~OT~ Long Distance Relationships

[Skydreama]

My boyfriend and I have been long distance for almost our entire relationship. He moved 2.5 hrs away after about a month of dating. We've been together 2 years now. Its really difficult and I think its harder on me because distance doesnt bother him (he is military and used to being away).

Are any of you in Long distance relationships? If so, is there any way you know of to make it easier?

I want to be talking to him all the time and I know that is not normal or fair to him, we both have stuff to do but I get angry if he isnt trying to talk to me every free minute he has and I know I shouldnt be like that.

Im just tired of being so snappy and jealous with him. If he lived here again I know I wouldnt expect him to be on the phone with me 24/7 so I dont know what my problem is now.

Any help ladies????

Thanks!!

[missus]

He girl, 2.5 hours is not too too bad.

Did you say you're jealous of his time or him? If so, girl, you got the power, so you don't have to be jealous.

Sometimes, distance cements a relationship, as you get independent, yet maintain the relationship. And 2 years is a fair amount of time. I think you and Lee make a beautiful couple. And, when you are together, make the most of the time. Send him cards, pics, etc, if you can't see him everyday. I have some stuff to pm to you that may help too in a long distance relationship. Anyhow, don't fret.

Will pm when I get a minit. Anyhow, good luck.

Hugs

Missus

[Scorpio_girl]

Girl I could write a damn book!!I know what you mean about wanting him to be talking with you every free minute I am the exact same way with my hubby.And the jealousy part ditto.In your case its different though because yall arent married or living together.So the way I deal with it is to tell myself that the time is almost up for him to be back with me.Its still hard though,especially when all you want is to be with them.Just be assured in the fact that even if he is not on the phone or what not with you 24/7 that you are always on his mind and in his thoughts 24/7.Do yall have a "system" set up where you connect in even the smallest way every day? Maybe you could try that.Where he emails you and you email him every day,just a hi Im thinking of you I love you type of email.Getting a message from him daily may make a big difference.This may be corny but I also save old voice messages so when I am really missing him I just pick up the phone and play back a message just so I can hear his voice.Being a military girlfriend is not easy by any means,and being a military wife is without a doubt the hardest job in the whole world.If you are really committed to him then you are gonna have to try as hard as you can to not be so snippy and to cherish the time yall do have together.And hey at least hes just a few hours away and if you are jonesing for each other really badly you can be there in a snap.Most others have to go months and months at a time without each other.So try and think in a positive way.If hes going to be career have yall talked about where that leaves yall? I mean what if God forbid he gets sent to Iraq or Afg?Or even Germany or somewhere else overseas,then what? Alot of how you react to the situation depends on your relationship and the future it holds for you.two years is a long time,but dont rush into anything.One of my best friends was with a guy in the Navy for 2 and a half years and they got engaged and then married right away because they couldnt stand being away from each other anymore and only seeing each other on leave,that was their whole realtionship,well you know what? Now they are married for a year now,and its alot harder and different than she thought.They didnt know each other at all not like they thought they did.They were so sure after being together for so long and spending days or weeks together here and there that they knew what they were getting into but they didnt.Its hard to have an exclusively long distance relationship because you are perpetually in the honeymoon or depressed phase,depending if hes here or gone.There really never is that normal boring day to day "real" phase you know? And there in lies the true test.My advice to you is to figure out what your relationship means to you and what the future looks like because if you marry a military man you will be in for more of the same.The difference is YOU are what/where he calls home.If your future is uncertain then like I said you have to find the strength in yourself to be strong and stay busy,and as I said just be assure that he is always thinking about you and missing you as well.Read old letters or emails from him.Ask him to make you cds so you can listen to them and know he made them just for you.I know its hard girl and I hope you figure something out.PM me whenever you need to talk.Good luck.

[Skydreama]

Thanks Missus and Scorpio!!

