[soc wkr]

Hello, I am really frustrated right now, my husband is working today so it is just me home with the kids. Anyway, I asked my parents over as I had some pictures to show them and my daughter was mad about something and so she stormed off to her room and shut her door (she is 3) and so my dad, always spoiling her rotten, starts to go to her room right away and I had to yell at him a few times to tell him not to as he needed to just let her alone for a few minutes to have her little tantrum or whatever. I told him that it does no good to just give into her all the time which is what my parents both do, but he is worse than my mom. I feel if you pacify a kid all the time as soon as they have a tantrum than they are going to just think it is okay, he just constantly wants to pacify her because he does not want her to not like him. It's really annoying!! So, anyway, I am probably the bad mom now in his eyes. He was heading back to her room again and I had to yell at him again and finally bumped him out of the way and told him that I would talk to her since I am the mom! Does anybody else deal with issues like this? I am really getting tired of my parents (especially my dad) not respecting us as the parents! I really just want to go on a food binge right now, but luckily I do not have any food around the house worth binging on! LOL!

[justkeepswimming13]

I am not a parent yet (and hope not to be ANY time soon) but I work with kids everyday and I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I think the most important thing you can do is be consistant with the way you deal with a child misbehaving (or crying or throwing a temper tantrum). I see so many parents where the mom ignores the situation and lets the child have a few minutes to cool down (all they want is attention anyway, when you dont give it to them they always stop) and then the dad (or grandma or grandpa or whoever) does something completely different with the situation and either yells at them or babies them. Kids know exactly how to manipulate the situation. I think you should just talk to your dad about it and let him know how you are feeling. You have a certain parenting style and your parents need to respect that as well as enforce it when they are with your kids. I think you have every reason to be upset about it.

I actually have a great story on BAD PARENTING. So, I work as a lifeguard at a private family pool and I see sooooooo many parents who just really **** at being parents lol (i know i shouldnt judge because i don't know what is like... but it gets rediculous sometimes). Anyways, this one day this little boy Alec kept running around the pool. I gave him a warning and told him not to run, then like 5 minutes later he ran again. Then I gave him another warning and told him if he runs one more time he is going on time out. So then he ran AGAIN. I get him out of the pool and have him sit by himself in a lounge chair for 7 minutes. Within that 7 minutes (i do one minute for however old they are, so he was 7 y/o so he got 7 minute time out), his mom buys him candy and gives it to him (which was not in a designated "eating zone" either), gives him a hug, and then says "oh, it's been 5 minutes, that's close enough, you can go get back in the pool" AND THEN he actually runs to get in the pool! I could not even believe it. I was speechless. I went up to the mom and said that I would really like it if she would enforce the rules of the pool to Alec and remind him that he should not run or jump on top of people (he loves to jump on other kids heads) and then she goes "Well, isn't that your job?" HAHAHA I couldnt even believe it. I laugh now, but I remember being so amazingly upset that day I just wanted to cry because of her. I actually feel bad for the mom because her kids walk all over her and she has no control over them at all.... they are going to end up being so messed up.

ANYWAYS that was a longer story then I thought lol but I do think you should talk to your dad, or else your going to keep it all bottled up inside and then just like blow up on him one day right? Or you will take it out of food.... which is just all bad lol.

[soc wkr]

Thanks justkeepswimming13, I appreciate the support! I can understand your job and kids not listening and then parents do just give kids whatever they want a lot of times! Parenting can be tough and it is tougher when your own parents do not respect you as being the parents! We went to an indoor waterpark/resort hotel close to where we live last weekend and this older boy was trying to push my son who is 16 months old out of the way on a slide and I started yelling at the kid, luckily his mom did yell at him too then and took him out for a time out (I felt bad then that I had yelled, but I just said "Hey" really loud when I saw him pushing my kid), but you are right, some parents do not even care what their kids do! It's sad..... I try talking to me dad each time we have these sqabbles over my daughter, but he usually does not listen! It is really hard sometimes because it i so obvious that he favors my daughter over my son that he yells at my son if he even looks like he is going to touch something he should not, but my daughter can do just about anything!

[Raquel]

To answer your question: " Does any body else deal with issues like this?"
Absolutely not. My kids, my way.

When I found out I was having twins (after being absolutely hystarical, lol) I asked specifically for one person to come up and help me. She is my husbands aunt. She and I weren't particularly close - but I handled the situation just like I did my career, if you don't know what's going on, get the best of who does to surround you.
This woman is the most nuturing, caring, multi-talented, handles stuff, mom and grandmom of any woman I knew of .. She of course was thrilled and accepted.
So then the flood gates opened with people wanting to help, be there etc.

It was the perfect opportunity for me to explain to them what their roll was in our world. Example, my MIL. I told her she is to enjoy her grandchildren, she is not the parents, so not to worry, we'll do the parenting responsibilities she is never to care for them including changing a diaper. But to enjoy them.
And that sets the tone for everyone else.

