My friend has me worried to death.....

[heartland]

I got a call a while ago and my friend is on the other end SCREAMING at the top of her lungs at her husband. I think she has a serious mental problem. Matbe it's caused by her husband -maybe not. My nerves are SHOT right now. Oh my God it was horrible. I guess he had been hitting her and made her nose bleed. She said she'd call me back cause she was going to check for marks and call the cops. I have my scanner on.LOL.

She had been laying on the bed with her 1 1/2 yr. old granddaughter and the baby started headbutting her. Well, my friend swatted the baby on her diapered bottom. My friends husband (who is NOT the childs grandpa) came in and took the baby away and told her never to touch the baby again. I guess he started hitting on my friend then.
Now this husband of hers doesn't correct this child at all. The child is turning into a terror because she has never heard the word no.
OK why am i telling you all this?? I have no idea. I guess writing all this down calmed me a bit..........i'm still waiting for her to call me back. I hope to god she doesn't want to stay here tonight!

[rene76]

OH BOY~ BEEN HERE. I HAVE THIS CERTAIN FRIEND~ MICHELLE~ SHE'S SERIOUSLY GOT SOME MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES~ SOME OF IT WAS HER HUBBY AS WELL~ THEY WERE ABUSIVE TO ONE ANOTHER AND IT GOT SO BAD THAT I JUST KNEW THEY WOULD KILL ONE ANOTHER SOME DAY~ I WAS WORRIED SICK~ BUT THEN I HAD TO JUST STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT~ I COULDN'T CHANGE IT~ SHE WOULD LEARN SOMEDAY~ WHAT IS SAD IS THAT THERE IS A BABY INVOLVED~ GRANDBABY OR NOT~ IT SHOULDN'T BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS~ SO SAD~ KEEP US UPDATED~!
~RENE'

[ December 29, 2004, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: rene76 ]

[LQQK]

Melisa, sorry to hear about your friend. Sounds like she has big problems. If she needs to talk, i say listen and try to support her, but if you don't want her to stay at your house, then don't let her. Be strong, i am sure the last thing you need is to bring drama into your own house. I know it is hard to separate ourselves from these situations especially when it is a friend. Try not to let it upset you too much and i hope you feel better, i am sure the phone call made you all stressed out.

Feel better

[heartland]

nothing yet.
I didn't think to turn on my scanner till 10-15 mn. after we hung up though.
She don't care- she'll call me at 3 in the morning if she wants. This has all happened before. Just not with the baby involved.
Why do people stay married when the hate each other??????????????????????????
I really think they could kill each other-------maybe i should call the cops. ??
I could always claim i'm the neighbor and i overheard screaming.............I'm just worried

[MotherLunsford]

Call and talk to someone at Family Services (child welfare) and see if they have any ideas. If there is domestic violence they may be able to open a family preservation case and require the feuding adults to take classes, submit to evaluations, etc. But be prepared to lose a friend.

Mother

[sissy1969]

Wow.... I was brought up in a house like that, My dad was a full blown alcoholic and beat my mom BAD almost every night. It got so bad that one time I called the cops on my own dad, I guess what I am saying is "If they fight like that all the time and you are her friend and if you care about her, you need to call the cops and tell them that this is not the first time and you are worried" If she gets mad at you just tell her that you did it for her saftey and also tell her that you are concernd to that maybe she needs to go see a doctor to see if she has a chemical imbalance and if she does there is nothing wrong with that, alot of people have that problem.. It is called tough love and she will forgive you someday. Just let her know you care for her and want only what is best for her, sound sincere.

[mim1977]

Sorry you are having these troubles Melisa. I hope things get better. I don't really have any advice just wanted to pop in. Go with your gut in a situation like this. If you think the cops should be invovled call. There is no way I would let a man hit me for any reason period. But, that's just me. And everyone is different.

Take care girl,
MIM

[EmBee30]

I don't have advice, just an example of something that I went through. I have a friend that when married to her former husband, they fought alot. She even went so far as to tell me one time that he said he was going to kill her, and told her where he would hide her body. She told me all about it. So she calls me late one night, they are screaming, carrying on..he jerks the phone away and hangs it up. I'm freking out now..wondering what the heck is going on. I call and he picks up the phone and hangs it up, over and over..but I hear yelling in between. So now I'm sitting there wondering if he's beating her or what.. I finally decided to call the police and see if they would just go by and "check" on things. Well, they don't just "check". Now I know this, but didn't then.. SOMEbody is gonna go to jail if they have to go out there. Sure enough, he went to jail that night. It turned out that he wasn't "beating" her necessarily, they were just screaming, yelling, cussing, I think he held her down, all that kind of stuff. But what was I to think??? She was never mad at me for calling the police...at ALL. But..he was. I didn't care though..he was a jerk, and I'm glad she's divorced from him now. I would do my best to stay out of anything like that now. I hate being put into those things. Another thing..if you call child protective services...they would very likely go and remove any children from the home. They don't play around with domestic violence situations at all.
I hope it all gets settled.

