How long is long enough to realize you're in love?

[califmtbguy]

Okay....
I will preface this by saying that I did not read all the replys, nor am I interested in getting involved in the name calling.

However, I did read a couple of the posts and something stuck out. Interestingly enough it is a thought that I have had on numerous occasions reading Becky's posts. The thought is "revolving door". Based on my rudimentary calculations, since I have been a member (Late February) your kids have been exposed to no less than 3 different guys. And these are just ones that I am aware of. That my friends, is a revolving door when it comes to children.

We want to think that it is okay because the children always seem to be handling it okay. Well....they're kids. They ALWAYS "seem" to handle things. However, it would be crazy to ignore the effect that this will have on the kids long term.

Now with that said, yes, I feel that you can fall in love rather quickly. Love is not something we are only capable of experiencing once. I believe you can fall in love with many people over the course of your life. But that is not always the issue. As an adult with responsibilities it is critical to not let the "feeling" of love conflict with common sense. Common sense being not subjecting your children to every guy your panties get warm for only to have him exit their life 2 months later. That might sound harsh, but all I have to go on is what I read.

So....fall in love. Go crazy. Just keep your kids COMPLETELY out of it until there is some real long term committment there. 3 weeks doesn't do it on that front. Sorry. Not trying to be a downer. Just speaking my mind.

[EBONY POETESS]

YOU AINT EVEN WORTH THE SWEAT!

[madkins1222]

That's not what my husband says, ooops you can't say that can you?????

[mms72]

hmmmmm--- well ok then

Becky if your still reading this i just wanted to let ya know i AM happy for you! And to answer your original question on whether 3 weeks is too early to know if your in love(which is just what ya wanted an opinion on--not your parenting skills am i right?? ) my answer would prob be-- I think so-

I think it's not to early to know that you REALLY like someone and this relationship will hopefully turn into the real deal Ya never know! I wish you all the happiness you deserve! Please don't leave FIT YOU BETTER NOT GO ANYWHERE EITHER!!! Although i don't post that much i am sure to always check in with you guys and see how your doin!!

i don't understand why these things have to turn into a big debate over someone's parenting skills. Not too long ago this same issue came up with a different post of Becky's.....


I think as a single person she has every right to date and have a life outside of her kids.. and it sounds to me like she takes care of her kids and is there for them in every sense.... we are all jsut human and EVERYONE makes mistakes...... and if this turns out to be a mistake.... then that is life and hopefully she can learn something from it and move on. She doesn't have to become a nun becasue she is a divorced woman with kids. Personally i think it is very unhealthy for the kids when their divorced parent closes themselves off from the rest of the world after the divorce and ONLY lives for the kids. Kids grow up..... it is our job as a parent to help turn our kids into a productive member of society.

SOOOOOO--- don't let the critisism get to ya becky! And Please people think before you start calling people's parenting skills into question.... if their is one thing that is gonna raise the hairs on the back of your neck is someone even insinuating your a bad parent! I would NOT take it well....and neither would you!


So again Congrats Becky and i will have my fingers crossed for ya!!!!


Ohh and--- I AM a happily married person of 12 years with 4 kids--- and this is just my 2 cents!!! So please no one take it personally!!

[LCS]

This is crazy! I go away for a few days and the whole place goes nuts

I don't have the time or the inclination to read all 4 pages of this, but it seems to me that Becky asked for advice and input and got it - period. That's what we have this board for - sharing and supporting. I'm sure that Becky wanted all advice, whether or not she agrees with it.

I think sometimes things don't come across as we mean them on here. I know I have been guilty of a few ruffled feathers from time to time. I guess what I'm saying is that we all come here for the same thing - it is best if we can all try to be open to everyone's point of view and try not to be too sensitive!

Fit, I hope you are still here, don't leave!

