Rude comments about my weight, tired of it!

[copsy1969]

Does anyone else endure hateful jokes and/or comments about your weight? My brother in law constantly makes fat jokes and comments to me and I usually just act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. Actually, it cuts like a knife and I usually swallow back a lump in my throat & tears in my eyes and ignore him. Sometimes, I will snap back that he is ugly or something just as hateful but it doesn't stop his comments.

It is embarassing too in front of the whole family when he says, " Do ya think you need that piece of pie"? (His comment at Christmas). My husband always claims he didn't hear it, and says his brother is just joking because he likes me. I love the phentermine so far, no hunger, not much side effects, and I feel good! But, yesterday he made another comment and I just wanted to smack him.

And suggestions on how to deal with this ***ck?

Vicky

[georgie-tufnail]

Ahhh i know how u feel, i get it from my brither, sister and dad a lot. Im not obese but im over-weight and whenever we get into a row its always the same "fat cow!" or fat something and it really does cut deep. i always run to my room and cry. but what helps me is think i may be a bit over weight but u cant change ur face or something like that!?
just remember u r doing something about it now, and when he says comments like "should u really have a piee of cake?" just reply back saying something like "no prob not but im going to!!" what can he say to that?!

let us know how it goes xx

[janoodle]

I'm pretty quick to be the one to make the fat jokes and be self deprecating because it hurts less when I do it, so I feel like a total hypocrite when I feel like telling you to realize just how beautiful you are RIGHT NOW. Not ten pounds from now, not fifty pounds from now...but RIGHT. NOW.

Rude comments hurt when we believe them ourselves, otherwise we can just shrug them off. If we think of ourselves negatively and then hear our own negative thoughts from outside sources, it reinforces our self loathing and makes it harder for us to change.

There are so many ways to try and deal with this idiot, but you may not be able to affect his behavior or change him. You can only be sure of changing you. Believe in yourself and try to love yourself no matter what the scale says. Once you can feel good in your own skin, comments from the morons of the world won't sting as much.

[Angela C]

How frustrating((hugs)).What a shallow,ignorant jerk!!! I bet those remarks do hurt alot((hugs)).I am sorry you have such a loser brother in law.

I am sorry,but it is wrong that your husband doesn't stick up for you and tell his stupid brother off.I would never let my sister or brother say mean things to my husband.

He must feel bad about himself to make fun of you hon.Just try,I know it's hard,to ignore him and tell yourself that you will have the last laugh when you lose weight and look awesome :).

I just don't understand people :confused:.How can people be so cruel,especially to your own family?? I just don't get it.So called joking or not :(.

[EatingToBethin08]

So sorry to hear that other people get treated like that.........I get the same thing from a couple of people but I always laugh it off and say "yeah, fat girls like apple pie!!" I'm so tired of being over weight and someone else's target,

I started saying this and has worked to some extent........when they make their rude remarks just get close to their face and say........." I FORGIVE YOU".....and walk away, but make sure you say it right after the pop off and make sure you say it in front of the others so everyone can hear it....................lol..............it will shut them up atleast for a while but just say it everytime you get a remark......try it, it works for me. You are a beautiful woman, do not let the number on the scale make you think any differently or anyone else's comments, usually they are jealous of 1 thing or another about you or they wouldn't say stuff like that. Keep your head up and smile..................

[Band Mamma]

I really like the suggestion above. You could also try glaring at him and letting that deadly silence fall. As for me, though; I'm not sure I could control myself from saying a bit loudly, "Put that back in your pants! I've told you a million times I'm not interested in that tiny thing!"
:)
If you're husband is not going to defend you, then don't be around his family. It was as simple as that for me. I understand it's not my family and I have not grown up in that dynamic. However, I know rude when I see it and I don't have to expose myself to it. Rudeness happened one too many times for me, so I removed myself from the situation after one last conversation with my husband that showed me he was never going to do anything about it. Situation solved.

[georgie-tufnail]

yeh tell ur husband to get a back bone!

[sparklenshine22]

I don't ever get it why people feel they have the right to say things to someone's face about their weight whether it be family or not and was never over weight when I was younger, but you know how kids say things. When I was younger elementary school and middle school I was always average and a little taller than some. And kids were mean even though I was NOT the fat kid.

