[JEM]

HELLO PEOPLE...

I AM EXTREMELY DEPRESSED TODAY...I DID NOT TAKE MY PHENTERMINE PILLS FOR 2 DAYS...YESTERDAY AND TODAY...ACTUALLY, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE YESTERDAY TO GET ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION FOR PHENTERMINE 30MGS...I TEND NOT TO TAKE THEM DURING THE WEEKENDS...MY DEPRESSION STARTED EARLY THIS MORNING...I HAD THIS DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND I WAS AS THIN AS I USE TO BE BACK IN MY YOUNGER YEARS...I FELT SO GOOD, I WAS SO CONFIDENT...I LOOKED DAMN GOOD...THEN, WHAT HAPPENED? I WOKE UP AND JUST MY LUCK THE FIRST THING I SAW WAS MY STILL FAT SELF LOOKING RIGHT AT THE MIRROR...I SHOULDN'T PUT MYSELF DOWN AS MUCH AS I DO...BUT, DEPRESSION REALLY KICKS IN...I MEAN, I HAVE LOST 36 POUNDS IN ALMOST 1 YEAR...THAT SHOULD COUNT FOR SOMETHING...BUT, I CAN'T STAND THIS PLATEAU IN WHICH I AM IN NOW...I FEEL ANXIOUS, IMPATIENT, I WANT TO SEE IMMEDIATE RESULTS OR I GET DISCOURAGED...I START THINKING...THEN, I BEGIN TO DOUBT MYSELF...I BEGIN TO WONDER WILL I EVER REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT...IT'S HORRIBLE...I CRY ALOT...I FEEL SO UGLY...I ALMOST FEEL DEAD...
WHAT I REALLY NEED IS POSTIVE PEOPLE AROUND ME...I HAVE NO SUPPORT AT HOME...MY HUSBAND CRITIZES ME...HE SAY'S IT'S HIS WAY OF GETTING ME MAD ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIS LOGIC...ANYWAYS, DURING MY 36 POUNDS OF WEIGHT LOSS...I HAD FAMILY MEMBERS, FRIENDS AND SOME CO-WORKER COMMENT ON HOW I HAD LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT...AND I KEPT HEARING IT FOR A WHILE...I FELT SO GOOD...I WAS SO MOTIVATED...ALTHOUGH, I NEVER HEARD MY HUBBY COMMENT ON MY WEIGHT LOSS...INSTEAD, HE'D SAY SOMETHING LIKE...REALLY, YOU STILL LOOK THE SAME TO ME...I MEAN I WENT FROM A SIZE 16 TO A 9/10 IN PANTS...BUT HE NEVER SAID A WORD...HE LOOKS AT ME AS THOUGH HE IS DISGUSTED WITH ME...HE SAYS HE LOVES ME...AND THAT HE IS TRYING TO HELP ME...BUT IT HURT'S ME SOOOO MUCH...HE FOUND OUT I WAS ON THE PHENTERMINE PILLS AND HE DEMANDED I GET OFF THEM...HE SAID HE COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY MOOD SWINGS...THE FACT THAT I WAS UP TO ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT...CLEANING OR JUST COOKING DINNER FOR THE NEXT DAY AND FREEZING IT...OR WASHING SOME DIRTY LAUNDRY AT 2:00 AM IN THE MORNING WHEN I HAD TO GO TO WORK THE FOLLOWING DAY...SEE, HE WORKS THE PM HOURS AND GETS HOME ABOUT THAT TIME 2:OO AM...HE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND, WHY I WAS STILL UP AT THAT TIME...UNTIL ONE DAY...I FESSED UP AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS ON THOSE PILLS...HE DEMANDED I GET OFF THEM...AND I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULDN'T GET OFF THEM AND THAT THANKS TO MY PHENTERMINE I HAD LOST 36 POUNDS...AND MAYBE THAT IS WHY HE WANT'S ME OFF THEM...BECAUSE MAYBE, JUST MAYBE...HE HAS