[*Becky*]

Well Darrin, like I said, this board has consumed too much of my time and energy and I have come to the conclusion that I just don't measure up to most of these fabulous parents out here in Phenland and don't fit in. I obviously am doing harm to my children, being selfish, uncaring, unthinking, unwise and anything else you can think of as a parent. It's amazing that my son got 4 A+'s and 3 A's every single quarter of school last year and people comment to me all the time on how well adjusted and kind they are. Must be the every other weekend their dad gets them. Because I obviously don't have a clue what I'm doing and to tell you the truth, that just isn't what I need to hear any more. Everyone's always got a brilliant comeback and everyone is so full of wisdom here. I don't think my foolish, clueless life is something that needs to be talked about any more because it's clear it has just become the object of ridicule any more. And yeah, yeah, yeah I should have never put it out there in the first place. Well you know what? I was dead wrong about something here - I was under the impression that this is a caring, supportive, encouraging community that you should feel safe to share anything in. HA! And thank you MMS for your opinion also - obviously one I agree with. I am usually one to make love, not war, but I'm really getting sick of my parenting ending up the topic of every post I start. FYI, even my ex who can't stand me said he would never find a better mother than me. My kids have gone through it all with me - we're a team. Obviously I'm not going to expose them to a potential one night stand (hopefully I won't even have those), but just like if I developed a new friendship with a girl I would like them to meet each other. Well it's really no different with men - they realize nothing is a for sure thing...... except their mother. So anyway, I'm really happy for all you exceptional parents out there.... maybe some day I will reach your point of excellence too! It really suucks that I have to leave on such a sour note, but I don't need this stress - I have enough of it on my own. I just know one thing - I asked for an opinion on LOVE, not PARENTING. So butt the f*ck out please where your @ss doesn't belong. There, now you've seen my b!tchy side, but I feel like I've been pushed too far. And I just can't wait to hear all the cocky, smart-@ss, holier than thou answers I get now. I'm done with this bullsh!t...

Have a nice day.

[slowfoot]

Oh good God.

There is so much I want to say here, but the only thing I can think is "wake the hell up!"

Becky is the one who time and time again puts herself and her personal business out there for people to pick apart, right? ASKING FOR AN OPINION will give you just that.

I don't care if she asked me to comment on her children, it's the FIRST thing that popped int my mind. Why? Because it's IMPORTANT and RELEVANT! I know way WAY too much about Becky's personal life not to wonder about how this guy is going to effect her children.

I am not going to comment on whether or not this is a revolving door situation. As a grown woman Becky is free to date anyone she wants to, for whatever length of time she feels is appropriate. It's when she introduces a new male into the picture, lets him move in, move out, move on... IT DOES DOES DOES effect her kids! This is not a debate-able point, it's a FACT.

mms72 said

i don't understand why these things have to turn into a big debate over someone's parenting skills. Not too long ago this same issue came up with a different post of Becky's.....

This comes up again and again because Becky brings it here! Which is great and wonderful and fine but she's setting herself up for it. I don't think it's right to bring up other threads and point fingers and play the she said she said she said thing, and I'm not trying to bash Becky or hurt her feelings, but for the love of God girl, when are you going to learn?

Ask our advice, lean on your friends, come here for support and encouragement, it's great! You just can't expect everyone to be on the same page with you or your personal situation and tell you what you want to hear. FIT can relate, FIT can be sympathetic and FIT can tell you you're not alone so I can understand that you think she's more supportive of your situation, but it's not neccesarily the case. If we didn't give a sh|t about you we would either a) not post at all or b) give you a big hoo-rah party. Think about that one while you're calling us wild animals.

And Fit, you commented yesterday RIGHT after I did "AND WHO GIVES A DAMN WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS I MEAN ALOT OF PEOPLE HERE HAVE MARRIED FROM THE INTERNET WHICH I WOULDN'T DO MYSELF BUT TO EACH IT'S OWN
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS QUICK TO JUDGE ONCE THEY HAVE FOUND LOVE AND SETTLED DOWN" You were so right on one point, WHO GIVES A DAMN WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS" But clearly, Becky does.

And ya, I married a MAN who I MET ON THE INTERNET (scandalous!! Especially by comparison, HUH?) So the f*uck what? You would never do something so distasteful, that's just nasty huh? K I'll remember that next time you're giving us a blow by BLOW on your last date.

