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  1. #1
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    I know ALL men do this - either secretly or openly. Well my friend/bf does it VERY openly. It's almost as if he wants me to share in his enjoyment of the beauty of women or something. He says it so innocently that it almost doesn't bother me - even though I am a pretty jealous person. He says he just likes to look at beautiful women just like he likes to look at beautiful cars.... It just confuses me because I think to myself should I feel bad that I'm obviously not good enough to take his attention away from other women? Or should I feel good that he is honest about it? My ex-husband had me convinced that he never set an eye on another woman, but me.... but now I'm realizing that just was not true; all men look.... Just like all women look too. I know I do! So why should I have a double standard and not accept it that he looks, right? It just feels a little threatening... I dunno.






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  3. #2
    Plateau'ed phenster Amy T's Avatar
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    Okay... MY opinion is probably skewed based on that I think women are much nicer to look at than most men. Unless they are beautiful.. or just dayamn sexy... either way... Women are prettier naked that men any day. Id rather go to a strip club where women are dancing than men... and so it follows that my husband doesn't gawk at any other woman, its usually me doing it first anyway... he humors me and we discuss openly if we think they're real or not etc.. along with feature definition...

    There is always going to be someone better looking than me walking around, and there is ALSO going to be lots of other people WORSE looking than me around. Guys do what they will, if you get threatend by it, even knowing you do it yourself then its only because you still have some insecurities about the relationship. Its pretty new to have Kipp as your BF, take it one day at a time.... Ask him to share his perspective with you... For instance.. If I do find another guy attractive, I tell my hubby, he in turn tells me if he thinks he is actually a nice looking man or not...

    These are fun conversations only because things are so skewed and perseption changes when your critiqing WITH someone not just FEELING critizied by not being looked at.
    Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground!

  4. #3
    Jamaica..mon jamaicabound's Avatar
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    My hubby doesn't do it because he knows I will rip him a new one. But, my Dad stares at pretty women all the time, and comments about them too. It drives my Mom nuts. When he does it around me, I usually give him a pretty good eat sh!t look.
    [IMG]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgAAACcZvgxLXBR!%2apHcmOmItmSIeR%2aSIAPl25rVhdiG2 h!cAsT9Qgk2RJXM6nnLEV2r371808ySEscU4CC9syvALcDtgFD HWiwEWci%2a79T4Ti1pCDts0A/stamou**mascard1.jpg%3fdc=4675505200055338243[/IMG]


  5. #4
    Platinum Phenster MotherLunsford's Avatar
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    It's RUDE Becky. You can appreciate someone in passing, but to "gawk" nuh-uh. And no, all men do NOT do it. Your friend/bf is messing with your head. You NEED to kick his *** to the curb and look for a man with some maturity. Child, you deserve better.

    Mother

  6. #5
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    Well those are some different views on the subject! I kind of agree with Bubba and Mother - it shouldn't really be tolerated. I mean maybe some liberal women (like Amy) can stand it, but it's just too hard for me.... I'll have to have a little talk with him about this.






  7. #6
    Jamaica..mon jamaicabound's Avatar
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    Amy- I think we were posting at the same time. I feel the same way, as far as women being nicer to look at than men. I have been to strip clubs with girlfriends , and it doesn't bother me at all. Now..if hubby went , I would be ticked. I guess it's because I am not attracted to women in that way, and I know he obviously it.

    Kind of a double standard, I know.
    [IMG]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgAAACcZvgxLXBR!%2apHcmOmItmSIeR%2aSIAPl25rVhdiG2 h!cAsT9Qgk2RJXM6nnLEV2r371808ySEscU4CC9syvALcDtgFD HWiwEWci%2a79T4Ti1pCDts0A/stamou**mascard1.jpg%3fdc=4675505200055338243[/IMG]


  8. #7
    Chocolate-a-holic
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    He can window shop, but he makes all his purchases at home. Now when he window shops, it is not acceptable for him to fall all over the window as it is not acceptable for him to gawk all over women. There is no harm in looking. I am just not a jealous person. The sex is spectacular when he comes home from a strip club. As I try to encourage him to go out with his friends to the club (to get him out of my hair!), he rarely goes! I know I still excite him and I guess that is what makes the difference.
    As long as he respects you (which you must demand) I don't see any harm in looking.

