OT: What happens when you don't love your husband?
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  1. #34
    Gold Phenster Lady Shazerz's Avatar
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    I also think that when we lose weight that we tend to get more confident and think that we are being taken for granted. And you quite possible may be being taken for granted. THAT is why you need to sit down and write it out and find the source of the problem.
    Wearing these white jeans today...12/28/09..but man are they TIGHT!!




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  3. #33
    Gold Phenster Lady Shazerz's Avatar
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    I didn't read all the replies but I just wanted to add my 2 cents here. I have been married for 19 years and 6 months ago I could have typed your question, recluse and all. But we had extenuating circumstances that included him being in Korea for a year, my having multiple surgeries and depression kicking in because of pain.

    All I can say is find your happy place. If you don't want him with anyone else then you do love him. You just have to find it again. There is something that you need to talk to him about, even if it winds up being a crying hating each other for a day or two knockdown drag out. Sometimes that is what you need to remember what it was that caused you to get to this distant place.

    What I did was sit down and write him a letter and the more I typed, the more I understood what it was that had caused the distance and when I talked to him about it...he had no clue and he has since gone back to the man that I fell in love with.

    I wish you luck and hope that you find your happy place.
    Wearing these white jeans today...12/28/09..but man are they TIGHT!!




  4. #32
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    Oh my gosh...thank you everyone. I know that all of you put serious thought and feelings into your replies--I am humbled. I forgot to mention that we went to counseling years ago...it gave us "skills" to preserve are marriage but a person with a PhD can't make you love your husband.

    As for my promise that I made before God: I trust fully in my God, that he will forgive shall I have to go on my own--God wasn't married. I find it rediculous that they even allow teenagers to make that serious of a descision. My parents told me that I was not allowed to "shack up with a man" so I married him. If I didn't, they wouldn't have paid for my colloge. Of course, looking back, I had other options but I was young and stupid.

    My husband and I go out whenever we want. We usually sit there starring at eachother with nothing to say. Last week we went to a bar and I sat there reading the observer (newspaper) while he watched a B-rated sports event. The only conversation we had was about who was paying the tab. I was miserable and he was so happy. He gets sad when I go to bed and I say "why? Do you want me to just sit there on the couch while you watch T.V.?" and he said "yes". HE truly is happy with me just being in the room. That sounds fantastic but it isn't. He literaly has no personality.

    Weightloss isn't helping any of my problems. I've kept so many people in my life that I shouldn't have. People that abused me, used me, and took advantage. Now, I've kicked them all to the curb. I think that the weightloss has made me more cynical. Looking back I think I was friends with people because I felt lucky that they even liked me, the fat girl. That is how it is with my husband. I never got the butterflies, not once. I just maintained a relationship with him because I thought that I would be stupid not too....I mean how many fat chicks get good men (he is hot too)?!? I cannot tell him that I don't love him. He told me that if I ever farted in front of him he would leave me...he isn't the most open minded dude.

    I'm not rushing into anything...I mean I've been unhappy for 11 yrs..What's another year or three?
    I've got arms and legs on my body...

    www.myspace.com/notjustanykatie

  5. #31
    Bronze Phenster Mrs Manuel's Avatar
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    WOW!! First off I have to say your very brave to share your life with us. As I have been reading everyones replies I would have to tell you the best advise I see is 1.Seek councilling 2.Pray 3. Try to spend more alone time with you honey and rekindle your love. Yes, I understand you love him as a brother but you need to dig deep down in your heart and soul to really figure out what is it just that you lost that spark and need to re light it or has it burnt out for good. I have been with my husband for 11 years but only married 4 years and we are more in love then I have ever felt. I had a point where we would not get along but we started to do more things together. I hope things work out for you... Good Luck!! GOD BLESS...
    Weight loss takes time.... But we can all do it!!!

