[dalako]

First ~ {{{{HUGS}}}} Losing a child is horrible.. I am so sorry for your loss!
It's a tough decision. I was in a similar situation with my ex. We were engaged. He was a drunk, and when he came home.. if i pissed him off... i would meet his fist, the walls...etc. I was always there to clean up after him, pick up the pieces, handle $$, to 'mother him' when he needed. When he got arrested, he called me and i would bail him out... he wouldn't remember where his car was, i would go and find it... etc. Granted at that time, that is what I thought a relationship should be like... 'Taking care of your man". After 2 yrs of this, I began to realize that it wasn't a relationship. It was a relationship out of convience to him, I was there when he needed or wanted, for his control. I noticed that i was doing all the giving and not getting anything in return. It was 'unhealthy' for me and I started being self-destructive. My self esteem was gone... the weight came on... I was chain smoking (1-2 packs a day) and I had started drinking. It took me another year to get the confidence or self respect back that i needed to remove myself from the situation. His brothers never knew about what he was doing to me or the drinking. Therefore they were shocked when I left him. He kept everything hidden from them. After we broke up.. he called me a couple of times bawling, apolgizing, drunk, and expecting me to come and get it. Instead of telling him no... I told him that someone would be there to get him. I called his brother and explained what was going on and why I wouldn't allow myself to get him. So his brother understood and got him... Which just pissed him off.... but he wasn't my problem anymore. This happened 2 more times... then he stopped calling. Shortly after that his brothers found out everything... the abuse charges from the cops (not me), the felony theft charges at 3 different employers, the DUI's...etc. His brother & the court made him go to AA, and therapy and others.
In short... You know he's not good for you, in a 'healthy' way. And the next time he calls you.... call a cab for him,or a relative of his. You need to put yourself first, making sure that you are in a good state of mind before you give out to others. You need to heal before giving out to others.

I hope this helps! Either way you look at it... it's a hard decision!
{{{{HUGS}}}}