NOTICED MY WEIGHT LOSS BUT DIDN'T FEEL HE HAD TO TELL ME...I AM ON THEM STILL...I JUST DON'T TAKE THEM ON THE WEEKENDS MOST OF THE TIME...AND I TEND TO EAT MORE ON THE WEEKENDS BECAUSE I AM HOME...DURING THE WEEK I DO PRETTY GOOD...WHILE AT WORK...I ALSO, HAVE AN ANNOYING CO-WORKER, WHO TRIES TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WILL NEVER WIN MY WEIGHT LOSS BATTLE...ON THESE DEPRESSING DAYS...LIKE TO DAY...I COULD HEAR A COMMENT MY HUSBAND SAID TO ME...A LONG TIME AGO...HE HAS A VERY GOOD JOB WITH THE CITY...HE EARNS GOOD MONEY...AND WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 23 YEARS...ONE DAY HE LOOKED AT ME...AND SAID...YOU NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT, I CAN'T EVEN TAKE YOU OUT WITH MY CO-WORKERS AND THEIR WIVE'S BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU LOOK...THEN HE SAID...I WORK VERY HARD...I PAY ALL THE BILLS...I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED FINANCIALLY...AND ALL I ASK FOR...IS ONE LITTLE THING...FOR YOU TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT...AND BE THE WAY YOU WERE...I DESERVE TO HAVE A TROPHIE WALKING BY MY SIDE..."YOU SHOULD BE THAT TROPHIE"... THAT HAS NEVER LEFT MY HEART NOR MY MIND...WORDS ARE VERY PAINFUL AND THEY TEND TO STICK...FIRST HE FAILED TO SEE...THAT I HAD HIS 2 CHILDREN...AND OFCOURSE MY BODY CHANGED FROM HOW I LOOKED WHEN WE FIRST MET...SECOND HE FAILED TO SEE THAT I MAY BE SOMEWHAT CHUNKY ON THE OUTSIDE BUT I DO HAVE A PRETTY FACE AND MOST OF ALL I AM DAMN BEAUTIFUL IN THE INSIDE...AND BEAUTY LIES WITHIN...THIRDLY...I HAVE STUCK BY HIM THROUGH THICK AND THIN...I WOULD LOVE AND ACCEPT HIM...IN ANYWAY, SHAPE OR FORM...IF HE LOST HIS HAIR TOMORROW, I WOULD STILL BE HERE...IF HE LOST ALL HIS TEETH TOMORROW, I WOULDN'T LOVE HIM ANY LESS...AND MOST OF ALL...I WOULD NEVER PUT HIM DOWN...JUST TO GET A POINT ACROSS...WHO AM I TO JUDGE? NO ONE IS PERFECT...WE ALL HAVE OUR FAULTS...BUT AS YOU CAN SEE...IN MY HOME THERE IS NO WAY...I AM GOING TO GET THE SUPPORT I NEED...I HOPE TOMORROW IS A BETTER DAY FOR ME...MOST OF ALL, I HOPE I HAVE A GOOD WEEK AND THAT I DO ALOT BETTER WITH MY PHENTERMINE, WITH THE WATER INTAKE...AND WITHOUT THE CRITISIZMS...HEY GUYS, I AM SO SORRY THAT I POSTED SUCH A DEPRESSING SUBJECT BUT I JUST FELT THE NEED TO BE HEARD...THE NEED TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE WHO CARE AND UNDERSTAND...AND PAULA, IF YOU READ THIS...JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL...I KNOW YOU HAVE FAITH IN ME...AS WELL AS OTHERS...I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS...AS I HOPE I COULD ALSO HELP YOU GUYS GET THROUGH YOUR BAD DAYS AND YOUR BATTLE WITH BULDGE...AGAIN, THANK YOU...AND I HOPE TO GET REPLIES FROM YOU ALL OR ATLEAST TO CHAT WITH YOU ALL SOMETIME...
GUESS WHAT?...BELIEVE IT OR NOT...I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW...TAKE CARE, JEM!

