Emotional Roller Coaster

[brismommy]

I am a mess right now and really trying to stay out of the kitchen. The past couple of weeks have been so hard for me. I didn't turn to food and have been doing so good, but now I'm off the Phen for a week and my will power is being tested. My husband just has me going through an emotional ringer. We separated back in July and at the first part of November, I got over my anger and started trying to talk to him about getting back together and giving things another try. He ended up saying that he wanted a divorce. I was ok until close to Christmas and that was a very hard time. Some things happened between us and I thought we were growing closer and that maybe things would work out. Then bam he throws me for a loop on Christmas Eve day and basically blew us off for Christmas. Still for some strange reason I hadn't given up hope. Now the past few weeks he will go from telling me that he wants the divorce to saying that he still loves me and just doesn't know what he wants. I have been an emotional wreck the past couple of weeks. We've had some pretty rough days this week. Aruging on Monday night and then he calls me apologizing and starts the whole cycle all over again. Then tonight (after his first therapy session) he tells me that he has finally realized that his whole life has been about making other people happy and that he's never worried about himself. He proceeds to tell me that he hasn't been happy for the past 2 years and just basically kills me saying that he just can't do it anymore. He loves me and wants to be with me, but he can't do it. He refuses to be at my beck and call. So now after a nice long cry, I'm up here typing my feelings out trying to avoid hitting the fridge. I know you are all a bunch of strangers and could care less, but I figured this would be a better outlet than food. My heart is officially broken, but I can't keep myself going on this roller coaster anymore. It's time for me to just put this house up for sale and get moving forward towards a fresh start. I can't let him do this to me anymore. If he wants it over, then that is what he will get. I can't take the drama anymore. I have a life to live and can't do it waiting around on him to finally make up his mind. We have been together for 6 years and married for 4. We have a daughter that will be 4 in May. She started crying when she saw me crying tonight. She doesn't want her mommy to be sad. I can't let her see me like this. Time to buck up and move forward. Ok, sorry for the long entry, but I needed to vent and now I feel better. I think I will go take my frustrations out on my gazelle. For anyone that reads this or responds, thanks for the ear.

[Keepers23]

Goodness, honey! I care!

Please, please, please stay away from the fridge. Now's the time you really need to be pampering yourself, and don't do that with food. You'll only regret it.

It always helps me to think about how hot I'll be the next time I run into my ex. (Hopefully that won't be for at least 6 months - I have weight to lose!)

Just take care of yourself. Looking good and being happy is the best revenge.

I know we are strangers, but I can tell you're a wonderful person from your posts. Keep your chin up. You're going to get through this and be fine, and you're still going to look fabulous at the end of it! He broke your heart, don't let him make you gain weight too!

Stay strong! But if you want to cry, just CRY. Hard. Get it out.

Thinking about you...

[benson012094]

I was going to say the same thing as Keepers. My husband always makes a joke out of it that every time we break up (which was twice actually) that I get all "hot" and buy sexy clothes. It always makes him jealous and he can't bear the thought of me with anybody else. Also, I think that is very selfish of him to say he has never worried about himself. I never think of myself. My priorities are God/Jesus of course, my daughter, my husband, my house, my job, and then I'm last. I get pleasure by looking out for other people. Every time I am supposed to go to the store to buy myself an outfit, I always find something better for my husband or my daughter. But, I think I might be a minority in that aspect. A lot of people like to put themselves first, and I just like making other people happy. So you just look out for your daughter and make sure she is happy and try to make her feel as secure as you can. Hopefully your husband will come around. Just concentrate on making him come crawling back, if that's what you want anyway. Again, I think a lot of us will be here for you during this difficult time. And don't forget to pray for guidance.

[MustangSally]

We are strangers...but we do care...
I think you know what you need to do...
Remember to be strong for your daughter, you are her example of how to handle hurt, loss, stress, pain...with grace.
I think putting you and your daughter on the path to the future is the best. Also, maybe once he sees that you are not going to allow the drama anymore, he may understand what it is that he is about to give up...and rethink things properly.
Regardless of what he does...you take care of yourself and your daughter.
As a child of a BIG FAT UGLY NASTY DIVORCE...trust me...all she needs to know is that its not her fault and both her mom and dad love her very much no matter what happens...I know WAY to much about who did what to who with my parents marriage...and I wish I didn't...even now...decades later.
Vent whenever you need to...
and take a walk, instead of hitting the fridge when you can...helps you more ways than one...

