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  1. #1
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    Hi Everyone! I mentioned on another thread that I have been engaged to my fiance for a while and I just wanted to hear what you all think about it. I'm almost embarrassed to say how long we have been engaged, 2 1/2 years , to me it's been too long, but I'm sure someone you know has been in my shoes longer.

    We have been together for about 5 years, and we have been great friends for 10! I don't think we are too young to get married, we are 25...and did I mention we have 2 kids?

    I want to get married soon but we have not set a date. I don't want to pressure him, but if he didn't want to get married within 1-2 years of popping the question, why did he propose? IMO, once you get engaged, basically you start planning right away and you usually get married within a year or two. I get embarrassed if someone, even family, asks, so when are going to get married? etc. I don't even know the answer! The cost of the wedding was a big factor at first, because we both really want a big party but that is not the case anymore because my family has offered to pay for the WHOLE thing. So WTF!

    I've asked him several times if he still wants to get married and he assures me that he does. :heartpump:

    Any ideas on how to kick his butt in gear and make me his wifee?
    mysunshyn

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  3. #2
    Gold Phenster dollarsgirl's Avatar
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    I am KINDA in the same situation. I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years and been with him for 2 and a half. He still hasnt even popped the question! At first I was like ok I am not ready to get married again (was married to the devil for 10 years) and then I was like ok I will just wait. Now I am like OK I AM READY AND YOU BETTER GET OFF YOUR TAIL SOON AND SHOW SOME INITIVE! But in the back of my mind I know I should not pressure him. All I hear from people is When are yall gonna make it legal? And You know he wont buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. I am like OK SHUT UP NOW I KNOW I KNOW! When I get really uptight about it I just look at his sister who has had 3 engagement rings form her boyfriend and 11 years later they are still not married! I would say that you just talk to him and tell him how you feel and that you are really ready and see how it goes. I know that I have been talking to Billy alot about it lately and he is starting to come around. Good luck and keep us posted.
    Start wt on phen: 255 08-11-03
    CW: 213
    STG: 199
    Week 1 wt: 08-19-03 245 10 pounds
    Week 2 wt: 08-26-03 242 3 pounds down 13 total
    Week 3 wt: 09-2-03 240 2 pounds down 15 total
    Week 4 wt: 09-9-03 237 3 pounds 18 total
    Week 5 wt: 09-15-03 234 3 pounds lost 21 total
    Week 6 wt: 09-22-03 230 4 pounds more 25 total
    Week 7 wt: 09-29-03 230
    Week 8 wt: 10-6-03 224 6 pound 31 pounds total
    Week 9 wt: 10-13-03 220 4 pounds 35 total
    Week 10 wt: 10-20-03 217 3 pounds 38 total
    Week 11 wt: 10-27-03 217
    Week 12 wt: 11-4-03 215 2 more pounds 40 pounds total
    Week 13 wt: 11-11-03 213 42 pounds
    Week 14 wt: 11-18-03 210 3 pounds 45 pounds total
    Week 15 wt: 11-21-03 210
    Week 16 wt: 12-2-03 209 1 pound 46 pounds total
    Week 17 wt: 12-9-03 207 2 pound loss 48 total
    Week 18 wt: 12-16-03 207
    Week 19 wt: TBA!

    Here is my new pic of me and Billy. Taken on our front porch 10-18-03


    You can see more pics on the web site below.

    http://groups.msn.com/Kerrysweightloss/shoebox.msnw

  4. #3
    Silver Phenster NYCMuse's Avatar
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    I am waiting to be asked too. I already treat him like a husband and have been doing that for 4 years already!

  5. #4
    Platinum Phenster Blippo's Avatar
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    Male perspective here. I think if you don't start putting on some pressure, you won't be married. He has all the advantages of marriage now but without the risk of going through a messy divorce. Why should he be in a hurry?
    In my humble opinion, you have to put some pressure on him.

