THE STRESS DIET

This is a specially formulated diet, designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day:

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
Slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
Small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Chocolate cookie

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the cookies in the package
1 pint of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream with Chocolate Topping
1 jar peanut butter with marshmallow fluff

DINNER
2 bottles of red wine
1 loaf Garlic Bread
1 Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

DIET RULES

1. If no-one sees you eat something, it has no calories
2. When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate
bar is canceled out by the diet coke
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do
4. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count (for example: hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka)
5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner
6. Movie related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this
includes: popcorn, chocolate bars, snowcaps)
7. Cookie pieces have no calories because breaking the cookies up causes calorie leakage
8. Food licked from knives and spoons have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something
9. Foods that are the same color have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice-cream, apples and red jelly doughnuts.
10. Chocolate is like a food-color wild card and may be substituted for any other color
11. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass