ot: he's driving me crazy

[ethansmommy23]

i know a lot of ya'll have toddlers so i need advice. i know it's my job as a mother (or i assume it is since i've been doing it for so long) to clean from the time i wake up til i go to bed at night! but it's beginning to stress me out...every day i have to clean ethan's room from top to bottom! he doesn't take the toys out of the toy box he just dumps the whole thing out onto the floor.. if he wants to change his clothes (he's like a girl he does this compulsively) he pulls stuff out of the drawers and out of the closet and throws it on the floor! he drags toys into the living room, he spills baby powder out on the carpet.. he bangs his sippy cup on the coffee table trying to make it leak.. he pushes over the garbage can. he throws stuff into the toilet. he threw my mp3 player into his dad's glass of kool-aid! he chews food and spits it out. i have to pull over a million times going somewhere bc he won't stay in his car seat straps... seriously it's a miracle my hair's not gray (it may be underneath all this miss clairol i have on it)... but PLEASE give me some discipline suggestions i have about tried everything.. and how much do u think a 3 (4 in august) year old should have to clean up after themselves... i mean i know he should pick his toys up but when he knocks over garbage cans and spills stuff should i make him pick it up and wipe it up?? the ppl in my family say i'm too easy on him but i don't take their advice much bc i think it's too harsh.. my one cousin has her daughter on add meds and that's always their suggestion for ethan but he's only three and i think this is just the terrible 3's and he'll grow out of it... any ideas??

[qtnkc24]

Hey - Before I even read the part about his cousin being on ADD meds, I was going to suggest getting him checked. I do not have kids, but my mom has done child care for the past 27 years and I used to work at a mental health center so I know quite a bit about both children, and ADD.
It sounds like you should get him checked for that in my opinion. And that is not as bad as you may think it sounds. So do not take it as negative feed back. I know parents that were just at their wits end with the same type of behavior and as soon as they got their kid checked out it was like a whole new world opened up.
And as far as the discipline, I always have thought that positive reinforcement works best. If he does the correct thing, reward him. If he acts up, he is old enough to be put in to time out. Designate a spot in your home that is just for time out. When he does these things, put him in time out, and if he cries, let him cry until he stops. If he gets up out of time out, do not say a word to him, just put him back in time out, as many times as it takes. Once he stops crying and stays in time out for 1 minute per year in age, so in your case, 3 minutes. Then talk to him about what he has done and explain that doing that is not okay. Then he needs to apologize to you for what he did and then clean up his mess, or at least assist you in cleaning up the mess.

Those are all things that I learned through helping my mom with daycare for so many years... hope that helps...

[rivermomma]

I feel your stress! I have a daughter who is turning 4 in August also. She is my #1 messmaker. She loves clothes and changes them often, leaving them where she takes them off ofcourse!Her big thing, I guess I should say her first big thing is, she loves purses and bags. And inside all of these purses and bags is a bunch of crap! Lots and lots of little things. She likes to change purses multiple times a day and when she does, she dumps out her one purse and starts putting some of it in the new one, leaving the remnants of the pile on the floor and finding more crap for the new one! Ahh!! She also loves playing in lotion, chapstick, water(oh, the darn sinks!)and she spills multiple times a day! She really kills me. My oldest was nothing like this, he has always been content to play with a dirtbike and a jump, that's it. Easy to clean up! But Hailey, she is always amidst a mess. I am hoping my youngest boy will follow in his big brothers foot steps!
I definitely think that it is WAY too early to even think about meds. I think that there will be alot of maturing and change over the next couple of years. I really think it is just a stage. As long as you continue to make it clear that it isn't acceptable to live that way and I would have him help you clean up any and all messes that he makes.
Good luck !

[maddilougirl]

I think too many kids are being wrongly diagnosed with ADD these days...it is a great excuse for bad behaviour.
My 19 yr old sounds just like Ethan. It got worse as he got older until I got serious with the discipline, now at 19 he is a terrific kid...very caring and a hard worker.
I think the Super Nanny techniques are wonderful...they are kind of what I used with Tim. Get a hold of some Super Nanny shows and have a watch....she is magic!!

[Okiediva]

My pediatrician won't test a child for ADD until they are 6 years or older. Maybe your doctor can give you some clues on what to look for?

As far as what a 3 1/2 year old should be expected to do...this is what my son was doing at 3 1/2...I feel that he should be responsible for putting up his toys, putting his dirty clothes in the hamper and you should have him help put away his clothes. If he intentionally knocks something over and spills something he should be made to clean it up. You of course will probably have to go back over and do it but he should be taught now that there are consequences for his actions.

Along with the cleaning up you should definitely do the time out. I used one step in the house and named it the naughty step. Thats where he would have to sit.
Its hard at first but they will get used to it and you will have to put him in it less and less.

My son is now 6 and rinses his own dishes, puts them up in the dishwasher, takes out the trash, makes his own bed, loads the dryer, hangs up his own clothes and he even helps me vacuum!

[Rottielvr]

Boys are definately a handful. My two are extremely energetic but I have found that making very specific boundaries for them as to what they can and can't do is helpful - and being consistent in enforcing (which I have found to be alot easier said than done! ) Time out followed by a brief chat about why they were put in time out works very well too.
I make my boys (5 and 3) clean up their messes but I am in the room helping. They get overwhelmed very easily so I give them very specific things to do - such as you put all of the cars in their bin and you put all of the hotwheel track in their bin - it goes alot smoother than just telling them to pick up.

[luvinmybabies]

Here's my two cents...
Anything he takes out of the toybox...he MUST put away before moving on to the next thing. You really have to stick to your guns on this one!! Even if it means taking all of his toys out of his room.
As far as the clothes...I wouldn't let him change that many times a day. Maybe only allow him to change once or twice, and whatever he takes off, needs to be put in the hamper...no excuses. Frankly, you may just have to take away his access to all of his clothes, even if this means storing them somewhere else.
Yes...when he knocks over the trash can...ABSOLUTELY make him clean it up!! What kid wants to play in garbage...even if he is a boy?? I don't think he will like cleaning it up.
As far as the seatbelt issue...I would find a way to add an extra clasp or something that he is unable to undo (obviously something that wouldn't hinder EMS workers getting him out, God forbid something bad happened). That is just WAY to dangerous!!
I'm not trying to sound like the pro, but I also have a child your age. You have to control him now...or it will only get worse. They learn at a very young age how to manipulate us. So right now, he knows he can make a mess, and Mommy will just clean it up. He is definitely old enough to know better on that!!
PM me if you want to.

[benson012094]

Sounds like he just needs more exercise. Try taking him outside for an hour or two a day. Our 2-1/2-year-old son gets very destructive if he is cooped up in the house too long. Snowy days ****. But if you can, get him outside like on a bigwheel or something and let him go. Kids need that exercise, even if it is hard for us parents to find the time to get them outside.

[Big Girl No More]

OH Em.. I feel your pain! Whoever said that 2s were terrible...hadn't got to 3 yet! My girl,turned 3 in Jan, is the same way- think tazmanian devil w/ red hair & angel face-I have many stories like yours...2 cell phones gone, she is sportin a semi mullet since she cut her hair, color on walls and dogs, the list is endless..Some things that work for me...

