OT: What happens when you don't love your husband? - Page 2
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  1. #9
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    I am sorry you are going through this, honey! I really think you should take some time to do things together and tell him how you feel. i bet if you tell him you want him to go out with you and have fun he will accomidate. He may get so wrapped up in working and supporting his family he doesn't realize. Get a babysitter and take a whole day to do what you want - see a movie, go for a walk, have some drinks....spice it up! I hope all works out for you!

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  3. #8
    Silver Phenster jenstarns's Avatar
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    kellbell no wonder we are twins I agree with what you said Mom2partyof5 you said it all. It is about commitment (if there isn't abuse) I always says "What's in-love got to do with it " I love my husband but I don't always like him. I married him for many reasons he is my best friend and I feel safe with him. Also I not only made a commitment to my husband I made it to God.
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  4. #7
    Silver Phenster Mom2apartyof5's Avatar
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    I've been with my husband for 15 years and it has not been all roses.

    I think relationships change and you have different feelings at different times with your spouse. I don't believe in being "in love". Everytime I "fell" "in love" I got treated like dirt. When I married my husband, I married him for so many other reasons other than just loving him. Marriage is about commitment. When we went to marriage counseling, the Dr.Phil like therapist said to us "You are either committed or you aren't, and if you aren't you might as well get divorced". We had no kids at the time.

    We are committed. That is the bottom line. I think the reason a lot of marriages fail is lack of commitment. I sometimes think the vows should go "I'll still be married to you even on those days I don't like you, don't want to love you, and you are bald, fat, hairy, got an ugly attitude, etc." I don't always like my husband, I don't always feel "in love". I do love him. There are times when I feel deeply "in love" with him. There is great passion between us but then there are other times, when we are just like passing ships in the night. That is the nature of most relationships.

    I also married young, 19. There are times I've thought that was probably not a good idea, but I am glad I have built a strong marriage with my husband and had a family with him. He's not perfect, but heck, I'm not either. I am sure there are times when he thinks "what did I do", but his commitment to me is strong and everlasting.

    I will also suggest counseling, but get some recommendations from people whose marriages it helped. Go out more. Have more sex. Play games together. Heck, just lay nekkid in the bed and talk about nothing or watch movies.

    Goodluck!
    Kim, Mother to 5 working on reclaiming her body

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  5. #6
    Silver Phenster Kellbell19111's Avatar
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    Default Hope this helps

    Sounds like you are having some serious doubts... I'm not Dr. but have you considered marrage counseling? Sounds like you need to get to a place where you can remember why you were with him in the first place... I think most of us go through doubts at one time or another during many years with the same person. I know I have, back about three years ago after my son was born I had some serious postpardum depression and was sad and angry with the world and I took it out on him a lot. I went to my Dr. and he suggested I change my routine to make time for me everyday for about one hour, no kids, no hubby, just me time. He also told me to change my diet and eat more dark veggies and go for walks. If that didn't work he would then try drugs... lucky for me it did work and I got out of my funk. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, maybe take a step back and look at yourself first for self love, then maybe you can open up to loving him again. Just a suggestion good luck and God Bless

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  6. #5
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    Kell you sound the same! I would be horrified if he got remarried or whatever. We were separated for 6 months yrs ago and I couldn't bring myself to date anyone else!
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  7. #4
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    Yes, I have tons of friends and I go out all the time. When I was in college I felt like I needed him. Now I make good money, I'm getting thinner, and my son and I are always out and about. The "need" for him is gone. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt! I don't know what is less cruel. Leaving him (which would also devastate my 4 y.o.) or stay even though I don't love him. I feel like he deserves to be loved. Like I said I love him a a family member, he is my best friend. I can see us old together but the affection thing grosses me out...it is like kissing your brother!!
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  8. #3
    Silver Phenster Kellgees's Avatar
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    Hello,
    I am going through something similiar. I have known my husband since I was 18 we dated on and off and then we were married 5 1/2 years ago. I love him but we are very incompatible. The reason I stay besides my daughter, I know very cliche, but I don't want anybody else AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE ANYONE ELSE. I am actually calling around today to see about counseling . I am actually thinking group counseling so I can work on my interpersonal relationships. Because it is not all him I have issues with trust and attachment as well.




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  9. #2
    Silver Phenster luvlex1017's Avatar
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    You know, I go through phases where I think this quite often. I really do switch back and forth, but I have always had issues with forming emotional bond. I think from being adopted I have something like a detatchment disorder. I think the feelings themselves are normal. Do you go out and do things, have friends and a life of your own? I think it's really important to be independent.
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  10. #1
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    Unhappy OT: What happens when you don't love your husband?

    I don't think I'm "in love" with my husband. We got married when we were 19 (no I wasn't pregnant). I started dating him when I was 15...we've been together for 11 yrs. Now, I'm wondering if I EVER loved him. I love him as a family member but not anything more. I think my self esteem was so low for so long that I stayed because I thought "no one else will want me". The worste part is that he is a good man...faithful, works hard, good dad...does things around the house etc. He is, however, a recluse. He has no friends...he talks to no one but me. He has social anxiety so if we did separate (just so I could figure things out) he would just be sitting alone..doing nothing. I don't know what to do. I have been miserable for YEARS. Are these feelings normal? I've never been with another man or anything so is this just me wanting to "live a young life" or whatever?
    I've got arms and legs on my body...

    www.myspace.com/notjustanykatie

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