having a hard time

[MiSsJoLi]

Hello all. I am having a hard time. It's my 11th day on phen and on my new diet. I am doing okay, but not excercising enough. I just got off the phone with my grandma and I told her about my diet and goal of getting to 150 pounds. As of 11 days ago I weighed 233 pounds. 100 more pounds then i weighed 5 years ago when i graduated from high school. when I told her of my plans to lose weight she asked how much I weigh now, but I couldn't say it. I just burst into tears. She hasn't seen me in a while, so she really has no idea. I guess the last time I saw her i weighed about 30 pounds less then i do now, which is stilla lot because the time before that she had seen me when I was about 30 pounds lighter then that which woulda put me about 170. (she lives in Wa state and i live in KY) Anyway, It is so humiliating to talk about. I have such a hard time with it. I have been so emotional lately. Does anyone else have such a hard time talking about it with family? I don't know, but every time I talk to my mom I cry, then she cries and so on (she lives in Colorado). I am probably making no sense, but I had to "type" about it. It makes me feel better.

[donna_erta]

Missjoli, Your Grandma and Mom will love you no matter what size you are...Your diet is something you have to take one day at a time sometimes one hour at a time...Try to think positive and realize you will not get results over night. You do this for you!!! There are plenty of good people here to help you. You will have good days and bad days and we'll be here for you. Good Luck and Take Care, Donna

[Leaper]

Hi!
I know what you're feeling. When I talked to the doctor to get on something for weight loss, I started crying. I felt so stupid. Just saying that I don't like the way I look makes me so emotional. Hang in there... pretty soon you'll be dying to tell everyone how much you weigh!
Lee

[MiSsJoLi]

Thanks Donna and Leaper! I feel like I am always whining on these boards, but it halps me get it out and begin to process it all. I love the feedback. It is so encouraging. I am sure it'll get better, but I am prepared to have some good days and some bad. So far (in 12 days now) I have only had 2 really bad days. Anyway, thanks again for your support!!!

[V2Rose]

A smile for you MissJoli!
Your doing wonderful and your making great efforts to achieve this. It is going to be emotional. Your mom and grandma love you for you. Remember that.

[MiSsJoLi]

thanks V2Rose, I know they love me and believe it or not my mom has cried too for me. Again, thanks for the reassurance. It really really helps!

[KeliK]

Missjoli,
Hi,
I know it is hard to talk to your family. I was 236 lbs when I started last may 2001.
And was the only person in my family that had a weight problem. My mom always bought the latest diet fad for me, just making things worse. My dad was so disapointed in me. I am the only daughter of 2 boys.
Its hard for them to I believe, they want to help, they see you unhappy, but they just dont know what to do. But I believe they cant help, they can just support you.

One idea,
I saw that your goal was 150 lbs. That is a little overwhelming at first... try making baby steps, small goals. 5 or 10 lbs at a time. 150 lbs seems so far away.( it helped me)
Try to get in some exercise, the endorphines will make you feel better....

have a good day
Keli

sw 236 may 2000
cw 150
gw 145

[maddy29]

I totally agree with Kelik..small goals really do help ( and she should know)

Weight has always been an emotional subject for me. I remember the first day at a new school, freshman year no less, gym...she weighed us all..in front of one another, it was the most humiliating experiences of my life. I weighed a whopping 150 lbs..I was the only girl that need to go to the next bar on the scale..everyone was under 150! Now at that time, no one said...Hey your suppose to weigh more your 5'9. I just felt like a big fat loser..and the dieting NIGhTMARE began!!!!

I immeadiatly went to the nurse's office to call my mom to come get me, I was SICK...and boy was I. A new school, all new snotty girls, and 150lbs, well the gossip of my weight spread like wildfire and everyone new how much I weighed..Like I said it was humiliating!