I had changed her car seat to stop her from escaping- didn't work. I bought one of those seat belt strap cushions put it over the clasp- I sewed the ends shut so she couldn't get it undone but middle is still open so it latches.

For Jo the more routine she has the better behaved she is and the more consistant I am with her time outs the more she knows I mean business!
She has 'chores' together we pick up her messes, and if she makes a mess our of onriness (sp?) she has to clean it up b4 doin anything else.

It don't always work...she is so stubborn!!

[hmhuntr]

First- I preface this by saying that without seeing him face to face I can not say for 100% certainty BUT he sounds like he may have a sensory processing disorder. About 90% of kids diagnosed as ADD/ADHD suffer from sensory issues which imitate symptoms of ADD/ADHD and are misdiagnosed. If you decide to go to the doctor I would ask for a referal to be evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. Many doctors aren't even that familiar with it and are quick to prescribe meds. Good news is...if this is the case, there are several simple things you can do to help him regulate how his brain "interprets" input he recieves.

Either way...limit his access to the toys in the toy box and clothing in his drawers. He may be getting overstimulated from all of the options and just dumping them out. With his clothes, he may be changing alot because of the way they feel to him, trying to find something that is calming. Put a clamp on the toy box and make him trade out toys with you and let him pick out his clothing (if you don't have to go anywhere) and then find a way to keep the drawers shut.
I'll look around for my websites that have info for parents so you can check them out of your own and see if any of it sounds like what's going on. Good luck girly

[thurstonsmama]

i am glad i am not the only one but i have to say i am lucky my son does the same as yours but he does clean his toys up and i have him put his close in the dirty hamper. but to help him i went on line and found a behavior chart and it has 3 strikes on it and next to it there is a space you can put something you can take away from him for the day like my son likes to ride his bike at night or play with squirt guns and i will say no bike tonight and so on i change it every day so its not the same thing being taking away from him you can do anything. i put it on the wall and i do it every day it took a couple of days for him to realize that i meant business but he is doing great if he starts to do something i ask him do you want a strike and he says no and he stops not all the time but it has worked!!

[hmhuntr]

Found it! sensory-processing-disorder dot com make sure to leave the dashes in the address. There is a good explanation and a good checklist to help you get an idea.

[ethansmommy23]

idk what sensory issues r so i will have to google that. in the car seat he likes to undo the little clasp in the middle on his chest and pull his arms out of those straps. i had forgotten about the coloring on the walls but when i was remodeling the rest of the house he wanted me to paint his room and i wouldn't bc he won't stop writing on the walls, (i just painted it alpha blue when i painted kaylee's nursery). yeah he had like 4 boxes of toys and we got so irritated that i boxed up what he didn't play with and had multiples of and those went to the goodwill so now he's down to one toy box. the one thing about the add thing is my cousins daughter who had it would not sit still and do anything... if it's something ethan wants to do (ie play playstation) he will sit down and do it... but he is so skinny but it's because he eats, he eats healthy and plenty but he can't sit still to save his life... and talk omg this child NEVER shuts up and he repeats everything! totally off topic but this will give u an idea of his personality the other morning i had the worst headache.. i don't drink coffee but i have to have a diet coke first thing in the morning.. so ethan said something about wanting bacon and eggs for breakfast and i said let me get a drink first i have a headache from no caffiene and he says "no mommy u can't have COCAINE u will go to jail" my freaking mouth dropped and i'm like where did u hear that and he said "watching cops with memaw" he pays a lot of attention so that's what kinda makes me think it's not add i mean he doesn't miss anything! i went to the dollar store the other day and we had gone to the park and he was complaining about sand in his shoes so i got him some little cars crocs u know the ones that look like lightning mcqueen?? well these looked like lightning to me but he looked at them and he was like "these are NOT lightning mcqueen" and i said "yes they are" (I really thought it was) and he said "look mommy purple eye brows" i was like geez!

[gothprincess]

I laughed when I read this, because my first child(ren) were twins. They are now almost 23yrs old...however, I have a 9yr old(all 3 are boys) that cannot play in his room because it's lonely so he drags his toys out into the living room to play. He doesn't put his clothes away unless we make him..his room is always a disaster area(I just shut the door so I don't have to see it). He walks in the door from school and drops everything at the front door, throws his clothes all over the bathroom when he takes a shower, destroys the living room within 5 minutes after coming home from school, cannot get something to eat or drink without making a mess, etc. He does have to put everything away and clean up before bed, which he doesn't like doing. Just letting you know it doesn't always get better...lol.

As for what to do, that's something you'll have to figure out what works for Ethan.

~When Alex discovered the sippy cup would leak, I would take it away when he purposely spilled it or slammed it on anything...he learned that he wasn't going to get his cup except at the table if he didn't stop.

~Take his food away when he spits it out and tell him(in a calm voice) that that's not nice then give it back(it's a back and forth thing).

~The trash/mp3/powder things, I'd pop him on the butt(just a light tap to get his attention) and tell him we don't do that.

He's at an age where he'll start understanding good and bad bahavior if you just keep at it and reinforce to him, not just expect him to learn it the first time.

I don't believe 'positive reinforcement' works for all kids, because after awhile they were tune you out. Time-outs don't always work either. Sometimes a child needs a 'swat on the behind' to get their attention..as long as it doesn't hurt them.

Ethan's too young to be tested for ADD/ADHD. Most dr's won't test until they start school. We use natural supplements called Calm Child and Melatonin with Alex..we've seen a big change in him(a positive one). Didn't mean to ramble..hope you find something that works before you go crazy.

[msmil]

Bahh- kids will be kids. They are messy.. it sux but that's the way it is. I think it's too early to make a determination about him being ADD, BUT you are his Mom and you need to do what you feel is right. You know him better than anyone else. I feel your pain tho. My kids are all like walking tornadoes too, even my 8 yrs old. You just have to keep after him is all. If he's wrecking stuff he might just be bored. Have him help you around the house and make a big deal about it. I tell mine 'mr rory.. could you please help mamma out and pick up these toys with me?' then he gets all happy bcz he feels like he's doing important work. Kids love that stuff.. they want to make their parents happy.. probably is one of the most sought after feelings in their little minds, ya know?

[candace38351]

My daughter will be 3 in Sept, and I feel as if she experienced "terrible 2's" and is currently going through"devasting 3's". She is into everything. She also likes to try on clothes and shoes and leave them where ever she takes them off at. She has a toy room that she will destroy and then pitch a fit over, it I even ask her to clean it up. She pours grape juice on our white boxer, she doens't listen what so ever. She even has the worst attitude. When I tell her to do something, she puts her hand on her hip and the other one she is pointing at me wavint it back and forth and running that mouth. Her part time preschool teachers call her "class clown" she mooned her class the other day, and "drama queen" she makes the biggest stink out of everything. I hope it is just a phase and Lord help me if it's not. I do make her put her dirty clothes in the basket, she has to throw her trash away, she puts her dishes in the sink when she is done with them. and I make her clean her toy room once a week but I do help her a little bit. I think that they are old enough to do certain things like the ones that mine does. She also helps put the silverware up and will take things to the garbage if I ask her to, and she will even let the dog in/out to go potty. She does have her moments where she won't listen or do anything I ask her to do, and that is when I send her to her room. Her bedroom doesn't have any toys in it and I unplug her tv, so she goes in there and kicks the door, stomps her feet, blah blah blah. She stays in there for 5 minutes at a time, and I will attempt to talk to her after the first 5 minutes and if she still has attitude and won't listen then i leaver her in there 5 more minutes. It sounds like a normal life to me, atleast with a 3 year old. Good luck!

