and the truth comes out

[CindyLR70]

ok I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted to on thanksgiving-then it turned into-ok I can eat whatever I want till Christmas-now I think it is just a comfort thing since my dad died. Now-some 15-20 pounds later-yes you heard right-I feel like crap and I am scared to death-and dont know how and if I can get back on the wagon. My dad passed away from a massive stroke-well I found out that is what his brother died from when he was 33-my dad was 58 on the day he died-both very young still-I have had high blood pressure in the past and now have gained weight back and I am scared to death. I just dont know what to do-and I dont know how to sleep anymore either since dad died-I sleep more sometimes and sometimes I cant sleep at all-I dream about him constantly-ugg does this ever get easier? I have never had to deal with anyone close to me dying before-let alone deal with all the paperwork and property involved. Cindy

[luvmyboxerpup]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I haven't been there, yet, so I don't know what to say, but I do believe it has to get easier, or at least more bareable as time goes on.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

[Melissa0101]

My sister just passed away July 22nd she was 25. She died of a very rare form of cancer and as a matter of fact I just had a dream about her last night. Does it get easier? No. You just learn how to cope. I miss her terribly and feel terrible for every little fight we got into when we were children and when we were older. I was just thinking that last new years eve I went to a party that was by invite only and feel terrible that I didn't spend it with her now. We didn't know that was her last new years. My mom has dealt with all of her other things since she wasn't married but did have 3 children. All I can say is talk about it and maybe talk to a doctor about an anti depressant and something to help you sleep. It really helped me to cope I'm no longer on the anti depressant but still need something to help me sleep and god forbid I'm left alone for a couple of hours even now because when I have a little time to sit down and relax thats when it comes rushing back. Surround yourself with friends and family and take every person that offered "if you ever need anyone to talk to don't hesitate to call" take them up on it. Talking about it will make you feel better. Your going to find out that sometimes it's the little things that will set you off more than other things like, in october it was my birthday and we always get a whole group of girls together and go out I cried the whole day and even started crying while we were out because it was my first important thing I did without my sister. Then her birthday was on the 26th birthday it would of been her golden birthday. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas I made it through ok but now today I feel terrible again because I missed out on new years with my sister last year thinking there were more to come.

End result talk about him a lot and make sure you tell everyone your wonderful memories about him and the funny things you used to do. It always brings a smile to my face.

[CONYSCAZ]

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. :( I hope that in time your wounds will heal. In the mean time lets put some focus back on you. Don't be worried about the total picture of your weight loss. Take it a day at a time. Think about how good it felt to know that you were doing what you said you were going to do. To see the changes in your body and most importantly your mind. Don't let the holiday setback stop you from seeing this until your satisfied. From what I can tell we all ate a bit more stuffing and holiday cookies than nessesary. But remember that we are here for you and will help you get your mind frame ready. Come on! You can be a loser once again! ;)

[nal]

Grief is awful. I hate the feeling. But you have to let yourself grieve, or it will keep coming back at you. When you feel the urge to cry, just do it. Let the wave wash over you, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's all you can do. As time goes on, the space between the waves gets longer......and the waves are smaller......but it still hurts. Eventually the good memories will overtake the sad ones, but the sad never completely goes away. It's just a part of life, I'm sorry to say.

Honor your father's memory by taking care of yourself and getting your health/BP/weight under control. My family has stroke in it's medical history, too. Big time. I know it's hard, but you can be the one to break the mold. Talk to a doctor about your concerns, and get some help.

In the short term, there is nothing wrong with needing some pharmaceutical help - for sleep, depression, whatever.

I'll sure be thinking of you. (((hugs)))

[Ph@t]

Cindy and Melissa,
I'm literally in tears at my work. I feel horrible for both of your losses. It's so weird for me to read this b/c my little sister and my daddy are the most important people in my life and I don't think I'd be able to remain a sane person if something happened to them. I always think about "what if this happens?" and I start to cry. I've never experienced such a close loss but I have seen people who have. My mother lost her father and mother within a month of each other in 2000 and she still cries out for my grandmother. It's a horrible thing to go through and please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both and that I hurt for the both of you.

[suz1]

I am not really sure what to say here but felt I needed to reply! I am so sorry for your loss and all I can say from past experience is that the pain of losing someone close never ever goes away but you do learn to cope and deal with it and eventually you can think about it with good thoughts and memories but you never get over what it does to your life. My dad passed away when I was 12 and I am 36 today and still cry at certain thoughts or songs but the memories I have and the dreams I have about him I cherish until I know I can see him again ~ My beliefs and prayer help me in knowing this is possible - I talk about him alot - to people at work and my kids and family and that helps keep him near ~ I pray you find the strenth to deal with this and in time you will be able to move forward with wonderful memories and thoughts that no one can take away~ Suz My Prayers are with you ~

[Deltha]

I lost my grandmother when I was nineteen...I was living with her and for all intents and purposes she was the mother I never really had at home. It was bad...the hardest thing I've ever lived through. None of the pain I suffered as a child at the hands of my mother and siblings compares. She was the first person who loved me unconditionally...and showed it everyday in everything she did. If anyone taught me how to love, it was her.

I can completely understand the pain you feel...and I agree with Nal completely. It does get easier. It never goes away, but life does go on and other things begin to happen to take your mind off of it more. Everything Nal said, I second.

I pray you have the strength to do what needs to be done. You know what it is...its just a matter of being ready and doing it.

[CindyLR70]

thanks for all the wonderull thoughts-on top of all this my dad had a 2001 truck that he carried a life insurance policy on-it will pay off the truck and the second beneficiary is me-so you would think I get the truck-well there is a wife that he has been seperated from-and noone seems to be able to tell me whats up-under florida law she would get it-if there was no policy stating my name-but there is-so her brother in law is telling me I have to sell it as part of the estate to pay the lawyer-well excuse me but I thought any part of the estate couldnt just be sold untill things are settled-I feel like I am being pushed into this so i will pay the lawyer and the estranged wife wont have it coming out of her packet. I am so confused. Well hubby and I are going out to eat-last hu-rah for the yr I guess-I am back to being heathy again tomorrow-for my dad and my kids. Cindy

[Clara]

Cindy I typed up a bunch of stuff but ended up deleting it. I guess what I wanted to say is I'm sorry you have to go through all this. Its ok take time to grieve for your dad and in the process take care of yourself too. Take care Paula

[triplet]

Cindy,

You have been through alot, and I understand the pain that you are experiencing. My dad died 8 years ago. The pain is still very real, and I still cry and miss him. The old saying that "time heals all wounds" is somewhat true. The wounds are still there, but time has made them bearable.

I want you to know that I am here for you if you need to "vent", cry, whatever.

Now about this weight thing....girl, we can do this...I am looking forward to a very successful year....so, HERE'S TO 2003!!!!

Hang in there....please know that you are cared for here...

Triplet

[BellaTat2]

Hi Cindy-

My father died in June, and honestly, it was worse than anything I could have ever imagined I would have to experience. I didn't have a normal night's sleep for a long time. Sometimes I still don't, I can't get certain things out of my head. But, it does get easier. One day you just realize that you are going on with your life and that his memory is there with you. And it gets easier to remember the good times. I promise.

Leslie