Personal question Way OT - Phentermine.com

KeliK · February 2nd, 2001, 12:06 PM

Ok guys, this has nothing to do with phen. but I know there is a broad spectrum of people here with many different life experiences. so I am asking here anyways. I hope noone minds.

Should you expect that feeling in your stomach (like when you go over a hill or a roller coaster ride ) when kissing your husband after 6 years ?
I dont know if I am expecting too much.
I dont know if I am reaching the 7 year itch.
I cant stop thinking of other men. Its terrible. I know its because i lost all this weight and feel better about my body now. We have great sex. but its just sex, its not passionate.
we have a 3 yr old son.
I want the best of both worlds, i want my family, and sex with another man.
I know yall might think I am aweful. I just dont know what to expect. I do feel something is missing.
and I cant ask any IRL friends. I am embarrassed.
so should i expect that feeling in my tummy. or just accept what i have ?

I hope noone minds me posting this here.

sw 236
cw 178

KeliK · February 2nd, 2001, 01:39 PM

WHATTT????????

February 2nd, 2001, 03:02 PM

what mek said.
kelly, --- a relationship will never stay euphoric complete all the time. it will be wow-- at the beginning and stay wow, with flutters and all all around, for as long as u both work at give and take. when one stops the give or the take and the other has to pull up the rear, then, the life starts to happen, and gets off the smitten balance. people get comfortable. people get complacent. -- u know? jmho
pjb

amy · February 2nd, 2001, 03:56 PM

Ok, Kelik~
You'll probably get losts of mixed responses on this one, but having just barely reached the 8 year mark in my marriage I need to put in my 2 cents. I came very close to acting on those very same feelings myself after 7 years of marriage, although for very different reasons. Something about that 7 yr. period of time that gets alot of people wondering if they could have done better. Let me offer this though...the qualities that attracted you to your husband will probably be the same qualities you'll be looking for in another man. You're very likely to find someone else, have that euphoric, rollercoaster feeling and ruin your marriage, not to mention leave your babies father , and start a new relationship w/ this new man only to find out that you'll also have the same PROBLEMS as you have now (or lack of interest, whatever). You've spent the last 7 years building a life, working out problems, making memories, making a family, etc. If you start over w/ someone else, you have to start it ALL over. Which means (once the rollercoaster feeling in your tummy fades)finding the other man's faults, trying to change them, having him discover your faults, trying to convince him to love another man's baby.....I could go on & on. The point is...NO that feeling will not stay forever, but finding someone new is not the answer. Sounds to me like you've gotten overly confident w/ your weight loss and maybe you're attracting looks from men that you wouldn't have before and you're overly flattered. I hate to tell you this but you'll be making a giant mistake if you leave your husband over "lack of buttrflies". Have you even thought of what you'd tell your son? Mommy's skinny now and deserves better than your Daddy. No, dear. Think about what you're asking.

If you're truly unhappy in your marriage for reasons that you haven't given here, then try to confront those problems head on with your husband before making any rash decisions and really regretting them later on. You owe that to your son.

Good luck.

dietgrrrl · February 2nd, 2001, 06:15 PM

Well Kelik...

I agree with everything Amy said, she is right on. But it's okay to THINK about it all you want, as long as you keep it to yourself! I've been married 11 years and I love my husband to death, but butterflies?? Just a distant memory. And other men-- never cheated, but reality is NEVER as good as fantasy!! It wouldn't be worth it. And the guilt would kill you.

Kimmykins · February 2nd, 2001, 06:52 PM

Hi Kelik!

Well, I may not be the best person to answer your question but I will try to give you a little insight into my current situation. It has always helped me to know what other people are going through and to know that I'm not alone when I have all these "weird" feelings.

I have been married only a little over three years. I am 28 years old and have no children which makes my situation a little bit different than yours. My husband has never said a rude word to me and he's hard-working and my family adores him. So a year ago when I began to feel a little lonely I wondered what my problem was. I had a nice home, a nice husband and everything should've been perfect right?? Wrong... after a month of two of feeling really depressed and lonely I realized that just because my husband was a "good decent" guy, that didn't mean we were compatible. He was never affectionate with me, rarely told me he loved me and his idea of a good time was sitting downstairs watching ESPN. I talked to him about this over and over and over and nothing ever seemed to change.

Now it's been about a year and last week he decided to move out. The problems kept mounting during the past few months and even with all our discussions we both knew we probably couldn't work this out. It's sad to know that within a short time my marriage could be completely over but I look at it this way... I'm still young, I have a lot to offer someone and I want to be loved back. I realize in your situation that you feel like the "passion" is gone and I know that happens to tons of couples.

