A man who's not selfish? - Phentermine.com

karebear · May 22nd, 2003, 04:53 PM

A moment to vent im sorry! I have been with my husband for 11 years and during this time he has been away on deployments several times. He recently had a trip to Guam and it was all R&R and cost us $800. Now the selfish part comes in here so listen close...I mentioned to him that i need a minute of time to myself because i have not had a time alone in MONTHS( then the only time i had was a hour or two). He gave me $10 to go to the tanning bed because he knows I like to go tan. Today he had the nerve to ask for that money back because he wanted to go play golf.HOW RUDE!!!!! I mean he just spent $800 on himself in Guam.So he takes the $10 and asks on his way out the door, are you going to love on me tonight? I mean he has to be totally IGNORANT! Love my A S S! Not to mention I was sweating my butt off from cleaning my house and mopping and sweeping my floors and he comes in for the 30 mins before he has to go and leaves all his dirty clothes laying on the floor and his dishes laying on the coffee table. So tell me are men just STUPID? Let me say there will be NO LOVING IN KAREBEARS HOUSE TONIGHT!!!!!

I Want A Bikini · May 22nd, 2003, 04:57 PM

lol Karebear I wonder if my hour long crying phone call got to you alil? I've come to wonder if any man isn't selfish.....

I Want A Bikini · May 22nd, 2003, 05:08 PM

[ May 23, 2003, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: I Want A Bikini ]

I Want A Bikini · May 22nd, 2003, 05:14 PM

Sorry about the double post :|

[ May 23, 2003, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: I Want A Bikini ]

Ms Kitty · May 22nd, 2003, 06:38 PM

Care sounds like he needs a smack over the head. I don't think they're selfish... just ignorant. Guess we'll have to learn them. All you ladies out there with sons start training them to respect the ladies in their lives

Deb

cutekitten · May 22nd, 2003, 07:16 PM

Girl, that is why you get a debit card, get his check straight into the bank via direct deposit, find out his paydays, and hit the atm on those days. Take out some money for you, and open your own little account with only your name on it. Then you don't tell his *** about it. You will never have to ask him for money again, unless you wanna make him feel like you need him. The way I see it, he owes me up the yin yang because of all the work I have done uncompensated for the past 8 years. You don't appreciate what I do? Well I am going to appreciate me then. Sometimes their ignorance is a good thing. Oh and BTW, why did you give him the 10 dollars back? You should have told him no. What would he have done? My husband told me to stop being *****y the other night. I just finally asked him," and if I don't, what are you going to do? Divorce me? Yeah right!". He just looked at me all dumbfounded and said, "Well, no. But I just like it when you are nice, thats all". I told him I feel the same way, and we just went on about our business. Don't be a doormat. I have been for too long. 9 times out of 10, they won't do a darn thing except wimper and whine like a puppy. I don't give in to my kids when they do that. Why should I let a grown man play me like that? No way.

Hmmm...sorry. This was meant to be a good, nice post but it ended up being a vent. But i do feel better now, so thanks!!

Marly

John Thompson · May 22nd, 2003, 08:46 PM

Oh my uh hmmm. Maybe i sould not say anything but i think i will open my big mouth anyway. As one of the few men on her, Would it do any good to defend us men? I am so glad i am on this forum so i can catch pointers from you ladies. Beleave me, i do pay antention to what you all vent about and hope to not make those mistakes. I am not perfect but i do try to not make too many mistakes.
John

You ladies are great and i really mean it.

Ms Kitty · May 22nd, 2003, 09:04 PM

John,

It always helps to have different perspectives, to problems/vents/solutions. Glad we're educating you on how to have a peaceful life

Marly,

Your poor husband I can just picture the look on his face when you bit back especially if you normally bite your tongue. Wholehartedly agree about the kid bit. I think Marriage vows should have a line for him which goes:

"I promise to always behave like an adult"

But you can ignore me if you like I'm single but I'm taking notes.

