can anyone give me legal advice..
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  1. #21
    Silver Phenster lailbanana's Avatar
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    hed have to pay child support and alimony bc u are accustomed to that lifestyle... and in NC where i live its common law marriage after 7 yrs i believe... MAYBE 10 but uve been together 11 soo its a moot point.. if yall were legally married... i KNOW he COULD NOT make you leave... but thats if it was legal and in NC.. sooo hmmmmmmmm dont know how PA operates... but if he can afford 4000 dollars a month then ya he should def be able to help you out... its his job to.. you have his child.. and i honestly dont see how you stayed w/ him this long bc if he had such disrespect for you older son.. .theres no way i couldve went another 10 yrs w/ that crap...


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  3. #20
    Silver Phenster newme2008's Avatar
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    IM SORRY THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU. BUT WHY ISN'T YOUR NAME ON ANYTHING. YOUR NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON AT LEAST ONE OF THE BANK ACCOUNTS AND THE HOUSE. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE A SAHM BUT WE GOT TO STOP LETTING THE MEN HAVE ALL THE CONTROL, THEN WHEN THEY'RE TIRED OF US OR WHEN THEY NEED SELF ASSURANCE OF WHOSE IN CHARGE THEY WANT TO DO MEAN THINGS LIKE THIS. LIKE THE OTHER LADIES SAID, YOU SHOULD GET AN ATTORNEYAND TRY TO GET WHATEVER YOU CAN FROM HIM. THIS IS SUCH A SAD SITUATION. I COMMEND YOU FOR NOT LETTING THE MATERIAL THINGS COME BEFORE YOUR CHILD. I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

  4. #19
    Silver Phenster yohkos's Avatar
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    Get an attorney fast. Talk to the attorney about your husband paying your legal fees, since you are a SAHM. Also, he may have to pay alimony until you finish school or get a job.. I don't know the laws in your state. The judge could even decide to let you stay in the home until the last child is of age and make him pay the mortgage until you can, or the judge may make you two sell the home and split the profit. Do not let your husband intiminate you and ensure that his child support goes throught the attorney generals office not directly to you from him. It is easier to fight if he refuses to pay.

    Usually a man will not walk out on his family unless there is someone waiting for him. I know I will hear a lot about this from others, but it seems the case more than not. Look for signs.

    I was told this by an attorney and it may or may not be true, but when you go to court, do not dress up and look super attractive, because the woman that looks like she may not have the potential to remarry or be comfortable starting a new life as fast will usually be awarded more alimony for a longer time. So, look hot after the court date.

    we are hear to support you, so feel free to vent or cry with us anytime. A lot of us have been through this.

  5. #18
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    Oh honey, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this crap. I am not an attorney, but I can tell you this, you will not lose your children, unless he can prove that you are a drug addict or a prostitute....so Check and Check....none of them apply, so you will keep your kids! He will probably also have to pay for your living situation until you have a job so you can help provide for your children. The judge can say that you have...like...1 year to get a job, or to go to school to educate yourself so you can get a job. He will have to pay for everything untill that time is up.

    He is a man......and these men out there talk big crap and use scare tactics, but they really don't know what is going on in the real world....Well, he is going to feel like he has been Bi**h slapped across the face when he comes infront of the judge....cause nothing will go the way he had "planned"....HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Good Luck...and I really hope that all the things that we all have said here is going to work out for you!
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  6. #17
    Silver Phenster Mindalynn's Avatar
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    Since he has been supporting you and your child he will have to pay spousal support to you as well as Child support. The court doesn't care if he loses his precious house becuase he has to pay to continue care for you and your baby. Are you on any of the bills or are both of you on any contracts together?

  7. #16
    Silver Phenster MissDevon's Avatar
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    hey i live 15 mins away
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  8. #15
    Gold Phenster dbethied's Avatar
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    i'm no expert, and i would reccomend you talk to a lawyer. it seems like i've heard something like you must be able to maintain the same standard of living (or close to it) after you are divorced as you did when you were married. that doesn't seem to be the case considering such a high percentage of women go into poverty after divorce, but i know i've heard that! i guess it depends on each situation....your standard of living before the marriage, what you sacrificed, etc...




