How long is long enough to realize you're in love?

[*Becky*]

I've been seeing Dustin for three weeks and already we have decided we're in love. He has never been in love before and is sure that he is. I HAVE been in love before and know that this is what it is.... We are just so compatible, have lots in common, have fun together, care about the same things, don't care about the same things. I love everything about him. He is in my every thought. I miss him every time he's away from me. He, unfortunately, has become my top priority - and I say unfortunately because there are some other things in my life that need my immediate attention first really.... But does love wait, or take a backseat to other things that are pressing? NO! It comes at the most unpredictable times when you're least expecting it. Anyway, I just wondered if ya'll think I'm crazy, or has anyone experienced something like this, so fast, so hard? I mean, come on, there has to be someone! I'm taking a chance at being judged here again, but hey wtf right? I'll either be scolded/reprimanded, commended or told I'm crazy... Hope you all had a great 4th. I did! There were lots of fireworks...

[ July 06, 2004, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: BeckyW ]

[slowfoot]

Hey Becky-

First of all, (most) everyone deserves to be happy, so I'm happy you're happy.

Second, I think it's possible to get that lovin feeling in a short amount of time, but I also think it takes much longer to actually get to know a person. Like really KNOW them. At least a year.

The only reason I'd throw the yellow (slow down) flag here is because of your kids. Because you're always open to sharing your life here, you've put yourself out there to tell us the who/what/where's of your dating life (which isn't a bad thing, it just leaves you vulnerable for the comments you probably don't want to hear) and I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.

Get to know this new guy. 3 weeks is a flash in time. Are you in love? Maybe. But that's not all that matters.

And I hope you meant your kids are your #1, followed by Dustin at a close 2nd. Right?

[*Becky*]

Slow - thanks

As far as #1, yes my kids will always be first. I guess I just mean I have been very focused on Dustin, probably to the point where my kids do feel a little jealous. But of course when they need me I am here for them. It's just that when something is new like this it's bound to take some attention away from them. But honestly I probably spoil them with attention too much. They do know, though, that they will always be #1 with me, no matter who I have in my life.... I think they understand that I need this in my life also.... at least I hope they understand. That a man fulfills different needs that they cannot fulfill and if mom is happier, they are happier. But the mother instinct is of course always the strongest. Thanks for getting that straight.

And as far as taking it slow because there is so much more to get to know about him, I totally agree. I think if I do truly love him, it is the very first stage of love and will grow the more I get to know him. Maybe I'll call it puppy love...

Also, sometimes I'd really like to put my foot in my mouth with all the things I expose about myself on here, but then I just think to myself "oh well, if I don't like the comments I get, I'll just log off!" Plus I always appreciate it when people share from the heart so that's my motto. But it definitely can create judgment for myself that's for sure. I guess you can love me or leave me, right?

Thanks for your reply

[EBONY POETESS]

I'M GLAD YOUR HAPPY BECKY
AND WHO GIVES A DAMN WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS I MEAN ALOT OF PEOPLE HERE HAVE MARRIED FROM THE INTERNET WHICH I WOULDN'T DO MYSELF BUT TO EACH IT'S OWN
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS QUICK TO JUDGE ONCE THEY HAVE FOUND LOVE AND SETTLED DOWN AND TO THOSE WHO ARE STILL SEARCHING ARE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THIS LOVE T

[EBONY POETESS]

OH AND IF YOU HAVE ANY SECRETS TO YOUR SUCCESS PLEASE PM ME SO I CAN REMEMBER WHAT TO DO TO FIND LOVE AGAIN

[*Becky*]

Aw Tif Just keep being real Boo You have the ability to melt hearts and your man will come. One bit of advice though -- be aggressive... if you see what you want, go after it. That's what I did. More times than I can count. Then you can never say you regret not pursuing what you really wanted, you know? What's the worst that could happen? You get turned down.... Yeah, that suucks, but you don't get anywhere if you don't take chances. Maybe I'll come down by you when Dustin goes hunting and we'll go out together! LOL Then I could watch your 'technique' and critique it....

[Bex Skinny Now]

Becky,
I just send you a PM about my thoughts on this. I did not catch the part about your kids the first time around, but please, make them number one in your life, the guy can come in a close second. Guys are replaceable, your own kids are not.

[*Becky*]

Right... I guess when I said Dustin was my priority it didn't sound too good, huh? I hope I explained myself better the second time around. Nothing or no-one can ever replace my kids' place in my life. Just might 'distract' me a little I guess you could call it, but not to the point where it jeopardizes my kids in any way. No worries!

[Bex Skinny Now]

That is great that you are able to think like that. There are too many single mothers out there on a quest for a man, that they forget some very important people they either leave at home or in the care of someone else that needs mom more than "Joe". My kids are number one in my heart. Granted, my husband is a VERY close second. I honestly think if I would ever ever have to be in the situation to choose between the two of them, I would have to say, (my motherly instincts are screaming!) I would choose my kids. If I would absolutely HAVE to choose. Knock on wood, God forbid I would ever have to make that choice. My kids are my world. As much as they bug the daylights out of me all day long, I can still say that and feel good about it.

