Getting through the "F*CK IT" stage???
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  1. #5
    Wonder Phenster scatanafas's Avatar
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    bandmama,

    that was a powerful post. I know that I'm not the biggest gal here, but I have felt the way you described many times...bulimics don't realize what they look like and alot of the times they don't care, its all about what they FEEL and I certainly feel like crap alot of the time when it comes to food. When I DO let myself go hog wild it is just like you say, I feel sick afterwards..I do'nt sit back and say 'that was great".....that is when i start feeling disgusted with myself and unworthy....

    Country something made gave you incentive to start phen and lose all that you have so far....try and recapture that determination....its so hard when you're busting your s@@ but dont get results, that was me for a LONG time...I was lifting like crazy with my trainer and not gettng anywhere....it was so frustrating but I wasn't doing enough cardio or eating well..and my head just wasn't in the right place...so I know where you're at girlfriend...you're having a bad time right now but tomorrow is a new day..wake up and do what you gotta do....keep your eye on the prize...

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  3. #4
    Diamond Phenster Band Mamma's Avatar
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    I think back to all the other times I gave in to that "f*ck it feeling" and ask myself what happened when I gave in to it. What the result? Back to square one again. Yet another failure in a long list of them. Yet another thing for people to talk about behind my back.

    I ask myself questions:
    What am I scared of right now that could be causing this feeling? (scared to be thin, scared to be attractive, scared everything still won't be perfect, scared that it's too hard, etc....)
    What would happen if this is all there is? (No more lost, but nothing gained back. Would I be okay with that? Can I be happy with it? Is is still better than where I was before I began?)
    How far am I willing to take this? 300 lbs? Diabetes? Very high cholesterol? Early death?
    How stupid would I be to NOT do everything I can while I have this "gift" of medication to give me breathing space so I can learn and make wiser choices?
    Do you realize what the next stop is? This is a SERIOUS medication and if I can't do it with this, the next stop is SURGERY. Dangerous, expensive surgery; and what happens after the surgery? I STILL have to learn how to deal with eating "normally" and deal with my emotional eating issues.

    I stand naked in front of the mirror until I am able to be honest with myself. It's better here, needs more work there; but yeah- it's actually happening.

    I go back through my logs and read them until I am honest with myself about what I have been eating and doing.

    Lastly, if all else fails, (and I have only completely done this once in almost a year now) I set aside one day and deliberately eat the crap out of everything. Big Macs, milk shakes, chocolate, ice cream, chips- everything I could possibly think I really miss. I get it all into my body and out of my head at once. At the end of the day, I feel like garbage. I didn't even want to finish eating everything. It turned out just a bite or two was enough to satisfy me. Who knew? It really reminded me how my body USED to feel and helped me understand once again WHY I am doing this- because I don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't want to feel like a bad person because I am out of control concerning food. I don't want to use food improperly any longer. It is fuel- it is not your bestest bud when you feel down.

  4. #3
    Silver Phenster RH584's Avatar
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    Now... your second picture is a bit fuzzy, but I see a difference. Your legs and arms both look thinner. Look next to your elbows... there is more of a gap between them and your sides. Your stomach is smaller and your face looks smaller too. Keep up the good work and continue to move toward your goal. You have made great progress and you CAN reach 150.
    Keep on Keepin' on!








  5. #2
    Silver Phenster mandagrl1's Avatar
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    I have been where you are MANY times and the main thing for me is to just kick myself in the @ss. It is complete complacancy that got me to the weight I am at! I ate, therefore I was. I was sedentary and I think back on that and REMEMBER how unhappy I was! How little energy I had. It is so easy to get used to feeling bad that when you feel good, or even just ok, it is a HUGE difference!

    I know I am an emotional person. I do not have a healthy relationship with food or my body. I abuse both. I have to remember that when I get in a funk and want to eat every carb within a 100 mile radius! You will and can make it through this phase. It sounds like you just need a change of pace or scenery. Is there any chance of getting a day off work? Maybe just do something nice for yourself? I think it would help.

    Either way, I hope it passes soon and you feel like getting back at 100% of your game. You CAN do it. 150 is TOTALLY attainable. Think about when you had more than 30-ish to lose! You probably thought you'd have to climb a mountain to be able to loose what you have! It will come off. It just takes time and a sh*tload of will power and endurance!

    Feel better!
    Amanda in AL
    Classified Binge Eater
    SW: 1/08- 294
    04/08- 264 diet and excercise - Binge Eater- off wagon after this!
    06/03/08 271- Started Phen per doc. 37.5mg 1x/day
    6/10/08-261 WOW! 10 lbs in one week!
    6/17/08-263 BLOATED! Blah!
    6/18/08-258
    07/07/08 Overdid it this weekend! 259 Crap!
    08/01/08 257.5 WTF?
    08/05/08 TOM came and gone...Drumroll.... 249.5 YES!


  6. #1
    Gold Phenster countryasadirtroad's Avatar
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    Default Getting through the "F*CK IT" stage???

    I'm not so much discouraged right now b'c I'm actually MORE motivated to work out now b'c I have this new weight loss goal to meet, but I'm in a kind of F*CK IT stage. I was feeling like 150 lbs was actually do-able for the first time in years and now I'm back to being resigned to my current weight again. I lost down to 180 by 6-30 and was back up to 183 three days later, and here a week later I'm at 184. I'm not being super strict with my diet like I was, but I'm still eating probably half of what I was before I started phen. I hardly went to the gym at all the first two weeks of phen, but I started back two weeks ago and have been just weight training everyday, so I can kinda understand why I haven't lost (the whole muscle weighing more than fat thing). But my clothes aren't fitting any different since starting phen and the gym that I feel or notice in the "1 month update" picture in my siggy. (I wear my dress uniform and tie every day at work and I actually had to take my tie off and undo the top button two days ago b'c I felt like I was choking.) I haven't taken my phen for about a week and a half b'c I haven't had a week day off to refill my **, so I'm hoping that it'll drop my weight kinda rapidly again like it does when you first start.
    I know the things I can do to add more to this process... more cardio, stricter diet, etc... but does anyone have advice for getting over the emotional funk I am in right now? How do you get that positive "150 lbs IS do-able" feeling back again? Is it just one of those things like love, where you just fall in and out throughout the whole process? Should I expect this cycle to continue or will it disipate over time? Help?
    210lbs-170lbs 10/01/08 - 3mo of phen & 3mo of just D&E
    208.5 lbs 05/04/10 - Wk 0 (started phen again)

    Mini Goal: 170lbs by my Vegas vacation in August



    Final Goal: 150lbs



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