[AthenaZG]

Honey, why are you letting him decide your future? Lose this baggage! He never thinks about himself? Bull S H * T!!! That's all men every friggin do is think about themselves! Don't let him decide for you. Decide your own future! He loves you but he just can't? He's just not sure? He doesn't know? F U * K that S H * T!! Make it REAL easy for him then! Kick his lily white A S S to the curb! Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Don't be sad, get mad! What the H E L L makes him think he can just string you along? You did! You let him know that he can just leave, perhaps date other women, even maybe cheat on you and you would even CONSIDER taking his a s s back!

Oh H E L L NO!!

Once you decide once and for all he is NOT coming back trust me, you will focus on YOU! And once you start focusing on YOU, you'll lose weight, you'll be a better mother, you'll have your self confidence, you'll see a clear horizon!

Quit wasting your time. There IS someone out there for you. HE'S NOT IT!!

Get strong! Quit crying and get pissed (don't be afraid of it either! Anger is part of the process). Put your house up for sale and focus on being the woman you want to be, and the woman that will inspire your daughter to say "Oh H E L L NO!" when some loser thinks he can do this to her!

[JRivera]

Girl-- I am soo sorry you are down. I hope you feel better. Put all those mixed emotions and take it out on the Gazelle like you said. My emotions tend to fuel my energy for working out-- sad, angry, upset...it helps me vent. I hope you feel better soon. Do what you have to do and move on....

BIG (((HUGS)))

[brismommy]

Thanks so much for your support ladies.

Keepers: thank you for your kind words. I did have a good cry earlier.

Benson: You are so right that men always think of themselves first. I have always been the type to put everyone first as well so I know what you mean.

Sally: I went through a nasty divorce when I was little too and I never want my daughter to feel out of sorts because we couldn't work it out. I try to put on a brave and happy face for her everyday and I always tell her that mommy and daddy both love her. Luckily she is still so young that I'm hoping that she won't be too traumatized.

Athena: Wow! You go girl! You got me fired up for the 35 minutes that I just spent on the gazelle. In all fairness though, I do have to say that I made him leave in July. I was so tired of walking on eggshells with him, being blamed for everything going wrong, and just living with a very angry person. We were constantly fighting and at that point I had a lot of anger built up at him. He has never helped me one bit, but is the first to criticize if dinner is late or the house isn't clean. He comes home and sits on his @$$ while I'm busy running around. He has also never helped with our daughter. So I needed a break. Never said it was permanent though. I stayed angry for a few months and then he moved from my dad's house into his own house. The beginning of November had me softening up a little and then him delivering the divorce blow. As the holidays went by, I kept warming up towards him and hoped he would change his mind. We have both been faithful to each other this whole time ( at least I think he has been) and have talked on a pretty daily basis. It's just been very hard since Christmas. Every day brings a different story. I can't do this to myself anymore though because it's just destroying me. I did manage to get a little angry while I was working out though so thanks! He told me today that after meeting with his therapist that he realizes now that when he needed me the most (when he was begging to come home) that I abandoned him. Love how everything comes back to be my fault.

Janet: thank you. I did take it out on my gazelle and notice that I feel a little better. Now I'm going to curl up with a book and relax. Tomorrow is another day and all I can do is take it day by day.

Thanks for listening to me ladies. It means a lot. I managed to stay away from the fridge too!

[jennklb]

I'm sooo sorry your going though this! I agree with Athena. All he's done is think of himself through this whole ordeal from what I've heard! What the heck? He doesn't know what he wants? Tell him "I DO, get the f... out biatch". ok, maybe you could leave off the biatch!

But seriously, everyone is right. You are doing what's best for you by eating right. Why don't you steal his credit card and treat yourself that way

We care about you hon! Hang in there!

Jen

[Jennylee9881]