But in 8th grade that was what really bothered me. I was probably about 130-140lbs and average sized girl at 5'5" and very athletic and in shape. And someone make a jokingly comment about me and I took it personal.... you know how you are when you are 13/14 years old etc.... very sensitive to everything people say. Well I went to extremes. My parents say I went anorexic , but I wouldn't call it that. I watched every little bite that went into my mouth and thought to myself "I will show them" thinking about the kid that made that comment. So that summer I swam laps in our pool and ate very little or very low fat. And would count how many of everything I ate. I also played about 3 different sports.(softball, volleyball and soccer for school)

Well I returned to school in 9th grade a lot thinner and people noticed and i kept it up for about another year and got a little thinner while the year went on and into 10th grade. At this time in my life anyone even said a thing about my weight or what I was eating and I took it very seriously.... even if they said "hey are you having a slice of cheese or pepperoni pizza I'll grab it for you" and I would take it in the wrong context.

I will ALWAYS remember what this dumb 8th grade kid said to me that day in math class and will remember what made that switch go off in my head. By the time 10th the end of 10th grade came around I realized it was stupid... I played lots of sports and was very inshape and athletic and ate healthy and ended up about 150-160 and looked awesome(mostly muscle).

No one in my family says anything to any one cuz we are all different and different sizes and all love food. Our family is NOT judgemental and we all accept everyone for who they are. (that is not saying when I see someone for the first time in about a year and notice they have gained weight I don't think it to myself BUT I would never say anything to anyone)

Each of us in our family are getting married, gaining weight and then losing it later on. It seems to be a cycle. But we all accept it. None of us are the same body shape and we are all different shapes, there is NOT one dominant body type in our family and we are all different. I have been through the marriage weigh gain and am on my way back to normal weight after gaining in the beginning of my marriage.

I wouldn't take what your family says personally, and I think the reason they say it is cuz they are dumb and have nothing better to say but to put someone else down and make themselves feel better OR they think they are the comedian. Think of a good comeback and get back at them. Maybe one day they will gain 100 lbs and you can get back at your family but with KILLING THEM WITH KINDNESS.

[scatanafas]

People will treat us the way we allow them to treat us....You need to make it clear to your butthole BIL and anyone else that jokes about your weight won't be tolerated. They are hurtful. And tell your husband that if he isn't going to stick up for you then you are going to have to fight your own batlles and he can't say diddly.

[Raquel]

(((((((((((( Copsy )))))))))))))))) Ohhh so sorry - you're right those words do hurt.
I know personally - I'd end up playing it over and over in my head. Also - I'm quick to make the ugly remarks toward myself ... maybe self defense.

I too remember a remark said to me back in Jr. High School from some boy - "You have a pretty face - you just need to lose some weight" (almost 3 decades ago)

It's a shame we (some of us) let other dictact our moods etc.

as for how to handle it ... I personally am a fan of "Killing them w/ Kindness" also I know I would avoid him as much as possible. Who needs that kind of person around?

[Sara81]

Here's what I do to my parents..."Did that make you feel good" I don't use that on my brother because he'd probably say yes...haha. Put him on the spot, let him explain himself so he can look like a jerk and never talk to you like that again. Being really nice will work too (killing them with kindness) but sometimes people don't get it. Just this weekend I was at dinner with my dad and his best friend. His friend said a comment about me losing weight (my pops was bragging on how well i was doing :) ) the comment was rude and I asked him to explain himself, explain to me why its okay for you to put me down. He turned red and back peddled...No one has the right to make you feel like that.

[2getskinnysoon]

Copsy.. sorry..

I am sorry he has gotten away with making comments like that and that you hubby does not stick up for you... AND since your hubby will not stick up for you, it sounds to me like it's fair grounds for you to turn the tables and put the owness back on him.

To his "do you really need that piece of pie" I would come back with something like "are you really commenting on what I eat or my weight because I am pretty sure nobody asked for your opinion." OR.. "did you just call me fat, because I am pretty sure that is completely out of line for our in law relationship" or something to make him feel really guilty..

DO not slink away embarrassed.. embarrass him right back with a zinger for everyone to hear!!

[J. Hollywood]

Copsy, my dear I'm so hurt by reading what your going through. It's absolutely appalling that anyone would make a negative comment about your weight, especially a family member.

