[MizBhavn2day]

I'm seriously concerned with my tongue! It is driving me crazy!I'm in my 4th month of Adipex and my tongue and mouth have been messed up for about 2 1/2 months! Sore, rough, has these tiny little places that are swollen lookin......And the corners of my lips are cracked and dry and painful! why?

I'm 31 year old mom of 2 wonderful kidz.(girl-9 and boy-12) We homeschool and hubby works as electrician.(beautiful, beautiful man!!) This is second marriage. First one was awful! This one is Grrrrrrreaaat!!! I started out at 225 and at last dr visit was down to 199!!!! (Crowd goes wild..Yeaaaa!!!! Yahhhh!!! Whaahoooo!!!) broke that 200 mark.I live in wonderful backwoods Alabama. Beautiful place. I am 5'4 3/4"(can't leave off that 3/4)I feel very short! My husband is 6'6"and is well built(see why that 3/4s is needed)

There was a movie I saw one time...can't remember what it was called.... kid in movie was referred to as "shortround"- that is what I feel like . A short round!LOL

Anyway, I know this probably resembles jibberish, but, hey, it's me. Queen of Jibber

I get this way when I am desperately trying to avoid that deep, dark, black cloud of depression that is trying to hover over me. I can't deal with this sometimes, ya know! Always have been the fat girl. Still ****s!

I was talking to my dear, wonderful, loving, kind-hearted, sincere, compassionate sister (that dripping stuff on those words is sarcasm)the other day. We were discussing my bro-in-law (who I don't like because I feel like he thinks my husband could have done much better and he is a bonafied jerk to boot with an ego that would dwarf alaska!) In conversation, I mentioned "showing him" by gettin this weight off. She kinda sighed and started talking about something else. Now, I don't obsess about losing the weight but I am proud of what I have done. I still have long way to go, I know....But anyway, this had happened many times before, so I asked if it bothered her that I talked about it or was it not important to her too or what? She says I place too much importance on my weight. Of course I disagreed. I said when people see me beside her (she has always been rail thin- now is putting on weight like I am shedding it) or my husband- sometimes I can feel, or even hear, their disapproval. I say it doesn't matter....but, you know. So, then she says, and I quote, "People don't notice that. They usually don't even notice you at all, anyway."?????? What was that? We had not been argueing- just out of the blue. Anyway. then she tells me I have an inferiority complex(wonder why? wouldn't have anything to do with a certain sis now.)That I need to just "get over it and move on. Time you grew out of this 'poor pitiful me' thing." She has heard many people say they thought I was sooo pretty right in the face. (!!!!!) why don't they just say, "yeah, she might be pretty if she were not 3000 pounds overweight and eating like a pig all the time" I could respect that easier than that line of a pretty face. I mean "the rest of you looks like crap, Lady, but you have a good face".....Come on!

OHHHHH!!!!! and those words. Words that I hate: plump(sounds like a weinee) robust (sounds like an appliance name) chunky (peanut butter!) heavy (?) or better yet healthy (yea! right!) then there is that other sentence, that really sets me off. "You carry your weight well! I didn't know you weighed so much!" Ok- punch to the gut would have felt better! I do not carry my weight well! I don't! How do you carry weight well? This as oppossed to not carring it well??? Fat is fat. On me or anyone else. Call it what it is.

First time I was ever referred to as "obese". When I went to dr first time. He said it. Oh, I wanted to just curl up in a ball and die. Me, obese! Oh God! this is much much worse than being "plump"! I am obese. I guess I think if I say it enough, I will get healed- like the alcoholic. Hi, my name is Lisa and I am obese. Nope- still feels like my stomach is in a juicer. And I'm still "plump" and still "carrying it well"

So, if you can relate to my psyco-raving sound off in a message board to total strangers all across the world with total disregard to their ability to keep up with my lunatic method of processing thought, then drop me a post.Everybody's gotta have a buddy. (I'm tired of being alone. Nobody I know understands. Nobody is "heavy" like me. Please be out there and get it.)

Whewwww! I feel better. How about you?

[Audreyjean]

YEE-OOWW!
OK, I'm taking a deep breath on your behalf! I feel better already!

First, you've come to the right place! I've been coming to this forum for about 6 weeks and love it. There are days when I have just pounded the keyboard outof frustration. Nothing but a loving cyber-shoulder to cry on was extended to me.

You know, people can be mean. Period. What comes out of a persons mouth is more an indication of THEM than of you. I know that that doesn't necessarily lessen the sting of unkind things but might stop you from taking it to heart.

I know what you mean about those descriptive words. Personally, I always liked to say, "A man needs something to hold onto!" Yes, you are a woman of substance- where it counts- in your intellect, compassion and sense of humor!! I really want to get to the place where I believe completely that who I am is not my butt size. I've come a long way but I've also been heavier.