Like I said, I set the tone early on and just followed through with it and it's worked for all.

NOT to mention: Some people are just not with it, again I'll use my MIL as example: She has put the opportunites on a silver platter for me, time and time again - for me to say "Ohhh no grandma, we don't do _______________________________________________ (fill in a lot of irresponsible acts) because ______________________________________________ (fill in all the safety or smart reasons) So it's so easy to make her look like an idiot at any given time.

And I've done the same to others ... one person saying that she didn't take my tone personally because she knew I was sleep deprived.
Well sleep deprived I was .. but nevertheless I told her it was to be taken PERONSONALLY I personally told HER.
Sheesh ...

However having just typed out that little saga, I will say this ... I wouldn't argue with my parents or anyone I cared about over my children. I'd simply quietly take control of the situation and manipulate it to where they don't have much interaction with them unless it's how you want it to be.
My boys are 3 and they know "Moms way" and doesn't really matter what any one else does. Because I have them 99.9% of the time, no one else can influence them that much. We go to FL several times a year to see family and they are spoiled, it's all about what they want, blah blah blah ... I am on board and play along, but when we get home, it takes about 2 days for them to go through detox and back in the zone around here.
Anyway if I had a point I was making - it's not that sharp and with my Phen brain it's gone. LOL

But this is the important part - YOU DIDN'T eat, and that's great. You are learning new behaviors and how to deal with stress in another way ... KUDOS!

[SHess2004]

You have to do what is best so your kids will grow up with respect and true character. I have to tell my mom to back off all the time with my kids. Otherwise, she would do exactly what your dad does. The kids do not benefit from a lack of structure in their lives. And sometimes us mommys and daddys have to be the bad guys, or so it may appear to everyone else, so our children will learn a lesson.

Good job for putting your foot down. That's what a real mom does.

[soc wkr]

Thank so much Raquel and SHess2004! I really appreciate the support! Sometimes I think I am just crazy, I probably am a bit though! To Raquel, I do limit the times my parents see my kids, they do watch them on Fridays for me while I am at work, but the other days they go to daycare. It is hard when you do feel like other people are raising your kids since you have to work, but I am just going to have to be assertive when I need to which I am getting better at, but parents are stubborn too! Of course, then my dad also made it worse by suggesting that we should go out to eat together at a pizza buffet or a chinese buffet!! I think he wants to sabotage my weight loss! Luckily, I do not like buffets and I am not all that fond of chinese food,, so I did not go out to eat with them, he probaby did not like it that I told him that the chinese buffet was bad for him!

[Raquel]

Originally Posted by soc wkr

Thank so much Raquel and SHess2004! I really appreciate the support! Sometimes I think I am just crazy, I probably am a bit though! To Raquel, I do limit the times my parents see my kids, they do watch them on Fridays for me while I am at work, but the other days they go to daycare. It is hard when you do feel like other people are raising your kids since you have to work, but I am just going to have to be assertive when I need to which I am getting better at, but parents are stubborn too! Of course, then my dad also made it worse by suggesting that we should go out to eat together at a pizza buffet or a chinese buffet!! I think he wants to sabotage my weight loss! Luckily, I do not like buffets and I am not all that fond of chinese food,, so I did not go out to eat with them, he probaby did not like it that I told him that the chinese buffet was bad for him!

You know what ... you are doing what you felt was right in that moment and obviously it worked .. and your dad even invited you to dinner after that. So he secretly admires the mother you are to his grandchildren!
The one thing I keep in mind when others are in the process of spoiling my boys or like in your case ... assisting them in a manner that I don't do is consider their real intentions. Meaning: The people that are doing this in no way mean harm to my boys & by the same token aren't acting that way to tick me off. They want to "help" them in what way they know how.
one of my examples: as my gf put the boys down to bed, if the boys put up a fuss about bedtime - she ALLOWS it. "want to get up? want to rock with me bit? want me to read another story to you? want me to rub your backs? would a cookie make you sleepy" I mean, her heart is in the right place, there's no doubt she is totally in love with them, but the reality she's not helping them. But she is doing what she feels at the time. And I pick and chose my battles, a random infraction to my way of doing things that's not going to stop the world from rotating, I pass on.
in the big picture of things ... it's nothing.
You are a working mom --- that's nothing less than just damn hard. You have to stick with what you know works best for you. So you have that stress and you are changing your eating habits .. again, hard hard hard. But you are DOING it & doing it well!
Congrats.

[soc wkr]

Thanks again Raquel! I do appreciate the support! I tell my hubby all the time that it is hard to be a working mom, but guys don't get it really! With being a social worker, sometimes I feel I spend all day trying to solve everyone else's problems, that by the time I get home, it is hard to solve my own problems!