This takes you putting on your "stone mask" as I like to refer to it. You simply need to tell him, immediately that it's insulting and degrading that he's making such comments to you. Explain to him that this is a serious issue your working on and him making fun of it, in front of an audience is not only rude but very hurtful. Give him the benefit of the doubt (although he doesn't deserve it!) that your sure he's not intending on embarrassing your feelings like he has been. If it continues after that, cut him to the quick immediately the next time he does that by saying" Hey...I told you that type of comment hurts, why do you insist on doing that?" Make him feel like an ***. If it's hard for you to do this in person, email him!

As far as your husband, it's pathetic he's not standing up to his brother. He must have also been bullied by this jerk. Tell him you wont stand for him chickening out with the "I didn't hear it" comment. Should it ever happen again, address the Jerk BIL right away, then flash a comment to the husband who "cant hear" and let him know he's in ear range, and you expect that he would have said something to his brother.

Honestly, why in the world should these two men make you feel less because of what number the scale says? It demoralized your character and love you have for these people.

My Sicilian Aunt used to always say to me " Don't let anyone stand on your back to make themselves look taller" Copsy, please keep that in mind. Don't let anyone….ever…stand on your back.

Best of luck to you sweetie. Keep us all posted. And don't forget...We love you!! :)

[Heather128]

As someone who has been overweight all my life and endured that criticism not just from family7 but complete strangers. I was a 13 in highschool, smallest (right now) 16 as an adult. Peole don't realize it is comments like that that make us want the whole pie and not just a slice. My freshman year of high school I embraced I was the big girl and said I'm not cheerleader material but i am going to start high school a part of something and with friends who accepted me for who i was and not what i looked like or ate. I joined colorguard, it excited me, my new friends made me feel great, and by my sophmore year I was captain, traveling to camps and wrote our marching flag line. Even with that rigourous schedule in high school, i never got into the single digit clothes size, just very curvy. But colorguard it taught me to rid my life of the negativity and do what I love, because their negative words dont shed any pounds, neither. I love myself no matter what i weigh, so do my husband &children. My weightloss goal now isnt for vanity but for my health and after 3 years in the gym 3 days a week, i wasnt able to do it by myself. Good luck with your phentermine journey. As you lose the weight the excitement grows but dont give your brother the satisfaction of thinking his words did it. Do this for you, be excited for yourself.

[Raquel]

Way to go Sara -

That was excellent.

[Ladybug's Mommy]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I know for a fact that comments about your weight can really cut deep. I've never been "fat", but I have always been what I would consier overweight, or sometimes chubby. I went through a phase in middle school especially where I just had not hit my growth spurt yet and looked a little more round (I was also a year younger than my classmates too, so a little later to bloom). I walked into a classroom one day in 6th grade to drop off something to a teacher and I heard a student say, "SHe looks just like a butterball". I was 11 years old. I still remember that today. The summer between 9th and 10th grade, I grew a few inches, and dropped a bunch of weight... and I was starving myself and throwing up everything that I could. But I remember the comments and the compliments and everyone paying attention then and it felt much better than being called fat names.

You know, family is supposed to be the support system for us, but I can honestly say that I have always felt judged by my weight-- from my father and grandfather commenting on my weight each time they see me (Either I look "good" because I've lost some weight, or grandpa will tell me that I NEED to lose a few pounds). That's no way to feel--- I think we are hard enough on ourselves without having someone else commenting either.

We're all here for you-- because we've all been there too!

[Smitty1969]

Does anyone else endure hateful jokes and/or comments about your weight? My brother in law constantly makes fat jokes and comments to me and I usually just act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. Actually, it cuts like a knife and I usually swallow back a lump in my throat & tears in my eyes and ignore him. Sometimes, I will snap back that he is ugly or something just as hateful but it doesn't stop his comments.

It is embarassing too in front of the whole family when he says, " Do ya think you need that piece of pie"? (His comment at Christmas). My husband always claims he didn't hear it, and says his brother is just joking because he likes me. I love the phentermine so far, no hunger, not much side effects, and I feel good! But, yesterday he made another comment and I just wanted to smack him.

And suggestions on how to deal with this ***ck?

Vicky
My advice would be to go ahead and smack him!!!! It will make you feel better and burn a calorie or two... Seriously, just ignore him and think how great it will be when you lose the desired weight...


"When you have a chance to do something, you just have to pull the trigger and do it right then and there"
- Matt Hughes

[LosinIt]

I had a friend who had that problem with a family member and her response in a calm bored voice "Ahhh, but I can always lose weight - ugly last forever" and walked away. Priceless moment!