Just keep doing what you're doing. The main forum is awesome. I spend most of my time there.

My journey:
39, married, 4 kiddos, inhome daycare provider. My heaviest was 185. I am 160 now but would like to see 140 maybe even 130. I've been on tenuate and 2 different kinds of phen since June. It hasn't worked but then neither have I. i really do want the easy way out but am determined to keep forging ahead no matter how many times I set myself back. I walk about 3 miles everyday and definately drink my water. Small steps but I'm gonna keep 'em and eventually I'll get to where I'm going!

I'm rootin' fer ya!


Audrey

[MizBhavn2day]

Thank-you. I do indeed feel better. Ya know, when I reread that this morning I was like- oh my goodness. Now these folks are not only gonna know I'm fat, but that I am a lunatic as well. Boy, I really sounded out there. Just one of those weak moments.

WOW!! 3 miles a day huh? Now I know you'll get there.But, there has to be a better way of transportation. LOL That is great. I have had all kinds of health problems and am just fixin to begin the walking. My wonderful and beautiful husband bought me a treadmill for Christmas last year (at MY request) so now, I'm gonna try again to start walkin.

I think we all want it to be easy. That is part of the reason America is overweight. It is very difficult to accomplish. Actually, for me it has been pretty easy so far. I have a back injury that put me down for about a year- in which time I really gained weight, makin all problems worse. So, now I am recovering. I say it has been easy because I have lost about 30+/- pounds in 3 months. This only with eating less, cutting out snacks(due to Adipex), and a little more housework because I feel well enough to do it(increased energy). I haven't been drinking the water right. I haven't been (able) to exercise any. This is all changing as I lose more weight. So, now the work begins. I guess I had to trim some of it off in order to make it move again. So for a week now, I've been putting forth effort. We'll see how that changes things.

I know about peoples cruelty. Normally I can deal with it okay. As, long as I have my husband and kids behind me. But, my mom and sis really upset me. (my mom is another talk show) And you are probably aware that Phen hightens all moods. My kids say when I get angry my eyes bug out. Anyway, I don't know why I still let them get to me.(mom and sis) You'd think I'd have learned by now.

4 kids huh? WOW! WONDERWOMAN!!!!! You have my respect and adoration. You even still have intelligence. I love my kids but I don't think I could handle any more. AND, you take care of other peoples kids- now THAT is amazing!
I appreciate you taking the time to look past my rant- and see there was a person in pain. I know I sounded like an idiot!LOL! Thanks for the kind words- looking forward to talking with you more.

[fiddlestix]

Hey Miz,

I liked that line, "my mother is another talk show"--very funny, I'll have to remember that one!

OK, I'm psyching myself up to give you words of wisdom....oh screw it--you know what you have to do!! Imagine yourself completely coated with teflon, like those non-stick fry pans. Then when someone you love, someone who is related to you and/or has meaning in your life says something dumb and hurtful, picture that stupid comment roling right off your teflon coated skin like greasy eggs in a pan!

Seriously, don't listen for one millisecond to anyone's negative comments. Stay on track! OK? Now go out there & kick some butt!

[fiddlestix]

And I completely forgot to respond to the tongue falling off & mouth sores--are you drinking enough water? I found that when I didn't, I got sores on my legs, gross! Your supposed to dring alot of water when you take phen...

[MizBhavn2day]

Finally I am consuming water.( don't I get applause?) Had to start with non-sweetened koolade in a gallon of water- but, I'm getting there. My tongue doesn't actually have sores it's....well.. ... You'll have to get a mirror.....now, see those tiny little dotty thingys? everyone has those. Now some of mine are like kinda swollen and sticking up higher than the rest. Pretty nasty thought huh? So all those little swollen thingys are very PAINFUL! Like trying to chew up a cactus or something. Awful! I didn't mention in this post all the med I take. I take Adipex, Hydrochlorothiazide- a water pill for retention, Prevacid- for acid reflux, a stool softener every day that I take adipex- well, for not going, a laxative once a week- cause that softener doesn't do anything great and wonderful (I only go after a laxative and I always feel like I need to go even after that)and now benadryl allergy/sinus headache(accidentally found out it helps the ol bumpy tongue when I had sinus prob- it isn't well, mind you, far from it, but it isn't quite as bad.) So......pick a pill, any pill to place the blame on.


I like the teflon thing- I almost peed my pants when I read that- laughing so hard. See, I do well with visuals and I kinda had a mental image of this fat girl(me) literally coated with the stuff! Kinda like a silvery fat girl and my mom and sis throwing big globs of gray colored muck at me, and it just sliding right down that "thunder thigh" and onto the ground!:Odidn't even leave a smudge. And silvery me just laughin at them! That was too good!!! thanks for the laugh. I definitely needed that.