[Heaven Sent]

I am glad you are happy. I guess its possible to find love in such a short time. It has happened before, not to me, but to others I knew. Didnt last long once they were married though. I dated my hubby for almost 2 years before we decided to get married. We didnt live together before getting married, just dated.
Just be sure, give it some time.

[cyn37]

It is so great to hear you are happy! And there is nothing better than the feeling of falling in love. Keep your priorities in check and enjoy it! There is no timeline for love as long as you have a level head on your shoulders. Enjoy it!

[rchs1994]

Becky-that is so great that you have someone in your life like Dustin. It makes a world of difference when you are happy. I agree that kids come #1 but it is understandable that a grown-up has needs too that children just don't fullfill. I am not even talking about sexual needs either. Good luck with Dustin it sounds like you both know what you are doing.

hey bek-congrats on your first goal!

[runs with scissors]

7 months 2 weeks 6 days 21 hours and 39 minutes

Come on..you had to know someone like myself would give you a sarcastic answer like that.

Becky I know that you know there is no specific amount of time before you're in love. Enjoy this time while still being responsible. Why do people even feel the need to name it LOVE at some point. Just be happy d@mnit! LOL

Becky, this board would have nothing to talk about if you ever went away!

[*Becky*]

Bethany - LOL! So are you saying you're all talking about me behind my back somewhere in here?? j/k

Thanks everyone for the encouragement....

[runs with scissors]

Becky Becky Becky..you know what I meant!

Wanna know something funny? You are SO much like my mom it's unreal. And her name is also Becky. Of course she's a lot older than you.

[*Becky*]

Yes I knew what you meant Bethany So, I'm like your mom, huh? Hope that's a good thing!

[ThinJen]

Hey Becky, i am so happy that you are happy! I know love can happem that fast, with me and hubby it was love at first site actually, but that doesn't mean a lasting relationship will follow. I hat e to sound so unromantic, but I think what people forget is that lots of different couples can be in love, but it's finding someone you love who also works in your life. Does that make any sense? Everyone you love won't be a good life partner, but the fun is in finding out right! Just take it slow, hard as it is, and remember that when you start letting him into your life, your letting him into the kids lives also, so please don't set the kids up to gey hurt if/when this doesn't work out. I know that most parents don't think their relationships effect their kids, but they learn from what they see regardless of what you tell them, so don't let them get to close to him until you are sure this is going to last so if he just 'dissappears' one day they won't be hurt too. But go for it and have fun! By the way, what do the kiddies think of him? How is he with them?

[*Becky*]

My kids are kind of in the "let's wait and see" mode I think, but for the most part they like him they told me. I think they're waiting to 'let him in' until they know a little more how we're going to work out though. He is very, very good to them; playing basketball with my son, board games, teaching them how to sweep, etc. They're just not used to me having someone around so much though and so I think are a little jealous. Maybe even feel threatened a little that this will change everything if we decide to stay together. But I'm not making any big steps without them though.... we all have to decide together as a family first which direction to take, you know? For now we're all just living in the moment I guess you'd say.

And I agree about loving someone, but not necessarily being compatible to be with them... totally. But, like you said, it's fun finding out!

[EBONY POETESS]

I DONT KNOW IF I'M PMSING OR WHAT!!!!!! BUT WHY IS EVERYONE BRINGING UP HER KIDS LIKE THEY ARE BEING NEGLECTED OR DENIED
IF SHE WISHES TO SHARE HER LIFE WITH HIM AND HER KIDS ALSO LIKE HIM AS WELL THEN SO BE IT!
AND TO BE HONEST NOBODY IN MY LIFE HAS DISAPPOINTED MY DAUGHTER WORSE THEN HER REAL FATHER AND THAT COULD HAPPEN TO EITHER ONE OF US
DO I BRING EVERY MAN AROUND MY CHILD? NO DOES BECK PROBABLY NOT!
DAMN CANT SHE BE HAPPY? IT'S ENOUGH BEING A SINGLE MOTHER MYSELF WITH ONE INCOME AND FAMILY STRESS AND RAISING CHILDREN AND PAYING BILLS AND TAKING ON OTHER PEOPLES NEGATIVE COMMENTS WHENEVER YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE! NOT TO BE MEAN BUT THIS IS HOW I FEEL

[*Becky*]

Once again Fit, you hit the nail on the head for me.... I do not neglect my kids and you're right, it almost sounds as if that's what is being assumed here. You are NOT PMSing, I felt it too. Although I'm sure everyone has good intentions, just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, you know? I do not bring home every man I meet and I always have my kids' best interests at heart.... just for the record

[ThinJen]

Oh wow, i guess since my post was last I feel like that was aimed at me. I hope not, I re-read my post and don't see where that came from, but if it was me I am sorry. I was only pointing out, as I am sure Becky knows, that when you get close, children get close, and when you break up, the children have to break up too.That was all, no lecture, no neglect talk, I know where she's coming from. Every women needs love and romance in their life, and I applaud Becky for g etting out there and finding it. Hope I didn't hurt anyone or step on any toes, I luv you all!

