Hello my new Phrends and Family! I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you all a little about myself.
I am 23 years old, and have been through a gambit of dramatics in the past few years. We all have our struggles with weight. I've just always been a bigger girl. I can pinpoint the moment I felt fat. I was in green shorts and green t-shirt in second grade and realized I had a bump under my belly button, and none of the other girls did. These pants reflected that clearly in the mirror in front of me. However, I never had any real trouble with my self esteem until I was thirteen, my grandfather, being the old fashioned man he is, was not afraid to say what was on his mind. We were talking about biblical times and how women were not accepted in anything but skirts. I asked him "Papaw, if I lived in the bible days what would they say about my clothes?" Papaw, being brash said "Well they look like little fat girl's clothes to me." And kind of chuckled.
This was a decade ago, and I'm still fighting that comment. I went home that night and spent the entire summer working out and starving. It got me in a size ten when I got to freshman year of high school, but it didn't take long for me to begin a two year relationship and get "comfortable" again. By the time I graduated I was back up to a size 18. Shortly after high school I had my gall bladder our, and broke my ankle in the same three months. When it came time for my brother's wedding in 2007 I was a hefty size 24 and I couldn't believe the scale read 244 pounds. I didn't think I looked that big.
I was heartbroken when the pictures came back. I was the biggest girl in all of the photos, once again in "Little Fat Girls Clothes." What plagued me was I never ate more than my friends. I usually only at one meal a day and I worked two jobs and went to school since I was sixteen. I have used Phentermine in the past, about two years ago to shed 30 pounds, but like most people I met a financial slump after a breif marriage and divorce. I was working two jobs and going to school still, and working on losing weight again after the divorce (he was an angry, cheating man) so I decided to drop some more pounds. I made it down to a size 18 when I met Matt last summer, but I was still far too heavy to like what I saw. He loved me no less, in spite of telling me he had "never been with a curvy girl".
2010 was the most difficult year yet. Matt moved in with me, we both started working as billing and coding clerks, his MS caused him to not get the job(it was a trucking company we were doing the billing for, so they viewed him as a risk) and I did. He was then unemployed, all while taking care of his sick and dying father. In October Matt's father passed, but he was able to pick up a job at my old place of employment at an answering service. His fathers death sent him into a small relapse that kept him on a cane for a couple of weeks. He is only 25 (been diagnosed since 18). When he fell trying to walk up the driveway (in the snow and ice) to get the vehicle that had to pick him up to work (for just three hours, they barely give him any hours, when they do they are 9 p to 12 a or very early weekend mornings.) He was becoming very upset and ugly with me after his long days and was relapsing out of the frustrations in his body and his mind. I told him to quit, and just focus on school while we fought for his disability case and I'd handle the finances. My sister the experience another extreme episode shortly after with her bipolar and schizophrenia. (Her fourth since her two - year old son was born.) She nearly died in a car accident.
After all of this turmoil seemed to simmer down I decided the stress had to go. I wasn't taking care of myself at all, but worried to death and taking care of all those around me. Seeing Matt's dad fight so hard to live was difficult, and heart breaking. My sister's son does not have his real father in his life and my parents are raising him. I finally decided to do something about my weight once and for all after being diagnosed with high blood pressure and extreme anxiety disorder by my family doctor. I started Phen on the sixth of December, a very bad month to start such a thing yes. I had holidays, and about six birthdays, including my own coming up.
I decided I would not, under any circumstance let this change my ways. I started the phen, and a week later ordered the now famous HCG drops. In conjuction with the phen, and hcg I've dropped 23 pounds at this point. They drops do require a strict diet. Trust me the first week of it was torture it seemed. But then, amazingly the third or fourth day got much easier, especially as the scale kept falling. I don't follow calories as much as I do carbs. I do eat regularly, every 3 or four hours. I take my phen first thing when I get up and my drops after each meal, equating to 30 drops a day. I am nearly out of what is known as "phase one" (About two weeks to go) before I transition into phase two when I can exercise. I really thought the drop were a truck and honest crock until I tried them for myself. With phen I was lost three pounds in my first week, but then once I cut out the carbs and made the decision that food is only meant for nourishment I just changed. Even at Christmas, new years and my own birthday I didn't have a single carb.
Now, after the first week I did some reading and found that one day a week you can big a "bad meal" something to sort of shock your body and confuse it. Last week I had pizza, this week the same (it's my favorite). Although I'm always very scared to do this, I do it to satisfy that part of me that just loves pizza and not feel deprived entirely of all the things my pallet enjoys. However, I've learned to make some incredible meals with less than a gram of carbohydrates in it. Trust me, I know the horror stories of the "putting it right back on" when losing weight so rapidly but I've lost the same 20 pound four or five times by now. It's time to change for good. No more going back. I think my mistake was I didn't have a scale at home. My only idea was in my clothes. I just recently saw those photos from July on my sister in law's face book and got so sad. I couldn't believe I'd done such a thing, let my body get so out of hand.
I see Matt struggle with something he didn't ask for or do to himself every day. He has no choice but accept the way his body is and to use the meds that don't cure, but lessen the symptoms. That grandfather of mine recently had a tripple bypass, and I love him just the same and always will. The family seems to be doing better, and I just want to make the most out of my health, my body so that I can be a good woman for Matt. He needs someone to take care of him and to help him along every step of navigating through the different stages and ups and downs of his illness. Since he left the answering service and just concentrates on school he is in much better shape and thrilled with my weight loss. I am in a loose and comfy size fourteen now, but I'm more than ready to see a 14. I have only two weeks left of the hcg drops and then i can begin to work out. This is the parts I am most excited for. I see my doctor the first Monday of every month, so I am being closely monitored.
The worst side effects I have experienced was just weakness in my arms into the first three days of the change and adjusting to the changes. I was also working extra long hours at the office so it could have very well have attributed to it.
I know this is a long story, but I am a testimonial that stress is the major cause of weight gain (well one of them.) I gained 20 pounds just from March to December! I had high blood pressure and all of those things. I went from four xanax a day to 1, and only take my bp meds if it gets high. I've not had to at all in the last month.
Prior to this my eating habits were at least 12 diet cokes a day, lots of cigarettes (a pack a day) and only eating once a day (once I got home) and too many cappuccinos (an extra large caramel vanilla cap from dun kin donuts).
I follow Dr Simeons diet closely, but I stay more on the Atkins side. Though they are similar the Dr. Simeons diet doesn't allow for any sort of dairy. And all of us women know how important dairy is! If you don't get some form of dairy, your bones will take the calcium from other places leading to major complications. With severe arthritis already in my family and heart disease I want to steer clear. I want to make beautiful children and marry this beautiful man one day, but first I'm going to let my spiritual relationship with God grow, and my fat index shrink. It's not going to be easy. It never has been. Until now. Something in my mind just "switched" and I went from looking forward to eating and my diet cokes to drinking nothing but water and devouring veggies and grilled shrimp like it was cake! haha : ) Thank you for listening, and please, introduce yourself tell me your stories. I'm excited to meet you all!