In this day and age, where men and women share many of the burdens and responsibilities of our modern times, it’s easy to forget we men face distinct…challenges…when trying to lose weight.

But fear not! Let’s review the hurdles we must face thanks to our chromosome assignment and the desire to shed some pounds. Let’s slay these demons together, my friend! Onward, to victory!

THE WORKOUT CLOTHING DILEMMA

Obviously, we don’t recommend exercising in work attire. However, women often forget that our flowing cloaks and protective breastplates shield us not only from the elements and the blades of our enemies, but from the shame and self-consciousness of our bodies!

FULL METAL JUMPIN JACKS

So, like they say nowadays: Suck it up, buttercup! Truth is, what’s the most important thing at stake here? Losing weight. Who benefits from it? Us and our loved ones. Pay no mind to the supposed opinions others have of our bodies! Whether it’s skin-tight ‘compression clothes’ or the old, reliable t-shirt & shorts combo, then let’s do it and focus on shedding inhibitions and weight!

DEALING WITH WEIRD—‘OTHERS’ AT THE GYM/ARENA

Ah! So we’ve conquered our first fear, and decided to wear our best loincloth and sandals to the local battle-arena/gym/park. There’s no way around it; working out leads to losing more weight. But once we’re there, ugh. So many weirdos.

KNIGHTSOFNI

Now, women, being the sweet, sociable, Heaven-sent creatures they are, don’t understand that sometimes us guys don’t feel like socializing with others. Especially when we’re wearing our sports loincloths. Alas, sometimes we must. We might be at our most vulnerable, but we can’t miss the opportunity to make a friend! Or at least a weight-loss alliance, of sorts. After all, we are all in the same boat. But for those occasions when we really need to avoid human contact, a pro-tip: pack headphones. Or practice those languages you always wanted to learn (‘Valar Morghulis!’).

‘HEALTHY FOOD’

You might be thinking to yourself ‘ACCKKK! WOT IS THIS CRAP YER TRYIN’ TO SELL ME, LAD?! I’D RATHER STICK TO GLADIATOR PITS AND CROSS-KINGDOM HIKING!’

And well, sure. I understand. We think of healthy food or nutrition, we think of bland food and masochist diets. Well, think again, my friends!

YUMMY, DANY

Nobody said you had to stuff your face with celery sticks from now on (although those are great snacks, btw). No! Rather, learn healthy eating habits. Prepare your foods. Count your calories. After all, the fewer calories you consume, the fewer you need to burn.

And for Heaven’s sake, a salad every now and then won’t kill you either.

WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?

We seem to ask ourselves this question a lot nowadays. Why am I marching against my former fellows? Why are dragons returning? Why did I want to lose weight again?

Keep your eyes on the prize, buddy. Why? Because you want to live longer. Because you want to fit into the old family knight armor. Because you want to improve your sex life! True, some of these might also be true for women-folk, except for the knight armo—-

Brienne not one to mess with

Hm. Nevermind.

BEING FIT AND HEALTHY IS NOT JUST FOR WARRIORS, YOU KNOW?

That’s right! Forget about those misconceptions about needing to be fit only if you’re a member of the King’s Guard or the Khaleesi’s barbarian horde. No! All men should be mindful of their health! What better way to serve the future rulers of Westeros! Case in point: Samwell Tarly. He killed one White Walker, knows the DragonGlass secret, and has Heartsbane (a Valyarian steel sword!). Just imagine all he could accomplish if he was more fit! Move over, Jon. It’s time for us to shine!

SAM TARLY

For all of you male earthlings on phentermine out there, we have some really good tips you’d probably like to check out.  Although it sucks that you live on a world without beautiful dragon queens, hey…at least you won’t get roasted alive by the flying lizards.

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