  9. #8
    Plateau'ed phenster Amy T's Avatar
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    Okay, I just re-read my post.. let me clarify... I never gawk at anyone either sex... We (hubby and I) sometimes laugh or discuss 'fashion police' topics 'what not to wear' type people etc along with attractive people. In general, he doesn't gawk... because Mother is right, its not right. I just don't understand that position I guess, I've never dated any guy who looked at other women very openly... but I think every man does discretely anyway.

    And Becky, I think its great that you think Im 'liberal' but really I'm not, you'd be surprised. I am actually the most conservative among all of my heavy 'right wing' friends but I'm not right wing or left either...

    [ June 02, 2004, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: Amy T ]
    Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground!

  10. #9
    Silver Phenster Christiona's Avatar
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    O.K., I've gotta brag on my man. My husband will literally turn his head and look away if a scantily clad woman walks in. It's not that he doesn't want to look, it's that he has enough respect for me that he doesn't do it. I know this is true even when I'm not around, because the other guys that work with him always comment on it to me. They can't believe how faithful he is. I think this should be the standard for any marriage. My husband married me because he wanted me to be the person to fulfill his "needs." This includes thoughts, not just the action itself.
    :heart:
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    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

    If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved - Romans 10:9







  11. #10
    Milkshake Phensta Ph@t's Avatar
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    Amy- your first response..... same here

  12. #11
    LCS
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    I agree with Amy - and no, gawking is not appropriate, but I think all men look at other women to some degree, and I would much rather mine include me in the looking - "Hey honey, check out that girl - she should NOT be wearing that" - or "honey, I like what that girl is wearing, that would look great on you". I like that we can be out and talk about other women - and men!

  13. #12
    Plateau'ed phenster Amy T's Avatar
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    And the brave bi-sexuals band together...

    JUST KIDDING... LMAO

    Im so much more conservative than you all think..
    Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground!

  14. #13
    LCS
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    Let the scissor fighting begin!!! LMAO

  15. #14
    Silver Phenster
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    I'm with Amy and Phat on this one.

  16. #15
    Shrinking Phenster Blimp2Slim's Avatar
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    hmmm...
    Well I have been with both the gawky kind and the no gawky kind. So, I know how it feels from both views. I'm not the jealous type, at all. I figure if a woman flaunts her tatas at my man and he goes after that... then he isn't worthy of my love.

    My husband is the no gawky man. He refuses to go to strip clubs. He hasn't (as of yet) made any noticeable 'gawk' at another woman. He said he fills his needs through me. I have even tried to get him to fess up to being attracted to some of the hot hollywood women that all men gawk over. And he always makes me laugh, because he finds the one flaw that I usually don't see until he points it out to me.

    Anyway.. in a roundabout way... gawking is very unacceptable. If you want to continue to play in the play house, don't commit.
    As far as saying gawking at women is the same as gawking at cars... Even men (when they have the perfect car to them) lose interest in gawking at other cars. Because they have what they want!

    ok, I'm done rambling!
    CW - 190 10/01/04
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  17. #16
    Jamaica..mon jamaicabound's Avatar
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    Wow, this is pretty interesting. Amy- don't worry, I recall how conservative you are. I think it's definitely possible to be conservative (like me) and have liberal positions on certain topics.

    Not EVERYTHING has to be black or white, right?

    Now, getting my hubby to see things that way, may be a bit harder.
    [IMG]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgAAACcZvgxLXBR!%2apHcmOmItmSIeR%2aSIAPl25rVhdiG2 h!cAsT9Qgk2RJXM6nnLEV2r371808ySEscU4CC9syvALcDtgFD HWiwEWci%2a79T4Ti1pCDts0A/stamou**mascard1.jpg%3fdc=4675505200055338243[/IMG]


