Have you asked him what the hell his problem is? I would!
You must be the change you want to see in the world. - Gandhi
thank you all. it all makes wonderful sense. I know that some of his friends have noticed. And to think about it I would more than likely be the same way if he was to diet and exercise also. Thank you so much.. It nice to have some advice from people going through or been through the same thing.
I can understand it, a lot of men do not like change. It can freak them out. But they get use to it eventually.
I don't only blame men, I have seen this when the hubby is losing weight and the wife is feeling insecure. Trust is the big issue. I have to be honest if I was married and if my husband was a bit on the heavy side and suddenly he is dieting and exercising, I would probably feel that he is attracted to someone else. I won't lie, I felt insecure at times when I was married or in a relationship.
I am not even sure if youare going to read this, but I know what you are going through, I am just starting phen again, (took about 4 years ago and had many fights with the hubby, manily my fault) I am going to do it different this time. We are going to do it together, he is going to start phen in a couple of weeks, he odsent have to lose as much as me. So he is going to start when I have surgery because I wont take phen that month, he is going to losing, This time we are going to do it together and pray for support from each other instead of working against each other... God Bless
been there, done that! not too long ago.....i posted a similar thread. he was making comments all the time like, "just remember i was there through thick and thin!"......but he just stopped. i think it's just taken some getting used to, and now he's used to it. we never really talked about it, and he hasn't made any comments like that in a long time. he will get used to the new you! it's got to be hard....it's hard for us to get used to ourselves!
4-2-08 202.2 lbs SW (began b12/lipo shot 1 a week - no phen)
4-9-08 193.6 lbs
4-16-08 190.8 lbs
4-23-08 188.0 lbs
4-30-08 185.6 lbs
5-7-08 185.6 lbs
5-14-08 181.2 lbs
5-21-08 178.8 lbs
5-28-08 177.6 lbs
6-04-08 176.8 lbs (stopped the shots. trying it on my own)
6-16-08 175.6 lbs (went back to the shots today!)
7-9-08 170.6 lbs (slowing down, but still going down!)
OK, as I've mentioned a few times on here. I spend a lot of time around guys. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of women, it's just that where I'm at in my life and what I enjoy doing tends to lend itself to hanging around with a lot of men. So I often times will spend entire weekends usually out in remote places with groups of between 3 and 10 guys where I'm the only girl. After doing this several times a month for several years, they get used to you being there and lose all internal editing around me.
For better or worse, I have gotten to experience men at their most uncensored. If you've never seen this you truly would be appalled at some of their behavior! I'm talking grown men between the ages of 25 and 55! Some are married, some are in very long term committed relationships. All the guys I hang out with that are in relationships are really good husbands and boyfriends and do love the women in their life, but it doesn't stop the trash talking that happens.
Anyway, the reason I tell you all of this is I have heard the guys say this to each other MULTIPLE times. "She's dieting huh? You know what that means? She's getting herself some on the side!" or some varation of that. It's the same way when a guy gets a new girlfriend they'll tell him "enjoy the bjs while they last" and if they're getting married "enjoy her while you can, in a year she'll be 30 pounds heavier and the sex will be gone." or one I heard the last time I was out, "do you know what the number one libido killing food is? Wedding cake, eat it once and never have sex again."
Do these guys mean all these awful things they say? No. Does it eat at guys who might be feeling some insecurity about why "their woman" is losing weight? Yeah. I see it happen all the time. Guys bond by trash talking in one form or another. If they aren't giving each other grief on a playing field, or over whose got the badder vehicle it becomes about penis size and or the women in their lives.
So if your man was already going "hrm, what's changed that she's decided NOW she wants to lose weight?" and then hears from his guy friends that you're totally cheating on him, if you lose weight, or heck even if he doesn't hear it specifically about you but has heard men say it to other men over the years it will be in the back of his head making him wonder what's up!
