LOL! Socialite you are comedy! How you gon' call up an ex and tell him why y'all never be together again?!! Ha ha ha! Too funny! Child, I dare not to call an ex while on the nip. It would not be pretty...
ME: "Hey, yeah, so, umm...you know I don't want you anymore. I've gone on to greener and better pastures. It was your lost poopie face!! AND I never did like your mother. BTW, how is the old bag? Did she ever get that droppy eye fixed?"....slur, cough, scratch, sip then gulp.
EX: "Ummm, who's this?"
ME: "Me. Chump! J&K'sMom. Your ex-finance."
EX: "Oh, yeah, right...I remember you...you were the chick that had an over and underbite...that served 10days in prison for stalking me in grade school...skinny with the red jheri curl...ate crayons because you were poor."
ME: "Yeah, I knew you still thought of me even to this day. I was calling to tell you to move on. We will never work." And for your information; the dentist was able to fix my underbite, the overbite was inoperable AND it was 5 days in juvenile moose-nose...I was only 8 if you can recall! AND since I'm on a roll, you will be please to know that I am not skinny anymore and I don't have a jheri curl! I had to get rid of it when my cat died from drinking my activator. AND I didn't eat crayons!! Get it right butt-cracker!! It was fruit flavored markers!! The 80's was tough on my family...we didn't need food...we had love."
EX: "Umm, actually I've never thought of you, moved on, and what's with the "we"? My mom died...it wasn't a droppy eye it was a sympton of a rare disease that resulted in her demise. So if you please refer to that restraining order placed on you 27yrs ago, you'll see in BOLD that it clearly stipulates that you are not to come in contact with me "untll time indefinite." My parents paid an extra $15 for that stipulation so don't ever call me again or else prison this time!!"
EX: "Hello! Hello! Are you there?"
ME: "Yes, whom would you like to speak to?"