Anyway, back to the emotion...On the ride home, I was hysterical, crying my eyes out, this would be the first of many times. My mother asked me what happened, and I said that they weighed me and I was huge. SHe asked me how much..I could not say, I was so mortified, I just balled and balled and balled. SO I went on my first DIET..the weiny and grapefruit, GOD bless my mother, she had no idea what she was doing, she had never had a weight issue. SHe just wanted me to be happy...

If only that gym teacher would have showed the class a weight chart, explaining the reason for different weights and body types.

That feeling has carried me around my entire life. Even though I am now just 5 lbs from my freshman year weight! Emotional issues that stem from weight and ultimatly body acceptance is a journey..I read recently a quote that I like "Time heals nothing, but love heals all"

Learning to love myself in all my inperfections is my ultimate goal for myself.

As soon as I am there, I am assuming I will let go of that day in front of the class, and you will let go of the embarassement of your weight as well.

Your in my thoughts today! Its a journey, and we are all here for you!

Maddy

[Sammi Rose]

Weight is a very emotional issue. Think of all of the guilt we've all felt, the despair, and the joy when we've lost a few lbs. Life is filled with uncontrollabe things- we can't control the weather, our bosses, our spouses, our neighbors, the traffic, etc., but we feel like we should be able to control ourselves, including our weight. When we reach the point where we want to take control again (dieting) we have to admit that we haven't been in control for a long time. Our eating has been in control of us, not the other way around. That's a pretty emotional admission! Just look forward, not backwards, and remember that every day- every hour- is a chance at a new beginning.

And, by the way, nobody knows how much I weigh except for you guys on this board!
----Sammi

[FRANCIE]

MISsJoli,
I get emotional too <especially in chat>
But it sounds like you miss your family too, with everyone being in different states. You hang in there and WHINE ALL YA WANT HERE...WE DONT MIND...SEE THIS CHICK BELOW IS OUR MASCOT!!!

wehen i have been at my heaviest, no. i couldnt talk to family. heck, i couldnt even talk to hubby cause he had a persona of the perfect lil wife and family, and when i didnt fit that mold, he would be kind, say things like i love you no matter weight, etc, but i could see and knew better ( my ex-affairs x2 remember?~ - no that i am blaming all on him for that, i dont., ==but each time he cheated was when i was heavy, and one time not even in the same state while we were movin cross country and he was here 4 mos before me for final ) well. anyway, he was a good support for me to help encourage when he could see it coming off. ~ so for that, i thank him. some guys just arent. ~ hang in there misjoli~ you will make it. remember, its ok to crave a snack, plan for it, budget, etc. dietwatch and another one are good sites let me look, just min.... ***** - Health-E-Tools-diet & Fitness Journal ----will get you to the site. goodluck~
pjb-Peanut

[MiSsJoLi]

Thanks everyone again. It helps when I hear other people have/are feeling the same way. I am on day 13...and hangin in there. I have such a LONG journey ahead of me, but I am in it for the long haul. I don't know that I could do it without you all. I love ya'll for helping me.

[MiSsJoLi]

I am bumping this for encouragement!!! And thanks to those who posted to me such a long time ago! You all kept me here, and encouraged me and gave me hope...time to help me again! UGH! I love this place...

[health4life]

Hello MissJoli
U are doing such a good job

SW 258
CW 195
GW 150(size 10)

[ November 02, 2002, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: health4life ]

[silverstar]

You've come a long way baby! WTG!

[nal]

I am beautiful.
I am a worthwhile person.
I am a great friend.
I deserve to lose weight.
I deserve good things to happen to me!

et tu Joline!!!!

[Pattib]

see MissJ~ you did well gettin thru youre plateou back then, ~ wtg gf! ~ u look marvoulous~peant~

[luvmyboxerpup]

Oh Man. You scared me. I started reading and didn't look at the date. I thought'WHAT????? NO WAY!" I know she didn't gain that weight back in 2 weeks. I about passed out. I knew y'all had fun on the cruise. but....

THEN>>>> I looked up at the date. Duh.

You have realy come a long way!!!! And the nice thing is, is that you have encouraged and inspired others on their journey!