[ethansmommy23]

lol hmhuntr he has ONE of those symptoms and that was the hypersensitivity to movement (under responsive) "can't sit still." aside from that he didn't fall into any of the other catergories...

[ethansmommy23]

candace it's funny from an outsider bc ethan has that attitude too! sometimes i'll tell james i need to do something he doesn't wanna do on his day off and he'll say "do u have to do that today" so now if i say we have to go shopping or i need to tan ethan will say "do u have to do that right now? NO!" or if i make a general statement like "wow i'm tired" he says "go to bed then" and in public u cannot shut him up he tells ppl everything he knows! he told the cashier at walmart " when my mommy was pregnant we went to the hospital and the dr cut her belly open and that's how we got kaylee" i'm like shut up already. we were in the mall one day and i said ethan look over there if u don't calm down that cop's gonna get u he said that's not a real cop it's a security guard. he's gonna b in timeout til he's 10! only getting to come out to eat sleep and potty.

[luvinmybabies]

idk what sensory issues r so i will have to google that. in the car seat he likes to undo the little clasp in the middle on his chest and pull his arms out of those straps. i had forgotten about the coloring on the walls but when i was remodeling the rest of the house he wanted me to paint his room and i wouldn't bc he won't stop writing on the walls, (i just painted it alpha blue when i painted kaylee's nursery). yeah he had like 4 boxes of toys and we got so irritated that i boxed up what he didn't play with and had multiples of and those went to the goodwill so now he's down to one toy box. the one thing about the add thing is my cousins daughter who had it would not sit still and do anything... if it's something ethan wants to do (ie play playstation) he will sit down and do it... but he is so skinny but it's because he eats, he eats healthy and plenty but he can't sit still to save his life... and talk omg this child NEVER shuts up and he repeats everything! totally off topic but this will give u an idea of his personality the other morning i had the worst headache.. i don't drink coffee but i have to have a diet coke first thing in the morning.. so ethan said something about wanting bacon and eggs for breakfast and i said let me get a drink first i have a headache from no caffiene and he says "no mommy u can't have COCAINE u will go to jail" my freaking mouth dropped and i'm like where did u hear that and he said "watching cops with memaw" he pays a lot of attention so that's what kinda makes me think it's not add i mean he doesn't miss anything! i went to the dollar store the other day and we had gone to the park and he was complaining about sand in his shoes so i got him some little cars crocs u know the ones that look like lightning mcqueen?? well these looked like lightning to me but he looked at them and he was like "these are NOT lightning mcqueen" and i said "yes they are" (I really thought it was) and he said "look mommy purple eye brows" i was like geez!

The whole unable to sit still thing and talking your ear off sounds like every 3-4 yr old I know!! He's just at that point. Of course he will sit and do something he WANTS to do...but what kid wants to clean up a mess??? I really wouldn't go the ADD route just yet. Part of me thinks that parents just want kids who sit in one place and only speak when spoken to...not gonna happen!! His brain is a sponge right now...there are so many things in every day life that are new to him. Think of how exciting that must be.
But on the same token, he needs to know what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. You yourself talk about how smart he is (and I'm not doubting that) so surely he can understand right from wrong. You just have to stick with it, and not let him get away with anything...not even one time, because when you do...he knows he can get one over on you!!

[2008momof3]

He is definitely old enough to clean up after himself, even the garbage he knocks over. My oldest is diagnosed with Aspergers and ODD. Oppositional defiency disorder. Basically means he is a brat, lol. His therapist told me to make him clean up his messes himself so he will learn he has to have consequences for his actions. He has been going there since about 3 and he is 6 now. He had a bad problem of peeing on people if he was mad. I did not think he should clean it up but the doctor said yes, and if I was worried about germs then just wash his hands. After about 3 times of cleaning it up it stopped totally. You will have to be harsh and make him do it even though you may have to sit there an hour or more with him. Let him know that he has a choice to do something good or bad, but if he does the bad thing it is his choice to be punished. For example if you tell him pick up his toys and he refuses tell him he has a choice, pick up the toys or they go in the garbage. If he still refuses then throw them away and DO NOT give them back. Let him know it was his choice not to listen and pick them up and so it was his choice to have them thrown away. It has worked wonders for us. I have started using this with my 19 month old daughter and although she does not understand completely, I will continue this with her and the 6 month old so they will grow into it.

I would put a child safety lock on the toilet and the drawers. Also only let him have access to a few toys at a time if that means locking up the toybox. For the food thing, give him a warning and then take away his food if he does it again. Offer it again a little later. We also had that problem and at 3 it is not starving them to take away their food for a little while. Let him know before and after why you did it. It will eventually work as well.

Do you have a 5 point harness seat for him? My 19 month old daughter would get out and she cannot get out of her 5 point if the straps are tight enough. She threw a fit but I just ignored it and she finally got used to it. I think they make something to tighten the straps as well so that it is harder to get out of. I have been through it all with my son and I can tell my other 2 are probably gonna be just as stubborn. If you are concerned that it may be a disorder,let his ped. know and get him evaluated. The sooner the better. The discipline has to start now, even if he still seems like your baby. He is learning how the world works and about consequences at this age and it is the perfect time to help him know right from wrong.

[Okiediva]

What do you do when he says things like well go to bed to you?

[mgg33104]

I have to say, I have a 15 mth old just like that. Hes too small to disipline. But my daughter on the other hand that is 5, if I go in there and tell her to put her toys away and she doesnt do it, after awhile I take a garbage bag and throw it away!! If they r just going to throw it in the floor, then they dont care too much about it, so I get rid of it. If they just tear stuff up on purpose, I take away there favorite thing for 1 day. Hit them where it hurts, TOYS!!! Take them away, throw them away, put him in the corner, pop his hands, hell pop his butt, not hard just scare him a little. kids will run you over if you let them and I learned the hard way with my oldest!!

[ethansmommy23]

honestly okie he gets a "look" when he says stuff like that... mostly bc who ever is around laughs at him..

[Okiediva]

I only ask because I had the most trouble with my son and his mouth. He would talk back CONSTANTLY. GRRRRRR...

[sunshinegrlsmom]

My 4 yr old is something like Ethan. She NEVER shuts up, and she will go all day long, and has not taken a nap since she was 18/nos. old. She gets herself in the most trouble when she is tired, from what I have concluded. She will litterally run circles through our house screaming almost ever evening, she used to knock the baby out of her way and trips over things. I figured out the one thing that got her, I started running with her and screaming too, and she stopped long enough to ask me "what are you doin mommy?" I said just running like a banche too! Now we have turned it into a game, and now she at least doesn't push the baby down, and it wears her out for bed...plus I get some excersize too! Many times I will carry the baby while I chase her, and we turn it into a little game of tag. Heck my hubby will get in on it too sometimes.