Deb

karebear · May 22nd, 2003, 09:22 PM

Ok it is now 8:30 pm here and the line he gave me before he walked out the door was...I promise I will be no later than 7pm. And you know i wouldnt make a issue out of it except that yesterday my 4 year old had a severe asthma attack and I sat at the ER from 8am till nearly 2pm , I called my husband from the ER and told him he had to get the other 2 kids from school because i was still at the hospital waiting to be released. He gets an attitude with me and sais , You need to hurry because I cant be leaving work I have to finish or I will have to work all day Thursday. First of all what if I were not here for whatever reason he would have to take care of all 3 kids alone! He acts like its my fault that my sons sick ? Well as u see his working all day today because of me having him get the kids , turned into a golf game with beer and im sure he is not still playing golf at 8:30 pm what do u think? WHat the hell does he think? I have always given 100% to him and my kids and left me out! But he gives 99.99% to himself and we get whats left over if anything! I just dont understand what goes thru his mind. I am just glad that I am finally losing weight and gaining self worth and self confidence in myself so that NOW when he makes me feel alone at least I feel GOOD about ME! Thanks to all of you here at phen u are an inspiration and such a comfort. I love you all!

And sorry for the venting! I know i must sound

cutekitten · May 22nd, 2003, 10:52 PM

Nah...its okay. You sound just like ME!!! OMG you would not believe how many times the same crap. My hubby went golfing today too AND to the movies alone. Yes he goes to the movies alone, no girl there. but he was talking about ti and I just got soooo p'o'd because when can I ever do anything? He works out of town and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants because he does not have to worry about the children. I have even asked him myself WTH would he do if I was not here. I like to tell him, "They are your kids too" but he seems to think it is only my job to care for them.Golly, I don't even know what it feels like to want to do something and then just go do it. Take advice from the girls here. Just make some plans and as soon as that *** walks through the door, grab your purse and go somewhere. Even if you have nothing to do, go somewhere. Go to a bookstore or a library. Go dream shopping if you don't have money. Just make yourself gone for a while. Do this at least once a week, maybe even twice. Show him that you have a life outside of the house, even if you don't. My best friend and I usually just drive around town and hit Starbucks. We have absolutely nothing to do. We are both taken so we cant try and find guys. She is underage, so she can't drink. Sometimes I will drink but I feel like a loser because I am drinking alone

.She turns 21 this August...I will be miss designated driver.

Anyways, slowly start building a life outside of the home. For me, I had to step out gradually. I am still not all the way outside that door, but I am getting there. I started by taking a vocational class and then I got a job. I didn't like working so I started regular college. But I don't like that either so who knows. I mean, I am still going to take classes, but as far as my major, I am not sure it is "Me". I am looking into something I really wanted to do for a while. It is a competition for singing but it is in July. Ack! It will cost me about 1000 dollars and I am not sure I can get my husband to take those days off so I can leave for it. I will ask him tomorrow. I am also a little scared about going out of state alone. I might wait one more year.

But see...just remember that you are still you. I am not sure if your hubby drinks, but I know mine is an alc and we are so codependent. I totally gave up myself to be a wife and mother. I don't know why I did it, but I am on a road to recovery. It isn't easy. For the last 7-8 yrs of my life, he has been the primary focus. Trying to please him, to keep him interested and blah blah. Finally, one day I realized I had turned into a fat ***, and followed not even one of my dreams!! I love my kids, they are about the best thing I have out of this marriage. I love my husband too, but when you don't even take the time to love yourself, it makes it way too hard to love completely. I dunno, I love in this order...God, then me, then my family. i bet that seems so greedy to some. Of course it does!! Because so many of us are brainwashed into thinking we are pondscum. We are nothing, just diaper changing, mopping, cooking and cleaning old hags. Uh uh...thats not right!! Don't you know how bitter a person becomes without self love? ohhhh...I am bitter. But I could be so much worse. I am finally starting to love myself and it is wonderful. I love my kids more, I love my hubby more, I love my cats more, I love my plant that I forgot to water more.

