May 2nd, 2001, 08:04 AM
I share an office with 2 other girls. One of them is very thin and eats junk all day long, the other is very heavy and eats junk for breakfast and lunch. I'm getting down to a normal, healthy weight but I HAVE to be very careful about what I eat. I'm the kind of person that puts weight on fast! The heavy girl constantly mocks me. Today, the skinny girl brought me some popcorn shrimp so I could taste it - like 5 pieces. MMM, they were good. The heavy girl started saying "oh my god, your diet is blown, you're eating fried food" and of course she had this snotty smirk on her face. I said, "is there a reason you're talking to me like that?" and she said something about how I"m always so picky. She's so friggin rude and I'm already feeling a little sensitive, I want to punch her in the nose.
On the good side, I am wearing my size 10 pants today! ! ! I haven't lost a lot of weight per the scale, but my clothes fit much better. I think because I'm doing some exercise every day for at least 30 minutes and of course counting calories and eating healthy. I feel good but this girl is giving me a headache.
Any advice on how to deal with this person? She usually very nice, she's funny and outgoing. She is very overweight and says she's going to lose 60 pounds but the ONLY way to do it is to exercise (which she doesn't do). She just started BodySolutions but she ate Popeye fried shrimp for lunch today and had a candy bar after breakfast this morning. (???) I dont' want to talk to her about weight, food or anything. I stupidly let it slip that I'm taking phen. I don't even want to go into her comments on that.
Anyway, I'm trying not be miserable around her and feel good because I'm making some real progress on my weight and health.
May 2nd, 2001, 08:37 AM
She's obviously in a lot of pain about her own weight, and seeing you succeed makes her failure all that more upsetting. Of course it's hard to be sympathetic to a person who acts nasty towards you, but it would totally disarm her if you told her you understand why she feels she must undermine your diet in order to ease her own pain, and you are very sorry that she hasn't found something that works for her....etc. While telling her off makes a good revenge fantasy, do a good deed and go the nice route. You never know if/when you might be back in her shoes one day.
May 2nd, 2001, 09:23 AM
I can totally understand how you feel Heather. It's important for you to keep telling yourself that YOU are the better person!
I'm not saying that because you're thinner than the heavier girl, but because you don't put others down to make yourself feel better, which is exactly what she's doing to you.
Just by being a part of this forum and venting your frustrations here, you are already demonstrating the fact that you are dealing with difficult issues in a positive way.
I know that probably doesn't quite give you the same satisfaction as punching her lights out would though, LOL!
Since you do have to deal with her on a daily basis at work, just keep your composure as best you can. Realize that she's saying those things to you out of jealousy and her own insecurities.
YOU know that you are doing a good job! YOU are exercising regularly! YOU are eating healthy! YOU have a good support system! YOU ARE IN CONTROL!
If all else fails, take your frustrations and channel them into your workouts. Try out a new activity, or add an extra 1/2 hour to your regular exercise routines.
Don't let other people drag you down Heather because YOU are better than that!!!
May 2nd, 2001, 09:28 AM
I think the best thing to do is to make he recognize her own behavior and let her know that hurts your feelings. Pull her aside (away from the skinny girl) and say: I have really had to work very hard at losing weight, and it hasn't been fun or easy for me to do it and it is particularly hurtful when you mock me for it because you know very well what it is like to struggle with your weight. I'd appreciate it if you would be a little more sensitive to the fact that I have to monitor and regulate what I eat in order to maintain the weight that I am at, and if that makes me "too picky"...then so be it. I'd rather be picky than obese.
That would shut her up...and it's not really mean either - at least I don't think it is.
JUST my 2 cents.
May 2nd, 2001, 10:02 AM
I agree with everyone. This girl sounds like she is very unhappy about her own weight and thinks that by putting you down will make her feel better, but since it probably isn't that makes her even more hostile.
My advice? Try and get her to join you in the weight loss effort! It's more fun when you have a buddy! Maybe on your lunch hour you can invite her somewhere for a healthy salad and then afterwards go for a walk. And when it's snack time, offer her some of your healthy treats as an alternative to the candy bars. My favorite thing at work when my co-worker and I were dieting was that we would make some light popcorn and share it, so try and make some and bring her a bowl. Maybe she will be more positive if she feels included instead of left out.
If she won't do it, then the best thing you can do is just distance between you and her, as much as possible anyway. You don't need to hear any discouragement right now. And the next time she makes a comment? Just shrug and say, "My body, my choice, my life." I think that says it all.
May 2nd, 2001, 01:10 PM
Kill her with kindness,as they say....She has alot of problems and realizes she does have a weight problem and therefore she is eating more. Only she can decide when is the right time to lose weight and nobody can tell her otherwise. I know its hard not to calulate the fat grams and calories that someone consumes.Just stay focused on yourself and the great job that you are doing. Hopefully she will come around and realize..Hey Im overweight and i need to loose this weight. Ignore the negative comments coming from a person who is probaly jealous and in pain. Congrats on your weight loss!