[sunshinegrlsmom]

p.s. I forgot to mention that when I tell her it is time to pick up her toys, she says "that's ok you can do it, like you always do." So last night after she went to bed, I picked up her toys and hid them, because I always tell her I'm going to put them in the trash...

I'll let you know how it worked tomorrow!

[BlessedX4]

In my opinion it is far too early to be thinking about add and meds and all that, it is just plain is too early. now all that said, out of 4 girls one of mine is VERY hyper like me, cant seem to sit still-I mean just cant help herself! Thats just the way she is, I learned the long hard way to not fight it, to help her, to embrace who she is and work on the things we can change. For me I researched a LOT of stuff and I mesan a lot, I made some changes, took notes of what seemed to work or not. The biggest thing we noticed with her was MILK. This child loves milk and will choose it over any other liquid offered. BUT we switched her to organic/soy milk-within 24 hours-I had a different child! It was UNREAL! Now she has that for the most part and occasionally has 1% milk or even skim. We also avoid red dye-no no red juice, ketchup in VERY small amounts, things like that. I do notice on the days she drinks other kinds of milk or maybe had more sweets then other stuff or whatever-those are her fussy whiney "off" days. This is a child who would NEVER sit still for a story, forget going to the movies, always making messes, very physical, quick to anger, moody, wouldnt ever say I love you, wouldnt give hugs or cuddle with us seemed to want to be by herself, always being a jumping bean. When we made these changes in her diet-BAM! different child in every way!! Says I love you freely and often, gives kisses & hugs, cuddles, obeys, plays well with others, is making friends, all of it. It is truly amazing to see-if you knew her then and now. For example-at Church if the kids sang on stage-she was ALL over the stage-all the time-getting in trouble, etc. Now, she still moves around-but in her own little invisible circle not bothering anyone not getting in trouble , taking directions, etc. We also enourage her to get all her energy out-jumping on trampoline, dancing in the living room, if weather is yucky, etc. I know what works for us may not for anyone else so these are just suggestions.

Now for my oldest I can say "its time to clean up your room" and she does it. For my "hyper" child what works for us is I tell her "Go pick up your books, then come to me when you are done", and she does and then when she comes to me I might say "good job. Now go put away your clothes" and so on. I give her ONE task at a time and thats what works for HER. Because each child is different, different things work.

For your child constantly making messes-put up or lock up the things like drawers, closets etc. teach your child to get / play with ONE toy at a time-before they can have another toy-they have to put the other toy back. Usually for us we say today is BLOCKS ay so they can only play with blocks, or Tuesday is puzzles day and they can only play with puzzles. I dont believe in having too many toys-its more to clean up and kids have imginations they can use. We also do not allow the tv turned on until after 4pm-and it only gets turned on if they did all their chores-period! There is no discussion cuz they know the rules. My 3 yr old can recite the rules and tell you what happens if she doesnt obey them. Kids are smart-too smart-they know how to work you! If you warn them say 5 times before you actually follow thru-eveyr time they will not obey you until that 5th time! cuz they know you! My kids know they dont get a chance-they obey right away or they get discplined. End of story.
For us, my 3 yr old will dump everything out , make a huge mess and fuss about cleaning it all up. i dont leave her alone for a second or a barbie will get flushed. She stays with me-yes stays with me-she will "wash" dishes with me or sit in floor with her book. She will get a wipey and "clean" something while I put away the dishes. She will color in her coloring book while Im homeschooling the other kids-all at the same table. I do not leave any of my children alone for periods of time until i can trust them. they have to earn that trust. if they are with me-I can stop a fight before it breaks out. if I leave miss hyper alone with the 3yr old-they will fight, so I seperate them or keep 1 or both of them with me at all times. I took a shower today after my workout, the oldest was doing her chores, the hyper one was writing her letters at kitchen table and the youngest 2 came into the bathroom with their cars while I showered. I explain to all of them that our family is a team, daddy works for us because he wants to and we have what we have because he works. And we will do our part/our work to help too. They all have chores. they all have rules to obey. break a rule and you will get the punishment for it.

Our rules are as follows:
OBEY-right away. They say yes sir/yes mama-with a SMILE-and follow through.
HONOR-treating eveyrone special. no yelling, no hitting, etc. If someone hurts them and doesnt apologize-they can come tell me it is my job to take care of it not theirs.
FINISH WHAT YOU START-If you start to clean your room you have to finish cleaning your room.
No COMPLAINING-No whines, no "I wanted the red one", etc. You get what you get and you dont get upset. No saying "I dont like that" about a food on their plate. They can say "NO more please." Or I would like more please. If it is a NEW food-they have to try one bite-if they dont like it -fine but they cant fuss about it. I usually only introduce a new food 1 time a week to be fair. I dont expect them to like every new thing we try, but we ask them to try. Just like they may not like a new sport until they try. Many many times my kids are pleasantly surprised to find they like a new food when we try it for the first time. Its a lot of fun and now they look forward to it and there are way many more foods they like then dislike.

Now here is the list of what happens when they dont follow the rules:

Obey-1 spanking with belt. I then hug them afterwards, dry tears and we talk about it, and we say I love you, they say they are sorry and I forgive them. Then we pray to God to help us obey.
Honor- 1 timeout per age. So if Sally yells at Sue-Sally has a 5 minute time out, then she talks to me, then she apologizes to Sue and Sue says I forgive you. Hugs, kisses, and move on. We dont bring it up to daddy at the dinner table.
Finish What You Start-If they start their chores-they have to finish them. It doesnt matter to me if they start chores at 8am or 3pm-that is up to them. But once they tell me they are starting on their chores-they have to see it through. They dont even HAVE to do their chores-but they wont get tv or go to the park etc if they dont do them. So it is their choice! Now, lets say they did 4 chores and have 2 left-if they just flat out quit, they wont get their chore chart check mark. Once they fill up all the spots with checks-they get a prize, such as trip to zoo or movies, etc. So again it is their choice to earn it, to do the work, etc.
Complaining-If they whine or fuss, etc I will add a chore. So even if they all but 1 chore done and they complain-they get another chore. or if they did all their chores and turned on tv at 4pm and fussed about what they wanted to watch or didnt watch-I will give them a chore to do right then.

They always have a choice-they can choose to obey or not. if they dont obey-fine, but they will get the discipline. Once they are done with their chores-we can play outside, color, play with toys, get the ds game, etc. All of the rules go with us-to the doctor, to grandmas house, etc.

Kids are smart and imo you are the boss, you are the parent. Just like they can learn that tv show theme song-they can learn your rules, whatever rules you put in place, etc.