I am tired and tend to start wandering off topic, so I will just end it by saying this. You need to make yourself a priority. He treats you this way because you let him get away with it. You cannot change him. I know how that hurts, I had to hear it from someone here too. I know. Now, I am not saying he will stop acting stupid, he might not ever. But you can change. You can decide to take his crap or leave it. I don't mean leave it by splitting up either. I am still married, and I consider it to be a happy marriage. I know my hubby is not perfect, but I also know that if he does something dumb or mean or rude, I can always let myself get upset, or laugh at him for being an idiot.Ha! Not to his face though, just in my mind.

So, instead of getting ticked at him for leaving to play golf...get your stuff ready and set it by the door. Make yourself pretty and as soon as he gets in, tell him you are off to go relax and do something. Don't stand there while he gives you the "But I wanna be with you" BS because you know it is a crock. Just tell him you will be back later, and go. Have fun. Just start doing something, please!

Sorry so long and yakety yak. I am too tired...

PM me, maybe we could talk if I have not annoyed the hell outta ya

Marly

karebear · May 23rd, 2003, 12:59 AM

I think above all else that his attitude makes me wanna better myself more. I cant believe that I let my self get so out of control weight wise. But thats the past and I can change that and I am. When a person feels so horrible about themself its hard to focus on the good things in life. I know this because i have been there! I was depressed and i think that i took my depression out on my body. Why do we have to feel like we need to depend on someone? I am going to start living my life every day doing anything i can to make it the best it can be. I am going to loose all the weight i have to loose and know that I am a d a m n good person and I do not have to depend on anyone else to be that. Fat or skinny I am ME and people can love me for who I am or I dont need them in my life. My weightloss is for me, for my health. I am going to be healthy and live to be an old woman, proud of who I was. I only have one life so i am going to make the best out of it. I am going to set a good example for my kids so that they may learn from my mistakes. Being overweight is a HARD thing not only physically but also emotionally. There is only one solution to that, GET OFF OUR BUTTS AND CHANGE IT! SO I AM GETTING OFF MY BUTT EVERYDAY.

I Want A Bikini · May 23rd, 2003, 02:03 AM

WHOA!! I just woke and up seen you girlies were venting when I was asleep. So it's time for me to add my 2 cents...I have known KareBear half my life, We have been through the best and worset of times together. I concider her my GaurdinAngel and i know everything that comes from her is honest and from the heart(Even the negitive)I don't think there is one thing that we don't know about each other.And even though our hubbies are best friends aswell and are alot alike...I do feel that you(KB) gets walked on WAY to much by hubby. You have bent over backwards to make HIM happy but in return you get sadness. You know, how many times we made plans to go shopping on the weekends, Left the kids with the guys..To only come home to a trashed house, Starving kids and then you gotta hear hubby B*tch at you for hours cause you did go? Tooo many to count!! We have always put everyone infront of us and that has turned into depression inwhich lead to eating. So, It's time to change WOMAN!!You know i will be by your side no matter what. lol now i'm babbling...Time for coffee

call me when you get up.

P.S. Don't forget next April after we shed the pounds...It's a Week long cruise for US!! love ya

[IMG]http://members.*****com/kkamhawaii/images/cb-rainbear.gif[/IMG]

I Want A Bikini · May 23rd, 2003, 06:17 AM

KareBearrrrr...I made you an Avatar:P LOL I can always add to it "175 Pounds of hubby gone" Huggs

[IMG]http://members.*****com/kkamhawaii/images/cheer.gif[/IMG]

May 22nd, 2003, 06:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ms Kitty Gold Phenster Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 732 Lost Weight: 34.32 Current Weight: 197.12 Goal Weight: 184.8	Care sounds like he needs a smack over the head. I don't think they're selfish... just ignorant. Guess we'll have to learn them. All you ladies out there with sons start training them to respect the ladies in their lives Deb SW: 228.8 CW: 197.12 GW: 184.8 Lost forever: 31.68 I shall pass this way but once, any good or kindness therefore, that I can do or show to any being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.