  18. #17
    Dancing Machine Phenster
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    Originally posted by BeckyW:
    I know ALL men do this - either secretly or openly. Well my friend/bf does it VERY openly. It's almost as if he wants me to share in his enjoyment of the beauty of women or something. He says it so innocently that it almost doesn't bother me - even though I am a pretty jealous person. He says he just likes to look at beautiful women just like he likes to look at beautiful cars.... It just confuses me because I think to myself should I feel bad that I'm obviously not good enough to take his attention away from other women? Or should I feel good that he is honest about it? My ex-husband had me convinced that he never set an eye on another woman, but me.... but now I'm realizing that just was not true; all men look.... Just like all women look too. I know I do! So why should I have a double standard and not accept it that he looks, right? It just feels a little threatening... I dunno.
    Well, there's looking and there's gawking. Just like there's flirting and downright being gross.

    My husband doesn't gawk. Even if I bring someone to his attention, he just shrugs his shoulders, but he's not over-sexed.

    Thank God. I would not like it at all!

  19. #18
    Dude.....Where's my bike???
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    Gawking at another woman in the presence of your wife or girlfriend is flat disrespectful. Now if it's a "fashion police" deal like Amy mentioned then that is one thing. But for a guy to go, "wow...look at that" when he is with his girlfriend is nothing short of insulting.

    You can't help the first look, it's the second (third, fourth, fifth, etc.) look you have control over.

  20. #19
    Milkshake Phensta Ph@t's Avatar
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    Yes, looking at a beautiful woman is one thing. Gawking is another. I'd thump david in the forhead if he started gawking in front of me! But, is it cool for ME to gawk at other chicks? LOL!

  21. #20
    Shrinking Phenster Blimp2Slim's Avatar
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    LOL.. Phat!
    CW - 190 10/01/04
    Next mini Goal - 175 lbs!
    GW 142
    Heather (aka BlimpiMaK)
    My fav. quotes:
    Samuel Johnson:
    The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
    Ralph Marston:
    Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.
    You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
    Benjamin Franklin:
    You may delay, but time will not.
    Marvin Phillips:
    The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!

  22. #21
    phriend4life Patti.B's Avatar
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    i have a comment - i was married 18 years in a past life somewhere, the man never did it, in front of me - gawk, or 'seemed' to not otherwize with or without me - or so he said. who got caught cheating? him. then after my divorce,i had a bf/fiance' (he gave me a beautiful ring, alas -i loved him but - it never was going to workout, he didnt treat me/or his past women, in his life right, he didnt know how - you know the type..) that turned into the imfamous ***wipe i so named him on here - after i broke up with him. he was totally open = gawk type. and he loved me for sure w/o a doubt. - him act on it - the gawk, flirtacious actions? never - he'd rather die than lie about a thing - had he ever gona act on it, with me or whoever - he'd for sure break up with whoever was with before a thing further with the gawk actions.

    whats my thoughts on it? i think its' just plain rude to do it in front of youre' spouse / significant other openly, and - from my ex-spouse experience - ya just plain might as well cheat if ya /gawk do it without em around, so ==

    i quess i dont approve - either way. i look sure, but openly gawk with or without him? no.

  23. #22
    Purple People Eater
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    What Determined said. D, girl u are so mature. Look all you want, but bring it home.

    My ex and I were shopping one day, and this girl walked in , guess she looked so good to ex, that he stopped in mid sentence talking to me,and stared, I of course stared too. The girl turned and smiled, and I told him, well just go on over and talk to her why don't you? But then the next time we went out, I looked the same as always, but this time, when a guy was giving me the look, I kind of winked my eye, dude came over, and ex got an eyeful of what he had in his own backyard. He was good for a minit.

    Hubby now looks and comments, doesn't bother me, cuz I'm his boo.

    Becky, girl you have some intersting posts girl. All good though.

    Missus

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  24. #23
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    Wow, for the most part the women who have responded have really shocked me. I was fully expecting most of you guys to say something like "if my guy aint lookin, he aint alive..." or something to that effect. I didn't know so many felt like I do... I guess I'm not being unrealistic. This is good to know. (And thank you Missus for the compliment )






  25. #24
    Plateau'ed phenster Amy T's Avatar
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    I don't think its unreasonable to request a little more respect in your presence, especially so early in your "relationship" whatever that is or will be.
    Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground!

