OT-My son is driving me crazy! Need parenting advice!

[Juice2640]

Okay ladies...my son is 11 months old. He just started walking 2 weeks ago and now he is driving me BaNaNaS!!!

He gets into everything and messes up the house! You can obviously see this is my first born. I don't know what to do. He really loves playing with electrical cords, everytime I tell him "no" and move him away, he laughs and goes right back. I asked my mother, she told me not to spank him, just to put him in "time out" but isn't he too young to understand time out? I was just popping his hand lightly and telling him "no" and then giving him a toy to take his attention off of it...but it ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE!!!

So this morning, I was trying to get ready for work and he decides he is going to squeal like a pig and cry until I go and get him out of the playpin. It drove me crazy!

Then when I tried to change his poopy diaper, he tries to roll over, get up and walk away with the doodie all over him!!!

His father is not in the picture, so I am doing this alone.

I know this is probably all normal but how do I teach him the right way to act along with keeping myself sane at the same time?????

Please help!! any advice is welcome!!!

[Juice2640]

P.S. he also likes to play with the TV (you know, turning it off and on and also changing the volume when my favorite show NIP TUCK is on). His favorite place to stand is in front of the TV. Oh, and also I forgot to tell ya'll he throws food on the floor from his high chair on purpose. I find myself mopping the floor everyday after he goes to bed! Any ideas or shortcuts???

[Heaven Sent]

sounds like a typical 1 year old I never spanked my kids either, but they dont often understand no means no..I would take them away from what ever they were getting into and find something for them to play with. If they went back to it, I'd do it again..then if that didnt work it slap their hands, not hard, but enough to get their attention. Your little one will learn. Patience is a must though...

[Kellie_mo3]

LOL, I know what you're going through.. I have a 4 yar old, 2 year old, and my littlest just turned 1 this month. What he's doing is testing you.. seeing how much it takes to get you to let him do what he wants. All I can say is keep at it, and eventually he will learn what "no" means.. may not always listen, but he'll know! I DO think he's too young for a time out, he wouldn't understand what it means, same as a spanking, he wouldn't understand. I do tap Ali's hand when she keeps going for something, and say "no no" at the same time,and she's been catching on.. she throws a fit, but doesn't go for it for a while (til she forgets..lol). It's hard being a mom, but they rely on us to teach them what's right and wrong, and how to do things.

Really, I'm not sure what kind of parenting you're into, so I'm not sure what kind of advice to offer... I'm a little of both AP (attatchment parenting) and I also CIO (cry it out) with all mine (well, not any more, they don't cry when it's bed time anynmore..lol) but it's all worked for me... It all depends on how you feel about certain types of parenting, and what you feel is the way to go with your son.

[phatazz]

My 13 month old does the rolling over thing when I try and change her....it drives me crazy. I have found that if she has a toy or something to distract her while she is on the table she usually does ok. As for the wanting to get into everything, maybe you can find an area without anything for him to get into (like a hallway) and gate it off on both sides so he can walk around but not get into everything. Kind of like a playpen with walking room. The food throwing thing is a pain too but when he throws it he is wanting you to give it back to him....maybe do it once if he accidentally dropped something but other than that, if he throws it, he loses it. You can get a mat for under his high chair that may make clean up easier. Your mom is right, he won't understand discipline at his age, he is trying to learn how to be more independent and he is teaching you patience.
Good Luck and props to you for doing it alone. It is hard enough when you do have help.

[Juice2640]

Thank you ladies...I will just keep at it then. You are right about the patience thing. That has always been my downfall....I am VERY impatient. That is why I wish this weight would come off in a day, but I know that will never happen (boo hoo).

[Kellie_mo3]

Yeah, whenever I change ALi I just let her play with the diaper (the clean one..lol) while I get her cleaned up, andthen tell her to give me the dipee so I can put it on her butt.. and she does..lol

[jumpin-jahosa-fat]

Well, maybe I'm an odd ball here, but I figured they had a diaper for padding. There is difference between a spanking and abuse. At that age the more they are let to do the more they will do. I have raised two very happy, productive young men here is what worked the best. When they did something that was not acceptable I got down to their level looking them right in the eye. You have to have a straight face no smiling. Tell them "we don't do that." You have to keep it up. Once or twice wont be enough because they have made a habit out of their behaviors. And to them this is a game. Be calm when you say it, I do not believe in yelling at children. As they get older all you will have to do is give them that look. I am glad I am out of your phase in life. Shew!! Ever notice that the experts tell you all of the "don't do's" but never tell you what to do?