Brismommy- I know what you are going thru right now and I FEEL for you and your child. My husband and I split (when we were dating) about 4 years ago, he did the same thing as yours, he was confused cause we had been together for so long (five years) he knew that he loved me, but he didnt know if he was IN LOVE with me. I knew it was coming, I could FEEL it too (as you may also) we were just drifting apart. It was as if we were together for so long, we didn't even know why we were still together. (I hope that makes sense) We were each others first and only love so it seemed like it just made sense to stay together. Then he started talking about breaking up to see how we each did on our own. I did NOT want this, I always knew THIS was the man for me, even if he didn't. I objected as much as I could, cried my eyes out, poured my heart all over him, asking him if I changed this or that about me would that change his mind, NO.
We needed time apart. When I finally relized this, he was at work. I tried to picture him leaving and I could not, I knew this was just as hard for him too. I knew that he could not pack his bags and leave without himself falling apart, so I did the hardest thing I think I ever had to do, I packed them for him. When he came home from work, his bags were sitting by the door and he just started crying, we both did. He was gone for 3 months. That first month and a half was so miserable, I cried so much, I couldn't eat or keep anything down, I threw up constantly, I didn't want to go to work or anything. Slowly but surely I started feeling better, I thought that if we were meant to be together, then we will be....someday. So, I joined the gym, started eating again, started hanging out with my friends, flirting with other men, even getting asked out on dates. (but never accepted) Even though I knew I still loved him, I started getting over him, I felt so much better to do things for ME. I know that even if we hadn't got back together, I would of been OK. My point in telling you my story is that you might feel heartbroken and sorry for yourself now, but it WILL pass, you will be suprised at how quickly you'll "get over" him. Look deep inside yourself, Is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life married to? Does he treat you the way you deserve to be treated? I know that your situation is complety different than mine, you have a child involved and your married. Please don't think you have to stay with him just because of those reasons, your daughter deserves a happy Mommy and Daddy, not ones who are misurable all the time because they are together for her "sake," this may make her only blame HERSELF for your misery later on. If your husband can't make up his own mind, then I say, make it up for him, don't let HIM decide YOUR future. If divorce is whats inevitable, then serve HIM with the divorce papers. You shouldn't have to put you happiness on "hold" for anybody. Then, just explain to your daughter that sometimes things just happen for a reason, "Mommy and Daddy we supposed to get married so there could be such a wonderful little girl born." Let her know that this is not her fault and you are both happier now that you don't live together. Don't let her see you two fight or argue, this can be traumatizing to little kids. You will always have love your husband cause he is the father of your child, as will he have love for you, but as you know that isn't always enough. I hope that the two of you can have a civilized seperation and divorce (if there is such a thing) And if some time down the road, you two happen to fall in love again, theres always re-marriage

P.S. I honestly believe that if you are still truly, IN love with him, then he HAS to be too, love is just too strong of force to be one-sided. (he just needs time away from you to realize it)

[Skydreama]

I am sorry you are going through this.. its very hard to lose someone you love. I wish I could offer advice but all I can say is if you need someone to listen, I am here. I am kinda going through the same thing and its the worst feeling in the world.

[Dolldancer8]

Aww...I hope you're Doing Ok...My boyfriend is going through a divorce right now still...and for some reason I know he would get back with his ex...and that thought just breaks my heart...I don't think they ever stop loving the mother of their children,...Read "The Rules" by ellen fein...Nobody believes me, but it REALLY is a phenominal book...and there's a whole series for marriage, dating, tips, blah blah blah...It will help you...

[SouthernCharm]

Just wanted to let you know that I may be a stranger but I do care too as many have said on this post. I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Trust me, I know how hard it is. Focus on your daughter and she will help you get through this. Take it one day at a time and no matter how much anger you feel, never talk bad about her daddy in front of her, she'll figure things out for herself soon enough. If he's a good daddy to her then make sure she is involved as much as possible with him no matter what the outcome is of your marriage. In the meantime take care of yourself, which it sounds like you are on the road to doing. We all have regrets and "what if" moments in situations like this but don't let any of those thoughts get in the way . If he truely wants out of the marriage there is nothing that can be done but I do advice to take some time and not jump out there and sell the house or file for a divorce just yet. The power of prayer is strong and if there is any chance this marriage can survive then pray hard. I know through the hurt and anger you just want him out of your sight and space is probably a good thing for now while the pain is so strong. You will get through this no matter what the outcome is and I applaud you for not turning to food and being able to talk about it. Take care and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

~Melodie~

[missus]

Hey Brismom, ditto on what everyone said. Even though we don't live in the same city, we care for you just like you were a sister. We are here for you girl. And right now, I'm gonna say a special prayer for you and your baby girl, that God will lift you up to a better life with or without your hubby. Hang in there sweetie. Sending you a huge hug. Be Blessed.

HUgs

Missus

[brismommy]

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and advice. It's really nice to know that I have somewhere to turn in time of need. I made it through last night ok and I'm doing fine today. Trying to get mad about the whole situation and hold on to that. Anger always makes things like this easier. Thanks again guys!

((Hugs))
Jen

[brismommy]

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and advice. It's really nice to know that I have somewhere to turn in time of need. I made it through last night ok and I'm doing fine today. Trying to get mad about the whole situation and hold on to that. Anger always makes things like this easier. Thanks again guys!

((Hugs))
Jen