[This message has been edited by JEM (edited February 04, 2001).]

[Rena]

GRRRRRRR let me at him.. LET ME AT HIM!!!! Someone needs to punch him down. I can't believe you have to deal with that all the time!! Jem, honey, I know that has to be hard to deal with, especially if you love him. Did you say you've been with him for 23 years, and you've put up with him being this way all that time?? Sweetheart, someone should give you an award for living in that situation all this time.

I am still a good 110 pounds over weight, and I have had to learn to basically live my life ignoring my husband, because if I paid attention to all he said about me, I would have committed suicide a long time ago I am afraid. Or hurt myself really bad or something!! It just kills me to see anyone having to deal with the negative responses you're putting up with. You must be a very strong lady to deal with it this long I admire you for that.

I just wanted to let you know I am out here, and I am sure that the whole bunch will be behind you as soon as they have a chance to read your post. I am glad writing it all out helped you feel better, if you ever need someone to bounce your feelings off on, feel free to write me, maybe we could even have a live chat sometime.

Take care, let us know how everything shapes up at home!!

Rena
music01@network-one.com

[CityGirl]

Hi Jem,
I'm so sorry you feel so bad right now. It really is depressing to feel you have no control over losing the weight as quickly as you'd like to. I know a lot of men who act like your hubby. I don't believe they really mean the horrible things they say. A lot of times they don't realize how much their words really hurt.
I know I would never say anything to make anyone feel small or less desired. It is natural to gain weight and change appearance as everyone gets older. A normal life progression, only those who have nothing but their looks and size to sustain them I have realized could expect you or I to remain the same. My husband used to remark about how I used to look 15 yrs. ago. Until I made him take a good look in the mirror. I let him have it out of frustration one night and he finally got counseling and grew up. I don't know what exactly he learned in counseling but he really has grown up. Now he is afraid to tell me I look like I lost a few lbs. for fear of me thinking he thought I was heavier if I hadn't. Sounds strange but today I truly believe he understands that looks and size do not make a person easier to live with. I guess we both have changed but I do remember the agony of feeling I had lost my looks and my husband reinforcing that feeling.
When you look in the mirror you ought to see a woman who has lived and loved and laughed and cried the past 23 yrs. with this man. Make a promise to yourself each morning that you will do your best today to make your body as strong and fit for yourself as you can that day. Look into your own eyes and see all the love and effort you have given in behalf of your family and friends. That is what will keep you going. Never be ashamed of what you see. If he can't see that what he loved in the beginning has matured and grown then he is blind.
Peace & Love, Terri

[LadyDi3]

I can't believe you have to deal with a man like that. No wonder you are depressed!!!!!You are definitely a very strong person and you have shown it already. My experience with people that put you down for trying to improve yoourself is that they have low self esteem and are afraid you might get some attention and they won't. Here is what I don't understand. He is mad at you for being on the phen. but then says you need to lose the weight. Sounds like he is afraid you might look good to someone else. It is a very tough battle without the negativity let alone with it. I am so glad you posted your message because we are all behind you and alot of us are in the same boat. I have figured out that I am not doing this for any one else but me. I need to feel good about me. Then maybe the self esteem will be great and the depression will go away. I have faith in that. I also have faith in you. Do this for yourself not him. If you think you look good then you do!!! And I would be so proud of myself if I lost 36 lbs. That is wonderful!!! I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU. HAVE FAITH AND DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!

[emailaddress]

Jem-

You have a career and two children. Plus you cook, clean, do the laundry... basically you run your household. You juggle four distinct "jobs" - wife, mother, caretaker and career person. I admire you - and I'm not just saying it. That's a lot more than I could handle.

How much you weigh has nothing to do with what you've accomplished in your life. 37 pounds didn't get you a job or help you raise 2 children. You did that. You are a strong, intelligent woman, not a BMI.

I had a friend once tell me: Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't want someone to say to you.

Correct yourself when you start criticizing. Make an effort to give yourself pep-talks. And when you can't, just let us...

~You can't look good until you feel good.~

I don't know the people you speak of, but from my experience, someone so negative is just a miserable person inside. Don't drown in their misery.

We're here for you.

-e

[Stardust]

Hi JEM,

I am sorry you are feeling so badly today. I know you must feel very alone at home, but you do have all of us here on the forum. And we DO understand.

People who do not have problems with their weight just don't get it.