When BF was a teenager and was hunting with his uncles and male cousins he distinctly remembers a conversation around dinner one night where his father told him and his cousins "boys, wait as long as you can to marry a woman, because all women, and I do mean ALL women gain 30 pounds in their first year of marriage and they'll never lose it." while 4 of his uncles all sat around nodding in agreement.
As women, we don't like to talk about our weight and why we are dieting or what our triggers are. We talk about these things with other women because we don't want our men to think less of us. But honestly, I have found the one that that has been different with BF (who is not insecure about my weight loss) vs. my ex husband is that with my ex husband I kept my worries and concerns to myself. With BF, I've always been very open about my weight and how I'm feeling about things so he knows WHY I'm doing this. Maybe think about sitting and really telling him how unhappy you were with yourself (i know we don't like to do that) and that you want him to find you more attractive and you're doing this for him.
Sorry I know this is long, but I see a lot of people having issue with this! I'm not saying this is always the reason why, but I can tell you in the past 3 years I've heard no less than 5 guys get harrassed because the women in their lives were losing weight. Hell, I even got some of it from the guys when they noticed I had taken off some new weight they asked me if BF is OK with the new guy I must be banging.
Seriously, these are good guys, guys you'd never imagine talk and think like this. LOL I can promise you I may never be married again as I know way too much about men think
41 down 36 to go!
5/12/08 - 232.5 - Started Phen/lexapro combo
5/29/08 - 218 -14.5 pounds in 2 weeks
6/12/08 - 209.5 -8.5 for a total of 23 pounds in the first month!
7/10/08 - 200 -9.5
8/07/08 -192 -8
9/18/08 - 185.5 -6.5
thank you all for the wonderful advice... it helps to know that its not just me going through this..
i guess my advised isn't original three posts with similar suggestions all while i take forever to type this.. hehe
I don't know what the professional opinion would be but i've delt with similar trust issues at times when i diet or change something to look better. My advice is to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him that much more than usual, shower him with affection, suprise him with a gift or cook his favorite meal for a candelight dinner (even better if done wearing just an apron ) Try to step away and think about the fact that he wouldn't feel that way if he wasn't totally in love you and couldn't live without you and thinks you look too amazing for other guys to resist that he's afraid my tempt you. so just show him in your own way that he's your one and only and those other admierers don't even has a chance, you can't just tell a guy this they don't get it, you have to Show him.
my sister is having that same problem now. i like he like's her better insecure with herself that way he doesn't have to worry about thinking she will find someone who actually acts better than he does. she wants to walk out on him also because he rides her all the time about his insecurities. when she was heavier he was happier but now she is happier becuz she isn't as heavy he is jealous. he knows he is an *** and she might realize it now that she is feeling good about herself...Hang in there. maybe he will come around after a while i think men should be happy to have another man gawk at there women who wants to have someone nobody else wants. Keep your head up.
Give him some time to adjust to your new look. You may also want to take a trip to Victorias Secret and pick out something just for his eyes. With guys you can't just talk to them to reassure them (sometimes they are so complicated), you have to show them. But, hey, on the bright side you get to take a little shopping trip to find something sexy for the two of you and then you get to have some fun without the kids. It's a win win situation.
Hope this helps! And have lots of FUN!
I can relate when I first started losing I had the same issue. I use to tell him to stop acting like a BETCH!!!! It use to really work my last nerve, I am trying to do something for me and you are tripping. I had to start stroking his ego to keep PEACE. Since its easier for us to know they are INSECURE than for him to realize it, I had to talk to him, I assure him all the time, he is the one for me and this change is for us. Now he works out with me (he is skinny) but it has REALLY helped him feel secure.
TRYING TO DO BIG THANGS NOW!
Ok.. I need some advise.. I have lost 30lbs. and it seems like now that you can tell my husband is really insecure. I just dont get it. Im finally starting to be happy and his attitude just ****s. He acts like I am doing it to leave him or something.
Im not gonna stop trying just to please him. But how do I deal with it???
He doesnt realize that his attitude is making me feel like walking out.