May 22nd, 2003, 07:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
cutekitten Gold Phenster Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 659 Lost Weight: 37 Current Weight: 153 Goal Weight: 145	Girl, that is why you get a debit card, get his check straight into the bank via direct deposit, find out his paydays, and hit the atm on those days. Take out some money for you, and open your own little account with only your name on it. Then you don't tell his * about it. You will never have to ask him for money again, unless you wanna make him feel like you need him. The way I see it, he owes me up the yin yang because of all the work I have done uncompensated for the past 8 years. You don't appreciate what I do? Well I am going to appreciate me then. Sometimes their ignorance is a good thing. Oh and BTW, why did you give him the 10 dollars back? You should have told him no. What would he have done? My husband told me to stop being ***y the other night. I just finally asked him," and if I don't, what are you going to do? Divorce me? Yeah right!". He just looked at me all dumbfounded and said, "Well, no. But I just like it when you are nice, thats all". I told him I feel the same way, and we just went on about our business. Don't be a doormat. I have been for too long. 9 times out of 10, they won't do a darn thing except wimper and whine like a puppy. I don't give in to my kids when they do that. Why should I let a grown man play me like that? No way. Hmmm...sorry. This was meant to be a good, nice post but it ended up being a vent. But i do feel better now, so thanks!! Marly SW 190 CW 160 GW 145

May 22nd, 2003, 09:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ms Kitty Gold Phenster Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 732 Lost Weight: 34.32 Current Weight: 197.12 Goal Weight: 184.8	John, It always helps to have different perspectives, to problems/vents/solutions. Glad we're educating you on how to have a peaceful life Marly, Your poor husband I can just picture the look on his face when you bit back especially if you normally bite your tongue. Wholehartedly agree about the kid bit. I think Marriage vows should have a line for him which goes: "I promise to always behave like an adult" But you can ignore me if you like I'm single but I'm taking notes. Deb SW: 228.8 CW: 197.12 GW: 184.8 Lost forever: 31.68 I shall pass this way but once, any good or kindness therefore, that I can do or show to any being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.

May 22nd, 2003, 10:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
cutekitten Gold Phenster Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 659 Lost Weight: 37 Current Weight: 153 Goal Weight: 145	Nah...its okay. You sound just like ME!!! OMG you would not believe how many times the same crap. My hubby went golfing today too AND to the movies alone. Yes he goes to the movies alone, no girl there. but he was talking about ti and I just got soooo p'o'd because when can I ever do anything? He works out of town and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants because he does not have to worry about the children. I have even asked him myself WTH would he do if I was not here. I like to tell him, "They are your kids too" but he seems to think it is only my job to care for them.Golly, I don't even know what it feels like to want to do something and then just go do it. Take advice from the girls here. Just make some plans and as soon as that * walks through the door, grab your purse and go somewhere. Even if you have nothing to do, go somewhere. Go to a bookstore or a library. Go dream shopping if you don't have money. Just make yourself gone for a while. Do this at least once a week, maybe even twice. Show him that you have a life outside of the house, even if you don't. My best friend and I usually just drive around town and hit Starbucks. We have absolutely nothing to do. We are both taken so we cant try and find guys. She is underage, so she can't drink. Sometimes I will drink but I feel like a loser because I am drinking alone .She turns 21 this August...I will be miss designated driver. Anyways, slowly start building a life outside of the home. For me, I had to step out gradually. I am still not all the way outside that door, but I am getting there. I started by taking a vocational class and then I got a job. I didn't like working so I started regular college. But I don't like that either so who knows. I mean, I am still going to take classes, but as far as my major, I am not sure it is "Me". I am looking into something I really wanted to do for a while. It is a competition for singing but it is in July. Ack! It will cost me about 1000 dollars and I am not sure I can get my husband to take those days off so I can leave for it. I will ask him tomorrow. I am also a little scared about going out of state alone. I might wait one more year. But see...just remember that you are still you. I am not sure if your hubby drinks, but I know mine is an alc and we are so codependent. I totally gave up myself to be a wife and mother. I don't know why I did it, but I am on a road to recovery. It isn't easy. For the last 7-8 yrs of my life, he has been the primary focus. Trying to please him, to keep him interested and blah blah. Finally, one day I realized I had turned into a fat *, and followed not even one of my dreams!! I love my kids, they are about the best thing I have out of this marriage. I love my husband too, but when you don't even take the time to love yourself, it makes it way too hard to love completely. I dunno, I love in this order...God, then me, then my family. i bet that seems so greedy to some. Of course it does!! Because so many of us are brainwashed into thinking we are pondscum. We are nothing, just diaper changing, mopping, cooking and cleaning old hags. Uh uh...thats not right!! Don't you know how bitter a person becomes without self love? ohhhh...I am bitter. But I could be so much worse. I am finally starting to love myself and it is wonderful. I love my kids more, I love my hubby more, I love my cats more, I love my plant that I forgot to water more. I am tired and tend to start wandering off topic, so I will just end it by saying this. You need to make yourself a priority. He treats you this way because you let him get away with it. You cannot change him. I know how that hurts, I had to hear it from someone here too. I know. Now, I am not saying he will stop acting stupid, he might not ever. But you can change. You can decide to take his crap or leave it. I don't mean leave it by splitting up either. I am still married, and I consider it to be a happy marriage. I know my hubby is not perfect, but I also know that if he does something dumb or mean or rude, I can always let myself get upset, or laugh at him for being an idiot.Ha! Not to his face though, just in my mind. So, instead of getting ticked at him for leaving to play golf...get your stuff ready and set it by the door. Make yourself pretty and as soon as he gets in, tell him you are off to go relax and do something. Don't stand there while he gives you the "But I wanna be with you" BS because you know it is a crock. Just tell him you will be back later, and go. Have fun. Just start doing something, please! Sorry so long and yakety yak. I am too tired... PM me, maybe we could talk if I have not annoyed the hell outta ya Marly SW 190 CW 160 GW 145

May 22nd, 2003, 04:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
karebear Bronze Phenster Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 91 Lost Weight: 30 pds Goal Weight: 150	A moment to vent im sorry! I have been with my husband for 11 years and during this time he has been away on deployments several times. He recently had a trip to Guam and it was all R&R and cost us $800. Now the selfish part comes in here so listen close...I mentioned to him that i need a minute of time to myself because i have not had a time alone in MONTHS( then the only time i had was a hour or two). He gave me $10 to go to the tanning bed because he knows I like to go tan. Today he had the nerve to ask for that money back because he wanted to go play golf.HOW RUDE!!!!! I mean he just spent $800 on himself in Guam.So he takes the $10 and asks on his way out the door, are you going to love on me tonight? I mean he has to be totally IGNORANT! Love my A S S! Not to mention I was sweating my butt off from cleaning my house and mopping and sweeping my floors and he comes in for the 30 mins before he has to go and leaves all his dirty clothes laying on the floor and his dishes laying on the coffee table. So tell me are men just STUPID? Let me say there will be NO LOVING IN KAREBEARS HOUSE TONIGHT!!!!!

May 22nd, 2003, 04:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
I Want A Bikini Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 155 Lost Weight: 0lbs	lol Karebear I wonder if my hour long crying phone call got to you alil? I've come to wonder if any man isn't selfish.....

May 22nd, 2003, 05:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
I Want A Bikini Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 155 Lost Weight: 0lbs	[ May 23, 2003, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: I Want A Bikini ]

May 22nd, 2003, 05:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
I Want A Bikini Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 155 Lost Weight: 0lbs	Sorry about the double post :\| [ May 23, 2003, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: I Want A Bikini ]

May 22nd, 2003, 08:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
John Thompson Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Location: Concord Ohio Posts: 128 Lost Weight: 258 5/6/03 Current Weight: 265 Day 1 5/1/03 Goal Weight: 210	Oh my uh hmmm. Maybe i sould not say anything but i think i will open my big mouth anyway. As one of the few men on her, Would it do any good to defend us men? I am so glad i am on this forum so i can catch pointers from you ladies. Beleave me, i do pay antention to what you all vent about and hope to not make those mistakes. I am not perfect but i do try to not make too many mistakes. John You ladies are great and i really mean it.