Congratulations on losing the 36 pounds and keeping it off! You are awesome and you can do it! Please know we are all here for you. We will give you encouragement any day, any time that you need it.

Keep doing the right things and do them for yourself!

Take care,
Stardust

[pride]

YOU GO GIRL YOU WENT FEOM A SIZE 16 TO A SIZE 9/10 THATS REAL GOOD, AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOUR SELF NOT FOR HIM OR ANY ONE ELSE,THATS WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET ON A DIET CAUSE MY HUSBAND IS THE SAME WHY BUT WHEN THE DOC. TOLD ME I WAS GETTING A LITTLE OVER WIEGHT FOR HEALTH REASONS THATS WHEN (I) SAID O.K IT'S TIME A HERE I AM TODAY (MY 5TH DAY) AND I KNOW THAT I WILL DO THIS AND I KNOW ALL OF US WILL ALSO DO THIS. BECAUSE I KNOW WE HOW ALL WENT THOUGH SOMETHING MUCH WORSTER THEN THIS AND IF WE OUTCOME THAT WE CAN DO ANY THING. BELIEVE ME MY 4 YEAR OLD HAD CANCER NOW SHE IS OVER IT AND NOW 7 YRS OLD, NOW I KNOW IF A 4 YR OLD CAN DO SOMETHING AS BAD AS THAT AND MAKE IT. I'LL BET MY LAST DOLLER I CAN LOSE THE POUNDS.
ALSO I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.AND LIKE SOMEONE ELSE WAS SAYING I ALSO BELIEVE THEY(husbands)did'nt really know what they're saying really hurts so try to leave the past in the past and have some heart to heart with him talk. and remember we are here 100%

[pride]

sorry bout last post cause of my spelling

[Sonny]

JEM:
I used to be 50 lbs overweight; I have lost almost 30 lbs (not all on Phen). No one has said anything to me; I have learned to depend on myself. Now I am nearly 50; and I could use aging as an excuse to just "let go" but I don't think I will. I'm already divorced twice and not sorry I left. 2nd X and I had a number of problems....but my weight/appearence was NEVER going to be acceptable to him. One time, he manipulated me into fasting with him for 3 weeks. After that, I weighed 114...( I'm 5' 4")and I still had some flabby, "unacceptable" areas.
At that point, I realized the ONLY thing I needed to loose...was HIM.

He is now free to pursue the "physically -altered-through-surgery, air- brushed perfection" of his dreams....

[JEM]

