This is long, but it's not something I've really shared with anyone and it was a pretty profound moment for me.
When I was at my heaviest at 282 (11/02). I remember being in the shower thinking about my parents, not something I do too often. But I'd had a missed period the week before and had sort of panicked thinking I might be pregnant. Honestly, it shouldn't have been a panic though, I'd graduated college, had a good job, was married to a loving man with a good job and owned my own home. However, I was only 25, and didn't feel ready yet, and also realized I was totally out of shape for a pregnancy. And it got me thinking about how sad it was that I'd never really dieted in my life, but the thought of forcing a child to live inside my unhealthy body was enough to make me consider getting into shape.
Which got me to thinking about my parents at my age. When they were 25 they were married 5 years, with 2 girls under 5 and a third on the way. Both my mom and dad are alcoholics. My mom had almost died that year ('02)from her alcoholism. However, they divorced when I was 9 and us kids lived with my mom and then my mom tail spun for several years until family members had no choice but to take my sisters and I out of the house. It was only supposed to be temporary until my mom got her life back together. She never did though.
I remember being both really angry and really sad that the two of them couldn't put their love for each other or the love they had for us kids above their addiction. Thinking about us being the same age got me thinking about how if my husband had an addiction, there's no way I wouldn't fight like hell to get him help and do everything in my power to get him better, and it was sad to me that neither of them were strong enough to do that for each other.
Anyway, as I stepped out of the shower, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. All 282 pounds of me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was the world's biggest hipocrite for being mad at my parents for not having the strength. in the 3 years since I'd been engaged my weight had gone from 225 to 282 and my husbands had gone from like 250 to 340. And I realized I was re-living my parents issues but with food instead of alcohol, and that I would be no healthier for my future children, than my parents are if I kept on with this weight.
At that exact moment I said I owe this to myself, not to some future child. I owe this to myself and to my husband and to my happiness to stop us from going down this path of self destruction. I proceded to lose the 110 pounds in 10 months, because I made a promise to myself if I was going to lose the weight I wasn't stopping until I was healthy. I didn't stop until I had to have my gall bladder removed.
I've maintained a very active lifestyle since then. Sadly the weight started creeping back on but there was no way I was going to let myself get to that size again, so here I am.