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thin4good · July 16th, 2008, 12:59 AM

Jazzy, I'm gonna give you some tough love, I hope that's what you were looking for!
First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your triplets the pain of that must have been unbearable! You definitely need to take the time and heal you!

The short answer to your question? You move on and don't look back!

You said yourself that you know he's not someone you want to be with. You also said yourself that you can't do the friends with benefits thing. So why would you be friends with him? Because once upon a time there was some good times with him? Remember he is an ex for a reason. I'm sure this weekend felt good and you know, it probably will help you heal, and honestly lord knows we all need a weekend where we get to spend several nights with someone we care about, but don't confuse what happened with what you need to do!

Here are some things to think about, hon. If he's been in AA since April, one of the things that they are supposed to do is apologize for their behavior. Did he ever call you before Thursday night to apologize for trying to pick you up at the hospital drunk? Or to apologize for his behavior while you were mourning the loss of your babies?

Also, he knows you'll mom him. Think about it. He called you when he relapsed. Who has he been hanging out with since March if you haven't talked to him. Again, don't beat yourself up over this weekend, but Jazzy, you picked him up drunk and then rewarded him by letting him stay with you all weekend. I'm sure you missed him and wanted to care for him, and I can only imagine that it felt good to feel close to him again, but he called you after pulling the same behavior he pulled that made you ask him to leave. Except this time instead of telling him to go you let him stay.

All I'm saying is think about you, and if you know this is not a man you want to be with. And you also know he's a man that you have a weak spot for, why try to stay friends? I see a lot more that's bad about this scenario than what's good, especially for you in the long run!

Maybe sit down and make a list of all the bad things and then a list of all the good things that could come of it. And if that's not enough to convince you, remind yourself that he wasn't there for you when you needed him most. That's the true sign of a man's worth in my personal opinion.

I'm sorry if this seemed harsh, but I've had a lot of experience in my life with alcoholics and the number one thing I have promised myself is I refuse to love anyone more than they can love themselves. YOu need to make a similar promise to yourself!

All my best,

-S

July 16th, 2008, 12:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
thin4good Gold Phenster Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 756 Lost Weight: 47 Current Weight: 185.5 Goal Weight: 155	Jazzy, I'm gonna give you some tough love, I hope that's what you were looking for! First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your triplets the pain of that must have been unbearable! You definitely need to take the time and heal you! The short answer to your question? You move on and don't look back! You said yourself that you know he's not someone you want to be with. You also said yourself that you can't do the friends with benefits thing. So why would you be friends with him? Because once upon a time there was some good times with him? Remember he is an ex for a reason. I'm sure this weekend felt good and you know, it probably will help you heal, and honestly lord knows we all need a weekend where we get to spend several nights with someone we care about, but don't confuse what happened with what you need to do! Here are some things to think about, hon. If he's been in AA since April, one of the things that they are supposed to do is apologize for their behavior. Did he ever call you before Thursday night to apologize for trying to pick you up at the hospital drunk? Or to apologize for his behavior while you were mourning the loss of your babies? Also, he knows you'll mom him. Think about it. He called you when he relapsed. Who has he been hanging out with since March if you haven't talked to him. Again, don't beat yourself up over this weekend, but Jazzy, you picked him up drunk and then rewarded him by letting him stay with you all weekend. I'm sure you missed him and wanted to care for him, and I can only imagine that it felt good to feel close to him again, but he called you after pulling the same behavior he pulled that made you ask him to leave. Except this time instead of telling him to go you let him stay. All I'm saying is think about you, and if you know this is not a man you want to be with. And you also know he's a man that you have a weak spot for, why try to stay friends? I see a lot more that's bad about this scenario than what's good, especially for you in the long run! Maybe sit down and make a list of all the bad things and then a list of all the good things that could come of it. And if that's not enough to convince you, remind yourself that he wasn't there for you when you needed him most. That's the true sign of a man's worth in my personal opinion. I'm sorry if this seemed harsh, but I've had a lot of experience in my life with alcoholics and the number one thing I have promised myself is I refuse to love anyone more than they can love themselves. YOu need to make a similar promise to yourself! All my best, -S 47 down 30.5 to go! 5/12/08 - 232.5 - Started Phen/lexapro combo 5/29/08 - 218 -14.5 pounds in 2 weeks 6/12/08 - 209.5 -8.5 for a total of 23 pounds in the first month! 7/10/08 - 200 -9.5 8/07/08 -192 -8 9/18/08 - 185.5 [COLOR ="Red"]-6.5 [/color]