HELLO TO EVERYONE, WHO HAS REPLIED...
FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM RENA, THAT I HAVE NOT PUT UP WITH THIS FOR 23 YEARS...I USE TO BE THIN...ONCE UPON A TIME...I MET MY HUSBAND WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD AND HE WAS 15 YEARS OLD...WE WERE "CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS"...THE WEIGHT PROBLEM BEGAN ABOUT 7 YEARS AGO OR SO...WHEN THE POUNDS BEGAN TO CREEP IN...HIS CRITISIZM DID NOT BEGIN UNTIL ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO...AFTER OUR 2ND DAUGHTER WAS BORN, THAT WAS WHEN I BLEW UP TO 198LBS AT 5FT TALL...YES, I AM A STRONG WOMAN...I MUST AGREE...BUT EVEN AS A STRONG WOMAN WE STILL HAVE OUR WEAK AND DEPRESSING MOMENTS...I FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND FEELS THAT BY CRITISIZING MY WEIGHT HE WILL GET ME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...WE ALL KNOW THAT HE IS WRONG...THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO GO...WHEN DEALING WITH A PERSON...WHO'S CONSTANT STRUGGLE IS THEIR WEIGHT...I MEAN HE ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT HE LOVES ME AND THAT IS WHY HE IS SO HARD ON ME ABOUT MY WEIGHT...HE SAY'S HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO LET MYSELF GO...AND I DON'T DOUBT THAT HE LOVES ME... I MEAN 23 YEARS OF BEING WITH EACH OTHER SPEAKS FOR ITSELF...I JUST DON'T LIKE HIS WAY OF HELPING ME...HE NEEDS TO REMEMBEER THIS SAYING..."IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY...THEN, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL"...
I MEAN...IF HE WANTS TO COMPARE ME NOW TO A TROPHIE...THEN HE NEEDS TO LOOK AT THE FACT THAT THESE SO CALLED TROPHIES...HAVE HAD A SERIES OF COSMETIC SURGERY, BOOB IMPLANTS, ETC.THAT IS WHY THEY LOOK THAT WAY...THEY ARE FAKE!!! I AM REAL! BUT YOU KNOW, I WANT TO LOSE THE WEIGHT FOR MYSELF NOT HIM...HONESTLY, THIS IS THE ONLY FAULT THAT MY HUSBAND HAS...OTHER THAN THAT, HE IS A GREAT RESPONSIBLE FATHER, A GOOD PROVIDER, AND A GOOD FAMILY MAN...HE DOESN'T DRINK, NOR DOES HE DO DRUGS, HE DOESN'T HANG OUT...AND I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY REASON TO DOUBT HIM OTHERWISE...THEREFORE, TO SONNY MY REPLY IS...ALTHOUGH, YOU AND I SHARE THE WEIGHT ISSUE AND YOU COULD RELATE TO ME BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE A SUPPORTIVE SPOUSE AS FAR AS OUR WEIGHT WAS CONCERNED...MY HUSBAND'S LOGIC IN HELPING ME IS DIFFERENT ONE THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND...BUT IT'S NO REASON FOR ME TO THROW AWAY 23 YEARS OF WHICH I HAVE SHARED WITH SOMEONE WHOM, I HAVE LOVED ALL MY LIFE...SOMEONE WHO INSPITE OF BEING A JERK OCCASSIONALLY, HAS GOOD QUALITIES ABOUT HIMSELF...I GUESS, IF I DIDN'T LOVE HIM THEN THAT WOULD OF BEEN A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER...BUT I COULD UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT...I WOULD ALSO, LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR YOUR WORDS OF SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT > RENA,CITYGIRL, LADY DI, STARDUST, EMAILADDRESS AND PRIDE...FOR BRINGING MY SPIRITS UP...MAKING ME REALIZE THAT...I SHOULDN'T BE FEELING SO DEPRESSED...AND POINTING OUT TO ME...ALL OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS...THE FACT THAT I LOST 36 POUNDS IN ALMOST A YEAR, THE FACT THAT I AM A WORKING MOM, THE FACT THAT I COOK, CLEAN, DO LAUNDRY AND STILL MANAGE TO BE A GOOD LOVING MOTHER AND WIFE...WOW, YOU GUYS MADE ME FEEL SUPER...TODAY, AT WORK...I KEPT THINKING OF ALL YOUR REPLIES...I COULDN'T WAIT TO COME HOME AND LET YOU KNOW...HOW THANKFUL, I AM TO YOU ALL...TODAY, MY DAY WAS A BETTER ONE...AND I KNOW YOU GUYS HAD PLENTY TO DO WITH THAT...OH, AND THAT EVIL CO-WORKER...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A YEAR...WALKED OVER TO ME AND SAID..."OH, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU ARE LOSING SOME WEIGHT"...I WAS IN SHOCK...BUT I JUST SMILED AND SAID..."YEAH, I AM TRYING"...THEN I SAID "THANK YOU FOR NOTICING AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW...I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THAT"...AND THEN SHE SAID..."WELL, I AM NOT TELLING YOU JUST BECAUSE ? I AM TELLING YOU BECAUSE IT'S TRUE...I NOTICED IT TODAY AS YOU WERE WALKING"...ONCE, AGAIN I SAID "THANKS" AND WALKED AWAY...THROUGHOUT THE DAY...MY EGO HAD BEEN BOOSTED...IT MIGHT OF BEEN THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE I HAD THIS MORNING AFTER READING YOUR REPLIES... YOU ALL ARE THE GREATEST...HOPE TO CHAT WITH YOU ALL ONE DAY SOON...NOT AS DEPRESSED AS YESTERDAY...FEELING MUCH BETTER TODAY...JEM!

[This message has been edited by JEM (edited February 05, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by JEM (edited February 05, 2001).]