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  9. #14
    Gold Phenster greenapplegirl77's Avatar
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    let us know how it goes! remember, you are a good person..I am sure he is talking crap..so you just need to remember you are doing what is best for your kids and you good luck!!
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  10. #13
    Silver Phenster happy68's Avatar
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    You guys are the best. I feel better after reading this post. It is a scary transition.
    MissDevon, I live in Breinigsville, pa..outside of allentown ( 10 minutes from Dorney Park) we moved here a year ago from Philadelphia.
    I'm speaking to a lawyer tomorrow ( free consultation )
    I feel so much better.
    Thanks again ladies...

  11. #12
    Prncssmn7
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    I am not an attorney, but you qualify as and are grandfathered in under common law in the state of Pennsylvania. If you can not afford an attorney, Google self help places that will walk you through the paperwork and steps necessary to get child support and alimony. Let him talk all the garbage he wants, the judge will tell him what's what! God bless.

  12. #11
    Silver Phenster MissDevon's Avatar
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    Where in pa? I live in pa also, its considered common law you can sue in for money to help you move and he is required to take care of you and your baby till that baby is 5, you'll gey 50% of his pay check for child support ... sue him for family support. Get him good.
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  13. #10
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    a controlling, douche lol my sister's ex boyfriend was so that

  14. #9
    Silver Phenster MissDevon's Avatar
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    omg i am going threw the same thing (but both my kids are with him and they a 1 and 3)
    They cheat and act like its okay and treat us like ****. What an ***.
    Starting weight 280 (before I started working out )
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    Goal weight 120





  15. #8
    Silver Phenster happy68's Avatar
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    Thanks guys

  16. #7
    Gold Phenster greenapplegirl77's Avatar
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    call a lawyer asap. I am sure you are considered common law married...it doesn't matter that he pays 4000 a moth for a house payment..Here in Texas, you would get 25% of his income, and you may be able to get alimony too, depending on the laws up there. Are you on the mortgage? It is possible when you do go thru a divorce (if you are common law, yo uwil have to) the judge may make him sell the house.

    Is your name on the bank acct? If it is, call a lawyer, make an appt and get in asap! Ask if you would get in trouble for taking money out of a joint checking acct to move. You more then likely, I am assuming, do not want the house..you could use this money to move back home.

    I have also read, if you do have a joint acct, try to pay off as many bills as you can..that way that is one less thing you have to worry about.

    Good luck..let us know how it goes.
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  17. #6
    Silver Phenster jenstarns's Avatar
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    I looked online and Penn. does have commom law marriages if you were together before Jan 2005!! Also he can say he wants you out of the house but I would think her would have to take you to court to get you out. Will he really go that far? Do you have joint banking accounts? Get a lawyer!!!
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  18. #5
    Silver Phenster happy68's Avatar
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    Yes, he's on the certificate. I am actively looking for a job plus I enrolled back in college for the Fall semester.
    My kids are the world and that is why I am anxious to leave. He thinks the judge wont make him pay because of all his bills but he'll have a rude awakening. I'm going to look into some women centers but hopefully he'll be made to give me monetary compensation so that I can at least get a start on an apartment. Thanks for the advise. I was freaking out and unsure of my future, but I sat down and gave it a thought and I know it'll be alright. Thanks again.

  19. #4
    Diamond Phenster Cmarie123's Avatar
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    I am not sure about Pennsylvania law, but in Alabama you would be married by common law. 11 years is a long time. He will have to pay child support for his child regardless! I don't know that you will be entitled to have him buy you a house. In Alabama they calculate child support (CS) based on the income of both parents. If he makes enough money to pay $4000/mo towards a mortgage, then he will definitely have to pay you a substantial amount of money in CS. If you are capable of working, the Judge may order you to get a job. Each state is different, but that is what the judges do here. I am a Paralegal, and we do a lot of divorce/juvenile cases. Did you name your boyfriend on your son's birth certificate as his Father? If not, you will have to go through the process of establishing paternity before you can get CS.