All I can suggest to you is that unless you can talk to your husband about what you're feeling then nothing will ever change. Most men need a little kick in the butt to wake them up when things get routine in a marriage. Men don't like to put for extra effort unless they know it's necessary. Another thing you might try is getting a baby sitter and going out. Not that I have experience with children in my marriage, but I'm quite aware of what a baby can do to a couple. It sometimes seems like the couple gets lost in their child and forget about themselves.

It will take some work to see how things can change between you and your husband. Unfortunately in my case things couldn't be resolved but that was because of many other issues. Communication is the key.. and no things will never be like they were in the beginning but there's something to be said for that comfortable feeling you get when you're with someone you love and you know they truly love you back. Talk to him... see what happens. Until then, you'll always have questions in the your mind.

Hope that helps! I know marriage is tough and I wish you the best of luck!!

Paula · February 2nd, 2001, 08:09 PM

Mek....no comment to your comment

Kelik: wake up!from where I am sitting you are sitting pretty! Kissing, roller coaster?I would be happy if my spouse just related to me.
"We have great sex, it's just not passionate" that confuses me...

the feeling of losing your breath diminishes even when you date someone to long.....like after 2 years so says research...pheromones...aren't produced..
of all the answers you listed, I say accept what you have it is better than most...but what the heck do I know.....

Is there an underlying problem possibly?

KeliK · February 3rd, 2001, 03:33 AM

thank you all very much.
I love my husband. he is sweet, kind and a great dad. I guess i feel lonely. we work oppisite shifts and hardly ever see eachother. We do that so my son doesnt have to go to daycare.
I have made an appt for counseling. first for myself, then for the 2 of us.
we have gone before. my hubby left me when my son was 12 mos old. for a month then came back. I have never forgotton that.
my son is 3 now, and i know it would kill him if something happened between us.

its not that i feel skinny now, and what better. my husband loved me at 236 lbs and never said a word to me about being fat. and i am not skinny now.

gotta go more later

DonnaMarie · February 3rd, 2001, 04:10 AM

Interesting that you should mention working opposite shifts....we tried that for a little while. My husband asked that we STOP working opposite shifts and find the best childcare for our kids we could find. It did cost us a bit more and our kids did go to daycare. BUT....we began to have quality family time together again and it really has helped our marraige and family life.

I think one thing that I have had to realize is that our commitment is not just about emotions and how I "feel." There are things about him that drive me crazy but I think that I probably drive him crazy too. It will never be perfect.

Donna

Paula · February 3rd, 2001, 08:37 AM

Kelik,
You didn't say in your first post that you worked oppisite shifts from each other. Do you work full time? If you do that is hard.....on a marriage much less a family. How long has this been your work schedule?You are to be commended for the effort on behalf of your son....

but maybe the something that is "missing" is do to the fact you don't have the same quanity of family time and personal time except 2 days aweek.
Sounds like you tag team it alot.....okay, tag..you're it..go to work! I am home w/ our son!....see you in 10 hours!...Like ships passing in the night effect..

sounds like you have not gotten over the hurt of him leaving, or the issues that lead to it....
I hope all goes well

[This message has been edited by Paula (edited February 03, 2001).]

KeliK · February 3rd, 2001, 09:42 AM

I work 1845-2245 with sun/mon off
he works m-f 8-1730
so he walks in the door at 6 i leave at 6:05
it is a tag team during the week.
he does wait up for me when i get home from work.
I dont know how much longer we can do this.

magnolia · February 3rd, 2001, 11:34 AM

It sounds like you and your husband have hit a difficult phase. But, it is just that, a phase. I have been married for 12 years now. I can't even begin to tell you the times that I have wanted out or thought about other men.
I am so happy that I never acted on those feelings. My experience has been that every time my husband and I weather a rough phase together, we come out on the other side much closer.
You mentioned that he left you briefly. He came back and has stayed. That should count. About the butterflies and kissing. My husband and I dated for 4 years before we became engaged. The butterflies were gone before we even married. I must say though that sometimes, I will catch a glimpse of my husband playing with our kids and for one brief moment, maybe a second or two, BAM!
Look for those moments, if you don't, they will pass you by.
Good luck....
Deb (there are a lot of us. I have posted in weeks.)
194/172/135

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February 2nd, 2001, 12:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
KeliK Diamond Phenster Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: DFW area Posts: 2,099 Lost Weight: 91 Current Weight: 145 Goal Weight: 145	Ok guys, this has nothing to do with phen. but I know there is a broad spectrum of people here with many different life experiences. so I am asking here anyways. I hope noone minds. Should you expect that feeling in your stomach (like when you go over a hill or a roller coaster ride ) when kissing your husband after 6 years ? I dont know if I am expecting too much. I dont know if I am reaching the 7 year itch. I cant stop thinking of other men. Its terrible. I know its because i lost all this weight and feel better about my body now. We have great sex. but its just sex, its not passionate. we have a 3 yr old son. I want the best of both worlds, i want my family, and sex with another man. I know yall might think I am aweful. I just dont know what to expect. I do feel something is missing. and I cant ask any IRL friends. I am embarrassed. so should i expect that feeling in my tummy. or just accept what i have ? I hope noone minds me posting this here. sw 236 cw 178

February 2nd, 2001, 01:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
KeliK Diamond Phenster Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: DFW area Posts: 2,099 Lost Weight: 91 Current Weight: 145 Goal Weight: 145	WHATTT????????