[mimifromtn]

I always get a smile when someone talks about this, I remember when I could not wait for my first born to learn to walk, my mother tried to tell me not to push it and to enjoy the time that I could put her somewhere and come back and her still be where I put her. I didn't listen of course and really worked on teaching her to walk, she walked at 10 months. I was soooo wrong, I should have listened to mom. Aren't those famous words?? any way he may be a little young for this one, I think I started at about 2 yrs old with it. I chose a chair(a kids chair) and labled it the "happy seat" when she misbehaved or pitched a fit I would tell her that she wasn't acting like she was happy, so she had to sit in the "happy seat" until she was happy again. After a couple of months of this she would usually stop whatever she was doing if I asked "do you need the Happy seat?' As far as messing or electrical cords and other dangerous stuff, I would smack hands as well and very very sternly say NO then pick them up removing them from the area and find something else to get their attention. They are only learning and exploration is part of that process, so is testing mommy and learning her limits. What you set now, will be tested hourly, just to make sure you're on your toes. My babies are now 28 and 29 years old and together they have given my 4 adorable grandchildren, who by the way act just like their parents did. So what goes around comes around. The most important thing for you to remember, and being a single mom it will be easy to forget, enjoy them while you can, they grow really fast, if your house isn't spotless it will be o.k. sit read a book, sing a song, fingerpaint. Let them feel your love for them. It will make you happier too.

[Kellie_mo3]

Also, with the electrical cords, the best move would be to move them out of reach. With them sitting within reach it's very tempting, I'm sure, so maybe move them, or put something in front of them so he can't reach them.. they can be very dangerous!

[GoBrenda]

OMG!!!!!!!

You just described my baby!!!!!!! She will be 1 on Sunday.

Since she was born she has not wanted me to change her diapers. Now she is strong enough and fast enough to get away. I can't even change her on the changing table anymore because she might fall off!

She started walking about 3 weeks ago, and now she can practically run. She drives me nuts! Her favorite thing to do is to get into the bathroom somehow and grab the roll of toilet paper and run through the house unrolling it. When I catch her doing it and chase her, she tries to stuff as much of it in her mouth as she can before I can get to her.

All you can do is be consistant. If you mean NO one day, it has to be NO everyday. They won't understand if it is sometimes No and sometimes YES. You know what I mean?

I have swatted her hand before, to get her to not touch the outlets and nightlights. It took about 2 weeks, but I was very stern and kept it up and now she doesn't even think about touching them. It's old news for her I guess.

I think this age is too old for time outs. They don't know what is going on. I started time out with my older daughter when she was 2 (she is now almost 3).

They both drive me nuts. I stay home with them, and sometimes I dream about going back to work so I can get a break! lol You are doing a good job. Don't worry and try not to stress out. I will tell you, I am not sure if it gets any easier when they get older. lol

[Juice2640]

HA HA HA, SO I'VE HEARD....LOL

[smalltowngirl]

Juice, first of all let me tell you you are not alone. Parenting is a hard task for most, and you are doing it as a single parent. Look at parenting as the most important job of your life, and do some homework. Asking for advice and help is great; you may need to take some advice with a grain of salt. To me, people who defend any particular parenting practice by saying, "My parents did that with me, and I turned out fine," is like saying, "My uncle smoked a pack a day and lived to be 90." Does that make it the best thing to do? There is a lot of information out there; libraries, parenting classes, Parents as Teachers programs, etc. Find what's out there! Expose yourself to as much info. as you can. You can then develop your own parenting style. I have found that when parents learn what is appropriate child development, it helps them to be more patient because they are not expecting their child to have skills he's too young for. Also, it's important to take care of yourself so you can give your best to your little guy. Swap babysitting with another parent so you can get some time away. Please do not underestimate the importance of this! Do things that help you release stress- exercise, bubble baths, whatever. Now for some advice for your particular problems.
The one thing I can recommend to save your sanity is this- childproofing. Your baby is discovering an exciting world, and it is his job to explore it and learn all about it. It is your job to give him a safe place to do it. Believe me, what he's doing is not only developmentally appropriate, it is helping his brain develop. Start by picking one or two rooms he spends the most time in. Literally get down on your hands and knees and remove everything you can that is hazardous, breakable, or that you don't want him to get into. Get outlet covers and cupboard locks if you don't have them. For outlets where you need to have something plugged in, I agree with kellie- put something heavy in front. In the kitchen you could reserve one cupboard at his level for safe things for him-plastic nesting measuring cups- a great educational toy-, pots, pans, spoons, whatever. It will keep him busy so you can get some work done in the kitchen. For the TV, I found it easier to prop a plastic safety gate in front to cover up the buttons and where we had the VCR. Once it was boring, our child started leaving it alone. Your child will learn the meaning of the word "no," but do you really want to spend your day running after him saying NoNo 200 times a day? Make it easier on yourself and him by placing safe interesting things at his level and everything else out of reach. This stage won't last forever. As for the playpen of course! he's going to hate that now. Only use it if you have to for short periods of time like to run to the bathroom. And it is better for his brain development to get out and play and explore. Time out is usually recommended for ages 3 and up; you can use it with some 2 year olds. Some people would disagree with the hand smacking. Of course it isn't abuse if it doesn't hurt; I'm just not sure it's necessary if you are firmly saying no, and then redirecting him. Redirection and child-proofing are 2 of the best strategies for this age. At mealtime, he's supposed to be messy; he needs to learn to use a spoon by himself. good for you for letting him. Most kids also think it's a neat trick to train their parents to fetch when they throw things on the floor. He's learning cause and effect; don't take it personnally. One person recommended removing him from the chair when he starts throwing, saying, "no, we don't throw food," then waiting for the next snack or meal to try again. That is up to you, but the mat under the chair is a good idea.

