Confession time... I felt like such a cow this morning... totally cried like a friggin baby.. so I had to share. This might sound crazy to some.. but I'm sure that at least one big girl here can relate to this....
Ok so here's the back story and formula for 2 people that I have no interest in showing my fat face to, right?
While the other car is in the shop, I've been taking the bf to work every day. This is a new job that he's started, so I have not met anyone that he works with. (ok well I have pretty much been dodging the introductions) It's a small place, so of course when he started (which was about 2 wks ago) the 5 co-workers began grilling the crap out of him about his personal life. There was one girl in particular that has been especially nosy.
For those that have bfs (esp attractive ones that a lot of women tend to like) you know what I'm talking about. This girl has bugged my bf almost daily about his love life. Who I was, what do I look like, how long have we been together, etc etc. She's just down right nosy and rude.
Then there's the horn-ball ball guy right? Total Ken Doll. The one that chases all the girls who come into the place, the one that brags about all the 'hot chicks' that he's pulled etc. He's always bugging my bf about me, and what I look like, how 'hot' I am, etc.
Personally, I despise being on display. I have done a pretty crafty job of dropping off/picking up the bf without being seen. I have gained about 30lbs in the last 3 months (thanks to going off phen and totally throwing my diet to the trash) But I am usually in somewhat fabulous spirits, and even though I'm fat - I still tend to be quite confident and social. Well it hasn't been like that lately, and right after weighing in at 292lbs in January? Definitely not now.
So this morning I'm in my stealth little ninja mode right? It's friggin 930am, I have no makeup on, I've been awake for like 20 minutes... I still got sleep funk in my eye man...
I pull up to drop him off, and the friggin Ken Doll pulls up right next to us. I look over right at him, and I want to DIE. I quickly give the bf a kiss, and haul *** out of there like I have some case of frigging leprosy. Jesus. It sounds small and stupid - but this is the 2nd week of this duck and dodging, and I am sooo tired of it.
I came home and started writing out my diet and exercise plan. I am sticking it to my refrigerator right next to Jazmin Sullivan's pic (when she lost her weight) I'm sick of this.
*I can't wait until I am thinner to where I am proud to walk into my man's job - and be like 'hello, Yes sir I am fabulous.."
*I can't wait until I don't have to feel embarrassed for my bf, my son, and my daughter... to where I don't feel uncomfortable going to school functions for fear that one of his friends are going to tell him that his mommy is fat.
*I can't wait to be able to see a picture of myself and not have that gut wrenching fear that the person I see is going to be a huge cow.
*I can't wait until I can stop STEALING my pictures from people, or being embarrassed because I've been tagged in some horrible public myspace picture.
*I can't wait to see the real me.
*sigh* that felt pretty good. sometimes you just have to vent, ya'know?![]()



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I've actually been lucky enough to be a part of two weddings this past year. Both of the brides were plus size girls - so the dress was a big deal. (for those that have gotten married while plus sized - you know how frumpy some of those dresses can be!) It's definitely a challenge. BUT!
Lookin' fabulous, girl!






But you're all right. The bf loves me the way that I am, he's supportive, and frankly - he works with a bunch of douche bags anyway, so who really cares what they think. ha!
I have avoided things for years because of my ballooning weight. Being embarressed about my size has made me miss out on sooo many things that I should have taken part in such as; family functions, reunions, etc.. you get the drift. I get so tired of people saying oh your beautiful and carry your weight well. Being 5-11 gives me more area to distrubute the weight, but there are things I am tired of as well. I hate getting dressed and worry about my back fat, and making sure my butt is covered. It has been such a burden for so long. Like you I have an attractive mate.. I know people say why is he with her.. Oh the tears I have shed. No more though, I cant do it anymore.. life is too short not to be comfortable in your own skin. At this point we don't have a choice.. we must continue and this time not go back to bad ways!



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