February 2nd, 2001, 03:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
pjb5638 Posts: n/a	what mek said. kelly, --- a relationship will never stay euphoric complete all the time. it will be wow-- at the beginning and stay wow, with flutters and all all around, for as long as u both work at give and take. when one stops the give or the take and the other has to pull up the rear, then, the life starts to happen, and gets off the smitten balance. people get comfortable. people get complacent. -- u know? jmho pjb

February 2nd, 2001, 03:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
amy Bronze Phenster Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Lafayette, La Posts: 43 Lost Weight: 0lbs	Ok, Kelik~ You'll probably get losts of mixed responses on this one, but having just barely reached the 8 year mark in my marriage I need to put in my 2 cents. I came very close to acting on those very same feelings myself after 7 years of marriage, although for very different reasons. Something about that 7 yr. period of time that gets alot of people wondering if they could have done better. Let me offer this though...the qualities that attracted you to your husband will probably be the same qualities you'll be looking for in another man. You're very likely to find someone else, have that euphoric, rollercoaster feeling and ruin your marriage, not to mention leave your babies father , and start a new relationship w/ this new man only to find out that you'll also have the same PROBLEMS as you have now (or lack of interest, whatever). You've spent the last 7 years building a life, working out problems, making memories, making a family, etc. If you start over w/ someone else, you have to start it ALL over. Which means (once the rollercoaster feeling in your tummy fades)finding the other man's faults, trying to change them, having him discover your faults, trying to convince him to love another man's baby.....I could go on & on. The point is...NO that feeling will not stay forever, but finding someone new is not the answer. Sounds to me like you've gotten overly confident w/ your weight loss and maybe you're attracting looks from men that you wouldn't have before and you're overly flattered. I hate to tell you this but you'll be making a giant mistake if you leave your husband over "lack of buttrflies". Have you even thought of what you'd tell your son? Mommy's skinny now and deserves better than your Daddy. No, dear. Think about what you're asking. If you're truly unhappy in your marriage for reasons that you haven't given here, then try to confront those problems head on with your husband before making any rash decisions and really regretting them later on. You owe that to your son. Good luck.

February 2nd, 2001, 06:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
dietgrrrl Bronze Phenster Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 71 Lost Weight: 0lbs	Well Kelik... I agree with everything Amy said, she is right on. But it's okay to THINK about it all you want, as long as you keep it to yourself! I've been married 11 years and I love my husband to death, but butterflies?? Just a distant memory. And other men-- never cheated, but reality is NEVER as good as fantasy!! It wouldn't be worth it. And the guilt would kill you.

February 2nd, 2001, 06:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kimmykins Silver Phenster Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Bedford, IN, USA Posts: 119 Lost Weight: 0lbs	Hi Kelik! Well, I may not be the best person to answer your question but I will try to give you a little insight into my current situation. It has always helped me to know what other people are going through and to know that I'm not alone when I have all these "weird" feelings. I have been married only a little over three years. I am 28 years old and have no children which makes my situation a little bit different than yours. My husband has never said a rude word to me and he's hard-working and my family adores him. So a year ago when I began to feel a little lonely I wondered what my problem was. I had a nice home, a nice husband and everything should've been perfect right?? Wrong... after a month of two of feeling really depressed and lonely I realized that just because my husband was a "good decent" guy, that didn't mean we were compatible. He was never affectionate with me, rarely told me he loved me and his idea of a good time was sitting downstairs watching ESPN. I talked to him about this over and over and over and nothing ever seemed to change. Now it's been about a year and last week he decided to move out. The problems kept mounting during the past few months and even with all our discussions we both knew we probably couldn't work this out. It's sad to know that within a short time my marriage could be completely over but I look at it this way... I'm still young, I have a lot to offer someone and I want to be loved back. I realize in your situation that you feel like the "passion" is gone and I know that happens to tons of couples. All I can suggest to you is that unless you can talk to your husband about what you're feeling then nothing will ever change. Most men need a little kick in the butt to wake them up when things get routine in a marriage. Men don't like to put for extra effort unless they know it's necessary. Another thing you might try is getting a baby sitter and going out. Not that I have experience with children in my marriage, but I'm quite aware of what a baby can do to a couple. It sometimes seems like the couple gets lost in their child and forget about themselves. It will take some work to see how things can change between you and your husband. Unfortunately in my case things couldn't be resolved but that was because of many other issues. Communication is the key.. and no things will never be like they were in the beginning but there's something to be said for that comfortable feeling you get when you're with someone you love and you know they truly love you back. Talk to him... see what happens. Until then, you'll always have questions in the your mind. Hope that helps! I know marriage is tough and I wish you the best of luck!!