Have a great weekend.

Deana

[Deltha]

Deana...I was flipping out too there for a minute...then I thought..this just can't be right what is the date on this thing? Feeeww....that solved it.

Yes...Joline you've come a long, long way girl. And so little left to go...if you can do what you have done...you can do what you want to do!!

[JoRae]

MissJ, Thanks for bumbing that. You are an inspiration to me and will continue to be.
While I was reading that, I felt that you was reading my mind. Although, I've accomplished so much in the few months that I have been here, I know I've still got a long journey ahead of me yet. I just wanted to tell you that with friends like you on here I will get to where I want to be in time.
You are doing great. I know that you have helped me alot and you probably didn't even know it. We all slip sometimes and we got to get up and keep going. Try not to dwell on the past and move on.
I have to add this in. (I watched Forest Gump this morning).....Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get!!!!!

[MiSsJoLi]

Sorry to scare anyone. As some of you know I gained 4 lbs on the cruise and it hasn't gone anywhere...thats not the worst part. I have been sooooo bad since then (i was spoiled with the wonderful food on the cruise) that I can't get myself back in "healthy" mode. Anyway, thanks for listening to me whine...It helps me believe it or not. I appreciate the kind words! And silverstar...where the heck have you been????

[Lora]

I am pretty new to the chats too, but I wanted to say that dieting has always been a part of my life, I am 28, and have been on a diet for 14+ years. Now I am changing my life.

For me, in the last year, I have changed so much that now, I am working on me. My mom died, I started a new job, dumped my boyfriend of two years, finished my college degree, passed my brokers test, and moved back to my home town to be closer to my family. I am 85lbs over weight and so many people just don't understand. I do try to eat the right things. But... it's hard. With Phentermine, I am now eating a lot less, but it's still hard to make the best choice. I don't hate food. I don't dislike anything. I am very easy to please.

Talking about weight is hurtful because I am then judged. No matter what people say, you are judged.

I really feel for you. I can share with you a million reasons why I want to lose weight and only one or two for the reason that I am fat. I don't excerise enough and I don't stick to my plan. I know what to do. I know how to lose the weight. I can do it. Together we can do it.

I have turned to your guys for support and thank you that you are there.

[Luvwater]

What an inspiration you are to me Missy...
Dont beat yourself up over this just do like Kel told you over a year ago and see how far you've come... Try taking baby steps ...You truly are amazing!!!
Luvmy and Del--I did the same thing....scared the crap hmmm can we say crap??? outta me

Ann

[ November 02, 2002, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: Luvwater ]

[Blippo]

Wow MiSsJoLi, what a great inspiration you are!

[health4life]

Ummm missjoli I think u have fooled us all. I had to go back and edit mine. Cant wait till I can go back to my story. You must be very proud of yourself.
Did u think u would make it this far, back then?

[ November 02, 2002, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: health4life ]

[GrannieJudi]

KUDO's to you MissJ...not just for the AWESOME progress you've made but also for thinking about bumping this...

If anybody out there has any doubts about what you can accomplish then you need to print this out and read it EVERY day till it sinks in that it could just as easily have your signature on it as Jolines. hmmmm, easily isn't a good word for this is it? Nope...she worked HARD but LOOK at the results and ask yourself it appears worth it. If your answer is "yes" then you know what to do, if it's "no" wellllll, I can't really say what I'm thinking..........Just remember, anything is possible if you're willing to make it happen!!!

[MiSsJoLi]

Actually, NO...i didnt think i would make it this far...and even worse, I am scared that I won't make it the rest of the way. i have been stuck for months, and still have about 20 lbs to lose...don't know how exactly I am going to do this, that is why I need to become more active here again. I was so caught up in the cruise and preparing for it, that I havent been around much. It's time for me to get back on the WAGON!!!!!

[MiSsJoLi]

awwwww....thanks granni...that was very nice...the kind of thing I needed to hear right now. I am so sick of being in this funk...and the barney pinata hasnt been helping