Why do nice guys finish last?

[TonyMontanaOnE]

Ok why are women crazy. Give me some advice. I really liked this girl and we went out for a few weeks. All the time she talked about her ex boyfriend and how he was such a jerk and how he would leave her for weeks at a time and sleep with other girls and then come back to her etc. And she said that she couldnt believe that she found such a nice guy as me etc etc. I was the first guy to take her out that actually opened her car door and paid for her dinner and to buy her flowers. SO to make a long story short she told me she wasnt ready for a serious commitment, which is cool, but now shes dating that same jerk she was dogging for weeks. So my question to the wonderful ladies on the boards is Why are girls attracted to jerks and guys that treat them like crap? I cant help but wonder if I made her pay for her own movies and never returned her phone calls would she still want to date me. I would think if I was a girl I would want a nice guy not someone who treats me like s.it.

[Nitra]

Well dear Im not the typical woman. I expect to be treated well or out the door they go but I have been one of those women that seemed to be drawn to men that treated me like mud. After much soul searching I figured out that it had a lot to do with my personal self esteem. I didnt believe I was worthy of nice treatment, didnt believe that I deserved such a nice guy, so kept being drawn back to the jerks. I woke up one day and thought whoa why are you doing this? Then I took time off from dating and did a lot of thinking, made a list of what qualities I wanted in a man and now those are the type I attract. I used to wonder why men wanted a woman that treats them like dirt, plays games, but looks good. Its what I call a trophy. Its all about the challenge. Now that I dont really give a care if I have a man in my life, dont really need one, am happy alone, am happy with who I am, I have more men wanting to go out with me than ever. So dont worry about those women, one day you will find women that appreciate you for you. If she keeps telling you about her ex and how badly she was treated, especially in the beginning, then chances are she is not over him and best thing you can do is back off, even if only for your own peace of mind.

[MiSsJoLi]

Yeah, what she said!

[marian]

Tony,

It could be that this woman had a disfunctional home as a young girl. When you grow up with abuse you look for partners that will abuse you in one way or another. This is all the woman knows and to be treated nice just does not feel comfortable. It is sad. With help, a woman can overcome this.

As for you this is not your problem and you can't fix it.

Hope this helps, there also can be other ways a woman seeks unhealthy men but the one I mentioned is most common.

[blondie1]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by TonyMontanaOnE:
Ok why are women crazy. Give me some advice. I really liked this girl and we went out for a few weeks. All the time she talked about her ex boyfriend and how he was such a jerk and how he would leave her for weeks at a time and sleep with other girls and then come back to her etc. And she said that she couldnt believe that she found such a nice guy as me etc etc. I was the first guy to take her out that actually opened her car door and paid for her dinner and to buy her flowers. SO to make a long story short she told me she wasnt ready for a serious commitment, which is cool, but now shes dating that same jerk she was dogging for weeks. So my question to the wonderful ladies on the boards is Why are girls attracted to jerks and guys that treat them like crap? I cant help but wonder if I made her pay for her own movies and never returned her phone calls would she still want to date me. I would think if I was a girl I would want a nice guy not someone who treats me like s.it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[blondie1]

oopps sorry tony I pushed the wrong button and posted your question twice. I am new to all this internet stuff.Anyway, about your question.Get over the girl!!! There is more fish out there to get.Settling on one women just down grade your security about your self. So go out there and get them cowboy

[Jennerizer]

If you think about it though....you're sort of doing the same thing. Why waste time trying to figure out why this girl would prefer a jerk?

I don't have low self-esteem or a dysfunctional family, but I know if my ex were to return wanting a second chance, I'd probably give it to him. I don't know why I'm still willing to even think that way considering he walked away from our relationship with no real explanation.

I guess when someone leaves when you're not ready for them to leave, it makes you hope for something more or hope for a second chance. Only when you come to a place in your mind that you no longer want this person in your life, can you truly move forward.

If she were to come back saying she made a mistake by going back to her ex, would you give her a second chance?

Jen

[TonyMontanaOnE]

The sad thing is i really want to, but I have a philosophy that I cant really date people like that. I need someone whos alot smarter than someone who would rather have a jerk for a boyfriend. Becasue if she does it once shell do it again. I guess I have really high mental standards for the women I date and I thought she met them but obviously not, so as much as I liked her i have already written her off as just another girl I met, searching for my soulmate.

[Julia Reaqzin]

Oh sweety. I can relate Because I use to one of those girls. My problem was I thought I wasn't allowed to be happy. Plus for a long time I was judged on my looks only I started to jugde people that way!! I know it sound horrible but She needs to start loving herself before she can love some one else. Maybe she'll see the light and come back to you!! I sure regret not giving the nice guys a chance!! Bless Julia :(

[tooholly]

Keep at it! There are a lot of us out there that DO want a nice guy. You just have to look hard to find us...we're often the quiet, well behaved ones that get over looked!

[sguy]

O.K. Here's the deal. You see women like challenges also, and I think that is why we are sometimes attracted to the "bad guys". We only think about how awesome it will be if we are the one to tame them not thinking of all the heartache that goes along with the quest. That's my opinion. Luckily my bad guy turned out to be a great guy, and a great Dad. Try not laying all your cards on the table. Keep her guessing a little!

[Lynn VG]

I agree 100% with sguy. BTW SGUY..nice to meet you...Im Lynn.. :) My bad boy (long hair, tatooed up and a Harley..lol) turned out to be the best guy Ive ever known. Married him and have 3 children with him. He was a challenge. And that sparked my interest. I have never been abused nor do I come from a dsyfunctional family (in fact parents are still married....43 years.. :). It was jsut thrill of the chase..and I won..lol. Plus the fact he cleans up nice too&gt;. :)
Hang in there TONY MONTANA ( said like Al in Scarface..my favorite movie BTW)


Lynn

[candygirl]

hang in there the right one will come along. i know how you feel though its like the better you treat him/her the worst they treat you. ive often wondered if i wasnt "too nice and sweet" (quote from a good friend-a guy) things would be different you just never know . just hang in there i still am. :confused:

[sguy]

Hi Lynn, Nice to meet you. I have been checking out the site for a couple of weeks now since I started using phen, but had yet to post. You guys on this site are so great, and I love to read your success stories! I do feel bad for the nice guys, but they just need to create more of a challenge! I guess that might be one way in women and men are the same. Scarey, huh! LOL

[Cassie]

I agree totally with Tooholly!! The girl you are looking for is out there- you might just have to look for her a little harder. Agh!- I have so much to say on this topic, but then I'd have to tell you my whole life story and no one wants that :p

I'm not sure what age group you're looking at, but I know the older I get (I'm 35), the less tolerance I have for anyone treating me wrong in any way. I'm very nice and considerate of other people and I've put up with way too much mistreatment - I just don't take it anymore. I think, in general, the more maturing and soul-searching a woman has done, the more she wants a guy who will treat her nicely.

Anyway - there are MANY MANY wonderful, intelligent, caring, beautiful women out there who want a really nice guy to love who will love them right back. She's out there!

Listen VERY closely to me, now: DON'T SETTLE!!!!! If I could make that in huge letters, I would! If a woman isn't treating you as well as you are treating her - stop seeing her. She won't change. You deserve better than that. Be patient (I know - it's hard!!) - she's out there! Keep your eyes and your heart open!!

Good luck!!!!