[*Becky*]

No ThinJen it was not directed at you - it really was just the overall flavor of this whole thread that I'm talking about.... Just genuine legitimate concern I'm sure from mothers. It just kind of bothered me that it was mentioned over and over I guess. But then again I understand why too.

[EBONY POETESS]

NO THINJIN IT'S NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR AS BECKY STATED BUT I FIGURE THAT AFTER YOU HAVE YOU KIDS OFF TO SCHOOL AND THEN COME HOME AND DO HOMEWORK AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH THEM THEN WHAT? MY DAUGHTER WILL BE 8 NEXT WEEK AND SHE IS GROWING AND WANTED TO DO HER OWN THING WITH HER FRIENDS
I FOR ONE HAVE NEVER THOUGHT THAT CHILDREN SHOULD STOP YOU FROM LIVING IF YOU ARE A SINGLE PARENT
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT WHEN DARREN ALWAYS POSTED ON ALL HIS DATING EXPERIENCES I DONT REMEMBER ANYONE PASSING JUDGEMENT OR ASKING WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?
IF YOU CARE FOR SOMEONE AND THEY ARE IN YOUR LIFE ALL YOU CAN DO IS HOPE IT LAST BUT IF IT DOESN'T WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO STAY WITH HIM BECAUSE THE KIDS GOT TO KNOW HIM? THATS THE MAIN REASON WHY PEOPLE ARE MISERABLE IN THEIR MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS TRYING TO BE THE QOUTE ON QOUTE MODEL FOR SOCIETY'S EXCEPTANCE
NOW THAT I HAVE SAID THAT I FEEL PRETTY GOOD

[*Becky*]

BRAVO Sooooooooooooooooooo true..... especially the part about Darrin.

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Becky, best wishes to you and Dustin. Have fun!

[MotherLunsford]

Don't have time to read ALL of the replies, but in YOUR case, I would suggest that you can say you are really, REALLY in love, when it's been MORE than just a few weeks/months since you've said that about some other guy(s) and, in the interim, you have been totally and completely celibate.

Girl, your hormones hold way too much sway over your common sense and better judgement.

OH, and if you have to come HERE and ask if it's really love, it's NOT.

Take care Sugar.

Remember, I am keeping an eye on you!

Mother

[cyn37]

Ok I have thought about my earlier answer and I guess I need to clarify. I personally think there are different types of "love" there is the giggly school girl crush love where you can only think of him and you fell all warm and fuzzy and there is also mature long lasting thru good and bad responsible grown up feeling love. My mom used to say the first kind was dog in heat love but true love was when they stuck around and helped raise the pups! So I have no expert advice for you just make sure the feelings arent just for the moment if you have bigger expectations. I hate to see ppl hurt from the

[EBONY POETESS]

OH CHIT!!!! IT'S SEARGANT BILKO HEY MOTHER I DIDN'T KNOW LOVE HAD A TIME ON IT
SO LIKE AFTER A YR THAT WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE OR IS IT A FEELING? I'D GO WITH THE SECOND ONE
AND AS FAR AS HORMONES GO MOST PEOPLE IN THEIR 20'S LOVE TO HAVE SEX!!!!,THE HORIZONTAL MUMBO,
I KNOW BEING ALONE IS NICE SOMETIMES BUT I DONT THINK ANY OF US LIKE THE IDEA THAT WHEN WE WANT SOME WE COULD JUST USE THE TWO FINGER DISCOUNT IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN LOVE YOU MOTHER TA TA FOR NOW

[*Becky*]

Mother - as always, thanks for being honest... I only come here and ask for entertainment purposes BTW. Maybe I like to stir up some feathers?? Maybe I'm making up every single story I post and none of it is true! Maybe I act dazed and confused, but really know exactly what I'm doing. Maybe I throw all these questions out to all my phrends just so they can feel important. It may always be a mystery.....

[runs with scissors]

I'm not saying that anything Becky is doing is wrong. Let me make that clear first. Love you to death Beck. I just want to state that Darrin does not let his dates meet his children. He has said this on here before. I believe he said over the last 4 years that he has been dating only one woman has met them and interacted with them. And we all know Darrin has dated a lot.

[*Becky*]

hmmmmmmm..... I see... Sorry about that then and kudos to Darrin. No offense taken Bethany

[madkins1222]

I won't even try.

[*Becky*]

You're right Mad, maybe this topic has been beaten to death already.....

[missus]

Humm, well, Becky, I remember your post about geting a tubal reversed, and I remember some people telling you that u were crazy. Remember? I on the other hand thought you should do what you wanted to do. I still hold to that philosophy. Girl, have a wonderful time. At your young tender age, you will find no one who doesn't have children (except for my son), and he's waiting for the right woman. Anyhow, girl, the people I dated met mine, cuz I wanted them to know, we are a package. YOu don't get me without mine babies. I'm happy for you and your new man Becky.

Hey eerbody: Mother, Slow, Fit, Roxanne, Cyn, etc.

Missus

BE BLESSED

[*Becky*]

Missus - Thank you....