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jazzygal72 · July 15th, 2008, 11:55 PM

Ok so I need help. I don’t say that very often, so dang it- help me! J

I was with a guy for 6 years and we got along pretty well. I asked him to leave my home in March, because since the October prior, he had been drinking a lot. He had a history of drinking, and had been sober for 3 years before we got together. He had received 2 DUIS one in October, and one in November and had become a nasty person to me.

I was pregnant with triplets in October, I was 28 weeks along and hadn’t felt right so I went in to get an ultra sound and was told that all of my babies had passed away. So it seems to me that perhaps he was having a hard time with this as well, and started drinking to forget about it. I don’t know- maybe I am just making excuses for him.

Anyway, things were pretty ugly for the next few months. Sometimes he would come home, sometimes he wouldn’t. Sometimes I wouldn’t either. I never did anything to jeopardize our relationship (other than not come home, which is pretty messed up- I know), and as far as I know he didn’t either.

In March, after bleeding since October I was told that I would have to have a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding and cramping. He insisted that we try to get pregnant again. I refused and scheduled the surgery. March 5th, I have the surgery and March 9th the day that I was to come home he came to the hospital to pick me up.

Drunk as a skunk.

In the 4 days that I was in the hospital he came to visit 2 times and stayed for a total of MAYBE an hour. I was pissed and told him that I wasn’t getting in a car with him, and asked him to go home and pack his things and leave before I got there. He did and I didn’t talk to him AT ALL until last Thursday.

In the time that we didn’t talk he had began taking classes and going to AA meetings. He had been sober since about April 15th, and then he got drunk and called me last Thursday stating that he didn’t know where he was…but he did read me a sign and I figured it out from there. So, I went to pick him up.

He stayed and then Friday night we ended up sleeping together. Same with Saturday night. Same with Sunday night. So I went to work this morning, and decided that when I got home, I was going to ask him to leave because I found myself getting emotional about being with him, when I know in my heart that I honestly don’t want to be with him. I wouldn’t mind a friends with benefits thing- but it’s apparent that I can’t do that either.

So my question is this. Is it REALLY possible to be FRIENDS with someone who you love and hate at the same time? The thing that I keep thinking is that when things were good- they were good, but at the same time when they were bad- they were REALLY bad. I have this weird NEED to mother him. To make sure that he does well, and it makes me feel stupid because I know that this is NOT what I need in MY life, for MY sanity. Why can’t I bring myself to just tell him that I can’t be a friend to him? And how the hell do I get past the fact that I need to mother him?

July 15th, 2008, 11:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
jazzygal72 Silver Phenster Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Washington State Posts: 144 Lost Weight: 72 Current Weight: - Goal Weight: - 30 more lbs	Totally OT Ok so I need help. I don’t say that very often, so dang it- help me! J I was with a guy for 6 years and we got along pretty well. I asked him to leave my home in March, because since the October prior, he had been drinking a lot. He had a history of drinking, and had been sober for 3 years before we got together. He had received 2 DUIS one in October, and one in November and had become a nasty person to me. I was pregnant with triplets in October, I was 28 weeks along and hadn’t felt right so I went in to get an ultra sound and was told that all of my babies had passed away. So it seems to me that perhaps he was having a hard time with this as well, and started drinking to forget about it. I don’t know- maybe I am just making excuses for him. Anyway, things were pretty ugly for the next few months. Sometimes he would come home, sometimes he wouldn’t. Sometimes I wouldn’t either. I never did anything to jeopardize our relationship (other than not come home, which is pretty messed up- I know), and as far as I know he didn’t either. In March, after bleeding since October I was told that I would have to have a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding and cramping. He insisted that we try to get pregnant again. I refused and scheduled the surgery. March 5th, I have the surgery and March 9th the day that I was to come home he came to the hospital to pick me up. Drunk as a skunk. In the 4 days that I was in the hospital he came to visit 2 times and stayed for a total of MAYBE an hour. I was pissed and told him that I wasn’t getting in a car with him, and asked him to go home and pack his things and leave before I got there. He did and I didn’t talk to him AT ALL until last Thursday. In the time that we didn’t talk he had began taking classes and going to AA meetings. He had been sober since about April 15th, and then he got drunk and called me last Thursday stating that he didn’t know where he was…but he did read me a sign and I figured it out from there. So, I went to pick him up. He stayed and then Friday night we ended up sleeping together. Same with Saturday night. Same with Sunday night. So I went to work this morning, and decided that when I got home, I was going to ask him to leave because I found myself getting emotional about being with him, when I know in my heart that I honestly don’t want to be with him. I wouldn’t mind a friends with benefits thing- but it’s apparent that I can’t do that either. So my question is this. Is it REALLY possible to be FRIENDS with someone who you love and hate at the same time? The thing that I keep thinking is that when things were good- they were good, but at the same time when they were bad- they were REALLY bad. I have this weird NEED to mother him. To make sure that he does well, and it makes me feel stupid because I know that this is NOT what I need in MY life, for MY sanity. Why can’t I bring myself to just tell him that I can’t be a friend to him? And how the hell do I get past the fact that I need to mother him?