[kjanddcmom]

I don’t post very often but having a little turd is one thing I am used to!
I can’t stress enough how I think add/adhd is overly diagnosed and to stay away from that until there are no more options. Will he sit down and color a picture? Will he watch cartoons or movies? They say as a rule of thumb that a child (young) can only be expected to have an attention span of 1 minute per year of age. So for Ethan, 4 minutes would be ideal. I would expect him to have a little more attention a little longer than that depending on the situation. If you can’t get at least a few minutes out of him then I would consider talking to his doctor about it and get their advice. My oldest who will be 6 this year still does some things just to test me. But let me tell you, I let him get away with EVERYTHING when he was younger so it was even harder to break him of them. Some things I haven’t straightened out yet just because they are a hard crack..lol
Anyhow, my suggestion on the toys would be to take the toy box away. Until he realizes that he has to pick up after himself he shouldn’t have the privilege of having them. I would leave some toys out and put them on a shelf that way he still has some things to play with He is at the age where he should and needs to be picking up after himself. My second son isn’t 3 yet and he picks his toys up and puts them away.
I didn’t have much of a problem with the clothes so I honestly don’t know what to do about that. I cant even think of a good idea, but Im sure someone else does so I wont worry : )
If he brings toys in the living room that’s okay, but limit the number he is allowed. I allow my kids each 3. But when they walk away and are done, they have to take them and put them away, NO EXCEPTIONS! If they cant do that then they cant have them out there anymore for the rest of the day. As far as his messes, I most certainly think he should be cleaning them up. He knows what he is doing is wrong, and he still does it. Make him at least help you and talk to him while doing about how unhappy you are.
The carseat….WOW! Yeah, I had this one! But my oldest was in just a booster and he wouldn’t keep his seatbelt on, so it may have been harsh, but it WORKED! One day we went to the fire station, they had an open house and of course Kobe didn’t have his belt on so I had a police man come over and get on to him! No yelling or scaring him but basically told him that is he didn’t wear it that he could go to jail, etc. To be honest, a lot of officers are happy to help in situations like these! With is sippy cup, my kids got theres whenever also, they always had stuff in it. With Kobe I never had any problems. Now Dillon, he likes to leave his laying on the floor or bed, wherever…I HATE THAT! One of my pet peeves, put it on the d amn table! I had to make it where he is only allowed his sippy at the table in the kitchen. He goes in there gets a drink and leaves it in there or back in the fridge.
I was never good at discipline, I felt bad and let Kobe get away with it. Well I decided I cant let that happen anymore and did it the opposite with my youngest, and let me tell you, they are like night and day! Now I don’t spank very often , they have to do something awful to get a spanking. Well I wouldn’t even call it a spank, its more like a swat. I was NEVER spanked as a child. My husband on the other hand was spanked with a belt. So we don’t really see eye to eye on discipline. I think that it teaches them that using physical punishment is okay. And when something happens that they don’t like they think that its okay to be physical as well. Im not a physical person, never been in a physical fight (other than sister), sure I get mad to the point where I would LOVE to knock someone’s teeth out but I don’t…Its not okay. Now my husband, he’s been in a fight or 2, or 3..lol And he is a very physical person! He gets angry and sometimes punches holes, kicks things, throws things, etc. To me that just proves, in my eyes, my point. It may be different for others but this is how I see it. I do a lot of watching supernanny because I was at a loss with Kobe. I have learned a lot of good things from that show. Timeouts were hell, he never went to his room, etc. Basically it all boiled down to putting my foot down, making him realize that I am the boss. I learned I had to be 100% consistent or it wouldn’t work. Hubbs and I had to get on the same page which was a HUGE help all in itself. I didn’t yell at him for spanking anymore and he didn’t yell at me for being a pushover! Once Kobe understood that his good behavior made things easier and he got rewards, we all started to smile! Now, don’t get me wrong, they both test us daily, but we don’t give in, not even “just this one time” it is what it is and that’s that! Another thing that we learned was a lot of it was for attention. To a child, negative attention is better to no attention. Dillon was a baby so of course he got more of mommas time and more attention from family members. Kobe saw that, he wanted and NEEDED that too. So they act out for a form of attention. I not saying that Ethan doesn’t get any attention at all!! Im just saying that my oldest saw that the younger one was getting more attention and he craved that, so he made it happen, one way or another. Once he sees that he can get so much more praise when he does good things and sees you smile over those little things like picking up his toys, sitting his cup down without playing with it, etc he will understand and try to please rather than how he is doing it now. Make a huge deal out of it when he does those little things. If he knows you notice them he will try more and more to do them!! Good luck!

And for the record, these are my opinions, this is how I got things working in my family and I won’t argue with anyone who disagrees or does them differently.

[BlessedX4]

Now note: Not all of this gets done every day, not all of it gets done "in order" every day. And I do think children strive on a routine but not to the point there will be a meltdown if the schedule has to get a little modified at times. As women who ALL work-yes inside the home is work and outside the home work is work too. No matter what it is you do it IS a work of some kind. Esp with kids you gotta be flexible. And sometimes its nice to throw that schedule out the window and just play by ear for the day. For example many times hubby and I will plan something for the girls like going to a water park or I planned a girl day but they didnt know until I woke them up that morning and they loved it

! Have ya ever been trying to do some work on the computer for even 5 minutes, just to get something done real quick? What usually happens? A kid comes up, a kid needs something, a kid hit another kid, a kid is crying...the list goes on. That is why, for ME I just get stressed if I try to work when the kids are up. During school yr, the girls all nap at same time-so I take 30 minutes to read a bible study Im working on, then get some work done on here until they get up. Now in the summer , Raina and I read together for 30 minutes then she enjoys getting the crayons or nintendo ds all to herself while they nap and I do a little work on here. What works for me may not work for you. All of yall may even ignore this post but I felt it laid on my heart to share so Im just obeying the Lord and putting it out here. This is the SUMMER schedule. ( I will share the "school year" schedule in the next post. If you like my routine, feel free to modify it for yourselves/your situation, etc.