Becky, you don't need anyone's approval here. Stop looking for someone to tell you you're doing the right thing. If you're questioning your heart or your judgement, that's what your family and close friends who know you intimately are for.

[EBONY POETESS]

SLOW HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW YOU MET YOUR HUSBAND THAT WAY
AGAIN JUST A STATEMENT OF OPINION AND YOU TOOK IT PERSONNEL
AND IF I DECIDE TO TALK ABOUT MY LIFE HERE IT'S COOL WITH ME CAUSE I CHOSE TO SHARE THAT WITH YOU ALL
NOW SORRY YOU GOT OFFENDED BUT I DONT REMEMBER SAYING IT WAS NASTY
WHATS WITH THE EXTRA WORDS
I SAID TO EACH IT'S OWN
SO IM GUESS I CAN'T MAKE STATEMENTS BUT IT'S OK FOR ANYONE?GOTTA BOUNCE

[mms72]

Slow---

I don't EVER remember a post where Becky came on here and asked for Advice on parenting or on anyone's opinion on HER parenting skills....

As a parent myself if anyone even brought into question my skills or ability to parent my kids then like anyone else with kids would... i am doing to go on the defense and STICK UP for myself and I think that is wher Fit was coming from too.

And if ya don't wanna read a personal post that is written by someone--- ignore it- I don't think there is anything wrong with becky asking for advice- there is a fine line between being judgemental and giving "constructive critisism"

isn't this a board for support-- wieghtloss and otherwise??

Good luck to everyone!

[slowfoot]

It was the I WOULD NEVER comment, Fit. Don't play word games. I wonder why I would be offended.

And GO if you're going.

I would prefer you to stay and be a grown up, I normally love what you have to say but if you can't do it and it's taking too much out of you, then go already.

[Melmin]

You know this is some SAD SHYT!!!!

Is this forum filled with adults or kids? You know, NO... I am not going to go on that level like some of you have. I am not going to sit here and put you down and insult you.

Even if you dont agree with the way Becky chooses to live her life DOES NOT mean you have the right to make her into something she is not. Fit is the type of person that speaks her mind straight up and tells it like it is, alot of the other people on here do too but there is a difference. She does it without putting someone down and making accusations. I am actually shocked by some of the things that have been said by some of the people on here. When does it stop? We are already on 4 pages and does this really make anyone feel better by typing rude things? What is the point? Speak your mind yes, but do not put people down if you dont agree with the type of choices they make.

Becky, you are learning and learning by your decisions....god knows there are bad choices I have made and learned by it. You know there are people on here that you can open up to and tell your personal business and they will not judge you by it & I think by now you know who those people are. Just make sure you do what is right for you & your children and I wish the best in your new relationship.

Fit, you have always been there for alot of people here and I have never once read a post in which you are putting someone down. You always tend to lift us up and we all appreciate it. Dont let anything or anyone make you not want to be here anymore.

Can we all try and change the mood of this topic and start posting supporting things, maybe add a few suggestions & advice and Becky if you post something you need to know that you are not always going to get what you want to hear. I have posted things before and not always wanted to hear what I read but that is okay, I value each opinion and do not take it personal if it is not something I want to hear. There is enough bullshyt in this world that we have to deal with and I dont think we should start throwing out insults here. Just my opinion and for those who dont agree with me then FINE...its alright!

[slowfoot]

mms72 if you get bored one day, go back and look around. They are there, I promise you.

I never said I didn't want to read it, hell it's the highlight of my work day. It's the comments later about how I think my sh|t don't stink when I don't give her 100% unconditional support.

I agree about the defending your parenting skills, it's a sensitive subject for any parent. That's I keep parenting questions to my son's doctors. They are the experts, not 10,000 people I hardly know.

[mms72]

Melmin---- i think you hit the nail on the head!!!!

I couldn't agree more!

[jbaby]

Becky's own, EXACT words were: he is my top priority. my kids are feeling jealous because i have been somewhat neglecting them. my job has taken a back seat.

THAT is inviting people to comment. you know what becky? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.i used to, i tried to tell you how smart and pretty you are and how you don't have to depend on a guy for your self worth. but you don't want to hear it. so f*ck me for caring? back atcha babe.

