.

PS I meet my man at a grocery store

BronzyBella · July 24th, 2008, 10:26 AM

I don't know much about divorce but I did a happy dance when I saw you were definitely getting one. That is great news...life is about to go uphil!!!
I hope your toe gets better. I know how you feel with the boot on. I broke my foot last summer. I broke it 5 days before I moved to a new state. I was sooooo pis.sed. It was not how I wanted to enter the next stage in my fabulous life. But the boot isn't so bad once you get used to it. I honestly dressed EXTRA cute with the boot on cause I didn't want my wearing the boot to instantly mean I would be frumpy or dress differently. So I say YUP wear that hott cowboy boot to the concert. Make that boot look like the new fashion trend!

**Nursy Lori** · July 24th, 2008, 10:24 AM

Girl, I'm so glad you're finally gonna be rid of Hitler. I know the day my divorce was final from my first hubby was the first day of the rest of my life. I'm thinkin' about you and wish you the best of luck.

**BlondeShell** · July 24th, 2008, 09:56 AM

Just wanted to chime in and say my divorce was final YESTERDAY!!!

I got lucky because I had no kids and because of our terrible Michigan economy the house had no equity. I did get to keep the house though...now I'm just waiting for him to move out so I can move back in!! My husband didn't get a lawyer and mine cost $2500 total. Like I said though, my divorce was VERY simple, and I could have done it much cheaper, but my dad insisted I went with this particular guy.

I know it's tough, but you WILL get through it and you will be better off in the end! Tough it out...my friend always told me it would get harder before it got better and believe me...it did

Just think, at least now you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep pushing forward!

**anna_balt** · July 24th, 2008, 09:41 AM

I really hope things go as smoothly as possible for you. My ex husband was a very very controlling person. And to top it off, he is an attorney. i always felt like he had the upper hand....and maybe he did. but it's been 6 years now, and he has no control over me anymore. I have a great husband and 2 more children (total of 4), and i'm so glad i made the decision to get out of that marriage. I did go to a therapist every week for a year before i asked for the divorce...and it really did help me a lot.
now the only thing my first husband can do to me is be a jerk on the phone. so much better than before!
anyway, I really do hope that you get through this okay. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. it's just hard to see sometimes.

**greenapplegirl77** · July 23rd, 2008, 07:13 PM

love, we are all thinking of you. make sure you let us know if we can do anything.

**insearchofme** · July 23rd, 2008, 06:23 PM

I am so proud of you for taking this step. I will say a prayer that things go smoothly and you are a free woman soon.

{{{{{{{Devra}}}}}}}

**thin4good** · July 23rd, 2008, 05:13 PM

I know here in Southern California any time kids and property are involved it's $10K retainer to get started. Fortunately, we didn't have kids to worry about so we did our own.

As for the therapy, it's probably a good idea. I know it seems like it will be hard with the boys but honestly, I've had friends go through it with therapy and without therapy and those who agreed to see a therapist really fair much better. They have an impartial person who is there to help them address major issues.

I know when I went through my divorce I had to figure out where everyone was coming from before listening to their divorce. The family that didn't like my ex gave me one type of advice the family that did like my ex gave me another, and the same with friends, so having one person who is just there for you and what's important to you is important!

Just make sure you like your attorney and that whatever therapist you decide on isn't someone who has ties to your attorney. I've heard of some shady deals between family lawyers and therapists.

**scatanafas** · July 23rd, 2008, 04:56 PM

4500 retainer is pretty common, that is what an average divorce atty asks for in my state, the better ones that is...cheaper ones ask for around 2-3K How much the total divorce costs depends on how long your stupid husband is willing to fight you....the longer it takes the more expensive obviously...your husbnad is probably going to wind up paying for your lawyer AND his if you're not working so he may be compliant and bend a little on what you want.......or atleast I hope he will...

Girl I know taht this is hard, I can't imagine how hard...but you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel becuase you'll be FREE of him and won't be abused anymore.........I'm proud of you for taking this important first step, and I knew that you needed to make this step in your own time. Don't listen to other people telling you what to do, they aren't the ones living your life and raising your kids.

**benson012094** · July 23rd, 2008, 03:21 PM

It all depends on how "nasty" the divorce is. My friend just went through hers and her husband fought her tooth and nail for the kids, many, many therapists and professionals involved, she took loans from her parents, right now they are up to $40,000 each. May God give you strength! I pray for you and your boys.

You should join the new challenge (phen twin). It will be fun and keep your mind on something other than your home problems. You totally need some time for you.

**lovemyboys** · July 23rd, 2008, 03:17 PM

Stopping in today, while the kids are taking a nap, I am sure I could find somthing that needs to be done, but I am missing you all!!! well not all , but most!

The most excitement I have had in the last few days, are that 1. I broke my toe and my foot looks like a blue berry muffin. I caught it on the sofa leg trying to get up to help Damein( I mean my son Luke) during his melt down. I swear that kids head spins! I am so bummed I wont be able to wear my cute cowboys boots for Toby Keith. Well maybe wear just one, cuz I have a grandmaw ortho shoe on the other one...YEAH SEXY !!!!

Yesterday at the Lawyers Office was interesting. So to those who think I have no backbone..well I do!!
He really wants me to go to see a counselor to get myself prepared for what he says "will be like athlete training for a marathon." I so dont want to do this. I have no idea how to juggle my kids whlike going to see a doc about this.
He said he is worried that I will give up to easy and just give in cuz he will beat me down, it has always worked...He said I will give in and get tired of it and not care what I get out of the divorce and that I need to get what is mine to be able to manage a life for the boys and I...Which he is right...but I think once I sign that paper, I'll be ready..S H I T I've been ready.
He is kind of high in price, I would love to know what you all paid that have been through this before , or cmarie your input would be good..
He get $200 an hour, and he wants $4500 to start...He said it would be hard to give a price over all maybe $15k....Holy Guacamole!!! in my next life I am going to be a lawyer!!

My weight ! I have not weighed in a week last I was up 4 lbs, I have been really living it up this summer with wine and dine...I wil get back in to the swing, I am ready today, but the kicker is no treadmill cuz my muffin foot. I have to wait 2-3 weeks for it to heal.

Hope all of you are doing well.
I read as much as I can , and I will be back on alot more in the next weeks.