[KimberlyN.]

My friend just kind of hurt my feelings. This has been a friend since about the 3rd grade. growing up we were always within about 5 lbs. of each other she has always had a small waist plus she has a small frame. I have a medium frame, I am VERY busty. So I always looked bigger...who cares, right? I never did.

So anyway, this morning she called and asked how I was doing with my weight loss and I told her I had lost 15 lbs. She seemed excited for me. She then asked how much did I want to loose. I said that I wasn't sure exactly but the dr said at my height 5'3" that 125 lbs would be a good weight for me. I agreed, that is about what I weighed when I graduated HS. I was in a juniors sz 7.

She said, "well, I think think that is way too small for you, you would weigh less than me and I weigh 126!" (BIG DEAL, ONE POUND)

I told her that I would love to be in a size 6-8 again and that is the weight range that I would have to be for my body shape. Now, she wears a size 2 or a 4 and she has a 6 week old baby!

I have battled my weight being 30-50 lbs over weight for 10 years while watching ALL my old girlfriends remained so slender even with having children. I am tired of being the biggest one but as much as that I want to be healthy and teach my children to be healthy and care for the bodies that God gave us. She made me feel like she was threatened by my weight loss. It just really hurt my feelings.

[KimberlyN.]

you know it is a shame i have more support from complete strangers than some of my life long friends.

[soc wkr]

Friends S U C K! Sorry, I know what you are dealing with, I don't have very good experiences with friends anymore and I know that weight loss is something that friends should not talk about! I have a friend who is really busty, has two small kids like me and she is bigger than me, well when I have lost weight in the past, she is kind of snide about it, but she does not try to lose weight, so I figure, well, whatever, I guess that is her deal! So, I just do not even talk about it anymore and if she notices that I have lost weight then that's okay, but I do not dwell on it. But, it is really petty or your friend to tell you what you should weigh because she does not want you to be smaller than her, I would tell her to get a life!

[cruisegirl1023]

I am so sorry You know, some people truly do not want us to succeed because they won't be in the spotlight anymore. She will no longer be "the skinny one", and she knows it. She probably knows that your personality will shine through and she'll be left in the dust. I really don't like people like that. I'm so lucky to have a wonderful group of friends, that jump for joy at 1 lb, and are always there for me cheering me on... all skinny, but all heart. That is what you need... you need people to support you not bring you down or hurt your feelings. She doesn't sound like a good friend... a good friend would never bring you down, but rather build you up. I would just stay away from the topic of weight loss when around her, which really stinks because you need the support. Chin up, we are here for you!!

[Kellgees]

Kim,
I am sorry that you feelings hurt. Are you sure that she meant it that way. For example, I have one of my best friends and she is small between a 6 and a 8 . She is always complimenting me and supporting my weight loss, one of the few that do, but she is always telling me don't get too skinny. Because she knows my fear of looking like a crackhead(smile). So maybe your girl knows yall have too different frames and that if you got down to that number she thinks that would be too skinny for you. Think Star Jones or Faith Evans. Both ladies in my opinion got too small for their frames and HEADS(LMAO)!!! I am in the business of asking people "why do you say that" if I don't understand their motivation. So give your girl the benefit or the doubt or just ask her what she meant. I go through the same thing in my family I am the biggest. My sisters are sizes 0 & 2-4. My cousins are all very curvy with the little waists and the big buts so I understand your pain. But you have to embrace you. Stand in front of the mirror stark naked and find at least 3 things YOU LOVE ABOUT YOU!!! The appreciation by others are great but it don't mean anything until we appreciate ourselves. SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP & FOCUS ON YOUR GOAL!!!!

[insearchofme]

I have been there. I gained a whopping 97lbs when I was pregnant with my first daughter. My "best friend" seemed full of delight each time we met and she saw that I was expanding rapidly during that time.

After I gave birth, I took her several weeks to come see my daughter ( I was there within in minutes of her having her first child) and she was a little taken aback to see that I had already start to shed weight after the baby arrived.

It took me about 7 or 8 months to get back to my prepregnancy weight and each time my "friend" saw me she would comment that I was getting "too thin." WTF!! I never got any smaller than I was before getting pregnant. Yet in her words, I looked "emaciated."

I understand that she was envious but I am the type of person who likes to see others succeed, even when I myself am not.

So congrats on your weight loss. Don't let anyone steal your thunder. You are doing great!