  6. #30
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    This is so frustrating to read - I can not imagine sharing my life with someone that didn't complete me. I've been married for 18 years and in that time - we've had 2 arguements, not show downs mind you just heated discussions were we didnt see eye to eye.
    He can show up unexpected and my heart still skips a beat. He can reach for my hand and well there is a feeling I can not even explain in words .. but for all these years, I've always thought "this is what a husband does"
    He and I both know if we are not a positive influence in each others life then we'd go our separate ways, no harm no foul. Just humans that changed. I can't say I never see that happening, because I don't have a crystal ball .. but so far knock on wood - he is the man that does it for me and vice versa.
    having said that - I'm pro-divorce. It's been around since the 1600's and it's an out. Not an easy out, but nonetheless it's an avenue that allows people to move on with their lives. Hopefully finding happiness and love that is real.

    Love is a wonderful thing and I believe we all deserve to be loved and to love and be happy like we are swinging from the chandeliers. It's a shame life beats us down so bad we just float through it.

    Hope you find inner peace with whatever you chose to do.
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  7. #29
    Silver Phenster jbenev5338's Avatar
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    Life is a very difficult thing.
    I have been there too i have a 16 month old son and went through a severe post partum depresssion.
    I hate life what was the point of getting up working, coming home, cleaning , cooking, showering and bed... There had to be more to life than this.... Me and my husbands were also ships passing in the night....and had some financial issues due to a investment property we owned. Sometimes external factors play a big role.
    I quit my job got another hated it and then got another which has helped my mood, have found out that i have PCOS, cleared our financial issues and lightened my load around the house. I cook less and worry less about house chores- they will get done when i do them. DH was also diagnosed with a extremely low testosterone in the meantime. We used to fight like cats and dogs and even talked about divorce.
    In the end i went to counseling and still go to counseling since although some of the issues are his most are mine, and of course there are days he irritates me to nooo end but at the end of the day i love him and wouldn't want to live without him.
    I just think sometimes we think the grass is greener on the other side but men are men and no offense men but men are from mars and women are from venus just like the book says and BTW that is a good book.
    We are just too totally different kind of species and i think to some extent most men are alike.
    I just had a friend who just told me she has been seperated from her husband and this guy is my husbands good friend and i think it got him thinking a little and he had told me quite a bit about how he appreciates me and how much of an *** he can be.
    I also try to put my thoughts into perspective when i start to think negatively about DH because let me tell you the worst thing my husband did to me my ex-boyfriend probably did 100 times worst.
    My BIL went through a divorce a few years back and after the divorce they started dating but too many things had happened in between that they just couldn';t forgive.
    So I am not trying to convince you one way of the other but just think through your decision and we are here for you!


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  8. #28
    Gold Phenster thin4good's Avatar
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    Hi Katie,

    I went through something very similar 5 years ago. I was dating my ex husband from the time I was 20, we married at 24, and at 26, I was miserable with my life in every way. Which was so weird because we bought our first home when I was 25, we had 2 new cars in the garage, we both had amazing jobs. But I wasn't happy with my size, I wasn't happy with the fact that we stayed home every weekend and my husband was a gamer. I enjoyed gaming w/ him but it had become his whole life. I was welcome to go out whenever I wanted but he just didn't want to go with me. I remember telling him we should grab some books and go spend the day at the beach once and he said, "why would we do that when we have a couch here that is far more comfortable than sand."

    The more weight I lost, the more I felt disconnected from him. I felt like there was a whole new world opening up to me. There were so many things I wanted to go do and experience. I wanted to be more physically active, and I enjoyed going out in public more. I think he had social anxiety and didn't realize it at the time. I remember asking hime one day, "what's next for us?" I mean we've got the house, the cars, good jobs, we've paid for our wedding so what's our next big adventure?" I remember him telling me, "I feel like we've worked hard so we can come home and sit on our couch at at night." I felt so deflated. I was only 26 years old!

    My ex-husband loved me a lot. He was a good man, and he always would have provided for me. But the more I became extraverted the more introverted he became. Hind sight being 20/20, I know part of it was he was embarrassed at how much I was doing to improve myself, and didn't want people looking at us together and thinking "why is she with him?" I also realize now that he was depressed. He wasn't the person I'd fallen in love with, I mean I loved him like family, just like you, but he was not the interesting passionate man that I'd met years earlier.

    So what did I do? I told him I wasn't happy. What did that do? It made him feel even worse about a situation that seemed like it was already spiraling out of his control. He didn't want to see a therapist because he felt what could a therapist tell us that we didn't already know. I didn't push the issue, because I felt like I just wanted out. I just wanted my freedom. we talked, and cried, and even lived together but separated for about 2 months before I saved up enough to move out on my own. During that time, we didn't try to fix us, we just slowly grew apart.

    I looked forward to the day I had a man in my life that wanted to go and to do as much as I wanted to. I looked forward to following whatever path I wanted. The funny thing is 5 years later, I'm still at the same job living about 10 miles from him. I am with another man who is an introvert, because well, I've realized that two extraverts aren't always the best combo! I dated a few, and we never had time for each other with our own groups of friends and interests! My current BF is a wonderful guy who encourages me to do all sorts of things. Yes, he goes out more than my ex did, but is he mr. social? nope. In fact, he has a lot of the same quirks my ex did. But we're much happier, mostly because I grew up and learned to appreciate the things about him that attracted me to him. His intelligence, his ability to let me have my freedom, his kindness towards me, and his genuine interest in seeing me happy. My ex had ALL these same qualities. The irony that I'm now happy with a man who reminds me so much of my ex is not lost on me.

    My ex re-married a girl who looked like I did before I lost the weight but with brown eyes, they have a beautiful son together. I know he cares about his wife, but I also know I hurt him badly and he never really recovered from that, he just ignored his feelings and jumped into another relationship. He never lost the weight, and when I see him, he seems to care even less about his appearance now than he did when we were married. I do believe he is still clinically depressed.

    Hind sight being 20/20, if I had to do it all over again, there are some things I'd do differently. Social anxiety and depression are illnesses. If my husband had cancer there's no way I would have left him, but did I help my husband in sickness and in health? No, not really. I was too broken myself to realize how much help he needed, and too hurt by his lack of interest in my life. I don't beat myself up over this as there were two of us in that union, and you can't make someone do what they don't want, but I didn't fight to save our marriage as hard as I fought to lose my weight. I know that.

    I don't believe in regret really. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. But was the grass as green on the other side as I expected? In some ways, yes. In some ways, no. I know that no one will ever love me as purely and honestly as he did. There's something about marrying your love when you are younger. You don't have the baggage and heartache that makes you jaded. If being married with kids was what I wanted out of life, I never should have left.

    To be honest, I'm not sure that is something I've ever wanted out of life. When I met him I had vowed I'd never marry but I did fall in love with him and saw our future together. And I was young. But honestly, I have a very lose relationship w/ my current boyfriend. I go away with my guy friends all the time. I cycle, dirt bike and have a jeep, I day trip all over southern california and beyond with a great group of friends. I have parties and go out as often as I want. I love all these aspects of my life! But sometimes I sit and reflect on what I gave up for this life, and at the end of my days which would have been more fulfilling.

    I can't tell you what you should do, Katy, nor would I try. I only share my story because I wish someone in my life had been able to share a similar story with me when I was still trying to figure out what to do with my marriage. I really admire the women that have posted about how they have persevered and re-kindled their relationships. I admire their ability to stay committed, and maybe one day that will be me too. But I won't ever say yes to another man's marriage proposal unless I know for a fact that I intend to be by that person's side for the rest of my life. And if that day never comes, so be it. I'll continue to live my life with as much gusto as I currently do, and not regret my life's choices.