[madkins1222]

O.k. Let's break out the "going away party" again. Please don't leave Becky.... We need your drama to survive in our world. Sorry.

Why is it that people have to threaten to leave to feel important.

I thought I was doing Becky a service by responding to her post, because I thought that's what she wanted. I do have better things to do, but I cared. I could've lied. Maybe that's what she wanted, who knows these days.

[califmtbguy]

All I will say is go find 100 child psychologist and ask THEM if children should be brought into short term relationships after a divorce. You don't think that in my situation that I've done MY homework. You're talking to the wrong guy. Bottom line is that no kid should be subjected to short term relationships. Period. Like Slow said, don't ask me, ask the experts.

So if you're going to tell me to butt out then go away and quit posting. I apologize that the very FIRST thing I think of in ANY post-divorce dating situation is the kids. You are insane if you think you can bring someone into your home and not have it affect your kids. However, honestly..I'm beginning to wonder if insane might be the correct diagnosis. Get a friggin' clue. Sorry, but you want to get nasty with me for calling it like it is, then we will.

Congrats on your kids A+'s on the report cards. He'll have something to brag about from the therapists' couch 10 years from now.

[EBONY POETESS]

MELMIN I TRIED TO APOLOGISE BUT NOONE WANTED TO LISTEN SO OBVIOUSLY THERE IS HIDDEN ANGER FROM BEFORE THIS TOPIC CAME ABOUT
SLOW I'M NOT YOUR CHILD SO DONT BE MY MOTHER
I DONT PLAY GAME JUST STATE FACTS AND WHY YOU THINK I WOULD INSULT YOU WHEN I NEVER KNEW ABOUT YOU MEETING YOUR HUBBY THAT WAY
I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO IT BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE SHOULDN'T
IT'S MY OPNION NOT A PERSONNEL INSULT AND AGAIN IF YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY I'M SORRY
AND I THINK WAS AN ADULT WHEN I APOLOGISED WHEN I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE BUT I WANTED TO
IF IT WOULD BE A BETTER BOARD WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF ME I WILL LEAVE BUT KNOW I HAVE NEVER INSULTED YOU TO MY KNOWLEDGE AND IF I DID WITH ANYBODY ELSE PLEASE EXCEPT MY APOLOGY
THIS IS TOO MUCH AND 10,0000 YOU HARDLY KNOW ARE 10000 FRIENDS I WOULD LUV TO KNOW

[slowfoot]

Ok, Fit. You got me on tryin to be your mom. lol! Picture that! hehe But you're right, you're right and I can admit that.

I'm just a sensitive girl, just like the lot of us.

[ChristinaMarieNY]

OUCH Darrin! LOL

[slowfoot]

Dangit, I thought Bethany said that, not Darrin. I get your avs mixed up.

[missus]

Okay, that's it. I've been reading this for some time now. It's out of hand. I know we're in cyberspace, but manners need to be followed.

It's okay to give and get advice, but it's not all right to hit below the belt. Mad, that's below the belt. I don't believe in taking sides on anything, but I do believe in expressing my opinion (for what it's owrth).

Mad, that was wrong. I would never say that to anyone cuz tomorrow is never promised to anyone, including my husband, my children, my momma, my phriends, whatever. U might say something that u might regret in the future, and it will come back to haunt you.

And, I'm not looking to pick a fight with you, cuz I like everyone here, even when we disagree. That's a part of life, disagreeing. But I've learned that when I say something to hurt someone deliberately, it comes back to haunt me either through my husband, children or someone else. So, I try to be careful of what I say.

Anyhow, I'll not say anything else on this post. Becky, the best to you girl. I hope you get that house sold. Hello to Dusin. Fit, keep it real girl. Beauty on the Inside, you good girl. Everyone else, Luv and peace to you, we all still phriends.

Peace out

Missus

[missus]

Jipi, Tina, whoever, please shut it down.

Missus

BE BLESSED

[madkins1222]

No problem Missus, I'm used to being called wrong.

How's about I stop posting the truth, and agree with everyone?

