OT: I am really sad today.... - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Bronze Phenster cast94's Avatar
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    well first of all, I understand 100% of what you r going through. My husband and I have been married for 14years and this is the first time he has been unemployed for 3 1/2 months. The mood swings are horrible. Sometimes I think I may be putting too much pressure and other times I feel like I am not putting any at all. All I can say is hang in there and be patient- I know it is easier said than done but remember a relationship is based on trials and tribulations; it only makes us stronger. I will be praying for you and remember be strong.

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  3. #15
    Silver Phenster jenstarns's Avatar
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    Is he being mean or is he just distancing himself from you? I guess how you answer that makes a difference. If he is being distant give it some time. You have a lot going for you right now...good job( you could support both of you) you are losing weight and if you are like many of us feeling better about yourself. He could be having some jealousy issues and not even know he is jealous. Even the fact that he got a new job--you got it for him!!! Give him time to adjust to the new you. IF he os being mean kick hhis b*tt and tell him being mean is not allowed.
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  4. #14
    Silver Phenster newme2008's Avatar
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    im sorry to hear that. but my advice is to not sweat it. leave him alone, maybe he need some "me" time. i know it's hard because you love him so much but just act as if it's not bothering you (i know easier said than done) but that leaves room for him to come your way.

  5. #13
    Prncssmn7
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    I just worry for you because he (and I don't know him so I am not making a personal attack here) can't seem to get anything done without you doing it for him. Now you can't leave because you are supporting him. You got him this job. So he can be an @$$ to you because he's out of work? He should be holding down the house while you work if he's unemployed. I don't buy that whole, "real men are ashamed if they're out of work so it's ok if they get mad" BS. There is nothing wrong with being out of work unless they get comfortable and feel that if they don't have their dream job they don't have to do anything. A real man does what he can to find work and supports his woman in every way he can. Doesn't sound like he's doing that. I'll be honest, I was with someone for a few years who was just like this and we're not together anymore. There is NO excuse to treat someone you supposedly love bad. He's not taking responsibility for how he's treated you. So now YOU got him a job he's happy? He should have been happy that you've stood by him.

    I've read your other threads and I understand you love him, but you can do bad by yourself. What is he bringing to the table? I mean, sit down and BE HONEST! Get a piece of paper and a pen and BE HONEST. That should give you some REAL perspective. I know I sound harsh, but I knew for a while I should have left and I didn't. I gave him a lot of chances to screw up and he had all kinds of excuses. Bottom line I am glad he's gone. We grew up together and we were living together and going to get married. I was where you are. And I wish someone, anyone told me what I am telling you.

  6. #12
    Platinum Phenster Angela C's Avatar
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    ((Hugs)) I hope things get better soon hon.

  7. #11
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    Awwww Mindalynn,

    I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting. It can be challenging trying to figure out our partners feelings when they close up. The guessing game isn't fun either. In my opinion, you are doing what you can for the moment. Continue to work on yourself, give him the support, and wait it out. I know that isn't fair to you simply because relationships should be an open platform but, unfortunately it sounds like there's something he's going through that he has not yet to vebalize. Instead it appears that he is distancing himself from you thus avoiding his feelings. One can dissect and analyze but you won't know until he's ready to talk. Hopefully you can turn your day around and find some comfort and relief. Take good care of yourself.
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  8. #10
    Silver Phenster mandagrl1's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you feel bad honey! ((hugs))
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  9. #9
    Silver Phenster RhondaB's Avatar
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    I really don't have any advice for you unfortunately. But know you aren't alone. I just got married in March, and I love my hubby, but he has changed a LOT lately. I've found myself wondering if he and I made the right decision too. Sorry for the small TJ, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone, and to tell you to really be VERY sure before you actually marry him.
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  10. #8
    Diamond Phenster insearchofme's Avatar
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    I think his new attitude is most likely caused by the fact that he was unemployed for so long. Give it more time. I hope things turn around soon.

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  11. #7
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prncssmn7 View Post
    Perhaps you should postpone the wedding until he is more stable? Once you do marry him and he hasn't changed, you're going to want to get out and it will be much harder. Weddings don't make everything ok,if anything, it will make things worse. Do you have anyone you can go stay with? I know he's out of work, but marriage is 50/50. He's putting all the burden on you, and not taking any. Again, this won't change with saying "I do". Think hard if you want the last few years to be what the rest of your life is all about.

    I will keep you in my prayers.
    Thank you, you are exectly right. I am not even thinking about getting married at this point - like you said I will want to get out! We have been together 5 years and I am just really having a hard time understanding his behavior. I could stay at my mom's but I don't think that is fair considering I have been supporting us while he was out of work. I am just going to work out like crazy and focus my stress on that. Thank you very much!

  12. #6
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by socialite View Post
    Sorry to hear/read about ur relationship problems. Has something been going on that would have him acting different? Job or stress? Maybe its pre-wedding jitters. No experience in the wedding department but I have heard sometimes things get rough before the big day.
    He was unemployed for about 4 months but just got a job. We meet some new frineds he has been hanging out with. Its not the wedding, we haven't even set a date. We both have single moms and our dads passed away so there is no financial help for it. Now that he has a job we can start saving....hopefully this passes!

  13. #5
    Prncssmn7
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    Perhaps you should postpone the wedding until he is more stable? Once you do marry him and if he doesn't change, you're going to want to get out and it will be much harder. Weddings don't make everything ok,if anything, it will make things worse. Do you have anyone you can go stay with? Marriage is 50/50. He's putting all the burden on you, and not taking any. Again, this won't change with saying "I do". Think hard if you want the last few years to be what the rest of your life is all about.

    I will keep you in my prayers.
    Last edited by Prncssmn7; July 22nd, 2008 at 01:27 PM.

  14. #4
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raquel View Post
    Bummer.

    Did he find steady work?

    Hope things even out for you guys and excellent idea ... take out your frustrations on that treadmill!
    Actually, I got him a job at my company. It starts out at part-time but will soon be full time. We were very happy about that. Thank you for asking!

    That tredmill is going to get it!

  15. #3
    Silver Phenster socialite's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear/read about ur relationship problems. Has something been going on that would have him acting different? Job or stress? Maybe its pre-wedding jitters. No experience in the wedding department but I have heard sometimes things get rough before the big day.

  16. #2
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    Bummer.

    Did he find steady work?

    Hope things even out for you guys and excellent idea ... take out your frustrations on that treadmill!
    Hi, I'm Roc & I'm on the weight loss rollercoaster as well as a 42 yr. old - mother of 3 year old twins. An entirely different rollercoaster
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  17. #1
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    Unhappy OT: I am really sad today....

    So, I have noticed my fiance has been treating me differently lately. Not as much attention and just not being open with me. We argued/talked for 3 hours last night and nothing is better this morning. I love him so much but he is not the same person I said "yes" to and fell in love with. I have been in tears all day - I am a wreck. It just seems like he doesn't feel the same way anymore from his actions. This sounds weird but I miss him even when we are together because its not the same. He is my best friend and I thought my soulmate....maybe I was wrong.

    I am trying to stay strong but my heart hurts. I am going straight to the gym after work today to run my a** off!!! Thanks for listening or should I say reading?

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