    I wish you all the best on your journey, and know that whatever you decide is the right decision.
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  9. #27
    Gold Phenster dbethied's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by notjustanykatie View Post
    Yes, I have tons of friends and I go out all the time. When I was in college I felt like I needed him. Now I make good money, I'm getting thinner, and my son and I are always out and about. The "need" for him is gone. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt! I don't know what is less cruel. Leaving him (which would also devastate my 4 y.o.) or stay even though I don't love him. I feel like he deserves to be loved. Like I said I love him a a family member, he is my best friend. I can see us old together but the affection thing grosses me out...it is like kissing your brother!!
    lol...i just saw the part about it's like kissing your brother. i promise, you aren't crazy. i've told my husband that he is like an annoying brother. affection doesn't really gross me out, but if i'm running around the house doing stuff and he grabs me for a hug and a kiss....i'm like ok, are we done yet? ...i'm trying to do something here! the "sparks" just aren't there anymore, but there is nothing wrong with our relationship at all. i'm telling you unless he treats you bad or is a moocher or something like that (which he isn't, i know) then it will be the SAME story with any other man........it's what time does. i really believe that. some people will tell you there are the fairy tale marriages where the passion will last forever...i don't think so. i had a professor who had me come in and be a guest speaker in her family & marriage class and she said there were 3 things that were important in a marriage...it's called the "triangular love theory" or something.....1. commitment 2. intimacy 3. passion. and guess which one is the most likely to go first? passion! it's normal...my professor that day even said, "it sounds like you and michael have a good relationship, and all of these things. well, maybe not the passion....since you have kids and all." and i hadn't even mentioned a word about our sex life. okay, i'm finished with my essay now lol. i just know how you feel and wanted to let you know it's normal.




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  10. #26
    Gold Phenster dbethied's Avatar
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    i think it's totally normal....i'd been in relationships before for 2-3 years where this happened, but kids weren't involved, so it wasn't to the same extent. we could still go out all the time, party, etc. and it still happened eventually because after a few years it comes to the point where "settling down" is becoming an option.....friends drop, you stop going out so much, don't really have "dates". you get bored. then, married life...with kids in the mix....going out and having fun with each other isn't really the priority. bills have to be paid, kids have to be bathed, etc. it's a different life, but i don't think it's a better one. i honestly think if you aren't having any problems (besides these feelings) and he is a good man like you say....u should evaluate the situation a little more before making any decision. everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and usually it isn't. my husband doesn't really have a lot of friends (he has a few close ones) but it's not like they hang out all the time or talk on the phone or anything. i wouldn't really be okay with him running around or going out drinking all night like he could when we were younger. plus, his friends have wives and kids and who wants to drag the whole family over to their house and worry about your kids breaking their stuff. i don't have as many friends as i used to....i mean, they are still friends, but we don't hang out really cus we all have our families and work to deal with. sorry this is long, but i've really thought about this hard myself. you're not alone!




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  11. #25
    Phen Newbie Stephanie1112's Avatar
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    Hi Katie!

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are troubled about your marriage. Have you talked with your husband about how you are feeling? Would he be willing to go to counseling with you?

    I just wanted to make a few comments. I agree with Yanie, you have to pray very hard about your marriage and ask for God's guidance.

    I have been married to my husband since I was 20 years old. We will celebrate our 24th anniversary in three months. I love him very much, but the love I feel for him now is different from the giddiness I felt when we first got married. We all go through seasons in our marriage. Seasons we when think our spouse is great and seasons when we wonder "what that heck was I thinking!"

    As I've matured, I have realized what's important to me. Having a husband who is a Godly man, faithful, great father, great helper and hard worker far outweighs the fact that he no longer has the body of George Clooney or that bells don't always ring for me in the bedroom! I know that he feels the same way about me.

    When you have a problem in your marriage, you have to tell the other person so you can try and work on it together. If you don't communicate, it just festers and you grow bitter and depressed. If after you've talked it out, tried counseling and things still don't seem to work, then you explore other options.

