I Hope I Become A good Mother-In-Law

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

After yrs of a abusive marriage-and a divorce ,I thought I met some1 who LOVED ME!!!Key word here is *thought.

He left today>We were in a bad arguement over the fact that after 3 yrs of his mom buying my 2 girls gifts she lied to them about saying she was unable to afford their gifts.All the while she purchased another 13yr old girl who we know a $200.oo purse.So when I asked him what gives,on Christmas day he said she didn't like MY behavior toward her earlier in the year when we got hit by 3 hurricanes.So she decided my girls get nothing.To me it wasn't the fact she didn't buy gifts but she lied to kids and then is taking her frustration about me on them.As well she knew I was having a rough time getting monies together for gifts.

Now after much screaming,then talking,and a lot of crying he packed up and left.He claims give him a month to figure out what he is gonna do.Mind u he has no kids,no ex-wives,and all his friends live outta state.So he had tears in his eyes and we hugged and he left.He left money for the bills so I dunno if he's coming back or not.

Anyways he said I change when I am on phentermine.He claims I get aggetated so fast and my anger is outta control when I am taking these pills.Now I dunno if that is an excuse or true.Does anyone else go thru this with mother-in-laws or soon to be in-laws.I never dealt with this before....suggestions would be nice caz I get along with my first husband's mom great(he is deceased)My second husband I get along with all his brothers and sisters and mom still as if we were still married.(they know he is stupid)

WHAT DO I DO?????????

[rene76]

oh boy~ had this problem~ as a matter of fact~ we no longer speak to my husbands real mother because of her behavior such as this. he finally saw the light~ thank god! the one thing you have to remember~ that is his momma~ men cling to their moms and their moms are 99.9% correct at all times~ it's just how they're built~ it took me YEARS to figure this out~ good luck~ and just remember~ after 3 yrs in a relationship~ it will be hard for him to just walk away~ he'll be back~ in some form or fashion~
~good luck~ rene'

[Christy223]

WOW! Who wouldn't be alittle uptight going through 3 hurricanes in like...weeks. I have alot of family that live in Fl and expericenced it! So sorry :( , really don't know what to say about the MIL, she sounds like a crotchty "old woman", what in the world does being upset with you have to do with the taking the joy away from two innocent children at Christmas? That Bi*$%, just pisses me off thinking about it! (It really does!) As for the phen making you uptight, I guess it may do that to all of us sometimes, but come on......enough to walk out of a relationship? I don't think so. Is "he" a momma's boy? Could she be having an influence on him? I just don't believe that he can walk out and blame the phen, he!! he should be supportive, you are trying to do something positive for yourself, and heck he will have fringe benefits from your success, right? I really don't know what to tell you to do, but I can tell you that from the info you have given in your post this woman sounds to me like a not very nice person! Hope things work out for you, just don't beat yourself up, there has to be more to his leaving other than the phen! Take Care! :)

[Determined1-- derland here I come]

What did she expect for you to do during the hurricane for her? Was there more of something you could have given her or is she one of those who just want want want?
While it was generous in the past for her to give to your children, she has no obligation to do so and she has truly showed her true colors by taking out her frustrations with you out on your children. Personally I would not subject my children to such unstable adults. Either she is going to be the pseudo-grandma or nothing. Don't put your children through such ignorance.
And as far as your man is concerned, he will need to make a decision between Momma and you. I had to put it all on the table years ago with my husband and now we are living the happily ever after. MIL irritates me at times, but she knows I have the upper hand and that is all that matters.
Good luck. Keep your head up. Your children and their stability come first. :)

[Cuquita13]

Why are all men mama's boys? I have yet to meet a man who's mother does not have wrapped around her little finger. I went through this with my ex of 3 years (it was one of the reasons we broke up) and I deal with it with my husband, even though he is nowhere near as bad as my ex. You getting mad had nothing to do with the phen. You had every right to get upset about what she did. While it is true that she has no obligation to give your daughters anything, her reason is still ridiculous. Why should they be punished because she is having a disagreement with you. What a vindictive lady! There's nothing your boyfriend can do to change her but I feel that his place was not to leave but to sympathize with you and say, "I know my mother acted wrongly towards your daughters and I apologize for her but there is nothing I can do to change her ways" and leave it at that. Did he evenattempt to make you feel better or admit that she was wrong? I mean who walks out of a relationship over their mother's stupid actions. :mad:

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

WHEW!!!
I am so glad I am NORMAL!!!After all the advice I have recieved and suggestions I too have concluded I am RIGHT.She was Wrong.Ya know I have dealt with the darned hurricanes and I survived(lost the roof on the home I rent,lost alot of my belongings)and IF I can survive those I will survive her antics.

Now can u beleev my man came back around today telling me how much he luved me and all that good stuff.???I told him I am not asking u to choose between ur mom & me becaz I decided for myself as to where I will allow her to interfere in my life.And that is she WON'T!!!

He seemed surprised that I am cutting off all contact with her becaz my eyes were closed before caz I was "in luv" but these are the things she has done to me already:....and I told him.

Well he claimed he never knew I was affected by the things I told him.So in the long run I gave him 2 books...T.D. Jakes..So You Call Yourself A Man".....And A Dr Phil relationship book.I said after u read them and follow the directions u can come home.So we shall see what happens.I just think mama thinks I took her lil boy from her(he will be 40!!!)and she ain't having another woman take her baby away.Especiaaly a "hussie",as she calls me and doesn't know I heard her say it.

And Coquita the sympathic apology from him was what I wanted as u mentioned but it darn sure didn't come from his mouth.But I realize reading the other gals posts here I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!! I pray I will be a good Mother-in-law 1 day and not a spitefull mean woman.

[Determined1-- derland here I come]

clap clap clap. You go girl! You will get much respect from him when you put your foot down. And unfortunately sometimes it does come down to momma or me. And if he chooses momma, then may they live happily ever after.

[Cuquita13]

Well said Determined1 and coco-pebbles-aholic good job on holding your ground. The books were a good idea, I hope he actually reads them. That would be a good way for him to show you that he cares about the relationship. Stay strong. Bye! :cool:

[coco-pebbles-aholic]

Well gals the man who never calls me first nor says he luvs me-FIRST.(ya know I usually call him during the day to see how he is and I always end every conversation with " I Luv U")called me today.

I had it in my head I was not calling him on that cell if it killed me I was not gonna call.And after that my day went so nice.I didn't even get angry @any1 today(haha).So after I get home from work and was just relaxin he calls me. With a "i Luv U" first outta his mouth.I just started a conversation as if I did not hear him.

He's catchin on to the fact I am serious about this situation with his mom.I told him in our conversation I have no desire to discuss some1 so willingly to hurt those that I luv.He seemed amazed.So I dropped the subject and asked about how much he read in the books I gave him and said I had to go.

So now I am curious is he missing me or is he just missing what he can get from me.Well he is gonna be surprised when he thinks he is coming home and I am moved....I am looking for a new home to rent.I am still so PISSED @ him!!!!!!!!!!!!!I will survive this though.
Thanks ladies for listening to me vent

[thckgrl]

Girl, I feel you on this too. One of the happiest days of my life was when my MIL moved out of Orlando. She barely calls and we only see eachother at family events now where we can be civil and cordial enough to get through it. My husband is a mommas boy but he has made comments about how nice things have been since she moved. Good luck, keep giving him that "tough love"