I'm sorry for the long post, and did not mean to offend anyone. How people parent is a personal choice; there is not "one right way." But learning as many things as we can about it helps make better choices. Good luck, juice, and take care of yourself!

[Dawndownunder.]

Smalltown girl has some excellent advice, so do the other posters.
My advice would be...be consistant, child-proof your home and the big one...do not be afraid to ask for help or tell someone if your not coping. Your only human and it is the toughest job in the world bringing up a child.
One safety issue no one has mentioned is bookcases and shlves. Make sure they are fastened to the wall as sooner or later your child will try to climb up.
And goodluck! Im sure your doing a great job.

[GoBrenda]

GOOD POINT DAWN!!! Luckily my husband new about bolting bookshelves to the wall, because I had never heard of it! I think my dd was about 18 months old when I found her climbing up our bookshelves. Yikes! That could have fallen on her!

Smalltown girl, that was an excellent post!

[april b]

Juice-
Hey lady! I am so burnt out on parenting I don't know what to do. Obviously, our babies are our world, but everyone needs time to think. With kids it is very important that we have time to be retrospective as this allows us to think about our actions and how they affect our kids. I only say OUR actions because theirs are out of their control at this age. One thing that has been especially helpful to me is to read anything you can get your hands on about kids and their development. I spent the first 3 years of my son's (also firstborn) life thinking he wasn't normal. This was in spite of all I had read. You have to remind yourself all of the time that there are many variations of normal. Don't compare your child or yourself to others. Smalltowngirl is right on with everything she said. With my son and now, daughter, I omitted as many NOs as possible in our house. I didn't have vases with large displays on our floor. I put the trash can in the cabinet, kept the toilet paper off the roll, etc. Some people really disagree with this. My mother being one. At christmas I hung all of the glass ornaments at the top of the tree and ones that the kids could play with at the bottom. My mom said you should do it your way and just teach them NO. I explained that Christmas is about beinq with family and the gifts that god gave. If I spent all Christmas smacking my children's hands and yelling at them, what kind of example would that be and how much would any of us enjoy the holidays?
I was spanked a LOT as a child. It broke my trust with my parents. It ruined the possibility of a loving, trusting relationship in my teen years, which are hard enough anyway. We are supposed to protect our children. Don't get me wrong, I understand the desire to smack a child ( as awful as it sounds, it makes sense in the moment) I am guilty of yelling and feeling desperate with my children. This still doesn't mean I agree with it.

[april b]

Whoops, I didn't finish. Parenting is individual. The best solution is to understand the how and why of what your child does. It doesn't make it too much easier when you're cleaning spaghetti O's off of the floor for the umpteenth time, but it does allow you to understand your child and take a deep breath. Don't fault yourself if you fall short of your own expectations as a parent. I spent years disliking my parents. I realize now that their mistakes are some of my best lessons. They are only human and I viewed them as my heroes. Finally, with time and understanding they are once again becoming heroes in my mind! April

[Ang4Short]

I agree with you April... I think with kids even toddlers, you need to "pick your battles".