    That's just my opinion and I wish you the very best!




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  12. #24
    Silver Phenster Mom2apartyof5's Avatar
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    When we were in marriage counseling we were assigned homework. One of the books we both had to read was Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. As another poster said, its a bit flowery (new agey?) but applying it to your marriage does work. Another thing we did during marriage counseling is we agreed that while we were in counseling, outside of our counseling sessions, we would not discuss divorce. We were in marriage counseling nine months. I can think of only three times we actually brought the issue of actually divorcing up with our counselor.

    A lot of times, we bring baggage with us that keep us from fully loving ourselves, our spouses and the ability to stay fully committed. The same goes for me being a fat girl. My fat is just an outward sign of the pounds of baggage that have surrounded me for years and my own personal character flaws that need to be altered/changed.

    For several marriage counseling sessions we had to wear backpacks full of rocks for the entire hour. The only way we could lessen the load was to get real and get to the bottom of our problems. It was a great exercise in communication!
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  13. #23
    Silver Phenster yohkos's Avatar
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    I have been there, now divorced. If I had it to do over again, I would have gone to counseling with or without him. My kids felt the brunt of it and if you say it would devastate your child, then you should go to counseling and see if you can learn to love your husband. He really sounds like a decent guy.

    I think we all go through this sometime in our lives, questioning what could have been, what could be, etc. The one thing that we need to remember is when you make a commitment with someone and have children, it is not all about "you" anymore.

    Anyway, it is a terrible spot to be in and I felt like that for many years in my marriage. Before you walk out, please seek counseling and if you don't like the first counselor, go to another. And if that does not work, then maybe you will have to consider starting a new life without him. Get to know who you are before walking out and don't be surprised if he seems shocked that you are feeling this way. A lot of men don't even realize that there is anything wrong.

    I wish you the very best. It is a very difficult decision to make.

  14. #22
    Silver Phenster jenstarns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by socialite View Post
    Boyyyyy when I registered on this site I didnt know I was going to be hearing all of this :O So cool to be able to talk about anything
    I agree and as you know EVERYTHING contributes to our weight loss/gain. I personally don't think I can keep the weight off unless I deal with the reasons I over eat
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  15. #21
    Gold Phenster countryasadirtroad's Avatar
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    I'll tell you what sweetie, I think we're as close to twins in our circumstances as Goth and I are in our mental state. My hubby is also a recluse and doesn't have any friends besides me. In five years he's been out ONE time without me, that's it. He's a good man and I respect him more than any other I've known. He's been through hell and back, and yet still has more compassion in his heart for the people in his life than anyone I know. I don't believe being in love has anything to do with a good relationship; I have come to believe that respect is what holds it together. I do get those "in love" feelings, but they come and go, and usually do a lot more going than coming. He's my best friend and when we DO go do something, we always have a good time (which doesn't mean we don't fight like rednecks in a bar sometimes). We started having serious problems about a year ago and I really thought we would end up divorced. We didn't talk, go anywhere, sleep together... like someone else said "ships passing in the night". I know this sounds really cliche and bogus, but I promise you it's truth. I bought the "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus" book and read it, made notes, and highlighted in it. It's not my type of book b'c it's worded very flowery and there's a lot of redundence (sp) in it, but I was looking for a marriage counselor at the time and just happened to see the book one day and picked it up. That little book (after I applied the info to our relationship) saved our marriage. Not only that, but it made it stronger, and gave us back the happiness we had years before. I didn't tell my hubby I was reading it or let him see the book b'c I didn't want him disecting everything I did or said to see if I was just doing it b'c a book told me to; although, I was VERY tempted to get him to read it b'c there's a lot of good info in there for him too. But just me changing some behavior and mental habits I had formed made him automatically react to me in a positive way. Which led to me reacting to him in more positive ways and before you knew the snowball was rolling back up hill. I know that won't work for everyone and some people are better off apart, but I would recommend it to anyone wanting to make it work bad enough to try counseling. It's the cheaper option and it's worth a shot to keep you from having to put your business out there to a stranger.
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  16. #20
    Gold Phenster YANIE's Avatar
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    I normally stay away from commenting on these type of conversations...but I can not help but to say two things

    PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk to your husband, and Pray some more.....Together you guys will make the best decision!
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  17. #19
    Silver Phenster socialite's Avatar
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    Boyyyyy when I registered on this site I didnt know I was going to be hearing all of this :O So cool to be able to talk about anything

  18. #18
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    I love my husband like a friend. Making love is like doing it with your brother. I had an affair 3 years ago and fell madly in love with a coworker. I came clean to my husband and he forgave me. We are doing much better now. The emotional bond I had with the guy who lives 3k miles away in NY was very intense. I do talk to the guy sometimes but it is very dangerous for me. He said I need to work on my issues so I understand. Since I am good friends with my husband I can see myself with him the rest of my life. There is too much drama in the other relationship. Marriage counseling would help. Good luck.
    Highest weight 2003 320
    Lapband preop weight June 06 282
    Starting weight Pherntermine July 15 223
    7/22 - 217
    Goal 200, stretch goal 185

  19. #17
    Silver Phenster
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    I agree with what a lot of you have said on here, marriage is about committment. I've been married to my husband for almost 10 years now and we have two kids (a 1 year old and 3 year old) and we both work full time and he works a lot of overtime, so I feel like a single mom a lot, but we both have to take on responsibilities and we do both have our own stress! We almost seem more like roommates a lot of times and we do argue and there are times either one of us wnat to just walk out, but we love each other and we made a committment and I cannot imagine life without him! Although it is hard to do, you do have to look back and remember how you were when you were dating and try to bring that back into your marriage. I also went through postpartum depression after my second child (like Kellbell) and my husband had a difficult time understanding that and also my need to have some time for myself and there were days where I just about had to force myself out of the house. It's been better, but marriage definitely takes work, sadly a lot of people go into it blindly! I let my hubby buy a motorcycle this spring, so we agreed that since he got that, I can get my tummy tuck!

  20. #16
    Diamond Phenster gothprincess's Avatar
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    I keep re-reading what you've written so I'm just throwing my thoughts out here.

    1. You got married very young so you missed out on all the 'fun' that you're supposed to have. You even missed out on dating during high school because he was the only guy you dated.
    People get 'antsy', especially in relationships, when they feel like they haven't 'lived' life. I know I felt that way throughout my 1st marriage. He was the only one I 'dated' in high school, then we got married 2 months after I graduated(big mistake).

    2. You're an 'extrovert'(sp) and he's an 'introvert'(sp).
    Sounds like hubby and me. He likes to go do stuff and I'm a homebody. I love going out and doing things with him, but otherwise I usually stay home. Maybe see if your husband will go do things with you(just the 2 of you), even let him pick what you do if that will help.

    3. You said you don't think you ever loved him.
    Maybe what you're feeling IS really how you feel. If you've felt like this for a few years now, then that's probably your answer. You had to be 'in love' with him at one time if it bothers you so much about leaving him/him being with someone else/you being with someone else.

    4. There is a difference between 'loving someone' and being 'in love'.
    Do you think you can get back to the 'in love' stage again?
    Would you honestly want to be 'in love' with again?
    What do you like/love about him?
    What do you dislike/hate about him?
    Is it really worth all the time and effort to try to make your marriage work?
    Do you just need some time to myself for awhile? OR
    Do you want to end it and move on?


    Didn't mean to ramble. Just some thoughts I've had over the last 23 years with both of my marriages. The ?s are just for you to think about on your own, not to answer on here. I know how hard this is but at least you have us to 'sound off' on. My ex-husband was abusive(physically/verbally) and I never told anyone.