February 2nd, 2001, 08:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
Paula Diamond Phenster Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: northern CA Posts: 3,519 Lost Weight: this time round,lol...20lbs Current Weight: 135 Goal Weight: 115	Mek....no comment to your comment Kelik: wake up!from where I am sitting you are sitting pretty! Kissing, roller coaster?I would be happy if my spouse just related to me. "We have great sex, it's just not passionate" that confuses me... the feeling of losing your breath diminishes even when you date someone to long.....like after 2 years so says research...pheromones...aren't produced.. of all the answers you listed, I say accept what you have it is better than most...but what the heck do I know..... Is there an underlying problem possibly?

February 3rd, 2001, 03:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
KeliK Diamond Phenster Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: DFW area Posts: 2,099 Lost Weight: 91 Current Weight: 145 Goal Weight: 145	thank you all very much. I love my husband. he is sweet, kind and a great dad. I guess i feel lonely. we work oppisite shifts and hardly ever see eachother. We do that so my son doesnt have to go to daycare. I have made an appt for counseling. first for myself, then for the 2 of us. we have gone before. my hubby left me when my son was 12 mos old. for a month then came back. I have never forgotton that. my son is 3 now, and i know it would kill him if something happened between us. its not that i feel skinny now, and what better. my husband loved me at 236 lbs and never said a word to me about being fat. and i am not skinny now. gotta go more later

February 3rd, 2001, 04:10 AM	#9 (permalink)
DonnaMarie Bronze Phenster Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Pasadena, CA Posts: 85 Lost Weight: 0lbs	Interesting that you should mention working opposite shifts....we tried that for a little while. My husband asked that we STOP working opposite shifts and find the best childcare for our kids we could find. It did cost us a bit more and our kids did go to daycare. BUT....we began to have quality family time together again and it really has helped our marraige and family life. I think one thing that I have had to realize is that our commitment is not just about emotions and how I "feel." There are things about him that drive me crazy but I think that I probably drive him crazy too. It will never be perfect. Donna

February 3rd, 2001, 08:37 AM	#10 (permalink)
Paula Diamond Phenster Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: northern CA Posts: 3,519 Lost Weight: this time round,lol...20lbs Current Weight: 135 Goal Weight: 115	Kelik, You didn't say in your first post that you worked oppisite shifts from each other. Do you work full time? If you do that is hard.....on a marriage much less a family. How long has this been your work schedule?You are to be commended for the effort on behalf of your son.... but maybe the something that is "missing" is do to the fact you don't have the same quanity of family time and personal time except 2 days aweek. Sounds like you tag team it alot.....okay, tag..you're it..go to work! I am home w/ our son!....see you in 10 hours!...Like ships passing in the night effect.. sounds like you have not gotten over the hurt of him leaving, or the issues that lead to it.... I hope all goes well [This message has been edited by Paula (edited February 03, 2001).]

February 3rd, 2001, 09:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
KeliK Diamond Phenster Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: DFW area Posts: 2,099 Lost Weight: 91 Current Weight: 145 Goal Weight: 145	I work 1845-2245 with sun/mon off he works m-f 8-1730 so he walks in the door at 6 i leave at 6:05 it is a tag team during the week. he does wait up for me when i get home from work. I dont know how much longer we can do this.

February 3rd, 2001, 11:34 AM	#12 (permalink)
magnolia Bronze Phenster Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: charlotte, nc Posts: 25 Lost Weight: 0lbs	It sounds like you and your husband have hit a difficult phase. But, it is just that, a phase. I have been married for 12 years now. I can't even begin to tell you the times that I have wanted out or thought about other men. I am so happy that I never acted on those feelings. My experience has been that every time my husband and I weather a rough phase together, we come out on the other side much closer. You mentioned that he left you briefly. He came back and has stayed. That should count. About the butterflies and kissing. My husband and I dated for 4 years before we became engaged. The butterflies were gone before we even married. I must say though that sometimes, I will catch a glimpse of my husband playing with our kids and for one brief moment, maybe a second or two, BAM! Look for those moments, if you don't, they will pass you by. Good luck.... Deb (there are a lot of us. I have posted in weeks.) 194/172/135