I do have old voicemails saved and I have ever email/letter he has ever written me. we talk daily and text and email. Am I just crazy??? He did go to Iraq last year but weird as this may sound, we talked more then than we do now. We talked atleast 4-5 hours a day online. I was working 3:30-midnight and when I got home, he got up and we would talk until around 3-4 am and then I would go to bed and when I got up we would talk another hour or two and then he would go to bed and I would go to work. He worked while I slept and vice versa.

Its like today, he called at 8am and we talked for 15 mins. he emailed me at 8:45 and I sent him a text at 10 and he replied back and thats the last ive heard from him and I know he doesnt have much to do today so why isnt he talking to me? That sounds insane and I know it. I just miss him so much sometimes and I hate the thought of him talking to anyone else and taking up what I consider "my time". He is a naturally private and quiet person so I know talking to me as much as he does is out of character for him and he does it for me and I should be thankful for it, but I am always wanting more??

I want to see him this weekend and he is so "anti- making plans" and just goes with the flow. He said he might see me, depends on what he decides to do. I on the other hand, like to have plans and I like to know exactly what I am going to be doing and this drives him crazy.

I think I am thinking this way because TOM just showed up and I am expecting/wanting more than usual. I just want some attention I guess.

I feel for all military wives though- it has to be hard, especially if u have kids and the daddy is away alot. He has told me from the beginning that I have to be strong and ready for him to leave due to military reasons. its just hard and takes so much trust and I am the least trusting person alive.

*sigh*

Thanks for listening girls

[SognoSopra]

I know how you feel. My fella has been gone for almost a year. We're 5000 miles away while he works in Ireland. I plan to go there as soon as I'm finished with school, which will be another year. It's definitely NOT easy and we have had some definite problems. One almost destroyed us however we had Katrina to put things back in perspective. We make a point to talk every day, though. We msn during the morning hours while he's working and before I work. Somedays that's it. Somedays I might call after work just to hear his voice. I email him nearly every night, although his email skills leave much to be desired. He always mentions the mails in the morning, though, so I know he reads them and he loves reading them We do try and have a day on the weekend to just catch up and reconnect with each other. These conversations are usually hours.
He is very much like you guy, I think... not really into planning. I used to think that he was not as sensitive to the separation as I was, but I came to realize that he simply internalized it differently than I did. We used to have a "schedule" of sorts and to him it was stifling, too confining and unnatural. To "plan" time just to talk was so out of the rythm for him it ended up hurting more than it hurt. My suggestion is to just find a compromise of sorts. Allow him his time but just let him know that one day out of the week, you would like a chance to just come back together and reconnect. When I gave mine that space to find his own flow, communications and time together increased because he felt less confined by the restrictions of the distance. Isn't that odd? But if you think about it, every bit of normalcy helps.
As it is, we are going on over 2 years together and we are still managing to go strong. We send the pictures back and forth.. he's ever started surprising me with little surprise pictures that come unexpectedly. When I realized that my demands of some semblance of "normal" were making things abnormal to him and eased off, I found we were able to find a natural rhythm to exist in.. As natural as this distance can be. Think about it, talk about it, and find time for a heart to heart. If I only lived 2.5 hours from him, I'd find a day to at least be there with him at least once a week.
I agree that distance can cement the relationship, but only if you continue to grow and accept each other. Find a compromise to spend time together... and rather than push the phone or email or text communication, I know I would concentrate efforts to spend more time together personally. He may simply not be as comfortable with the digital communication. It was different when he was so far away, but now he's not really too far and maybe wants more time actually being together. Not knowing your situation as far as that goes, though, I can only speculate.
All I can say is I feel for you completely and hope things work out for you Best of luck.

[Lizzy77]

I'm dating military as well. 2.5 years. Navy. Over sea trips for months at a time. He lived in MD and I'm in NY, where we both are from. We made it work. I went there one weekend he came home the other. He worked nights and I worked days so we didn't get a chance to talk much. He would call in the morning but we would talk for maybe 15 minutes and I would call him at work and talk for another 15 minutes. It ****ed and it hurt, but somehow we made it work. Now he is out and home. I don't know who he is. We realized we barely understand how the other person works, because when we were together we made the long distance think work so well. We are now getting to know each other living 20 minutes away from each other. People judged us for not living together but I won't because I need to learn about him. We are "dating". He comes and picks me up we go out. It is like its all new again...