  21. #15
    Silver Phenster socialite's Avatar
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    I can/can't imagine what ur going thru. Im sure it has something to do with how young u were when u got married. I have never been married, but when I had my son his dad wanted to rush and get married. Although I was young I took marriage seriously just wasnt sure I could spend the rest of my life with him even tho we did have a child (so not planned).
    I am so glad I didnt bc Im older and I realized Im not attracted to what I was when I was 18-20. It took me to turn 30 to start knowing myself. Me and him wouldve ended up in DIVORCE.
    This may b what ur going thru. Some people get with people at an early age and as u get older and discover yourself and life, u grow apart from the other person. Jus my opinion.

  22. #14
    Diamond Phenster benson012094's Avatar
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    I hope I never have that problem....And I hope HE never has that problem.

    God bless and happy thoughts your way!
    -------------------
    You must be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi

  23. #13
    Gold Phenster greenapplegirl77's Avatar
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    I wish i could say something just awesome..haha. But, i know waht you are going thru. My hubby and I have barely anything in common. We both love camaros..haha..and our boys and our house..and to shop..I think people just get too comfortable with each other. You need to at least try to get to know each toher again..start going out, tell him how important that is to you. Your love is going to change, in the beginning it is all about passion..then that cools off for some people and you are left with loving the person and being comfortable with them. Anyways, good luck. Maybe you could try some kind of counseling..even if it is just by yourself.

    Let us know how it goes.
    Started Phen: 4/22/14 SW: 214.2



  24. #12
    Diamond Phenster gothprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenstarns View Post
    wow goth.
    I hoipe you get to move somewhere great. I live where hubby wants to live thank goodness I found people I like here so it hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be

    We're trying to save so we can move back to my hometown(pop. 3,500) where all my family and friends live, and we want our son to go to a small school. Right now it's a 5 hour drive(one way) just for me to go see them. Our 'far-off future' goal is to move to Vegas...we love it there.

    Forgot to add...I don't do 'cutting' or 'branding' anymore. I did, however, give myself a home-made tat(using ink and a safety pin) during that time.
    Last edited by gothprincess; July 23rd, 2008 at 02:46 PM.

  25. #11
    Silver Phenster jenstarns's Avatar
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    wow goth.
    I hoipe you get to move somewhere great. I live where hubby wants to live thank goodness I found people I like here so it hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be
    SW 5/24 188.8 started Phen
    5/30 183.2 Week one
    6/6 180 week 2 (179 @home)
    6/13 176 week 3
    6/20 173.9 week 4
    15 pounds GONE
    7/1 171.2
    7/31 172 WTH Start 37.7 tomorrow
    Avatar is me @ my wedding in 2001

  26. #10
    Diamond Phenster gothprincess's Avatar
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    Is there anything else going on in your life that could be the problem?
    I hate where we live and even threatened hubby that if we don't move within the next 2 years, I'm going to leave him. I've been miserable for 9 years but never told him until recently when I got so depressed that I resorted to 'cutting' and 'branding' myself to ease the depression.

    My hubby and I are the poster couple for 'Opposites Attract'. We hardly have anything in common...maybe 5% compatability. I've gone through 'periods' where I think I want to be single, but I don't know how to be single. I got married(the 1st time) at 18...started dating my ex-fiancee while still married...left hubby #1 and moved in with fiancee...started dating hubby #2 while still living with ex-fiancee...left ex-fiancee and hubby #2 moved in. Hubby #2 and I will be married 15yrs Aug. 2nd. I've never been on my own in my life and not sure I'd know how.

    Give yourself some time to think about what YOU really want. Yes, your son will be upset if you do get a divorce, but with love and support he'll be ok. My twins were 5 when I left hubby #1(they are now 22). I hope things work our the way you want them, because you deserve to be happy. We're here for you....that's alot of shoulders to cry on.

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