Finally, I have started the hardstuff! No, not liquer....though?.....Nope, not today. I mean the water and exercise. I think I have hit a plateau! Isn't it a bit soon for that? 3 1/2 months? Thought I would at least get through 5-6 months before one of those!

I need to lose 50+ MORE pounds- I just simply can't get stuck here. I am fluctuating between 194 and 197. Quite tramatic. What more to do? I don't eat enough to cut back any more.

So, how long have you been doin this, Fiddle? How's it going?

Talk to you guys soon. Hang in there.


******Dear Forum Board****** sorry for the inappropriate word- didn't think it was all that bad. Not considered that bad around here.

[fiddlestix]

Hi Miz,

I've been on it since early July. Can't tell how much I lost as I refused to weigh myself at my heaviest (too depressing) & my scale is busted & I haven't gotten around to getting a new one yet....so all I can tell you is I chucked my fatty clothes (black leggings, loose tops) and my credit card to the local plus-size store as I now fit into my chubby clothes & now I'm working on getting into my skinny jeans and sexy black dress again...

I don't know how long you've been on it, but try to remember that it takes time. You see results right away, then your body slows down the weight loss--at least that's how it has been for me. Keep up the dieting, the water and the exercise, be patient and it'll happen, it really will!

Good luck! Oops, my boys are waking up, gotta go!

[MizBhavn2day]

Hey, Fiddle. Why is it you always seem so darn perky? Do you have some secret weapon I should know about? Sheesh. I can't even smile today!

[fiddlestix]

Hi Miz!

I am not perky.

I type perky.

[Moosh]

Hi guys!! I just read your posts and I had to jump in here. You rant just like me! How do you like this? Last week I saw a friend who I haven't seen in like 7 years and when she realizes it's me she laughs and says "Oh my god!!You look just like your mother!! Talk about kicking me when I'm down.I know my weight has gotten out of control,when I realize most of the people who know me, have only known me as fat. There aren't many friends left who knew my when I was a hottie!! for anyone interested, here is my life in a nutshell: 28yrs old, 2 kids 11&7,married for 11 years(not a typo,I was only 17) Been with him 14 yrs, half my life.Still love him (imagine that) Bless his heart,he still loves me considering I have almost doubled my weight. It's time for me to put myself first and get to where I am comfortable again. I don't want to be embarrased to see old friends!!

[MizBhavn2day]

Okay, Miss Perky typer! Wish I knew your secret. Seems all my post have a cloud over them.

Yipee! Another psyco ranter!! Glad I am not alone. People! Sheesh! Sometimes I wonder if the things I say end up on some forum board somewhere, posted by someone who took my words in a negative manner. But, I don't think so. See, I say what I think and if a person is offended I usually know pretty quick without stumbling upon a post about it.

So, I'm taking it that you don't like the thought of looking like your mom. Do you think this person meant it like that? Probably -since it followed a laugh.

At least you remember when you were a "hottie". I have always been the fat girl. Now, I am a silvery fat girl who is getting it off! I can't wait to see some of those people I went to highschool with! Or those jerks from the bar I went to all the time after my divorce from my 1st and worst! Course I do want to wait til I am skinny and beautiful. I am getting the hang of how to get to the skinny part. Now, about the beautiful?

So, how about this one. Saw a friend I haven't seen in about 2 months. She knew I was working on this and we have talked several times on he phone. She is always encouraging and always asks how I'm doing- How much I have lost. So, she comes over one day. In the middle of a conversation about babies with colic she says, "I thought you said you had lost a lot of weight. Where? I can't tell you are any slimmer anywhere!" I said, "I have lost 30, a little here, and there, I guess. Not as much as you have it seems" She says with a smile while turning sideways "Oh! so you can tell I've been drinking Slimfast again?" I said "Well, yea cause your hips are wider, but I meant all the weight from between your ears. Obviously, you are losing your intelligence, cause my FRIEND would never have been so mean to me." Needless to say, she left without even a good-bye. and I haven't seen her since. She did e-mail an apology though. I am yet to respond. Still licking my wounds I guess. Did that sound mean to you? What she said. I mean to tell a person who is trying so hard that they are wasting their time is cruel. If she couldn't tell then why did she bring it up? I hadn't mentioned it.

I noticed that a pair of my pantsfit WEIRD. They were one of my favorite pairs. Black stretchy stuff material. Always held stuff in position anyway. So today, I put these pants on. well, I have to keep pulling them up for one thing. Another, they are made with more material in the front than the back! Almost like maternity pants. Big ole extra front material to cover heaping helping o guts it seems. Anyway, I got a good laugh out of it. I showed the kids by pulling them up in front and they almost covered my boobs! So, yea I have lost (plus it is that stretchy stuff) The kids were rolling! So, I walked around like that for about 30 minutes. Showed my beautiful hubby too. I kept them on all day since I wasn't going anywhere. Even though it got annoying pulling up these pants, It sure does feel good...Ya know?