May 22nd, 2003, 09:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
karebear Bronze Phenster Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 91 Lost Weight: 30 pds Goal Weight: 150	Ok it is now 8:30 pm here and the line he gave me before he walked out the door was...I promise I will be no later than 7pm. And you know i wouldnt make a issue out of it except that yesterday my 4 year old had a severe asthma attack and I sat at the ER from 8am till nearly 2pm , I called my husband from the ER and told him he had to get the other 2 kids from school because i was still at the hospital waiting to be released. He gets an attitude with me and sais , You need to hurry because I cant be leaving work I have to finish or I will have to work all day Thursday. First of all what if I were not here for whatever reason he would have to take care of all 3 kids alone! He acts like its my fault that my sons sick ? Well as u see his working all day today because of me having him get the kids , turned into a golf game with beer and im sure he is not still playing golf at 8:30 pm what do u think? WHat the hell does he think? I have always given 100% to him and my kids and left me out! But he gives 99.99% to himself and we get whats left over if anything! I just dont understand what goes thru his mind. I am just glad that I am finally losing weight and gaining self worth and self confidence in myself so that NOW when he makes me feel alone at least I feel GOOD about ME! Thanks to all of you here at phen u are an inspiration and such a comfort. I love you all! And sorry for the venting! I know i must sound

May 23rd, 2003, 12:59 AM	#11 (permalink)
karebear Bronze Phenster Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 91 Lost Weight: 30 pds Goal Weight: 150	I think above all else that his attitude makes me wanna better myself more. I cant believe that I let my self get so out of control weight wise. But thats the past and I can change that and I am. When a person feels so horrible about themself its hard to focus on the good things in life. I know this because i have been there! I was depressed and i think that i took my depression out on my body. Why do we have to feel like we need to depend on someone? I am going to start living my life every day doing anything i can to make it the best it can be. I am going to loose all the weight i have to loose and know that I am a d a m n good person and I do not have to depend on anyone else to be that. Fat or skinny I am ME and people can love me for who I am or I dont need them in my life. My weightloss is for me, for my health. I am going to be healthy and live to be an old woman, proud of who I was. I only have one life so i am going to make the best out of it. I am going to set a good example for my kids so that they may learn from my mistakes. Being overweight is a HARD thing not only physically but also emotionally. There is only one solution to that, GET OFF OUR BUTTS AND CHANGE IT! SO I AM GETTING OFF MY BUTT EVERYDAY.

May 23rd, 2003, 02:03 AM	#12 (permalink)
I Want A Bikini Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 155 Lost Weight: 0lbs	WHOA!! I just woke and up seen you girlies were venting when I was asleep. So it's time for me to add my 2 cents...I have known KareBear half my life, We have been through the best and worset of times together. I concider her my GaurdinAngel and i know everything that comes from her is honest and from the heart(Even the negitive)I don't think there is one thing that we don't know about each other.And even though our hubbies are best friends aswell and are alot alike...I do feel that you(KB) gets walked on WAY to much by hubby. You have bent over backwards to make HIM happy but in return you get sadness. You know, how many times we made plans to go shopping on the weekends, Left the kids with the guys..To only come home to a trashed house, Starving kids and then you gotta hear hubby Btch at you for hours cause you did go? Tooo many to count!! We have always put everyone infront of us and that has turned into depression inwhich lead to eating. So, It's time to change WOMAN!!You know i will be by your side no matter what. lol now i'm babbling...Time for coffee call me when you get up. P.S. Don't forget next April after we shed the pounds...It's a Week long cruise for US!! love ya [IMG]http://members.****com/kkamhawaii/images/cb-rainbear.gif[/IMG]

May 23rd, 2003, 06:17 AM	#13 (permalink)
I Want A Bikini Silver Phenster Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 155 Lost Weight: 0lbs	KareBearrrrr...I made you an Avatar:P LOL I can always add to it "175 Pounds of hubby gone" Huggs [IMG]http://members.*****com/kkamhawaii/images/cheer.gif[/IMG]

May 23rd, 2003, 06:33 AM	#14 (permalink)
Nitra Wonder Phenster <