*Help* - Marriage with Age and Past values difference ??

[khan]

Message deleted by Author.

[MsBridget]

I do not understand why you are asking for "White" American's advice when you clearly state in your post other American's that are other than white. If you are having ALL of these reservations, I think you already have your answer. You 2 are from 2 totally different worlds. She has been through her life and lived it, made mistakes. And my question would be, why is she wanting to be in a relationship with you? You are almost 20 years her junior and honestly old enough to be her son. It would have seemed more fitting for her to introduce you to one of her daughters. In my opinion, I believe this woman is beneath you as far as education, morality, and where she is overall in life. If you do decide to pursue this relationship be very cautious. It is good that she has religion in her life and has decided to try to do better for herself and should be supported in that aspect, but as far as a life long affair, I think both of you should find someone else closer to your standards

[khan]

Message deleted by Author.

[curvygirl63]

Khan, I have to agree with Msbridget. I also think that the age difference might be too great for you to understand the life that your lady friend has led which is why it is difficult for you to understand the choices that she has made.

You have never experienced alot of the things she has. Just by you saying that you have never "dated/married/engaged to anyone" tells me that this woman would be a "first love" for you. First loves are wonderful but difficult at the same time.

If you are feeling so bad about her choices, her marriages, not having raised her kids and her instant decisions, then maybe you should really think about whether or not you should get involved. If you do get involved, her past will only bother you more in the long run.

Good luch to you.

[tazgirl31]

Khan, I'm just going to give u my honest opinion about this, u seem like a very nice, caring, educated, forgiving guy' and in my opinion I think u should consider all these red flags that u have seen already with this woman enough to walk away and protect ur heart! Ur young, and u can find a girl more ur age, someone who will b more like u! And someone that has a clean pure background as u! It's obvious this woman has had a terrible past and has made alot of bad choices not only with her life but with her childrens as well! She may b a really nice person and I do believe people can change but why would u want to b with someone that is old enough to b ur mom,? Someone who has been in other marriages that failed? I believe it takes 2 in a marriage and mayb her marriages being broken was not just because of the mans fault! I no this is hard for u, cause I think in ur mind, u see a sweet lady, and u want to help her, give her a good life like she's never had before, and it may all sound good right now but what about later in ur relationship when u realize this isn't what u want n need? It looks like to me she's very confused and unstable in her life and I honestly think if u continue this relationship with her ur going to regret it and b very unhappy! U two are from 2 different worlds! It's like u said u and ur family are very educated and have strong high morals and then here ur bringing someone into ur family who have none of this and someone who has already lived her life to the fullest! Sleeping around with men whom she's not even married to and raising her kids the way she has! And kids being in a split home is not a good enough reason as to why they r like they r today! I have seen many kids raised in split homes and they r very well raised and have education and strong morals! I don't mean to offend u in any way, but I am just being honest with u and I have seen these types of women and they never change! This is the life they r used to and that's how they will always b! And I agree with the last post, I think in ur heart u already no what yr answer is and what u should do! U have brought up so many things here that is obviousLy bothering u! Go with ur heart always! It doesn't mean u can't b this ladies friend, I just don't think u should go any further then being her friend! This is the beginning of ur life, u have good education and seem to b a great person, so just wait for ur princess to come along! Don't waste ur life on someone who has already been around and lived her life to the fullest! Of course any woman would love to find a man like u after all she has already been through! Plus u gotta consider the other aspects of being with this lady, bringing her into ur home and around all ur family, then always worrying if her ex or ex"s will come around and put u or ur family in harms way! Just really think about this and I'm sure u will make the best descision!!! Mary:)

[khan]

Message deleted by Author.

[tazgirl31]

Tazgirl - Thank you so much for the kind words and understanding the pain.


I definitely wants to fill her life with light and happiness - But yes, I do question sometimes that she has already lived her life and never took any decisions in her prime time and never stand up high on morals and ethics.


But I just feel broken hearted that why women do this to themselves. This way of life, and culture of the society hurts me way deeply.

Ur welcome khan, I no love can b hard sometimes but u really have to do what is best for u! I no it's easy to feel bad for someone because of what they have gone through, or how their life has been so bad, but u can't let ur soft heart get involved in these situations sometimes cause it's only going to hurt u in the end! She's moved on twice already , so what if u get all involved with her then she does the same to u? I'm not saying women have to b perfect but she's an older lady who should be making better decisions for herself! I mean if a man is abusive n a drunk and offers u nothing more but violence, and u leave him why go back??? That makes no sense ! I'm sorry u have gotten so wrapped up in a bad situation where u r confused and hurting! Mayb talk to a pastor or church member for help and guidence! How does ur family feel about this lady? Just try to weigh all the pros and cons!! She may b the sweetest lady in the world who just got involved with the wrong men, but still, learn from ur mistakes and move on! U can't let all this get the best of u and make u a unhappy person! All I can advise u is to b honest with yourself, if this is someone u can see urself with for the rest of ur life, even with the big age difference, when she's 65 and ur 45 r u going to still b happy with her, even tho she's older and may not have the same interest as u? Or may not b able to do things u enjoy? If u can then go for it! I don't think age matters when it's really true love!! Just do some soul searching u will get the answers ur looking for:))) Mary

[tazgirl31]

Oh and one more thing, I was raised in a very strict home , was not allowed to date guys or even think about living with a guy before marriage, my parents were Christians and like ur family had ethics n strong morals! So I guess I'm just putting myself in ur situation, and mayb that's why I feel so strong about all this is cause for me knowing I was a pure, innocent girl who had not been around from man to man, I just wanted and deserved to have a man who was clean n pure like myself! I didn't want someone who had already been with several other girls, I wanted that special partner! Although this is 2010 and anymore there's not a big selection to choose from like that, cause it seems like people just don't care anymore, they meet someone have fun mayb get serious, mayb get married then not happy so they move on again! It's a pattern that never ends! Very sad but true. Then there are still those that have strong morals n beliefs and will not move in or have any relations before marriage:) taz