[Momto8]

So sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friends can be our worst critics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All because of their own insecurity or pride even. Maybe she was kidding ..... or seriously thought you would look to thin. But with a friend I have, I have found she is truly intimidated by me losing.........So crazy! I would be happy if it were her...Maybe a little jealous, if I needed to lose and was battling it, but not intimidated or critical.Shes tiny............why should she give 16 ounces a second thought? LOL You just keep it up and don't discuss your progress with her.just tell her your still working on it.And smile!!!!!!! This is for you!

[wanting2bethin]

Sorry you are going through this. Sounds like she is insecure with herself. Don't let her get you down. Maybe try not discusses it with her anymore. I know I haven't told one person that I am trying to lose. (well only my one best friend but she lives 9hour drive away) and haven't even told her I am doing phen. She can lose as easy as saying she will do it. Remember we are all here to support each other.

[elocin87]

ok so i havent started phen yet.. i go to the doctor tomorrow and boy am i excited!

but i have on my own lost about 40 lbs in the last 2 years! and i know exactly how you feel. a friend of mine (who is bigger than me) told me once that i need to stop going to the gym so often because im getting to thin and if i dont stop soon she will be the last one of our friends that is FAT! i was so mad when she said it but i just kinda looked at her and smirked.

its all a jealousy thing we are doing something to make ourselves better and they dont want us looking better than them! keep up the good work, you are in inspiration to me!

[taccuddles]

My friend keeps telling me I look great and don't need to lose weight I weighed the same as her 120 several years ago...I am 5 foot 1 and 3/4 inch and I weigh 170 lbs wear a size 11/12. Sometimes I just want to scream at her are you blind!!! she weighs 118 right now and is always saying she has a belly on her. She does applaud me when I let her know I have lost some weight but says you look great just the way you are. So What do YOU think!!??? Is she trying to sabatoge me or encourage me???

[KimberlyN.]

Thanks everyone, now that it is the end of the day I am over it. I am almost embarassed that I even let it get to me, not to mention posting about it! Oh well, I have come to the conclusion that maybe she's going through something, maybe even PPD. She just had a baby about 6 weeks ago (after two weeks she was at her pre-pregnancy weight and FYI I have been so supportive of her) There is no reason for her to decide what my goal should be. I am doing this the healthiest way I know how, I'm eating right, excerising, i'm changing my life. If I want to be a sz 6-8 or even smaller that is my business. Thanks for all the good advice and for being so positive. Sorry I was such a cry baby earlier!

[gothprincess]

Don't worry about the friend or about 'whining' to us...that's what we're here for. I've never experienced that with any of my friends...maybe that's why I've had the same friends for over 30yrs.

[MaggieinATL]

Friends, they always seem to think they can cross the line about ANY topic. Weight is one topic that most of my friends know better than to talk to me about. It's more personal than ANY other topic. Think about it. We won't tell our husbands or boyfriends or even our KIDS how much we weight but we would tell them about our politics, our religious views, our money situations, and in different ways, we'll tell them about sex.

Crazy huh? Your friend has never had to feel the shame and embarrassment of yoyoing up and down without an excuse of pregnancy. She's probably never had to look at her body with her hands smashing in her boobs as far into her chest as she can, thinking "if only my chest was smaller, I wouldn't look so big." She's probably not equipped with EVERY size from 6-14 and STRETCHY clothes-just in case-in her closet. She probably has no idea that it's devastating to look in the mirror naked and see a person that you never thought and still don't think you are. You know what? She never will understand. She'll never get it. She can't. She's never been there and will never be there. But, I do. I understand. And although we may be strangers, we are sisters in this whole weight loss journey. So lean girl, lean on someone that gets it.

XOXOX
Maggie

[KimberlyN.]

Thanks Maggie, I really appreciate your sincere comment. You know, all those examples of feelings and actions of being over weight I have been through or thought. The more I thought about it the more I realized I think SHE is the one that is having some problems being insecure. Not about wieght but just where she is in her life. She is ALWAYS comparing her life to others. And I'm not saying that to be mean, I sincerely think she is having self esteem problems. I think (and so does a mutal friend) that the thought of her not being the "skinniest" scares her. She thinks that's what she's got on all of us. The truth is, I DON"T CARE! And neither do our other friends. If I get down to what the dr thinks I should then great, if I only loose 30 lbs then stop losing, then great! I'm 30 lbs. lighter!!! I am going to do the best I can do, and when I feel like I am at MY size then I will work on maintaining it. Like you and all the others said, this is for ME.