  6. #5
    Gold Phenster dollarsgirl's Avatar
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    Thanks Blippo!!!!! I needed to hear a male perspective! Everytime I try to push my boyfriend too hard then he says You cant force someone to marry you and if you pressure me than it might not work out. I am like WTF????? We already live like husband and wife and the only difference is a piece of paper and we DO have the common law rule here and if I were really an ugly hateful person I would take him to court anyway if something went wrong! But I am not ugly and hateful! I mean lets be real here, I divorced my hubby and do not ask for a DIME of child support and I let him have the house and all! I did not take anything but my kids beds and our clothes when I left and I really had every reason to take him to the cleaners. NOW that said... what would bring my boyfriend to the conclusion that I would take everything he owns?

    MEN I TELL YA! :thinking: :thinking: :thinking: :heartpump: :heartpump:
    Start wt on phen: 255 08-11-03
    CW: 213
    STG: 199
    Week 1 wt: 08-19-03 245 10 pounds
    Week 2 wt: 08-26-03 242 3 pounds down 13 total
    Week 3 wt: 09-2-03 240 2 pounds down 15 total
    Week 4 wt: 09-9-03 237 3 pounds 18 total
    Week 5 wt: 09-15-03 234 3 pounds lost 21 total
    Week 6 wt: 09-22-03 230 4 pounds more 25 total
    Week 7 wt: 09-29-03 230
    Week 8 wt: 10-6-03 224 6 pound 31 pounds total
    Week 9 wt: 10-13-03 220 4 pounds 35 total
    Week 10 wt: 10-20-03 217 3 pounds 38 total
    Week 11 wt: 10-27-03 217
    Week 12 wt: 11-4-03 215 2 more pounds 40 pounds total
    Week 13 wt: 11-11-03 213 42 pounds
    Week 14 wt: 11-18-03 210 3 pounds 45 pounds total
    Week 15 wt: 11-21-03 210
    Week 16 wt: 12-2-03 209 1 pound 46 pounds total
    Week 17 wt: 12-9-03 207 2 pound loss 48 total
    Week 18 wt: 12-16-03 207
    Week 19 wt: TBA!

    Here is my new pic of me and Billy. Taken on our front porch 10-18-03


    You can see more pics on the web site below.

    http://groups.msn.com/Kerrysweightloss/shoebox.msnw

  7. #6
    Platinum Phenster Blippo's Avatar
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    what would bring my boyfriend to the conclusion that I would take everything he owns?
    Probably because he has seen this happen with other male friends,co-workers, etc. with their divorces.

  8. #7
    Purple People Eater
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    Okay ladies. I know this is not exactly the right approach, but all is fair. Obviously both of you are getting trim and sexy. So, what you do, keep on getting those inches off, exercising, etc, do some things different from what you are doing now, such as joining a club, where you get out of the house away from your boyfriends/fiancee. Dress up to the nines, like you are really going somewhere to impress and act nonchalant. Even if you don't have a great time, just get out of the house twice a week, while still trimming down. Even if you go to the library, get out, by yourselves. After a while, go shopping with him, buy some little thongs, etc. Have him watch you while you pick the stuff. Then casually bring up the M word. Do this for a few minits, I guarantee you will have them in your palms eating. I agree with Blippo, they need a little pressure, but not force. Doing it this way, you're being subtle. Good luck ladies. Missus

    BE BLESSED







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  9. #8
    ^Motivation^ Stayingstrong's Avatar
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    I agree with Missus if you put on to much pressure they will run to the hills with their tails between their legs, but if you make them think about what they have..... I think she is on to something. KEep us updated on how it goes wish ya both luck. You both deserve the best and that includes that ring and peice of paper to make it official :heartpump: Tammy

  10. #9
    Diamond Phenster EBONY POETESS's Avatar
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    YOU KNOW MY AUNT JUST GOT MARRIED AND HE WAS THE SAME WAY
    CHIT SHE WENT AND STARTED LEAVING WEDDING BOOKS AROUND AND HAVING MEETINGS
    SHE BASICALLY DID EVERYTHING
    EVEN PLAYED THE BEST MAN MOVIE EVERDAY UNTIL HE GOT IT
    THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 7YRS AND ENGAGED FOR TWO SHE WAS LIKE LOOK MF EITHER YOU MARRY ME OR GET THE FLUCK OUT
    AND HE MARRIED HER
    MEN ARE SO SENSTIVE ABOUT THIS STUFF
    DO YOU KNOW SHE WAS SMILING AND LAUGHING DURING THE CEREMONY AND HE WAS CRYING AND SWEAT THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING
    UNBELIEVABLE HUH



    starting weight august of 2007 ,250
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    No longer on phentermine since august of 2007.