[KeliK]

<<<...YOU NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT, I CAN'T EVEN TAKE YOU OUT WITH MY CO-WORKERS AND THEIR WIVE'S BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU LOOK...THEN HE SAID...I WORK VERY HARD...I PAY ALL THE BILLS...I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED FINANCIALLY...AND ALL I ASK FOR...IS ONE LITTLE THING...FOR YOU TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT...AND BE THE WAY YOU WERE...I DESERVE TO HAVE A TROPHIE WALKING BY MY SIDE..."YOU SHOULD BE THAT TROPHIE"... >>>

OMG i cant believe that, did you belt him one when he said that ?
you had 2 kids for crying out loud. my gosh, how insensitive? did he think that may motivate you to loose weight ?? geesh.
did you say you were a 16 and now a 9/10
that is not fat. actually i think 16 is average size woman in the USA.

36 lbs is awesome, you should be very proud of your self.
dont get discouraged, I know a plateu is very frustrating, but maybe your body is comfy at size 9/10 ??

I am sorry you have to deal with those words from your husband.
but try not to get depressed, I know its hard.
take care
Keli

[Lil'Mar]

This is the first I read your post. Glad to hear you are feeling better. I don't want to comment on your hubby because I know you love him and I don't want to say anything bad. I would like to say I DO NOT AGREE with his method of helping you. But instead turn it around and use it as fire power. Prove to him....NO PROVE to Yourself that you can do this. And the day that you reach your goal and look awsome. Just know that YOU did it for YOU!!! Not him!!! And don't forget to flaunt it and have fun. (I don't mean to pick up other men, I mean to be proud) Good Luck!!!

If you ever need someone to talk to you can email me anytime. lil_mar@ztrain.com

[Moonwatcher]

Jem

Some of us old farts have seen the topic "My Hubby The Jerk" a few times in this forum and the other forum and trust me.....it never fails to get the emotions rolling. In your first post above I could hear your plea for help and you made hubby seem like a total asswipe. In your second post.....well....I get a different feeling all together, almost like you are defending him a little bit.
I think it is great if he is a responsible father, good provider and so on....but because he does some things right or even many things right, that does not make the wrong things any less wrong. I believe your husband's comments about your weight should be considered verbal abuse.

"ONE DAY HE LOOKED AT ME...AND SAID...YOU NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT, I CAN'T EVEN TAKE YOU OUT WITH MY CO-WORKERS AND THEIR WIVE'S BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU LOOK...THEN HE SAID...I WORK VERY HARD...I PAY ALL THE BILLS...I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED FINANCIALLY...AND ALL I ASK FOR...IS ONE LITTLE THING...FOR YOU TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT...AND BE THE WAY YOU WERE...I DESERVE TO HAVE A TROPHIE WALKING BY MY SIDE..."YOU SHOULD BE THAT TROPHIE"... "

Jem...those words above are wrong. A wonderful husband does not say that to the woman he loves.
He may be a great Dad....he may bring home the $$$$ and blah blah blah......so what??
You are going to hate what I am about to say next.......but....I'm going to say it anyway......are you old enough to know or remember who the Boston Strangler was? I think his name was Delsalvo or something like that. Hey guess what......he was a family man too......worked, helped with the kids, etc. and then.....on the side.....he strangled and killed woman!!!
Please forgive me..........I do not in any way shape or form mean to imply you should compare your hubby to a murderer.......I just want you to compare your justification of his actions.
Meaning........it's okay to kill people if you are a good family man and provider.
Or
It's okay to verbally abuse your wife if you are a good Dad and make good money.

Jem.......I wish with all my heart you work things out........23 years is a long time.
My best advice is really simple........demand respect........because you are worth it.

I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope I didn't upset you with my extreme example, I just really get upset whenever I read this kind of a story. I have been with my husband for 20 years and before him I lived with a guy for 5 years...........I have NEVER NEVER NEVER been verbally abused by a man like that. I would never get passed the second date with a guy that would even be capable of speaking like that. It's just the way I am.........no if's and's or but's.

We're here.........all of us.
Take care a