  26. #25
    Silver Phenster mms72's Avatar
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    Personally i don't see a need to GAWK

    if i caught my hubby downright staring at some girl i'd have to knock him upside the head! I'm not blind-- if i see a cute guy i'll admit-- first thing that runs through my mind is " wow he's cute" but there is no gawking involved-- just that initial glace-- maybe a second if he is REALLY cute-- but nothing that is noticable. I'm sure my husband has looked at other women-- but same thing-- nothing noticable in front of me--

    I think it is human nature to look--- but once ya hit about 25 or are in a committed relationship then ya gotta have some self control!

  27. #26
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    Well maybe I should clarify something - he has never done it to a 'real' person; only someone on TV or in a magazine or whatever.... But still...






  28. #27
    Silver Phenster mms72's Avatar
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    well then-- i dunno--- you shouldn't let that bother you!-- Like to me-- I don't see movie stars or whatever as "real" people.

    I have a MAD crush on George Clooney--and hubby knows it-- but he isn't threatened about it-- now if was a guy across the street-- he might have a problem. ......and Brad Pitt, and Colin Farrell to name a few... LOL-- but its still just one of those stupid crush's like ya had when you were 15 and had posters all over your walls....

    if he was doing it while you were walking down the street or at a store or something that would be different. THEN ya knock him upside the head!!!

  29. #28
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    Right, but for one example, the other day I was flipping through a magazine and passed an advertisement of a woman in a bra and underwear. I flipped the page and he was quick to take the page and flip back to get a better look at her. I mean I think even that is disrespectful really... I dunno. But you're right, it's not serious gawking at other 'real' women right in front of me so it's probably harmless - that is unless he has to constantly comment on how beautiful they are!






  30. #29
    phriend4life Patti.B's Avatar
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    becky? is that a highschool pic? tfc!*(too freakin cute!)

  31. #30
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    No, that was like a year ago... Thanks!






  32. #31
    Silver Phenster mms72's Avatar
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    Yeah your right Becky-- thats kinda crappy!! Do it to him a couple times see if he likes it-- find a picture of some hottie in his Hanes and say " Whooooo hooo look at him--- why don't you look that good! " hehehe! see if he gets the point!!

  33. #32
    Gold Phenster *Becky*'s Avatar
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    Right! :blabla:






  34. #33
    Diamond Phenster EBONY POETESS's Avatar
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    CHIT GIRL IF THEY DONT LOOK THEN YOU WORRY :blabla:
    HELL I LOOK TOO DONT LET SOME MUSCLES AND A PRETTY FACE WALK BY MY MIND IS LIKE DAYUUUUUUUUM AND I'M SNEAKING A PEAK
    MEN KNOW AND WOMEN KNOW WHEN THEY SEE A STRIKINGLY ATTRACTIVE PERSON
    AS LONG AS THEY DONT EXCHANGE NUMBERS DUDDUDAH........... BOTH UF US WILL GET TO KEEP OUR TEETH :blabla:



    starting weight august of 2007 ,250
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    No longer on phentermine since august of 2007.

  35. #34
    Silver Phenster Motivated Chica's Avatar
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    Becky,

    If you talk to him about it and he cares about you he will respect you. I'm not stupid to completely rule out that he might look at other woman...i don't know, but if he does it when I'm with him...yes, he will get smacked lol

    [ June 02, 2004, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Beautyonlyontheinside ]

  36. #35
    Bronze Phenster ARACELI2004's Avatar
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    I THINK THAT IF THE PERSON YOUR WITH LOVES YOU THEY DON'T DO THAT IN FRONT OF YOU. I KNOW MY HUSBAND MIGHT DO IT LIKE ALL THE MEN BUT NOT IN FRONT OF ME. I SOMETIMES DO IT TOO. AND THAT ABOUT HIM GOING TO STRIP CLUBS I DON'T THINK SO. I FEEL HIS WITH ME AND THINKING ABOUT ONE OF THOSE PRETTY STRIPERS. MY ADVISE TO THE JEALOUS PERSONS DON'T EVER LET THEM KNOW CAUSE THEN THEY DO IT WHEN YOU GUYS ARE MAD IKNOW.

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