    I would recommend that you pay attention to what is most important -- your children! Your 13 year old son is obviously crying out for help/attention and he needs you now more than ever. Good luck!
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  20. #3
    Silver Phenster happy68's Avatar
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    I will never make excuses for that man. I'm just taken aback that it all happened it this short spamn time. Yes, he said he cheated once, and tried to convince me it wouldnt happened again. I'm not believing it. I realize I need to split because he has a controlling nature. This was never present when we lived somewhere else. He was always fun and happy. He did a jeykell and hyde when we moved. I have no intention of staying.
    I used to be self conscience with a low self esteem, but since Ive lost over 20 pounds ( with phen help ) I have gained controlled over that, and I want my life back. I will speak to lawyer but I wanted someones oponion if they've been in the same situation..if the woman were in a common law relationship with a child, can the courts make him help me with the move, especially if I became a stay at home mom after the baby, which he suggested it. I tried to save my money nest but I had to use it for an emergency. Since I have 0 now in the bank, I figured he'll help me until I get a full time job ( I have had interviews with no success ). He said no, can the courts make him help?

  21. #2
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    Are you making excuses for your boyfriend? He sounds like a controlling, douche. Did you say he cheated? I'm sorry, but most cheaters will do it again and since he obviously has no remorse, he doesn't care about YOUR feelings.

    He's trapping you, and is getting a power trip.
    Leave now while you can.
    Seriously.

  22. #1
    Silver Phenster happy68's Avatar
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    Default can anyone give me legal advice..

    I'll try to make it brief..This is the scenerio
    I am with a man I've known since I was 15 ( I'm 40 now ). We've became partners when I was 29. He used to be in a relationship and had a child. The child died ( SIDS) and they broke up. I came along 5 years later and we started off real good because we knew one another from our childhood. Life was ok. He graduated pharmacy school and I was struggling to finish. I have another child who lived with his dad and would come over every weekend. My son was 5. One day my son spit in my boyfriends face. ( He was in a stage where he spit on anything and anyone ) I gave him a talking too and left it at that. When I turned 30 my boyfriend wanted a child and I felt good in our relationship and said give me a year. After that year we tried but couldnt get pregnant. I had to have aritifical insemination. My third try was a success ( I was 36 by this time ). I had complications and he was born 4 months early. He stayed in the hospital for 2 1/2 months . When he came home it was decided that I'll be a stay at home mom since he made 5x more than me. Later on that year. my other son ( who's 13 at this time ) came to stay with me because his dad couldnt handle him and he couldnt keep a job. I was all too thrill because I had both my babies with me and he was a lot of help when I needed it. 1 1/2 years go by and my boyfriend finally finds a community, in a different county , that was a single home development. It took 5 months for the house to be built and when we moved in the commotion started. My son was acting out in school ( his first year in high school ) and it wasnt something drastic , it was more of immaturity behavior. He got suspeneded a few times and I ask my boyfriend to have a talk with him because I couldnt get through to him. My boyfriend wouldnt, so I had to handle it the best I could. I got the school counselors to assist me and they set my son up with a psch counselor. My boyfriend kept rabbling on that if he gets suspended again he has to live with his father. I told him that my son stays with me and we have to work this out. My son's behavior did improve, some but his last report card was a lot better than expected. During this summer, my boyfriend has been very nasty towards everyone. I found out he was cheated and he act as if I should just be grateful that I live in a 5000 sq ft home. I told him that it doesnt give him the right to be nasty. Than he kept saying things about my son. One day he gave an order my son wouldnt do it. I did get on my son about respecting his elders but I also let my boyfriend have it about how he has changed since we've moved. I cant even get him to help me with his own son. Now my boyfriend wants my son out and he said that if he has to put me out to get my son out, so be it. Mind you, I left my job and family and house when we moved. So I told him that he has to help me get a place and he refuses. He said that if I have to go to a shelter than I have to go. He wants to take me to civil court to put me out. He thinks he'll get custody of our son ( I;m sure he wont ) but I am crushed that all this have changed in less than a year. He was never this way until we moved to this house. Its a beautiful home and I think he is letting it go to his head. Does anyone know if I go to civil court that I can make him get me a place, when it was his idea to have a child plus for me to leave my job to take care of him. My son has (pdd ) some form of autsim. I know if I leave I'll win child support money. He thinks he wont have to pay because his mortgage is $4000. I told him to give me a few months to get a job and save but he seem to be content in just throwing everyone out. He said he needs to be alone in his house. What rights do I have? I live in Pennsylvania and we've lived together for 11 years. Also let me mention, my boyfriend said that he has a problem with my other son because he spit in his face..( my son was 5 at the time when he did it and he's 15 now and has never disrespected him since ) also I have no family members here.

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