7:00am-Exercise of some sort, or Bible study. Shower, get dressed, talk to God as I go along
7:30am-Get breakfast going for girls-before they get up. (I have a list on fridge-for example Mondays are waffles, tuesdays are Oatmeal, etc so they all get same thing on whatever day of the week it is and this works much better for us then 4 kids all wanting 4 different things)
8:00-Get girls up for breakfast, we pray and eat at table together, talk about the Lesson for the week-I will share below schedule an example lesson.
Then put away our mess, brush teeth, get dressed.
8:30am-Get at least 1 load of laundry going-they all help. Make our beds together, sing songs, have radio/cd going, etc.
9:00am-Play outside. Slip n slide for summer, bug hunting, trampoline, go for walks, ride bikes, pull Karys in wagon, blow bubbles, etc. Whatever it is-IM involved. Im not sitting in a chair, I dont have a fence and even then I enjoy playing with them! Sidewalk chalk, drawing things on our notesbooks-birds, bugs, the sky, etc.
10:00am-Summer means pool. That usually is roughly 2 hours, from getting us all in swimsuits, spf on, floaties ready, swimming, picking up our pool toys after, drying off, walking back home. If you have a kiddie pool this works too and saves ya time. Other options include wahsing the car together, coloring our bodies with kid finger paint and then playing in the pool to clean it off, etc. I even let them paint the house with their finger paints-and then we get hose and wash it off.
12:00pm-Get our dry clothes back on, have lunch together (same things as breakfast we have a list of what we are having for each day already planned) Having picnics outside really helps the kitchen stay clean. Give each child a little plastic basket to carry-one for drinks, one with food, one with utensils and napkins, etc. They love being given little jobs to help. They each get a little job just for them. we all clean up when we are done-wipe faces, wipe table, little broom of their own to sweep up if needed, throw away trash, etc.
12:30pm-Circle time-Now Karys is still a little young and rowdy so I put her down for her nap right before this. I let her pick out a book, i read to her and put away the book, cover her up and she goes to sleep. She is 2 yrs old, no paci ever, no thumb, nothing. Goes right to sleep-I am so blessed! very rarely will she just lay in bed and not sleep, but it happens sometimes then she usually gets her fav book and looks at it quietly until I come to get her.
Circle time is we get on the floor and sit in a circle, we ask each other what we need to work on. If that is sharing or being kind or not yelling. That includes me too, sometimes I ask the girls to help me pray to have more fun, to smile more, to say yes more, etc. We then pray for those things. After all that we then go around and praise God for something.
1:00pm-Nap time. Raina stays up with me, we read on sofa. Or sometimes she goes in her room with miss hyper and they read books or if they got all their chores done they can play games or cards, etc.I read a bible study or one of my parenting type Godly books Then I get some work one on here, etc.
2:30pm-Everyone wakes up. We get snacks, again all together at the table. All helping to prepare the snack or they get to pick out the snack. Its always a healthy snack but they like choosing what snack it will be. All clean up when we are done.
3:00pm-Work on laundry, cleaning up play room/living room/bathroom, etc. They all help. This is in addition to their chores-this is usally when they do thier chores or if they are still working on their chores they dont have to help me, etc. The 2 youngest use mini brooms or get some wipes or anything that makes them feel good and being a big girl in getting to help. Giving them little jobs. I also sit in their room while the 2 little ones clean it up.
4:00pm-Free time. They can divide up into rooms, Raina colors for 30 minutes while Irelyn plays on computer for 30 minutes, Sariah gets the ninetendo DS lite for 30 minutes, Karys plays a card game with me or one of her toys, then we rotate til everyone gets a turn at something. That gives us a good 2 hours I think. If things are going well (kids gtting along) I will see what laundry I can fold or do a quick clean up of a room, etc or go in there with Karys and we dance to music, play dress up, read her books, etc. They each can choose a 30 minute program on tv to watch, etc. Every day a different child gets to be the first one to choose. Karys likes going 2nd cuz she has learned that is when wow wow wubbzy is on, lol.
6:00pm-We all start on dinner. I give them each a task. One can help mix something, one can help set the table, etc. Again getting them involved! Play music, have FUN. Messes will be made and cleaned up.
6:30-7:00pm-Dinner time-yes together at table as a family. If Nick works late we just save food for him. Dinner lasts about 30 minutes, I clean up while he takes girls outside to play for 30minutes-1hour. Karys gets a shorter play time period right now, so I get her back in to give her a quick bath, leave water in tub, put her to bed.
8:00pm-Girls come inside, get a bath, family Bible story and prayer time.
8:30pm-Bed time for the girls.
After girls in bed, is Nick is at home it is now our time. We do a couple's bible study. If I need to do some work on computer or he wamts to play games-we limit that to 1 hour MAX! Period. We then watch a movie or talk or play games together, then off to bed.

[BlessedX4]

What I have really learned the most from all of this is, before I treid to do it all. I tried to cram too much work in a short amount of time even if girls were up. I got stressed, they got fussy, they didnt benefit from the situation I caused. My marriage was suffering. Kids left to themselves get into way more trouble, even just in the play room for 10 minutes. By doing my best to put God and my family first then I end up with more than ample time to get my work done, to check and answer my emails, etc. My house may not be spotless but my family is happy. Im happy, I give it all to God and he takes care of it all for me. No you dont have to let your house get nasty but yea sometimes you gotta let things go and and know the mess will still be there tomorrow and we are not even promised a tomorrow. So enjoy today, enjoy your children. Fridays are movie days we can choose to see one in am or pm as a family. If it rains we do crafts, etc. A yr or so ago I was close to just going to doc and beggin for medication, I couldnt handle it, I was beyond stressed, and I was falling apart at the seems. Things started to slowly get better as I learned to say no more, to do less of what I thought I needed to get done. What good is constantly cleaning my house if my kids are fighting all the time and I yell at Nick to help out as soon as he gets home? Im a work in progress, I have made mistakes, and Im still learning. You know what my girls love? They love to see me run to the door too when Nick gets home and hug him and kiss him too. Nick loves it too. Im so not perfect, and I so dont deserve all the blessings God gives me but it would all be in vain if I didnt give God the glory.
It doesnt matter if we have 1 kid or 10 kids, bad days will come along. 1 thing that is helping me tons tons tons is reading a book called "passionate housewives desperate for God" by jennie chancey and stacy mcdonald. The strong willed child by Dobson and "created to be his helpmeet" by debbie pearl.

Main thing for me now to keep reminding myself-who's schedule am I following? Mine or God's? who made all these plans I think I need to get done? stuff like that. Just put it into perspective, get the priorities in order. no, not every day will be easy, and no no one or their kids is perfect. I am working on choosing my battles, lol. Im also instilling new wonderful Lessons for our house. And those Lessons apply to ALL of us, not just the kids. so that way they dont see mom and dad get to do what they want and ignore the rules. we are all a team and we all have to follow the rules. there is a book called 21 rules of our home by greg and Joshua Harris. We work on 1 "lesson" a week. Once we have done them all we do them again. God has given us these children-to borrow they are his and we have a great and sometimes scarey task in knowing that. so in essence, they come first. Guess what? I usually dont have time to get up 30 minutes earlier and spend time with God, it just doesnt happen. satan loves to step in at that moment and here comes sariah or karys is crying or a dog barks and distracts me. but this stage in my life right now, is where God as placed me for now. so Im here and I can either get frustrated which kids feed off of or I can pray to God-all day long. little prayers here and there, a constant conversation with Him. it means sometimes playing music really loud and doing silly dances and letting the dishes sit until nap time or bed time or pulling up some chairs to the sink and letting them help me. all I know to really to share with you is I have been there -(the bad days) a couple weeks ago as a matter of fact! I tried to be super woman and take the oldest three for a girls day, lol. at every "stop" along the way Sariah had a meltdown, nothing was wrong she just decided to have a bad mood day, lol. many many many times God is just trying to get our attention. we wont know what for until we let go of it all and go to him to find out. Its up to me not to get caught up in "my" work or even work "for the church". My #1 priority is keeping that relationship to God FIRST and taking care of my family FIRST, the rest is gravy and will get done when it gets done. Our children need to be the fruit of our spirit/labor for God's glory.

Ok now here is an example Lesson from the 21 rules of our home-

Rule #11-In this home, when we have something nice to share, we share it. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices , God is well pleased. Heb 13:16

[kjanddcmom]

I just read the posts about him talking all the time and not sitting still. That is honestly normal for kids of this age. Dillon, will be 3 in June, went from one day being shy and all cute and innocent...to the next day acting like a totally different kid! Talking non stop, walking up to strangers in the store and talking to them! Wont go to sleep at night till like 11, WTF!! I had to tell the daycare to please not let him sleep past 3:30 at nap time! He is like I am when I get drunk (without the slurring and stumbling around) everyone is my friend and I talk like I have known you for my whole life! You said he will set down and down something if he wants to….so that to me rules out the add/adhd.