  11. #10
    ^Motivation^ Stayingstrong's Avatar
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    I'm with ya fit I think we will be hearing wedding bells soon These men know they have the best and if they say anything different just let me know I have some stress I can let off on them :heartpump: Tammy

    [ October 28, 2003, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: tlgreene18 ]

  12. #11
    Platinum Phenster MotherLunsford's Avatar
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    I need to get to bed, so I will make this short and sweet. Tell him he needs to sh*t or get off the pot. Five years, two kids, time to f*cking grow up and COMMIT NOW!!!! If he says no, then get your *ss back here and tell us, and we will help you make plans to leave. My husband would say something gross about "free p*ssy" and then tell you both that it's time to make plans for your life. Don't waste anymore time.

    Mother

  13. #12
    Purple People Eater
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    Tammy, I just love your puppy pics girl. What did the first one say, Maxie, or Moxie? Holla girl. Missus

    BE BLESSED







    Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win.

    -Nadia Comaneci

  14. #13
    Silver Phenster tallygal's Avatar
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    I've got ya beat. December will be 4 years I've had my ring. January will be 6 years we've been together. We have a son, a house, the cars and no wedding date. We don't even talk about it. He's been married and divorced before and says we'll do it soon. Soon's been about 3 years now.

    I've got to the point were I don't really even mind anymore. Yes I get tired of people saying when is the date and when are you two finally got just do it. But, I'm not anxious like I was before. I think I just got the bug before, because quite of few of my friends had gotten married and I wanted the same thing, but now I'm not so sure. I have some friends that had been together almost ten years before they got married. They just celebrated their second anniversay and she moved out last week. I guess I don't want that to happen to us and I feel and wedding would just unneeded pressure and stress. Our relationship is perfect right now and I don't want anything to affect that. It's probably the wrong way to think, but it's how I feel right now.

    If you really feel strongly about it, I would sit down and talk to him. Let him know how you feel and why you feel that way. Let him tell you why he's not ready yet or why he seems to be putting it off.

    Brandi
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  15. #14
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    Might help if the two of you could talk about your ideas of
    what does it mean to be married. How is being married different from living together? What does he think might change if you got married? Might help you figure out what is going on in his head without the pressure of "Why won't you marry me"

    Also, work on making yourself independent so if you decide to leave you can. That gives YOU the power to make the choice if you want to put with him. That way if you decide you want to give him a fish or cut bait ultimatum, he'll know you really mean it.

  16. #15
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    Wow! I didn't expect that many responses! They are ALL very very good. It's nice to have a different prespective on it.

    I absolutely agree with everything everyone said...like not putting pressure on him, and also putting pressure on him, making him realize what he has, men being scared about that kind of stuff, etc.

    We talked a little about it last night and he said, "Everything is going so good right now, why change anything?" That made me realize that he is just too darn comfy cozy right now and he'll just keep putting it off if I let him. I hate to agrue about setting a date with him because I don't think it's something we should be fighting about...I mean F*CK, he should be happy to set a date, like me. I know guys aren't usually into picking flowers and looking at halls but it's so important to women, what's up with that?

    Any ideas on how to put the pressure on him without being dramatic?

    Missus, love your idea of looking my best and going out...I am working on it!!
    mysunshyn

  17. #16
    Gold Phenster CONYSCAZ's Avatar
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    Missus has the right idea!! I don't even have a man but I think I'll follow her advice :blabla:

  18. #17
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    I have been with my man for 8 years now and we have lived together for 5 of those years. I have no ring. We have talked about marriage and I know that it will happen one day. He just told me the other day that the reason I don't have a ring yet is because we are trying to get his business off the ground. So hopefully once things get a little better financially I will be getting a phat rock.