[heartland]

I haven't done anything.........
She did call back and told me that she was going to call the cops once her son came and got his daughter. I haven't heard anything else. Nothing on the scanner either.
I'm sure i'll here it all in the morning-ALL morning....ugh

[WannaLoseIt]

I feel for you and im very sorry that you are going through this, I remember staying up all night worried about one of my friends and she would just "forget" to call me back. I actually called child services on her because the child was going through alot of stuff because of her and her husband, well she figured out it was me and we are no longer friends and child services didnt do anything, so I kinda learned my lesson there. They would lock him in a small room when he was around 1 so he couldnt get into things and the way they spanked him was unbelievable. But it all blew up on me but I guess atleast I tried. So I do kinda understand what your going through and I know its hard. Please keep us informed.

[heartland]

Sissy1969~ I just wanted to say i really like your picture! Wow- your really pretty!
In your profile you say that you are 228. You sure don't look it!

[ December 30, 2004, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: heartland ]

[Melmin]

Hi Melisa,

Sorry you have to go through this, you are a good friend!! I think Mother had great advice, they need help and each of them will never realize it. These situations are always tough because we arent sure how much we should do or just stay out of it completely. I think if this happens again I would definitely contact the police and have them go over there and just act like you are the neighbor. It's better to be safe then them doing something to each other.

I hope things get better.

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

May I offer some advice from a woman who was abused by her husband for 14 yrs?There is nothing u or any1 else can do enough of until the abused is tired of it.And u cannot just be tired of it u gotta be SICK and TIRED of it.Becaz the reality is the more u try to help the person being abused the more they cling to the abuser and begin to rally against u until u r the enemy.

I had 22 stitches in the back of my head and during that fight I was knocked unconscience for over 20 minutes.I still tokk him back.Next fight he slammed me into the corner of a wall and busted my head again,15 stitches later I took him back.He broke my nose,I took him back.He broke my arm,threw a basketball @ me so hard he cracked my front tooth caz I was disturbing the game he was playing,and busted my lip wide open a few times and I always took him back.I depended on him caz I "needed" him & I "luved" him.

So after several affairs I got tired and stabbed him over 15 times.I went to jail for attempted murder and got off the charge caz I had been abused so badly.He took me back after I got outta jail after court that day.He never hit me again but the mental abuse began to be 100 times worse.

Finally after 10 yrs and loosing friends and family,not to mention every place we were kicked outta caz of the fighting,I decided on my own....Without any friends or family.Without any advice.Without anything I was leaving no matter the cost.Rather homeless,hungry,or jobless.The person has to get to that point.U must get to that point.Becaz they have taken away ur courage,ur strenght,ur ability to be a woman standing up tall and proud .

SO take it from some1 who endured 10 staight yrs of it,then going thru my divorce he got worse even after he had a girlfriend.So my tally was 14 yrs.If u wanna be a friend stay out of it and don't discuss these situations with her.Do not even offer ur home becaz he will come for u as well.Tell her when she is ready to go to a abuse shelter u will drive her and help in planning the "get-away" but let that be it.Becaz if he knows u know where she is he will do whatever he must to get to her.Anyways I have lots of advice and there is not enuf room here for me to ramble on.But if u wanna advice from some1 who has endured it,pm me.

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

Also all of us women need to understand is that no woman plans on going out and being abused.It doesn't happen overnite either.It is a slow progression of dependancy,guilt,and power.It is slow and u tell urself he didn't mean it.So it goes from grabbing u in a fight,to pushing u,to slapping u "to get ur attention",then eventually all out verbal and physical abuse.And becaz we fight back it becomes "our fault" for pushing his buttons.Anyways it goes across all racial,ethnic,and wealth or lack of wealth lines.

It doesn't matter who u r it can happen.

Now I hold my own power and I double dog dare my ex husband to try and take it away.I had to put fear in him.I got a living will if anything happens to me where my children go-not to him.Who gets whatever lil money I got and all aspects including if I go to prison becaz I made it very clear if he ever touches me ,raise his voice at me,and even makes me think he will do what he has done in the past I will kill him.Somehow that worked, also maybe from before when the judge said after seeing all the hospital bills and how many times I had him arrested for abusing me that I might get off of a murder charge for all I endured.

I don't wanna chance it though......but he believes I will.

[heartland]

I stayed out of it and i'm glad i did. She called today and acted like nothing had happened!! I was SOOOO mad but i didn't say anything. I swear it sounded like WW111 in that house last night. I was up till 2am with my scanner on. I drove by her house twice expecting to see police cars in the driveway.

Remember i said that she was calling the police once her son came and got his daughter??? Well, she JUST TOLD ME THAT! :mad: She wanted her husband to believe that the little girl was going home-she knew he would overhear her talking to me.
I wish i never met this woman.There is no excuse for this behavior. She is just as much of an abuser as her husband. They hate each other.
I wish they'd move back to Virginia!

[ December 30, 2004, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: heartland ]

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

See what I mean.....Girl it is just best to leave them alone and only say "I know U r being abused whether u know it or like it as a friend please only call me when u need a ride to the shelter.Other then thta we need not to discuss ur relationship and the going-on 's in it."That is what I tell many who bring their stories to me or they know a friend of a friend or sister,or whomever caz we or u cannot tell some1 when they have had enuf.Only the person going thru it can.I assure u @ that time she said that story to u she meant it but the abuser has a grip on her u cannot break.

[sissy1969]

Thank you heartland, yes I am 205 now. I don't know why but in the pict. here it makes me look smaller,, LOL LOL,, I gues thats a good thing