May 2nd, 2001, 05:57 PM
Heather, I think you've gotten some great advice already, I just wanted to add my two cents.
I think when we stay mad at someone it only hurts us. I would try to ignore this person and stay focused on myself.
The strange thing about it is her attitude may actually help you to lose weight. When you look at her and see her over eating, it may help you to do just the opposite.
May 2nd, 2001, 06:55 PM
Linz & Lose-
Excellent! Right on target- I couldn`t have said it better!
Boy, there sure are some terrific people on this forum.
Heather- I agree that your co-worker is feeling a bit envious of your progress and self control, something she probably wishes she posesses(sp?) in herself. To her you are a constant reminder of the things SHE should be doing but lacks the discipline. Just keep on doing what you`re doing and don`t even entertain her with a response. You have every right to feel good about yourself-you`ve worked very hard to get where you`re at. Do not allow her to steal your joy!
May 2nd, 2001, 07:09 PM
Tell her to meet you at the "flag pole" at three o'clock and then kick the patooga out of her!
Nooooooooo, now ya'll know I am just joking.
Us kind hearted Phensters don't do things like that (we might "think" about them from time to time!)
You already have tons of wonderful advice. Keep us posted as the office saga churns.
May 3rd, 2001, 03:17 AM
Thank you! I think I already knew all this in my heart. I am going with the strategy "kill her with kindness". Watching her really does motivate me to not be that way again.
She's not the kind of person who would respond well to a 'let's talk heart to heart about how you're being a b*tch'. She's very agressive. I have comfronted her about rude behavior and she flew into a rage. So, no thank you on that. As for getting her to join me on the diet thing - that's another big no. She's got her own theories on weight loss and she scoffs at my attempts. Oh well..
I'm going to be A-OK. In fact, she probably is really helping me. She'll invite a few people to go to McDonalds and say something like 'Heather won't go since she's too good to eat there'. I've started saying "Thank you for not inviting me, my will power might not survive a trip to Mickeys, Ya'll have a good time!"
I just feel sorry for her most of the time. Thank you all for encouraging me to rise above it. But, Moon - if you'll come with me, we can jump her in the parking lot
May 3rd, 2001, 03:18 AM
May 3rd, 2001, 03:35 AM
HEATHER.....WAY TO GO...WOW...SIZE 8!!
Big thumbs up for you.
I'm running out the door...this is the only post I have time for this morning.
Eveyone have a GREAT day.
May 3rd, 2001, 07:06 AM
This may not sound very nice, but after reading your description of your coworker, you know who immediately pops into my mind? That character Mimi (I think thats her name) on the Drew Carey show! I just had to say it.
Best of luck!
May 3rd, 2001, 09:55 AM
LOL! That's funny...she DOES sound like Mimi!!! Heather - I'll have to commend you on your patients with this woman and your ability to be nice to her. Because from the sound of her I know that if I were in your shoes - she and I would be arch enemies. But I can be vicious.
To tell you the truth, it doesn't sound like killing her with kindness will really do much either, except keep you from looking like the jerk. I wish that blowing her off was as easy as it sounds...but I know very well that it isn't always easy to do that. Just keep your chin up and smile when she acts like a witch. Who cares what she thinks about weight loss anyway... what ever her "theories" are, they don't work and YOURS DO AND I am sure that everyone else in the office knows why she acts that way anyway.
May 3rd, 2001, 10:13 AM
The killing her with kindness thing is really just to help me sleep at night. I don't ever want to one of those people who make others' lives miserable on purpose. I coudln't stand knowing that I was being petty and cruel to someone because of my own personal problem.
And I like thinking to myself 'ahhh-haahaa, I'm KILLING her (with kindness)'.
She is QUITE A BIT like MIMI ( HA HA HA)except that he doesn't do the makeup/hair thing. I'm going to keep that image in my mind though - hope I don't slip and accidently call her that one day. tee hee
The really sad part about this little lady, is that she's pretty fun and nice when she isn't having a complex about something. She's well liked around here but sometimes people run in fear when she becomes possessed by the Mimi personality.
Thank you all for the support and encouragement and the laughs!!!! I'm going to keep my chin up and keep plugging away at my lifestyle change (its not a friggin' diet, MIMI so no I'm not just going to gain it all back!!! grrrrr) Its not worth arguing with her so I'll vent here. Thanks again, friends, I feel 100% better. (GROUP HUG)
May 3rd, 2001, 10:26 AM
WAY BIG THUMBS UP!!!!!!
YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!
May 3rd, 2001, 12:16 PM
I think you have a great attitude concerning Mimi. It makes me feel bad to hurt someone else even if they do act like a horse's behind. I think you are doing a great job of dealing with Mr. Ed [the talking horse].
[This message has been edited by lose (edited May 03, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by lose (edited May 03, 2001).]