[BlessedX4]

And no my kids are not perfect, we al have our bad days. They are not robots. Its great to see them obey cuz they WANT to. Obeying their parents is an expression of their love. We love God so we obey, they love us so they obey. rarely are the days thta I feel like they are getting into trouble all flippin day, lol. But believe me I HAVE been there!! I do not believe there are bad kids, only bad parenting.We need to teach them by example, love them, encourage them. Praise their goodness at every turn! I also make sure to say thank you or make a big deal out of it when the 2 yr old goes potty, and thye love it! They love compliments! And that makes them want to do better and makes them do better. But let me tell ya-it feels freakin awesome to be at a nice resturaunt with all 4 of my children and have a stranger come over and tell me how well behaved my kids are being. It validates my hard work, etc. It pleases me to have well behaved children.

My "school year" schedule

7:00am-Exercise of some sort, or Bible study. Shower, get dressed, talk to God as I go along
7:30am-Get breakfast going for girls-before they get up. (I have a list on fridge-for example Mondays are waffles, tuesdays are Oatmeal, etc so they all get same thing on whatever day of the week it is and this works much better for us then 4 kids all wanting 4 different things)
8:00-Get girls up for breakfast, we pray and eat at table together, talk about the Lesson for the week-I will share below schedule an example lesson.
Then put away our mess, brush teeth, get dressed.
8:30am-Get at least 1 load of laundry going-they all help. Make our beds together, sing songs, have radio/cd going, etc.
9:00am-School work. The oldest 2 have school work to do. We all sit at kitchen table. I sit between the 2 doing their work so I can help if needed. The 3 yr old practices writing her numbers or letters or her colors or something. not actual work but she thinks it is, lol. The youngest colors. The 2 youngest will usually go get 1 toy-bring it to the table and play with it just fine, then they will put it back and get something else and come right back to the table, etc. If the oldest 2 are not needing help-I might wash dishes or clean fridge etc.But Im still in same room with them.
10:00am-rarely are the 2 oldest not be done with their work by this time.If they are still working we keep doing what we been doing, if they are done they can read books or start on their chores. But again no toys or tv or whatever until finished. As in summer schedule-they dont get pool/outside time unless their chores are done. My house is tiny and so is my yard- I will take youngest 2 out to play while oldest 2 do their chores. Usually I will have the youngest 2 do their chores so its not as "heartbreaking" for the oldest 2 to miss out on fun that early in the day, etc. I do my best to be fair. but if its 3 pm and they want to go play outside-they had plenty of time to get their chores done.
12:00pm-have lunch together (same things as breakfast we have a list of what we are having for each day already planned) . we all clean up when we are done-wipe faces, wipe table, little broom of their own to sweep up if needed, throw away trash, etc.
12:30pm-Circle time-Now Karys is still a little young and rowdy so I put her down for her nap right before this. I let her pick out a book, i read to her and put away the book, cover her up and she goes to sleep. She is 2 yrs old, no paci ever, no thumb, nothing. Goes right to sleep-I am so blessed! very rarely will she just lay in bed and not sleep, but it happens sometimes then she usually gets her fav book and looks at it quietly until I come to get her.
Circle time is we get on the floor and sit in a circle, we ask each other what we need to work on. If that is sharing or being kind or not yelling. That includes me too, sometimes I ask the girls to help me pray to have more fun, to smile more, to say yes more, etc. We then pray for those things. After all that we then go around and praise God for something.
1:00pm-Nap time. The 2 youngest take naps. The hyper one can take a nap if she wants or rest on her bed, if her chores are done-she can read books, play QUIETLY. The oldest almost always has all her stuff done so she plays in her room quietly.
2:30pm-Everyone wakes up. We get snacks, again all together at the table. All helping to prepare the snack or they get to pick out the snack. Its always a healthy snack but they like choosing what snack it will be. All clean up when we are done.
3:00pm-Work on laundry, cleaning up play room/living room/bathroom, etc. They all help. This is in addition to their chores-this is usally when they do thier chores or if they are still working on their chores they dont have to help me, etc. The 2 youngest use mini brooms or get some wipes or anything that makes them feel good and being a big girl in getting to help. Giving them little jobs. I also sit in their room while the 2 little ones clean it up.
4:00pm-Free time. (IF all their chores are done)They can divide up into rooms, Raina colors for 30 minutes while Irelyn plays on computer for 30 minutes, Sariah gets the ninetendo DS lite for 30 minutes, Karys plays a card game with me or one of her toys, then we rotate til everyone gets a turn at something. That gives us a good 2 hours I think. If things are going well (kids getting along alone, etc) I will see what laundry I can fold or do a quick clean up of a room, etc or go in there with Karys and we dance to music, play dress up, read her books, etc. They each can choose a 30 minute program on tv to watch, etc. Every day a different child gets to be the first one to choose. Karys likes going 2nd cuz she has learned that is when wow wow wubbzy is on, lol.
6:00pm-We all start on dinner. I give them each a task. One can help mix something, one can help set the table, etc. Again getting them involved! Play music, have FUN. Messes will be made and cleaned up. It is usually nice weather for us and we prob play outside more than anything else.
6:30-7:00pm-Dinner time-yes together at table as a family. If Nick works late we just save food for him. Dinner lasts about 30 minutes, I clean up while he takes girls outside to play for 30minutes-1hour. Karys gets a shorter play time period right now, so I get her back in to give her a quick bath, leave water in tub, put her to bed. There are some nights he has to work LATE! We all hate it, lol. But we make the best of it. Im exhausted those days/nights.
8:00pm-Girls come inside, get a bath, family Bible story and prayer time.
8:30pm-Bed time for the girls.
After girls in bed, is Nick is at home it is now our time. We do a couple's bible study. If I need to do some work on computer or he wamts to play games-we limit that to 1 hour MAX! Period. We then watch a movie or talk or play games together, then off to bed. IF he worked late I will usually go take a bath or read or play on here longer until he gets home lol.

[allylynn]

*Sighs*

Ok, first I'm gonna tell you a few sentences about my situation. Then I'm gonna give you the advice of a therapist I'm good friends with. Then, I'll give you my two cents about Ethan. Lastly, I'll comment on some of the other responses.

My oldest was so hyper as a child *even in womb* that it was like a tazmanian devil on speed. You couldn't hardly keep track of him, much less get him to stop to put away anything. I waited until he was 7 to have him diagnosed AD/HD. Doctor said I must be a saint, couldn't believe I didn't come in years earlier. Then he was diagnosed SPD (sensory processing disorder) in seventh grade. I so wish that diagnosis came years before! It explains so much that ADHD doesn't. He's gonna be 15 this summer.