    I have friends that dated for 13 years before they got married and they lived together for around 5 of those years. I think men in general are just scared of the whole process. Also, they tend to get real comfortable in a relationship and kind of forget about the wedding part. My mom always cracks me up by saying, "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?". She got the cow part right. LMAO

    I really liked missus ideas. I say try those and if they don't work you could always hit him over the head with a frying pan like they do in those Golden Corral commercials. :blabla:

  19. #18
    Platinum Phenster Blippo's Avatar
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    We talked a little about it last night and he said, "Everything is going so good right now, why change anything?"
    There are no excuses for dragging on relationships. Either he wants to marry you or he don't. Only you can decide how long you want to put up with just dating.

    [ October 29, 2003, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: Blippo ]

  20. #19
    Purple People Eater
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    Hey Blippo. How's life these days after the big storm? Well, I hope. Just thought I would give you a shout. Who do you think will get to the Big One (Superbowl) in January?

    Carolina Girl (Angela) Girl, I've used the frying pan a few times on my ex. Didn't do any good though!!

    These guys will marry everyone of you because all of you are so nice.

    Missus

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    -Nadia Comaneci

  21. #20
    Platinum Phenster Blippo's Avatar
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    missus, hiya! Maybe Tampa Bay. It looks good for them!

  22. #21
    Purple People Eater
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    Couldn't agree with you more. Did you see that MOnday nighter 2 weeks ago when the Colts came back? Boy, that was worth the late night. I had hoped the Vikings would show some spark, but alas, they need a little more practice. I still love em though. I'm a diehard fan. Holla. Missus

    BE BLESSED







    Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win.

    -Nadia Comaneci

  23. #22
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    You're right Blippo. I'm tired of waiting around right now, but I guess I'm not ready to end it exactly. Hopefully he will wise up before that time comes...

    Um, on the Superbowl...Da Bears...ha ha ha! Sorry, I just had to throw that in. I know, they don't have a chance in H*LL now, but I still love them.
    mysunshyn

  24. #23
    ^Motivation^ Stayingstrong's Avatar
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    Just curious to see if there has been a date set yet? :heartpump: Tammy

  25. #24
    Gold Phenster Elmos World's Avatar
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    I work with this lady that just got married this May. Anyways she had been living with him for 11 or 12 yrs. He had never been married and she had been married 3 times before! Anyways last yr on her 50th B-day he finally asked her!! So I guess for him it took both of them turning the BIG 5-0 to finally decide to commit!! Sorry to scare you girls, but if that is the case some of u are gonna be waiting for a long time!!
    Highest Weight 198
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  26. #25
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    tlgreene18- no date has been set yet. Hopefully it will happen soon, the itch is becoming too strong, you know? But I love him and I want to make sure he's absolutely 100% ready.

    Elmos World- he won't make me wait until I'm 50, or even 30 for that matter, I'll be LONG gone by then. He'll realize what he's got before then, or else.

    Thanks for the responses!!!

    mysunshyn
    mysunshyn

  27. #26
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    Bumped for ChristinaMarie. Hopefully some of this great advice I received can help you with your situation.
    mysunshyn

  28. #27
    DiaMoND CLuSTa HuSTLa STaR101's Avatar
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    I missed this too? SH*T I'm fallin off!

    I see u already got some great advice, and I'm not too familiar with this type of situation especially since I don't wanna get married anytime soon. All I can say is if u wanna be with him and not end it over this then just fall back and wait till everything falls into place. If u are up to take the chance of losing his *ss give him an ultimatum. That's it.
    -"I can do bad by myself, and since I been by myself, I haven't done bad"-

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  29. #28
    Silver Phenster mysunshyn's Avatar
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    Thanks Star. That's exactly what I decided to do...for now anyway.

    I was wondering why you didn't answer my very important post. J/K I know it's hard to read all the posts sometimes...thanks again!
    mysunshyn

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