[IWANTITNOW]

hey hun, u'll lose that weight, and then some.. im sure of it (;
once u lose it, the jokes will change, not that it changes anything.. hes just a jerk.. well ur gorgeous so dont let him get to u.. good luck and ignore that fool

[dhenryhand]

What, that just pissed me off.

Come on everybody lets double team the both of them. You stay encourage, think about how you are going to look in just a few months.

Next time tell him that you are going to eat your slice then wait until he puts his slice on his plate and take his (using your hands) and tell him "now I am going to eat your slice too". (THEN LAUGH IN HIS FACE). Better yet, just throw the whole pie at him. (that would make you feel real good)

[trauma-mama]

I
No one in my family says anything to any one cuz we are all different and different sizes and all love food. Our family is NOT judgemental and we all accept everyone for who they are.

i want to belong to your family!!! can i be an honorary member???:p
i don't even talk to mine!

trauma

[trauma-mama]

[QUOTE=Raquel;746651I too remember a remark said to me back in Jr. High School from some boy - "You have a pretty face - you just need to lose some weight" [/QUOTE]

this is what my friend's husband says to her!! 'you are beautiful from the neck up'. i don't know why she is with him, actually she says it's b/c they get along in other areas and she knows she is a b*tch and is happy to find someone that will put up with her. wow.

trauma

[copsy1969]

Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! I work midnights and I am just sitting here in my office laughing/crying. Everyone of you is right about one thing, my husband should defend me! But, the "a-hole" brother-in-law happens to be my husbands fraternal twin so it is pretty hard to make him ever see his twin as being anything other than wonderful.

In my heart, I feel like J.D. (my husband) doesn't defend me because I am in fact, chubby/fat/overweight whatever and really what can he say? But, I am talking to him about it today and I am telling him to tell his twin that he hurts my feelings and humiliates me with the fat comments and I am telling J.D. that if TWIN does it again, I will refuse to let him in MY home. I will even threaten to withhold sex if he doesn't say it..... hehehe.. that always does the trick!

In 9th grade I was called Thunder Thighs and have never forgotten it. Most of my weight is carried from the waist down and I do have Thunder Thighs I guess, and that is why it hurt all the more. I am so excited about the PHEN and have really been eating noticeable less and am not feeling starved all the time. I am even choking down the water! Thanks everyone for the wonderful words... you made me feel better for the first time in months!

[blevy]

OK, so I was sitting here reading, and I consider myself to be pretty good when it comes to comebacks!!!! Try these and see what happens:

BIL: Do you really need that slice of pie??
YOU: Did you really need that extra layer of UGLY today???

at this point don't let up just keep them coming!!!

YOU: Are you wanted for murder bcuz your face is killing me!!!!!
YOU: If UGLY were a crime you'd have life without the possiblity for parole!!!!
YOU: Look everyone he finally learned how to put sentences together!!!
YOU: LOL Give it up for the guy who finally realized I was FAT!!!!

Then let him know honey, they have stuff for weightloss, but there is NO CURE FOR UGLY!!!!

OK one more!!!
YOU: I am so glad you have an UGLY personality, to go with that UGLY FACE!!!!

[pink.water.lily]

ALL FAT JOKES AND COMMENTS DO HURT, BUT JUST IGNORE THAT MAN.. AND IF YOU REALLY HAVE TOO, SHUT HIM UP... I PERSONALLY DONT HAVE FAMILLY THAT IS RUDE TO ME OR MAKE FAT COMMENTSS.. BUT I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELL. SO JUST IGNORE HIM AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU MENTALLY STRONGER TO KEEP GOING STRONG WITH YOUR PHEN TREATMENT..

THINK ABOUT ALL THE BAD COMMENTS HE MAKES WHEN YOUR WORKING OUT.. YEYYY YOULL BE MADD AND MOTIVATED... ...

NEVER GIVE UP..!!!!

[ldunehew]

You know the worst part is that this same brother in law will probably have something to say about your weight loss. He obviously has issues with his own self. I have a brother in law just like that, he likes to comment on my weight because my sister, (his wife) is thin and in shape, but I guess we all might be if we worked out all day , and had lypo. The one thing that keeps me going is the memory that I have of finding a very LARGE bottle of over the counter DIET PILLS in their medicin cabinet a couple of years ago. Obviously they need help TOO. Ha Ha!!