My therapist friend recommends cold showers for those who refuse to take their time outs. My son would absolutely refuse to be in time out. He wouldn't stay. An hour later he still wouldn't stay. Wish I had knowledge of this cold shower power years ago! This new friend just shared this information with me and I've had to try a variation of this since my son is so old. I just fill a pitcher of water and tell him he has till the count of 5 to comply or he'll get wet. Works wonders especially due to the SPD!

Two cents about Ethan....

It's possible that he could have SPD issues. It might be that it could be mild or that you might not have noticed some of the criteria. When my son was diagnosed, there were obvious ones that I was aware of....then there were others I had to reflect on and realize that they were connected. It just was something that I didn't connect right off. I agree with the holding off of the meds. It could be that he benefits from meds. For right now I would concentrate on behaviour modification first. Many doctors (worth their weight) would encourage that route anyway. I would limit your activity during the day to lessen your stress. Taking a kid out during the day unassisted is very stressful. Been there done that! Sounds like one or the other, possibly both. However, at three years of age, try to go non medicated route.

Ok, there is a misconception that ADD/ADHD don't focus at all/can't focus. That's inaccurate. Things that we are keenly interested in CAN and WILL keep our attention/focus more than other things. This shows up differently in children and in adults. Yes, their favorite t.v. show can/will keep their attention and they will get totally lost in it. All of us ADD/ADHDer's crave the ability to focus. Finding something that keeps our focus will be likely something that we want to continue to do. It's a cycle.

Also what people think of as ADD/ADHDer's inability to pay attention. You think they may not be paying the attention to what you hope/want them to.....they are paying attention to EVERYTHING! Like right now, I hear the hum of the computer, the noise of the ice maker in the kitchen, the traffic in the street, the t.v., and the dripping faucet in the other room, AND I'm trying to ignore how badly I need to scratch my shoulder blade. Ok just took care of the itch. It's an inability to tune certain things out in order to focus on one thing.

As far as the car seat. I'd take a water bottle and squirt that kid with water when he gets out. My ADHD kid got out all the time. It got to be that I only took him places that I HAD to or had another driver with me that could assist. It's dangerous for sure. I couldn't strap him in his 5 point tight enough to keep him in.


Hang in there. Make sure to do something for yourself each week to recharge though! Can't pour from an empty pitcher!

[elemteach5]

i know a lot of ya'll have toddlers so i need advice. i know it's my job as a mother (or i assume it is since i've been doing it for so long) to clean from the time i wake up til i go to bed at night! but it's beginning to stress me out...every day i have to clean ethan's room from top to bottom! he doesn't take the toys out of the toy box he just dumps the whole thing out onto the floor.. if he wants to change his clothes (he's like a girl he does this compulsively) he pulls stuff out of the drawers and out of the closet and throws it on the floor! he drags toys into the living room, he spills baby powder out on the carpet.. he bangs his sippy cup on the coffee table trying to make it leak.. he pushes over the garbage can. he throws stuff into the toilet. he threw my mp3 player into his dad's glass of kool-aid! he chews food and spits it out. i have to pull over a million times going somewhere bc he won't stay in his car seat straps... seriously it's a miracle my hair's not gray (it may be underneath all this miss clairol i have on it)... but PLEASE give me some discipline suggestions i have about tried everything.. and how much do u think a 3 (4 in august) year old should have to clean up after themselves... i mean i know he should pick his toys up but when he knocks over garbage cans and spills stuff should i make him pick it up and wipe it up?? the ppl in my family say i'm too easy on him but i don't take their advice much bc i think it's too harsh.. my one cousin has her daughter on add meds and that's always their suggestion for ethan but he's only three and i think this is just the terrible 3's and he'll grow out of it... any ideas??

First of all, Congratulations, it sounds like you have a healthy, normal little boy. With that being said, I absolutey WOULD NOT try to get him on ADHA medication. He is far to young to even consider that. Now, you said he is going on 4. My advice (if you want it) would be to start right now enforcing some ground rules. It will not be easy at first, but if you are consistant, I promise you it will work. Explain to him as best you can to a 3 yr. old what is okay and what is not okay. For example-- tell him it is okay to get 1 or 2 toys out of the toy box at a time, but it is not okay to dump all of them in the floor. If he dumps them in the floor, try to get him to pick them up. If he flat out refuses, get a box and tell him that if he doesn't pick them up, then they are all going bye-bye. If he still refuses, then box them up and put them away for a week. Then explain the rule again and repeat the process until he does what you ask him to. The same with the sippy cup. Ask him not to bang it on the table or he can't have it. If he bangs it, take it away, Now remember-- kids think that if they scream long enough, then you will give in and let them have their way. This is a big time no-no. If he screams to get his way, take him to his room and tell him he can come out when he stops screaming. If he comes out, take him back, repeat this until he stays or quits screaming. Get the idea?? He's kind of small for a reward chart, but if he's mature that could help. Anyway, just remember-- it can't be a rule one day , then not the next because you are busy or something. You have to stick with it all the time. Consistancy will win this for you. If you do not set rules now, it will only get worse. Ohh, about the garbage can-- yes, I would try as best I could to make him pick it up, if he won't, maybe set him in a high chair while you pick it up. It will seem like forever to him. Just let him know the rules and stick to them!!! No one said parenting was gonna be easy!!! Good luck to ya!!!

[ethansmommy23]

aly that's so funny that u say that about showers.. my friend had an in home day care and she was keeping ethan one day while i was pregnant with kaylee... ethan was almost completely potty trained but he had an accident and she put him in the shower... he HATES showers! he threw the worst fit ... every since then when he'd have an accident he'd start crying hysterically and saying "mommy please don't put me in the shower." so now he thinks it was a punishment and she didn't mean for it to be, but i've never actually used it as a punishment... i do the water thing though i had to do it tonight actually bc when he throws a tantrum he kicks, screams, and HOLDS HIS BREATH! the first time he did it his lips turned blue his eyes rolled back in his head i FREAKED out! my aunt grabbed a glass of cold water and tossed in in his face and he was mad but he was fine.. so now i've learned that the more i freak out about it the more often he does it so tonight he threw a fit and held his breath and was about to pass out when i threw ice water in his face...

blessed- i have kind of a schedule, nothing like urs though!! mine is more
7- breakfast, dress, brush teeth
9- gym
12- lunch
2- quiet time (he doesn't nap but kaylee does)
3- snack
7- dinner
9- bath

he stays up LATE though! he's nocturnal like me .

elem- i did take toys to the goodwill bc he wouldn't pick them up i guess i'm just going to have to take everything for a while... and i try to be consistent and here's where the problem comes in... he waits until i'm doing something for/with kaylee (feeding/bathing/dressing/consoling/putting to sleep), or he will act up when she's asleep and then when he gets in trouble wail and scream so uncontrollably he could no kidding wake the dead.. i know i just need to lay kaylee down when he does it but i guess it's just so exhausting!

i'm not thinking about or ready to think about going the medicing route... that was kinda the point of this post bc that's what my family keeps saying and i want other suggestions... if he NEEDS them in a few years we'll cross that bridge then... i don't really think there's anything out of the ordinary with his behavior i just think sometimes it's more eractic and i think ethan is so edcationally and socially advanced mixed with the 3 yo energy it makes it worse!