[Deltha]

I hesitate to post this here...but who else am I gonna ask that won't think I'm nuts. I promise, if you make it to the end and you have a heart...you'll cry. Just warning you...don't want to bring anyone down.

First...AttorneyMom suggested over in the challenge forum that we consider getting our wills, etc in place. She had good advice...so I took it.

Thing is...I wrote this letter to the people I've asked to take our children should Dan and I go before they're adults.

And, well...they're not gonna see it unless it happens...so I need some advice. They've already agreed...this is just an okay if it happens this is what we want kind of deal. So...read it like you are them. Tell me if any of it sounds too dramatic or stupid or anything. It all felt good to me...but I know I have a bit of the theatre running in my blood. So if it were you...you being the new guardians...or you being the children. Either...what do you think of this? Am I leaving anything out??

Dearest _________,

If you’re reading this it means we’re gone and Robert and Carissa are alone now. We know, they aren’t really alone. They are only without us, and that is tough enough without actually being alone.

We also know, we don’t have to say much of what we are saying…but we have to say it, because it has to be said-let nothing be assumed. We won’t attempt to tell you how we feel about our children, how much we love them, our dreams for them. All you have to do is think of how you feel for your children. That is enough.

We realize taking two children into your home is a big undertaking and responsibility. We don’t doubt that you’ll love them and give them the best of everything you can. We hope you’ll talk about us and let them talk about us. Let us continue to live in their hearts. We want them to come to love you and trust you as much as any child can love a loved family member who becomes a parent…more even. But never let them doubt our love for them. Never let them think we left them voluntarily.

You know enough about Delfina’s family history to know that what we said in the will is what should be done, without waiver. Should Robert and Carissa desire to seek out any of Delfina’s family when they are mature enough to understand it all…the danger involved, etc…it is up to your discretion. If you chose to let them, to help them, great. If you decide they should wait until they’re adults, fine. It is completely up to you and we hope you’ll consider it prayerfully.

We would like both Robert and Carissa to know of our desire for them to serve missions. We know the church’s position on women serving missions, that it is their choice…but we believe both should be encouraged equally. If either one decides against it, fine. It is their life to live. We just want them to be encouraged to do so. The blessings and growth that can be obtained from serving a religious mission are like no others and we want them to understand that clearly.

We hope you’ll teach them that there is no greater thing they can do in life than to love. Whether they have money, education, material possessions does not matter. If they have love, they have enough. If they never succeed at anything worldly, they will never be failures if they love. Caring for, doing for and loving others is the truest measure of success.

At this point, we don’t know how much, if anything, will be left to take care of them financially. We trust your judgment if there is. Do the best you can with what is left. Money never was love and though we realize adding two children to a budget is a lot, we hope they’ll never worry one way or another that if there is no money, there will be no love. We pray Heavenly Father blesses you in the responsibility of these two. That if there are things that are needed, somehow you will have them.

Above all, let them know how loved they are, always have been and always will be. Let them never doubt our love for them. Tell them we’ll be watching over them for all their days and that someday we will be all together again because we are a forever family.

We love you and can’t express in words the feelings we have while writing this to you. We know you’ll treasure our babies as much as we do. And we hope you know that the privilege of being a family that includes you is something we cherish.

Until we meet again,
Dan & Delfina

Man...I bawled writing this tonight...I'll stress over it now...wondering if it was too much, not enough...so help me out guys. Either help me fix it, or set my mind at ease.

[debra]

I really like it. And you know what -- I think I'm going to follow your lead and do the same. My sister would make a great mom, but she and her hubby also like the child-free life (travel, money, etc) and have decided to not have children. She is a wonderful aunt and she (and her hubby) have agreed to take all my kids if anything ever happens. And I know that they will be wonderful at raising them if we can't, even if it does require (a lot) of lifestyle changes. At least they have greatly considered these lifestyle changes and they do readily agree to raise our children. Anyway, the least that I can do for them, and for my children, is write them a heart-felt letter. Thank you!
Debra

[nal]

Del, it's true you do have the theater in your blood, but the letter is beautiful. I wouldn't take out a word. It's obvious that you have great trust in the people you've chosen - you don't need to give specific directions because your values are similar. Kudos to you for taking care of this and your wills. So many people put it off until it's too late.

[Cassie]

Del~ It's a letter from your heart - how could it be too much or too little? It's just perfect. I'm sure the people you've entrusted your children to would very much appreciate this letter. They'd want to make sure that they're raising the kids how you'd want them to be raised, and this letter addresses some important issues (seeing your family and serving missions, etc.). You're telling them Daniel and your wishes, but still giving them latitude to make their decisions based on the kids' needs.

I think ya done good.

(P.S. From an earlier post where you and Daniel made your confessions to each other ~ I'm soooo glad you're feeling that unconditional love!! You deserve it!!!!)

Love you tons!

[mommy of twins]

It is perfect. Dont stress over it... I think that you expressed your feelings and concern quite well.

[luvmyboxerpup]

I agree with Cassie. Its from your heart. Leave it.

[delta]

It sounds good. It is sad, but needed. I really need to think about it. I wish I can write one without my husband's consent. He will want our child to go to his MOM-no way!!!

[Melissa0101]

I think that maybe it's just so overwhelming to that it's really not about the letter itself but the reality and how the letter puts your life in perspective. By writing that letter you have to admit to yourself that your not going to live forever and won't be around for some of their milestones if your were to pass away in the near future. My sister just passed away this summer and did not finish her will and it was not submitted to the lawyer and now technically the father has custody of the kids which my sister never wanted and they aren't currently living with him (he just got out of jail Nov. 27th) but if he wanted to come and take them there isn't really much we can do unless we come up with a lot of money for a lawyer. You wrote your letter flawlessly now make sure you get it to the lawyers and get it submitted so that your wishes are recognized by the court.

[Deltha]

Thanks so much ya'll. I hate having to do stuff like this...but, it really is something that must be done.

Sherri...dang girl its been sooo long since we've had any contact. I got your card and the snowflake...made me cry. Thanks for that....as for the other...girl, you deserve it as much as I do!!

Melissa...I think you are exactly right...just the thought that it could happen tears me up. Course the thoughts that run through my head considering it did happen and what my so called mother would do make me sick to my stomach. Better to sit and cry and do it...than to put it off and regret it!!

[Keew]

Hiya Del. I have something to add in, not to the letter but to the situation.

From experience, you could also start a journal.

A life long journal of feelings, memories, and other writings directed toward your children.

God forbid, if anything were to happen they have something of their own to cherish, and nothing in there should be scripted. Just write it and save it.

And never edit something you've written from the heart...the rough draft should be the only draft.

[attorneymom]

It's beautiful Deltha.

[Deltha]

Keew...a very good suggestion...I've got journals going back to when I was 17!! and I've listed them as items to be given to the children when we die.

I've also got listed all of the cards and letters Dan and I have ever exchanged...all the way back to the first one 8 years ago!!

Even if they don't get money from us...they'll get memories, lots and lots of memories and words.

Thanks for the suggestion!!