Things will get better Juice, you got some great advice in here. Hang in there, be patient, take time for yourself (when you can).

[Dawndownunder.]

I remembered an amusing story an woman, sho is now in her 60s told me about her years as a mother of small kids. She told methat when she did the ironing she would put the ironing boad and herself in the playpen and have the kids on the outside. I thought that was pretty funny..but also a great idea.

[knoxvegasbaby]

OMG!!!! These post brought tears of joy to my eyes and memories! My kids are now 11 and 12 (yep I had two in diapers at almost the same time). I've been raising them alone since they were very small. My first born (my son) was especially "busy" at the age of 1. Some days I would be so worn out I didn't think I could be a mom any more. Here are some of the things I learned the hard way:

*child-proof EVERYTHING...it is much easier than constantly fighting with him as he wanders around exploring. This means removing dangerous objects from lower cabinets and drawers (in fact I filled those spaces with things he could play with).
*keep him busy. Have him "help" you with things around the house...like when u are doing housework. I would give my son a clean rag and have him dust with me...obviously he really wasn't helping but it would hold his interest long enough for me to get the job done.
*wear him out!!!!! A 1 one year old has an enormous amount of energy....the weather is getting nice now so go to the park or some open space where he can toddle around to his hearts desire....he will sleep better and longer, giving you some much needed down time.
*during diaper changes find some object or toy that will catch his interest....only allow him to hold it during the diaper change and no other time...mine loved an old wind-up alarm clock because it ticked really loud (go figure)!
*get a sitter and get out once in a while! Go have fun....you need "grown-up" time away from him once in a while....helps keep you sane.
*LOVE LOVE LOVE him. It gets easier, I promise!!!! Enjoy these times, don't stress too much about it. These are very precious moments and they will go by so fast. Create those memories that will last a lifetime. And take LOTS of pictures when he does get into stuff....a messy kitchen floor seems like a disaster now but in 10 years makes a great photo for you to share with him.

Sandy~

[missus]

Juice, bring the baby over here, I'll babysit for you girl. I luv babies, and my oldest is not ready to settle down and give me grandbabies. My daughter is in college, and said not yet mom, and the youngest is 11 (many years for him to give me grandbabies).

Joking aside, the advice above was great. Just enjoy your little one, and having a dirty floor is worth it to see that little face smiling. When he gets older, then get on him about things. Good luck girl.

Missus

[shrlyjo]

Enjoys these days because they don't last very long. When you think you can't take anymore just think about this. They are there with you and you can control their little world. They aren't driving yet. No peer pressure about drugs and sex and you don't have to worry at 3;00 in the morning where they are and believe me those days will be here before you are ready for them. My son is now 24 and many days I wish he was just 2. I will tell you a funny story. My son ran somewhere for his dad. He left his car with the stereo on very loud and we had to figure out how to turn it off. We got the cd out of the player and went to put it in his cd case. In one of the slots we found condoms. The look on his fathers face was priceless. Then he told me it was my job to ask him about them. I think Gary was 18 or 19 at the time. I told him no I wouldn't say anything to him because I didn't want to embarass him and I was just glad he had the good sence to use them.
I will tell you what my mother in law told me many years ago when gary was about 4 and I thought I couldn't stand it any longer. She said "little people, little problems- Big people, big problems" Didn't know what she ment till Middle school came around......Shirley Jo

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

Everyone has great advice.

But I agree most with pick & choose ur battles.The older ur child gets the more u will get that one.Because children are designed with the "flaw" of testing ur patienceget use to it ,becaz these r the good times now wait till ur baby is grown or thinks they r.

Sometimes u gotta realize in ur child's memories will it be how clean mom kept the house or that she played with me and we had alot of fun?Which is most important to u?I agree with people who visit us that my house is messy & unorganized.I say so what .....it ain't filthy,they get their meals daily,and enjoy being a kid!Occasionally I worry about it but never to the point our lives are on hold till it gets done.Mind u I do not have bugs,dirty dishes (got a dish washer)and clothes everywhere.I just close their bedrooms doors and when they get tired of the mess they'll clean it~I am not venturing into their rooms it is scarey in there sometimes~but mine are older 13 & 16.Some things are just more important.....

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

Also parenting should be advertised like The U S Army:
The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love!

[missus]

Coco, you are right on target girl. I think I can play ps2 better than an teenager out there cuz I play with my little one all the time. I can tell you the name of every character in Star Wars. And every action hero that ever existed. It's all about quality time.

Missus