Can you tell me something Missus? Why am I the wrong one, when I've been called an animal, rude, nasty, and whatever Tiff said with all those curse words? Just curious why you picked me. Cause I know I'm NOT the only one whom hit below the belt, by far.

[madkins1222]

<<tapping my foot>>

[missus]

Mad, didn't say you were wrong, just that statement about Fit not having a hubby. The other I could care less. YOu have a right to your opinion, and honestly I feel you were giving your honest opinion. So, I'm not taking sides or accsing you of being wrong about your other statements, but that one statement was raw. You know I don't usually say anything cuz I believe we are all grown anc can take care of ourselves, but I just don't want to see your statement come back and haunt you.

At any rate, have a good one.

Missus

BE BLESSED

[Melmin]

Missus, you are right and that is what I was implying in my post but I guess it got ignored.

Madkins, you need to definitely go read the things that you have said. You said you will stop posting the truth? Your opinion is not the truth it is your opinion and the truth also does not mean putting people down and insulting them.

That is not the truth...that is just my opinion.

Jipi, Tina yeah shut this down you didnt create this phen site for this shyt.

[madkins1222]

How about I do everyone a favor, and just quit trying all together? I can't win, and my opinions are never appreciated. When I bite back, I've got rabies. It's a lose/lose situation for me.

You are right about one thing, I do owe Tiff an apology. I've been a little immature, but I will not recant my former posts. Sorry about the hubby comment, I shouldn't make a personal attack on anybody's misfortune. But you guys can feel free to curse me and call me names, I've got tough skin.

[Melmin]

Madkins I think everyone appreciates your comments and advice but when you get mad girrrrrrl you are raw!!

[missus]

Md, you are such a beautiful person, know you've got a tough skin and all, but I would never curse you and do any of that stuff, and if anyone else does, they would be wrong. I feel you a person who would listen if I said something to you, which u did, and I appreciate that.

Remember what I told you back in March, how intelligent and smart you are? Still feel the same way.

Matter of fact, I don't want to see anyone leave this place. Jamaica said it beautifully, we are all so diverse, yet we come together when we have to. This is us. This is what life ia about. Whether it's your marriage, your job, raising your children, dealing with cranky parents (my mom), wonderful phriends, whatever. Difference of opinion is beautiful.

Have a good one everyone.

Missus

BE BLESSED

[FocusedOnFitness]

I've been away, but just wanted to say FIT, I did NOT start the name calling with you. I didn't see anywhere where you said you wanted to stop any fight with me on this thread. I may have missed it. When I spoke about your all caps and zero punctuation, it was NOT meant as a slam against your intelligence. I meant, I MISSED THE COMMENT REGARDING my children because of the way you post. It is hard to read.

You just went again and made another rude comment to me regarding my kids and not having God in my life. Are you not paying attention??? I never said I didn't believe in God. I am not a Christian ... that's TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Lastly, I agree with Cali's last post.

I think it's ridiculous when someone posts "FIT just posts the facts" because they are NOT the facts. They are her PERCEPTION of the truth and nothing more. That's what all of us are doing here ... giving our opinions, which are NOT facts.

The only thing brought up which is fact was by Cali regarding what happens to children who have a parent who brings lovers in and out of their life. The statistics are there.

[Blippo]

I wanted to clarify one thing, when I said fighting on this board happens once a month I wasn't referring to any one in particular. It just seems to happen. An argument will break out once a month. No big deal. I think all who posted here have good points. Becky just has to read though each of them and pick out the things that will be useful to her.

[Melmin]

Missus,

You are a role model we all need to follow.

Thanks for bringing good into a badly needed post.

[missus]

Blippo, such a sweetie you are.

How is that weight going fellow?

Missus

BE BLESSED

[Blippo]

Missus, when I get in a groove with this weight loss, something always seems to come up to disrupt it. It use to be so much easier to lose when I was in my 20's,hehe

[missus]

Hey Blippo, I'm definitely feeling you on that. Now that I'm 54, my metabolish has tried to act funky and stop functioning. So, I have to exercise even harder. It's a pain getting older, but I will survive. Keep it going though, cutie.

Missus

BE BLESSED

Thanks Mel