It is hard work girl...HARD! I know you want to talk to him alot, I've been there, but you don't want to smoother him at the same time. Trust me I know...

Just let your heart lead the way...you'll make. I'm here for you anytime you need to talk about it. Please PM me if you need to!

[Princess S]

I could not have one-I miss my husband just when he's an hour away from home-**** I know, I am. When he leaves on a business trip-OMG-I fall apart. I have built up my life to revolve around him the past 12 years!! (Since we started having kids) When I was a Cheerleader and would go on game tours it was different-no kids-he could board a plane any time and fly to the city we were playing at... I guess to me thats what a realationship is-togetherness. You see one now you see the other... I dated a Airforce guy who was sent over seas to Irac and I was only 18 and foolish-lol I couldn't handle it-when he returned I waited a few weeks and called it off-I didn't want him to know it was because I couldn't deal with him gone so long and handle him ever going again.... thats why I married a white collar guy the most he goes is 4 days
Lees-you shouldn't have to be jealous-your b/f should be proud to have such a hunny like you!!!

Sorry for all the typos we just got to the cottage and it is FREEZING and it takes Paul like an hour to light the fireplace-a boy scout he's not!!

[crazeemom24]

Hi. I will just say that I totally agree with Scorpio!!! My dh is military too - Active Duty Army - he is currently deployed to Iraq. He has a job where he is in the field ALL the time. Life is very difficult and I have come to be VERY independent. I think that sometimes it bugs him alot since I only need him for him and not to help or anything like that!!! Plus, every time he comes back it is like we have both grown and so we have to get used to the other again.

If you really love each other you will find a way to make it work!!! No one ever said that life is easy and dating/married to a military man is MUCH harder!!!!

Good luck!!!

[Skydreama]

Thanks for all your advice and support... it really helps!

[nickdsgrl6281]

leesgurl...I know how hard it is. It really does ****. Me and my husband have been together for almost two years...Adding all the months that he has been gone totals a year. Hes been in Iraq for 9 months, and went to NTC twice, one for 2 months and one for 1 month. Its is extremely hard to deal with but when you love them so freaking much its worse to even imagine not being with them at all. It makes you appreciate them more and you want every single minute with them to count. Its the worse feeling in the world to see your husband get on that plane and not know if your ever gonna see him again. I'm not gonna tell you it gets easier b/c I don't think it does. It hurts everyday when you wake up and there not there. You start to feel like your going to grow apart from each other b/c people change alot in a short amount of time. It's a scarey thing to think about. Just stick by their side no matter what. You have to learn to adjust if you really want to be with them. I will adjust and give up anything in this world just to be able to be with him. My life revolves around him. I wait by the phone everyday just to be able to hear his voice. And yes I am very jealous and it's hard not to be b/c you don't know exactly whats going on everyday in their world. This is something I struggle with too. I'm sorry you have to go through it to. I don't think it gets easier. I don't think you get use to it like everyone will tell you. But I think you have to deal with it if its worth being with them. And I know its deffinitely worth it to me. Good luck to you and I hope it does get easier for you. Just hang in there it will all work out for you in the end.

[tampa777]

Hey sweetheart!! I just wanted to send hugs and more hugs your way!!
I know how much you truly care and love Lee, and he is a very lucky guy to have a wonderful person like you in his life!!! I know you two won't be this far into a long distance relationship if there wasn't something "there". Keep you chin up, don't worry so much and as far as trust and jealously goes...follow your heart but dont let it drive you crazy!!!
your friend,
TAMPA

[SWEETJAS]

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. It worked out great, we decided to be friends for reasons that did not include the distance.

Your guy is only 2 hours away, that's only 4 episodes of "Sex and the city", or 2 Pizza deliveries, or an afternoon nape !

It is very possible for it to work out. Who knows what the future holds, you two might relocate to be with each other. I say go for it ! Good luck!